chewy

Smut warnings: dom/sub, masturbation, anal sex, coming untouched, praise kink, choking

Jooyeon could be more than a little frustrating when he wanted to be. Being loud, childish and not wanting to back down from a fight he'd started for no reason was difficult to deal with.

Of course he was just playing it up. He didn't always act that way. Jooyeon could be awfully sweet and puppy-ish. Everyone still wanted to strangle him at times, though.

Surprisingly, it was Jungsu who gave into the urge first, and it didn't turn out at all the way he'd expected.

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It was a particularly bad day for Jooyeon's mood. Bratty was nothing new, but biting words and venomous glares were far more rare for them to have to deal with. There was no way to prepare for it to bubble over during group practice.

Hyeongjun and Jooyeon never fought. Sometimes Jooyeon would ragebait him for a laugh, which Hyeongjun was fully aware of so he'd always give the reaction he wanted, and that was all it was. It was just for fun.

There was no joke behind Jooyeon scoffing when Hyeongjun messed up the new solo he'd been having trouble with for the third time in a row.

"Seriously, Hyeongjun-ah?" Jooyeon sneered when he slowly looked up from Hota's fretboard in embarrassment, mocking in a way that was nowhere near his usual playfulness. "Have you even been practising on your own?"

For as long as he'd known him, Jungsu was sure he'd never seen Hyeongjun so devastated. Jooyeon had prodded a particularly sore spot given his perfectionism, and he knew just as well as everyone else that Hyeongjun never stopped practising, which made it all the more cruel to say.

Watching Jooyeon roll his eyes and bring his attention back to his bass strings while Hyeongjun sat silently trembling turned Jungsu's shock into rage. Whatever Jooyeon's issue was couldn't get any further out of hand. Jiseok beat him to it.

"Dude, what the fuck?" he swivelled in his chair to kick Jooyeon's shin, not hard enough to bruise horribly but enough to get the point across. "You can't take your shitty mood out on us. Apologise."

"Fuck off," Jooyeon kicked him back, leaving Jiseok too stunned to do anything but stare wide-eyed as he faced Hyeongjun again. "It's not my fault he still can't play his own song."

"Lee Jooyeon. Outside. Now."

Jungsu surprised himself with his low tone, and having so many pairs of eyes turn his way made his skin prickle, but he couldn't let it show. Jooyeon's jaw tensed as he thought it over, finally putting the bass on its stand and storming out the door when Jungsu raised his eyebrows.

Sparing a weary smile at Hyeongjun's whispered thanks, Jungsu followed Jooyeon out of the practice room. The anger flooded back when he found him leaning against the wall a short distance down the corridor—clearly still seething with his arms crossed and foot tapping as he waited. Jungsu had half a mind to just leave him there.

It wasn't a good place for what Jungsu knew would turn into an argument, so he grabbed Jooyeon's wrist without a word to drag him to the bathroom nobody ever used, and judging by his annoyed sigh, Jooyeon figured out where he was being taken. All it did was fuel Jungsu to get there faster—locking the door behind them before shoving Jooyeon against it.

"Hey!"

"Stop," Jungsu kept Jooyeon still by pushing more weight against his shoulders. "What was all that about? There was no reason to be so mean."

"I wasn't being mean. It's the truth," Jooyeon spat back, trying to shake Jungsu off to leave. "Let me go. If we don't practice, we'll play like shit, too. Just—"

Jungsu wrapped his fingers around Jooyeon's throat.

He didn't mean to do it. Not really. It was just a reaction. Jungsu recognised what he was doing a second later, and even if he'd barely squeezed, a chill of horror zipped down his spine. It didn't matter how mad he was. He'd tried to choke Jooyeon.

Just as he was about to pull away and apologise, Jungsu felt Jooyeon swallow beneath his palm.

Jooyeon had stopped squirming. Jungsu looked up from his hand to Jooyeon's face—heart hammering at the way his gaze had gone hazy and his lips were parted with shallow, shaking breaths—but even if it was the accidental original intent, he was certain he wasn't cutting off his airflow enough to do that. It was an expression he was familiar with.

"Don't start something you won't finish," Jooyeon murmured, bringing one hand up to gently pry Jungsu's from his throat. "It's okay. Go back. I'll be there in a minute."

Having no idea what to say, Jungsu stepped backwards with a short nod, pretending to not notice that Jooyeon was half-hard when he moved away from the door. Being caught by his bicep as he was about to walk through didn't make it easier.

"Hyung," Jooyeon called softly, not looking up from the floor even after Jungsu hummed for him to continue. "I'm sorry."

Jungsu didn't ask what was being included in the apology. He left Jooyeon in the bathroom, waved away the questions from the others when he got back to the practice room and waited for him to return like he said he would.

It took far longer than one minute, but Jungsu wasn't game to ask about that, either. He didn't really need to. It was an easy enough guess.

None of it mattered when Jooyeon's apology to Hyeongjun was genuine—going as far as getting on his knees to beg for forgiveness just to make him laugh through a fresh bout of tears—and he stayed quiet for the rest of the time there. That should have been a good thing.

Jungsu couldn't look him in the eye.

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Thinking about it kept Jungsu awake that night.

More than anything, he'd scared himself. Jungsu could forget his own strength sometimes. He could have really hurt someone he cared about deeply and the idea was nauseating. Then there was the way Jooyeon reacted.

Jungsu wasn't sheltered enough to not know that it wasn't something unusual to be into. What bothered him was that he didn't know Jooyeon was into it after being together for so long.

All it took to turn him pliant, to drain the fight from his body, was a hand around his throat. Jungsu had barely had to do anything. It was so easy.

Feeling his dick twitch in his pyjama pants made Jungsu groan, scrubbing his hands over his face like he was trying to get rid of the memory, but Jooyeon's expression refused to leave.

He couldn't help thinking about if he'd stayed. He could had shoved one of his thighs between Jooyeon's, made him grind against it through the dizziness, had him beg for more and come in his pants. He could have squeezed tighter.

Jungsu slapped a hand over his mouth, not realising the other had slipped beneath his waistband until it was already around his dick, feeling awful for bucking into his fist but not being able to stop himself. Jooyeon was so pretty it was too easy to imagine taking it further. How far would he let Jungsu push?

Lifting his shirt just in time to not make a mess of it, Jungsu came to the thought of Jooyeon gasping for air, shame swirling in his gut as he bit his lips to stay quiet. It wasn't like he'd never had Jooyeon breathless beneath him, so he could rationalise it if he tried, but it was different and Jungsu knew it.

Laying in the darkness, come drying on his skin, Jungsu knew it was going to be a problem.

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Of course Jooyeon picked up on it the next day. Unfortunately for Jungsu, he was more attentive than he appeared.

"Rough night?" Jooyeon smirked as he wandered into the kitchen to sit next to Jungsu at the table, far more bright for the morning than usual. "Something keep you up?"

Jungsu narrowed his eyes and shovelled more cereal into his mouth. He'd hoped Jooyeon would have stayed how he was the day before. Not that that was something he wanted to be thinking about, but it seemed Jooyeon had decided he wasn't getting a choice.

"Got me up, but you already knew that," he grinned at Jungsu's blush spreading to his ears, but turned serious a second later. "Don't want you to feel bad, you know. It's okay. I don't expect you to do it again."

"What if I want to?"

Jooyeon went quiet, eyes darting to Jungsu's hand on the table after his spoon clattered into the bowl. The nervous gnawing on his bottom lip let Jungsu know he hadn't thought that far, and it was endearing, in a way. Jungsu couldn't help himself from reaching to tuck Jooyeon's hair behind his ear, mostly out of habit, but the way Jooyeon flinched reminded him what they were talking about.

"I thought you didn't like it?" Jooyeon's breath stuttered when Jungsu's thumb swept across his cheekbone to his ear, gulping as it trailed down to his jaw with Jungsu's palm resting on the side of his neck. "You looked terrified."

"I was. Am. Don't want to hurt you," Jungsu whispered as it passed Jooyeon's chin to the other side, getting dangerously close to how they'd been the day before. "But I haven't been able to stop thinking about it."

"You're gonna have to, I'm afraid," Jooyeon grabbed his wrist, voice shaky but with his usual spark. "Too much to do today. I'll try to behave, if that helps."

Jungsu barely felt Jooyeon's kiss before he jumped up to go back to his room, left half-hard and confused at the table. He was right—they did have a busy day planned—but that was every day. How he was supposed to act normally in front of cameras, Jungsu had no idea.

At least Jooyeon had said he'd try to behave, he supposed. He did seem to be back to his normal self. Jungsu just had to hope that try actually meant something.

——————————

Surprisingly, Jooyeon really was on his best behaviour during their schedules. Still played up his personality with filming, of course, but in their downtime he sat politely and smiled as if Jungsu wasn't agonising over what he could possibly do. It was torture.

Being so distracted made time fly past, which Jungsu was both grateful for and detested. It meant that going home was creeping closer. Where it would usually be a relief, all he felt was dread. He couldn't tell what Jooyeon's game was.

Having him rush to sit beside him in the back of the car made it a little clearer.

"Was I good?" Jooyeon whispered into Jungsu's ear after they pulled away from the curb. "I was, right? But I know hyung has still been thinking about it."

"Yes and no," Jungsu placed his hand on Jooyeon's thigh, squeezing when he nosed at the side of his neck. "I haven't been thinking about anything."

"Oh really? So you wouldn't prefer to be doing that somewhere else?"

Jungsu's jaw tensed. Having Jooyeon act that way wasn't something he'd prepared for, especially not in a semi-public space with Jiseok and their manager up the front, and he wasn't sure how to deal with it. Telling him to stop felt mean, even more so when Jooyeon pouted, but it was all Jungsu could do. It wasn't the place for it.

They arrived home at a crawl. Jungsu considered refusing to get out when they finally pulled up at the building, but Jooyeon all but forced him out the door, barely getting the chance to say goodbye before Jooyeon dragged him past a confused looking Jiseok to rush inside.

It had to look suspicious. Jooyeon didn't seem to care in the slightest—only taking a brief moment to remove his shoes before going to Jungsu's room. Jungsu followed with a sigh, rolling his eyes at Jooyeon sitting on the edge of the bed with a grin of victory.

"You really want it that bad?" Jungsu stood between Jooyeon's legs, unable to hold back his smirk when his eyes widened. "Say please."

"I'm not begging for it," Jooyeon screwed up his nose. "Can't make me."

"Fine. Bad puppies get nothing."

Clicking his tongue, Jungsu stepped back, knowing full well that Jooyeon would give in with his reward threatened to be taken away. That was proven by Jooyeon grabbing his wrist with a devastating expression—nonverbally pleading in the way he did best—but Jungsu wasn't going to take it.

"Okay. Okay, you win," Jooyeon whined at Jungsu's raised eyebrow. "Please, hyung."

"Please what?" Jungsu leaned back in his space, gently cupping his cheek with Jooyeon's fingers still wrapped firmly around bone. "Have to use your words, puppy."

"Please… choke me."

Gently sliding his hand down to the side of his neck had Jooyeon trembling, his eyes not leaving Jungsu's when his thumb travelled to the other side, and Jungsu nearly gave in to giving a proper squeeze. Instead, he rested his palm over Jooyeon's throat lightly—just enough pressure to make him whine before taking it away.

"Not yet," Jungsu whispered with a kiss to Jooyeon's forehead. "Clothes off first."

Jooyeon had fully stripped by the time Jungsu got the lube, sitting cross-legged and nibbling the skin on his bottom lip out of habit, but he hadn't tried to touch himself. He smiled so prettily when Jungsu petted his hair that thinking of possibly hurting him ached. It was what he'd asked for, though, and Jungsu couldn't take it back.

He laid flat with his knees bent when Jungsu guided him down, tracking every movement as Jungsu dropped his clothes to the floor and crawled between them. Jungsu kept his focus on stretching Jooyeon out to not get distracted by his quiet gasps, only looking up when he started squirming too much from three fingers, but what he saw made him pause.

His hand rested high on his chest, not quite meeting his throat. It seemed like Jooyeon didn't realise what he was doing, but that wasn't the point. If Jungsu left him much longer, he was sure Jooyeon was going to choke himself, and that wasn't what either of them wanted.

"Ready, puppy?" Jungsu got Jooyeon's attention before pulling his fingers out and shuffling closer, pressing his lips to his cheek as he started pushing inside. "Such a good boy for hyung."

Watching Jooyeon's eyelids flutter when he was filled was one of Jungsu's favourite things. It was similar to Jiseok, just a little less shy, and knowing he was the one making him look like that would always make Jungsu melt.

Jooyeon obediently kept his arms above his head when Jungsu held his wrists, even after letting go, and his hair splayed out on the pillow made him look angelic as Jungsu slowly rolled his hips. The way he bared his throat, seemingly on instinct, was too tantalising to pass up.

"Stay still, Jooyeonnie," Jungsu murmured, dipping down to kiss gently across his jaw. "Want your reward, right?"

Nodding so quickly made Jungsu laugh, but he wasn't surprised Jooyeon didn't answer verbally. He looked terribly cute when Jungsu pulled back again, and if he wasn't still inside, he was sure he'd forget he was fucking Jooyeon at all. Jooyeon was always happy with cockwarming, but Jungsu knew it wasn't what he needed. He deserved the reward.

Jungsu placed his hand over Jooyeon's throat.

The squeeze was tentative, barely there, but it still made Jooyeon whimper. His eyes turned glassy with Jungsu adding more pressure—lips parted and breaths stuttering—and feeling his quickening heartbeat beneath his fingers was mesmerising.

As much as he was afraid to hurt him, Jungsu found Jooyeon too beautiful to stop. His little 'ah, ah, ah' sounds made Jungsu fuck into him faster, desperate to hear and feel more, and Jooyeon was clearly getting close.

"Please," he whispered through breathy moans, grabbing at Jungsu's hand to make him hold tighter. "Don't stop. Want more."

Jungsu kept the pressure as Jooyeon wanted, groaning from the effort and chasing his own high, and watching Jooyeon's eyes roll back was his undoing. Jooyeon trembled when Jungsu went still with a deep moan, come landing on his skin without needing to be touched, scrabbling weakly at Jungsu's chest until he finally released his throat.

"Good boy," Jungsu's voice wavered at the sight of Jooyeon's chest heaving, but his pleased smile helped ease the nervousness setting in. "Feel okay?"

"Okay?" Jooyeon looked at him like he'd lost his mind, throwing his arms over Jungsu's shoulders to hold him close. "Hyung, you were perfect."

Ignoring the mess, Jungsu flipped them to have Jooyeon as a warm, weighted blanket, letting him nuzzle against the side of his neck happily as their hearts slowed.

Untangling the knots in Jooyeon's hair helped soothe the lingering feeling that he'd done something wrong. Jungsu knew that he hadn't, not really, but it wasn't easy to shake. Jooyeon was better at reading people than he let on.

"Hey," he lifted his head to look at Jungsu properly. "Thank you for doing this for me. I really liked it. Promise."

Smut warnings: blowjobs, anal sex, somno, multiple orgasms, coming untouched, overstim, spit kink, cockwarming, dacro

From the moment he opened his eyes, Jiseok knew he was dreaming. He'd fallen asleep beside Hyeongjun that night, so he definitely shouldn't be frowning at his own ceiling. Weird.

Even weirder was looking down at what had 'woken him up'.

A mess of brown hair hid the face of the person kissing down his sternum, but even in a dream haze, Jiseok knew who it was. Nobody else had those lips.

Sighing softly made dream-Jiseok pause, tipping his head up to meet his wide eyes, wearing a strange mix of fright and desperation that the real Jiseok had never seen on himself before. Maybe it was just because he was aware it wasn't real, but Jiseok didn't feel scared at all. Not shocked in the slightest. He'd been thinking about it enough for it to make sense.

Dream or not, Jiseok wasn't going to waste the opportunity.

Copying what Hyeongjun had done, Jiseok cupped the other version of himself's cheek, heart racing when he turned his head to take his thumb in his mouth. With how pretty he looked that way, Jiseok had no idea how he was supposed to deal with fucking him.

Was Jiseok going to fuck him?

That was going slightly further than sucking his dick. Real or not, maybe that would be too far.

As if dream-Jiseok could read his mind, he rushed to get between Jiseok's legs, pausing to drool down his fingers before swallowing him down. It took Jiseok a clouded second to think about what the spit was for—too distracted by the visual of his own lips stretched around his dick—but realising that he was trying to work himself open quickly had him throwing his head back against the pillow.

Jiseok knew what he could take.

The little sounds he was making were identical to the video with Hyeongjun, just more frequent and whiny, and Jiseok knew he would be stupid to not watch. Looking back down to find the other Jiseok with flushed cheeks, his mouth stuffed full and three fingers inside himself still felt like a mistake. Dream or not, Jiseok had to wrench him away by the hair to not just come down his throat.

Quickly grabbing the lube from his drawer, Jiseok beckoned for him to crawl above as he poured some out, only giving the dream-self warning by lining up his dick before slamming him down by the hips. As much as he probably shouldn't be, Jiseok was used to seeing himself with knees spread wide in photos, but they had nothing on his back arching with a cry as he was suddenly filled. Pretty. So, so pretty.

He was happy to wait a moment, but not really for him to adjust. Jiseok just wanted to appreciate the way his thighs twitched, his chest heaving and a string of precome that was strangely endearing. For all that he generally disagreed, in that moment, Jiseok understood why the others thought he was so cute.

Trying to shake off the weird feeling creeping in, Jiseok bent his legs to slowly roll up inside him, groaning when he started bouncing to meet halfway. Hyeongjun had been right about the sounds without something in his mouth—the constant gasping moans so much louder without anything to cover them—and if he didn't know himself so well, he'd think it was fake.

Seeing himself that way made Jiseok feel more than a little insane. He couldn't help fucking his dream-self harder, finally getting a taste of his lips when he pitched forward, the same plushness too addicting to let him pull away even if it meant doing all the work almost crushed under his own weight.

Jiseok didn't care about him getting so overwhelmed that he couldn't kiss back properly. He could take it. He knew he could.

Remembering the other thing Hyeongjun had said, Jiseok flipped them over to make it easier to see. Dream-Jiseok tried to hide his face, forcing Jiseok to pin his wrists above his head, drinking in the way he'd turned a darker shade of red with a puddle of precome pooling on his quivering stomach. He was close.

"So pretty," Jiseok murmured, echoing strangely in the dreamspace. "Come for me."

Watching his own eyes roll back felt almost holy. Caught in a pathetic whimper, the other version writhed as he came untouched, tightening around Jiseok almost sending him over the edge himself.

But just as Jiseok felt it build, he was torn away.

——————————

"Good morning."

Jiseok blinked awake—actually awake, this time—taking a second to understand what was happening with his face half in Hyeongjun's pillow. He gripped it tight when he put together why he was on his front, one leg bent for easier access with Hyeongjun buried deep, but he wasn't moving.

Waking up to warming someone's cock wasn't new. After everything he'd just been through, though, it made Jiseok's stomach swoop.

"You were grinding against the bed. Couldn't help myself," Hyeongjun pushed him further into the mattress, his tone smug in a way Jiseok hated. "What were you dreaming about?"

Not able to answer with more than a soft moan, Jiseok shifted his hips back as he desperately clutched at the memories before they could disappear. Even if he was sure Hyeongjun knew and was just being annoying about it, he didn't want to forget.

Thinking about how he must look the same with Hyeongjun starting to properly fuck into him made Jiseok dizzy, hiding in the pillow despite the wet patch of drool he had to be leaving, but he couldn't bring himself to care. It wasn't like Hyeongjun wasn't into it.

The two fingers being shoved between his lips didn't help at all, Hyeongjun groaning against the back of his shoulder as he felt the spit running down to his palm, and Jiseok knew neither of them would last long. He wasn't even sure how long Hyeongjun had let the dream go on for before giving in. He'd been so close to coming inside himself, and the thought that he could have done it had his eyes rolling back.

"Please," Jiseok sobbed when Hyeongjun pulled them out to wrap around his dick, the sound embarrassingly slick with so much spit and precome. "Come in me. Need it, Hyeongjunnie, please."

Hyeongjun went still, deep as he could get to give Jiseok what he wanted before jerking him off as overwhelmingly fast as the day before. Jiseok's body went stiff, mouth open in a silent scream as his come dripped onto the sheet, clawing at Hyeongjun's arm when he didn't stop.

One of the worst things about being with him was his obsession with overstimulation—wanting to make Jiseok cry—and Jiseok somehow fell into the trap every time.

"Should've fimed this for you to dream about too," Hyeongjun dragged his teeth across Jiseok's skin, using his weight to keep him pinned like he was trying to get the come deeper. "Did you come inside? Promise it's even better when you cry."

A violent shudder wracked Jiseok's body, unable to breathe with a second orgasm crashing through him, and Hyeongjun thankfully took him going completely limp as being enough. He still didn't pull out, but Jiseok was happy to stay that way.

"Tell me about it," Hyeongjun grinned at Jiseok’s confused hum. "The dream. Tell me about it."

Smut warnings: voyeurism, exhibitionism, blowjobs, handjobs, anal fingering, spit kink, sex tape recording

The schedule for an upcoming release was always exciting. Jiseok felt it as much as the fans. He just hadn't counted on having a certain concept photo from their last album be brought back into the spotlight.

Everyone knew what it looked like. Jiseok always ended up with things in his mouth during shoots, whether it be props or his own fingers, but that one was slightly different. It had gone viral for a reason, and Jiseok was fully aware of it, especially since he'd chosen it himself. It was expected to get attention.

Being put on social media with a new one with his head thrown back wasn't anything crazy. Comparisons were normal and it was a typical pose for him. The unexpected part—the thing that really got him thinking—was it being shared around as giving and taking.

Generally speaking, Jiseok didn't have a dominant bone in his body. He liked having some kind of control over what was happening sometimes, sure, but it tended to come across more bratty than dominating. Jiseok was usually the one on his knees or getting fucked into the mattress. That was just how it was and he was perfectly happy with it.

But scrolling past himself being talked about that way got Jiseok wondering. How did the others see him? Did he really look like that photo with a dick in his mouth? Was he actually that good at taking it?

How did it feel?

That one wasn't really something he could get an answer to. They could show him how he looked if they were willing to risk it. They were always genuine saying he was good. Describing it or fucking them instead just wasn't the same. Jiseok could never really feel himself. It was impossible, of course.

Being impossible didn't stop Jiseok from thinking about it. Maybe it was egotistical, but given the opportunity, he would absolutely take advantage of himself. Jiseok knew the kinds of sounds he made and how his head emptied when the others got their hands on him. He'd be crazy to not want to experience it too, right? Right.

Even if it wasn't the same, Jiseok decided it couldn't hurt to go to someone about it. The issue was figuring out who the best person would be.

——————————

"Could you film me while I suck you off?"

Hyeongjun choked on his toothpaste, quickly spitting it in the sink before whirling around to look at Jiseok like he'd lost his mind. Maybe he had, but Jiseok figured that out of everyone, Hyeongjun had the lowest chance of getting weird like Jooyeon or too shy like Jungsu. Gunil always got too lost in it to speak and Seungmin was automatically out for posting too much to risk an accident, so he was kind of the only choice, anyway.

"Excuse me?" Hyeongjun snapped out of it enough to rinse his toothbrush and wipe his mouth. "Why?"

"I… just want to know what I look like," Jiseok settled on being mostly honest, even if he knew his cheeks were turning as red as Hyeongjun's ears. "That's all."

"Is this about that concept photo going around again?" Hyeongjun grinned when Jiseok stared back wide-eyed. "Yes, I did see that, and yes, that is what you look like. Isn't that enough?"

Jiseok hung his head with a sigh. That should have been enough. It was stupid.

"So there's more to it," Hyeongjun stepped closer to tip his head up by the chin. "What is it?"

"Want to hear, too," Jiseok gulped when Hyeongjun's eyebrows shot up. "Want you to tell me how I feel. Please."

"Did you really need to spring making a sex tape on me out of nowhere?" Hyeongjun laughed in disbelief, running his fingers through his hair out of habit before looking back down at Jiseok. "You want to do this now?"

Not thinking he would agree so easily, Jiseok nodded in a daze, squeaking in surprise when Hyeongjun crashed their mouths together. For seeming so unsure a second earlier, Hyeongjun was way more into it than he'd expected. The idea that he'd probably thought about it before made Jiseok moan into the kiss.

He tried to chase Hyeongjun's lips when he broke it, but realising it was to be taken to Hyeongjun's room stopped him from complaining, sending a little thanks to the heavens for nobody being around to ask what was going on as they left the bathroom together in such a hurry. Not that it really mattered. Jiseok just didn't want to waste any time.

Hyeongjun seemed to share the sentiment—slamming the door behind them before grabbing his phone and sitting on the edge of the bed. He didn't pull up the camera immediately like Jiseok half-expected, instead throwing it onto the covers and beckoning him over to stand between his legs.

"Don't want to make it weird with acting or anything," Hyeongjun pushed Jiseok's shirt up for him to take off, holding his waist to press his lips over his stomach. "You want to know what you look like? Pretend the camera isn't there."

Jiseok didn't trust himself to speak, just nodding and pulling on the material over Hyeongjun's shoulders for him to throw it to the floor without caring where it landed, bending to kiss him as his pants pooled at his feet. That was when Hyeongjun picked up his phone again, waiting for Jiseok to drop to his knees before opening the camera and hitting record.

It wasn't easy to ignore. Jiseok did his best to pretend, though, and keeping his eyes fixed on Hyeongjun's dick stretching the front of his trackpants helped immensely. He expected Hyeongjun to have the phone follow his hand when he reached out to touch since that should be his line of sight—an actual point of view—so keeping it on his face was confusing until he noticed Hyeongjun hadn't stopped looking, either. The eye contact made him shudder.

"Could you…"

Trailing off thankfully didn't stop Hyeongjun from understanding that Jiseok wanted him to lift himself to pull them off. Jiseok shuffled closer to lick up the length of Hyeongjun's dick, wrapping his hand around it to drag his tongue over the tip, forgetting about the camera again until he took the head between his lips. He froze when he looked up.

"So pretty, Jiseok-ah," Hyeongjun used his free hand to hold Jiseok's cheek, comforting before moving to the top of his head. "You know you have the best mouth for this, right?"

All Jiseok wanted to do was scrunch his eyes closed, get away from Hyeongjun looking at him like that, but even if it wasn't really acting, he knew it would look better with them open. He had an awful gag reflex, which Hyeongjun was fully aware of, so he didn't try to push Jiseok too far. Jiseok still took him as deep as he could without choking, whimpering softly when Hyeongjun tightened his fingers in his hair and bit back a moan.

"Even better than that photo. I've seen people say you were made for it," Hyeongjun gasped when Jiseok started properly bobbing his head, almost losing track of where he was supposed to be pointing the phone. "I think they're right. Feel so good. Perfect."

Jiseok sucked harder, trying to imagine it but struggling with his focus being entirely on Hyeongjun. That was the point. He'd get to see soon enough. Just had to make Hyeongjun come. He could do that.

Letting drool run down his hand was gross, but Jiseok knew it was something Hyeongjun loved—getting wetter and louder as he moved it in time with his mouth until Hyeongjun's stomach muscles were tensing as he struggled to not fuck into his throat. Close.

"Do you want to pull off or see yourself swallow? Because you need to figure it out now."

Staying down as far as he could, Jiseok moaned around him, tightening his grip as he made Hyeongjun come in his mouth. He didn't pull off until Hyeongjun's thighs were trembling at his sides, sitting back on his heels to show it on his tongue before swallowing in a way he knew had to look pornographic, but he decided he deserved to play it up a bit. Hyeongjun stopped recording to pounce.

"Are you fucking insane?" Hyeongjun asked between biting kisses after dropping into Jiseok's lap, not seeming to care that he'd already brushed his teeth with the taste of his own come still in Jiseok's mouth. "I don't know if I can watch that again."

"Too bad," Jiseok giggled as he weakly tried to keep Hyeongjun away. "I want to see."

Sighing like it genuinely pained him, Hyeongjun helped him up from the floor onto the bed to sit back between his legs, passing over the phone before resting his hands on Jiseok's stomach just above his dick. Jiseok could be patient if he had to be.

The video had turned out fairly long, so he scrubbed ahead to get to after he'd taken Hyeongjun's pants off. Doing that still showed everything beforehand in fast-forward, and as self-centred as it sounded, Jiseok couldn't help thinking he looked good reaching for his waistband.

Somehow, his eyes appeared even bigger, rounder and more innocent with Hyeongjun's cock in his mouth, and with the little sound Hyeongjun made as he watched over Jiseok's shoulder, he was fairly sure he agreed. Seeing himself sinking down and hearing Hyeongjun's praise through the recording made Jiseok's dick twitch, and it shook Hyeongjun out of it enough to finally take him in his hand.

Jiseok forced himself to stay quiet to hear the sounds he made in the video. It might have been himself, but it almost felt like something he wasn't supposed to. He was sure he hadn't been playing it up like that.

"That's what I always sound like?" he whispered, unconsciously rolling his hips into Hyeongjun's fist when he hummed. "Fuck. Okay. Wow."

"Imagine what it's like without something in your mouth," Hyeongjun's voice was low by his ear, making Jiseok even dizzier. "That's what it's like when we fuck you."

"Shut up," Jiseok gasped, trying to focus on the phone with Hyeongjun speeding up. "You're so distracting."

"Why? You wouldn't want to see that, too?"

The thought of watching himself getting fucked brainless was too much for Jiseok, but now that he'd gotten started, Hyeongjun didn't want to stop. It was what Jiseok wanted to know, after all.

"No matter how much you're played with, always stay so tight. Made for that, too," Hyeongjun's grin was audible as he brought his other hand up to coat one of his fingers with spit before lightly pressing it against Jiseok's hole. "So small it feels like we could break you, but you take it so well. Even prettier with your eyes rolling back. I think you should see that."

Jiseok slumped down further to make Hyeongjun's finger dip inside, desperately trying to just watch the video to the end before coming, but Hyeongjun wasn't making it easy. Hearing Hyeongjun ask if he wanted to swallow was a relief, even if he barely caught it with being worked open being so mind-numbing. He needed to see it.

Hyeongjun was gracious enough to stop as they watched him coming on the screen, moaning breathily as he filled Jiseok's mouth, but the way he stuck out his tongue really was too much. Dropping the phone as soon as the recording ended, Jiseok moaned openly from Hyeongjun suddenly moving again, swept away by his finger curling perfectly as his other hand jerked him off faster than he could usually handle.

The memory of his own expressions tipped Jiseok over the edge, writhing as Hyeongjun dragged it out to the point of tears beginning to burn his eyes, twitching and gasping until he eventually slowed to a stop. Pulling out made Jiseok wince, but he couldn't care about anything at all after that whole experience.

"You okay?" Hyeongjun asked quietly, devastatingly concerned with Jiseok going limp against him. "Was that too much?"

"No. No, it was good. Thank you," Jiseok patted his thigh as he caught his breath. "I don't know if I could handle watching you fuck me, though. Why do I have to look so good?"

Rolling his eyes, Hyeongjun pushed him away to grab tissues to wipe the come off his skin, back to looking mildly embarrassed and pretending not to be. Cute.

Jiseok had been at least partially serious, though. He did look good. Maybe a new video should be added to Hyeongjun's locked folder, after all.

It was just a song. Anyone could relate to it. If the artist said it was for everyone, no matter their actual identity, it was true. They'd even done it themselves with 'Dreaming Girl'. Being compelled to play it on repeat was just because it was nice to listen to, quickly becoming Jungsu's favourite song, and there was nothing wrong with that.

So why was Hyeongjun keeping such a close eye on him?

——————————

Jungsu had never thought much of being considered more feminine.

It was normal to have roles within a group. Being labelled as the mother wasn't anything to raise an eyebrow over. It made sense as the second oldest and genuinely loving to take care of people. When the title was later passed over to Seungmin, Jungsu didn't consider it a loss, though. It hadn't really meant anything.

Being called pretty above handsome was fine, too. It wasn't like that was unusual for people in the industry. Jungsu understood it more than being called cute, even if that confused the other members as much as the fans. It was all aesthetics. That didn't mean anything, either.

It wasn't that Jungsu couldn't be more masculine. He was tall and broad and sometimes forgot his own strength. There was a sharpness to his features when he wanted there to be, usually in the context of photoshoots and performances, but that was the thing. He was also a reflection of Seungmin in that sense; it was an act. A facade.

The difference was that Seungmin's real self was flamboyant and loud and took up space. The way he danced was still boyish and full of charm, even if he got shy about it afterwards. He was sweet, but self-assured.

Where Seungmin's mannerisms put him into a box, Jungsu wavered more outside in the unknown. Even with his larger size, he knew how his body was talked about and that keeping his hair long made him appear softer. Putting traditional stereotypes aside, he didn't consider himself to be girlish, though. Jungsu was still a boy—a man.

But something about it made his mouth go dry if he thought about it for too long. It was worse with Hyeongjun around.

——————————

Hyeongjun had a complicated relationship with gender, to put it lightly.

Watching the way he changed was as confusing for Jungsu as everyone else. Hyeongjun had always been pretty, but it became a different pretty over time.

Bringing up that he was interested in a genderless style didn't mean much to Jungsu in the beginning—only seeing that he was wearing a ring, painting his nails and growing his hair out, but they were all things a lot of male idols were doing. It wasn't anything crazy.

The thing that made Hyeongjun stick out was that the majority of others still held an air of wanting to be seen as men. Having Jooyeon in the same group proved the point that even with long hair and makeup, there was a boyishness that usually couldn't quite be shaken, almost entirely because he didn't want it to be. There was nothing wrong with that, but it put even more emphasis on what Hyeongjun was doing.

It wasn't just for show. It wasn't a concept or costume and it was pushing further and further from one side to the other until—

Hyeongjun looked like a girl.

Was Hyeongjun a girl?

He fought against being called one with enough frustration to say no. Jungsu found it increasingly difficult to consider Hyeongjun a boy, though, and it wasn't just the clothes he chose. Hyeongjun still wore ones designed for men. There was something about him that just wasn't the same, aside from a handful of other idols deemed different with their presentation, and it was difficult for Jungsu to wrap his head around. Everything was.

Jungsu still played 'number one girl' on repeat. It started to keep him awake at night.

——————————

Looking in the mirror as they prepared for their 'ICU' performance on Music Bank made Jungsu pause.

His hair had been styled differently. It was subtle—wispy in his face and flicking out at the ends just slightly instead of exaggeratedly or pin straight—but it was still a change. His makeup had been, too. The dangling earrings and tight jacket added to the crawling on his skin.

None of it was incredibly out of the ordinary. Maybe it was just Jungsu's imagination. He just couldn't help thinking he looked like—

"Woah," Jooyeon appeared behind his shoulder, grinning as he raked his eyes over Jungsu's body in the reflection. "Should I call you noona today?"

It was a joke. Jungsu knew that. He laughed like he was supposed to and Jooyeon left again. His heart refused to beat.

Catching Hyeongjun's curious stare in the mirror made it splutter back to life. Whether that was a good thing, Jungsu wasn't sure. There wasn't time to think about it, either way. Work was more important than whatever he was feeling.

It bothered Jungsu enough to hope he would be styled in ways that felt less off for the rest of the promotions, but there was a nagging little voice that wouldn't go away.

Pretty.

Not in the way he was usually referred to, though. Different. But not different. He couldn't be.

Jungsu took photos as he was supposed to for fans. Gunil said he looked nice and Jungsu smiled back as he was supposed to for his hyung. Jiseok grabbed his arm to comment on how big it looked in the jacket and Jungsu smacked him playfully as he was supposed to.

Hyeongjun watching silently wrapped barbed wire around Jungsu's throat. He didn't know what he was supposed to do.

——————————

Weird wasn't anything new as far as Hyeongjun's behaviour could be described, but he was definitely getting weirder around Jungsu in particular.

Jungsu wasn't against it. It was nice having him open up and stick closer, almost to the point it could be considered clingy, but the attention seeking went both ways. He figured it was better to not try to pinpoint what it was that was drawing him to Hyeongjun. It was easier to just let it happen.

What wasn't easy was ignoring the way his stomach sank every time Hyeongjun went on stage. The stylists had so much fun with putting him in skirts and taming his hair and doing his makeup in ways they never would for the others. They never would for Jungsu.

Hyeongjun wasn't just pretty. He was special. He was the song Jungsu loved so dearly—something Jungsu was afraid of but drawn to regardless.

Kissing him when they both had makeup-tacky lips was something Jungsu vowed to never do. He couldn't afford to let himself taste the heartache.

——————————

"Is that something you want to hear?"

Being cornered in his own bedroom wasn't something Jungsu appreciated at the best of times. Hyeongjun's expression shifting from stoic to something too close to pity for comfort as he closed the door didn't help ease the building anxiety in the slightest.

"What?" Jungsu stopped the song playing from his phone speaker before turning away from his desk, frowning when Hyeongjun reached for his hand. "Is what something I want to hear?"

"Everything in that song," Hyeongjun laced their fingers together and squeezed tightly with a sigh, sounding like he'd run through the conversation a million times before deciding to go in and just cut to the chase. "And that you're a girl?"

All the colour drained from Jungsu's face.

Hyeongjun was wearing shorts with unshaved legs and his hair was an unstyled, tangled mess. The polish on his nails had almost fully chipped away. He moved with a strangely awkward elegance. When he knelt on the floor to look up at Jungsu, shiny-eyed and open, it fully hit home. Hyeongjun was different.

"I think you are," Hyeongjun squeezed Jungsu's hand tighter. "Unnie."

The honorific washed over Jungsu's mind. Confusion broke way for understanding. The shards pierced through to bone.

Jungsu shattered.

Hyeongjun let go of her hand to cup her cheeks, wiping the tears spilling over with their thumbs, and Jungsu couldn't bear to see the gentle acceptance in their eyes. Her chest hurt—burning as badly from the lack of oxygen as Hyeongjun's palms searing her skin. Jungsu held their arms anyway. She was too afraid to let them leave.

"Maybe noona's heart is a little too big, hmm?" They smiled softly when Jungu's breathing steadied enough to open her eyes without the world turning blurry. "That's okay. You're loved just as much. Worth it."

"Stop using the lyrics against me," Jungsu laughed weakly, sniffling to stop herself from crying again as she pressed a light kiss to the inside of Hyeongjun's wrist. "Thank you."

"No problem," Hyeongjun stood, bending to peck Jungsu's chapped lips. "Anything for the number one girl."

Cheesy as it was, it still spread warmth through Jungsu, slowly beginning to mend the fractures formed from months of overthinking. She couldn't help wondering how many wounds Hyeongjun had hidden over time, but judging by the sadness sitting just below the surface, it wasn't her place to ask. Maybe their stitches hadn't fully healed yet.

All the bones sticking out usually made Hyeongjun too uncomfortable to cuddle up to, but Jungsu didn't mind being led to her bed if it meant getting the closeness she needed so badly, and having them be so willing to take her weight across their body made it worth it.

Smut warnings: dom/sub, dacro, anal sex, handjobs, orgasm denial, edging, overstim, multiple orgasms, cock warming, spit kink

Hyeongjun wasn't proud of himself for liking when Jiseok cried, but he couldn't help it. He looked so pretty when his expression crumpled, tears welling in his ridiculously huge eyes and breaths coming in gasps. The worst part was how easy it was.

For all that Jiseok made fun of Jungsu for being a crybaby, it wasn't like he was much better. He was sensitive, which there was nothing wrong with, but being both emotionally and physically was a problem. A problem for Hyeongjun, at least.

Outside of emotions too big for his tiny body to handle, Hyeongjun discovered that, unfortunately for him, Jiseok got the messiest from being touched too much and not enough. He was just so pliant—willing to take whatever was given with babbled pleading instead of complaints—which Hyeongjun chose to believe would be too much for anyone to pass up, not just himself being weird.

Jiseok had been having a draining day and Hyeongjun knew it. Was it mean to use that to his advantage? Maybe a little. In his defence, Jiseok always took any of Hyeongjun's attention he could get, so it wasn't like it was inherently bad to hold him close after they got home from the day's schedules. That wasn't selfish.

It wasn't the most awful thing to be into, he supposed, but it still felt sick to get off to. Hyeongjun couldn't tell if Jiseok figured out what his issue was or if he was just becoming more easily overwhelmed with time. Either way, Hyeongjun couldn't help himself. He had to see how far he could push.

——————————

Kissing up the side of his neck and pushing his hands under his shirt might have been. Jiseok still melted under his touch, shivering at the fingertips brushing over his ribs and long hair tickling his skin before Hyeongjun got too impatient, trying to hide that he was hard behind his hands when Hyeongjun stripped him far quicker than usual. It was so cute Hyeongjun almost changed his mind. Almost.

There was no way Hyeongjun could resist grabbing the lube and dragging Jiseok down onto his bed, sitting with his back against the wall for Jiseok to crawl into his lap, not sparing a second to pour some on his fingers. Watching Jiseok’s eyes widen when he pressed two to his hole made his stomach swoop, worrying for a moment that he was doing too much too fast, but Jiseok didn't try to stop him from pushing them inside.

Cheeks flushing darker, Jiseok did his best to keep still without being told, and while it wasn't enough to make him cry, Hyeongjun already knew that what he was planning to do would. Jiseok tipped forward when he added a third, whining from them curling too distractingly to kiss properly, but it was close enough to what Hyeongjun wanted to tell him to stop.

Something about having Jiseok panting against his lips as he tried to get them deeper sent sparks through Hyeongjun's brain, barely keeping himself together enough to not just let him get off that way, because knowing him, he definitely could. Hyeongjun needed more.

Pulling them out left Jiseok dazed, his eyebrows pinching together as Hyeongjun guided him to line up with his dick, being held down by his hips when he was all the way inside drawing a devastatingly confused sound out of him. Addicting.

"Don't move," Hyeongjun eyed Jiseok’s thighs twitching as he smoothed his thumbs over his hipbones, trying to not react to him gasping from bringing one hand down to wrap around his cock. "Be good."

Jiseok’s breathy 'okay'—immediate and without question—went straight to Hyeongjun's head, making it harder to not give up and fuck him properly. Getting at least a little teary was normal. He couldn't let the perfect opportunity pass, though. He had to know what it would take to really break him.

Not telling Jiseok to be quiet was on purpose. Hyeongjun would never want to stifle such lovely sounds, and it wasn't like Jiseok could hold them back, anyway. The more frustratingly loose Hyeongjun's hand was, the louder he moaned and dug his trembling fingers into Hyeongjun's shoulders, but he still didn't move.

Suddenly switching his grip to be tight and fast made Jiseok cry out, his chest heaving and lips between his teeth when Hyeongjun let go entirely, whimpering softly with his head hanging as he tried to compose himself. It was mesmerising for Hyeongjun to watch. So, so pretty.

"Can I—" Jiseok shuddered when Hyeongjun took him in his palm again. "Can I come? Please?"

He'd asked shakily, but not desperately. That wasn't what Hyeongjun wanted.

Jiseok groaned when Hyeongjun shook his head, but he didn't outright complain, and that was permission enough for Hyeongjun to keep going. Pushing. Bringing Jiseok close to the edge and taking it away again over and over until the cracks finally showed.

With gritted teeth and a stuttered breath, the first tear fell.

Hyeongjun stared at the trail it left down Jiseok's cheek before more spilled over, sobs wracking his body as he fought to hold back, and Hyeongjun was sure it wouldn't last much longer. The thought made his dick twitch.

Not thinking about being inside wasn't entirely on purpose, but Jiseok kept squeezing around him, and even if it was involuntary, it was making it difficult to concentrate. He was being so good, looked so very pretty, and Hyeongjun couldn't stop his hips rolling up into him. It was only once. For Jiseok, once was too many.

"Please," Jiseok begged, leaning into Hyeongjun reaching up to cup his cheek and grabbing his wrist to keep it there for comfort. "Can't do it anymore. Please, Hyeongjunnie. Please let me."

"You can come whenever you want."

Sighing in relief, Jiseok sniffled as he rocked into Hyeongjun's other hand, taking mere moments for his come to spill over it. What he hadn't counted on was Hyeongjun's fingers tightening, using the come on them like extra lube when he sped up instead of stopping, sounding as disgustingly wet as Hyeongjun had imagined.

With Jiseok writhing, barely breathing and fresh tears falling, it was exactly what Hyeongjun wanted.

Watching Jiseok’s eyes roll back and jaw drop as he came again—much too soon, overstimulated and drooling—was his undoing.

Hyeongjun gathered Jiseok in his arms as his come shot inside, seemingly endless with the sobbing just by his ear, and he knew it was sick to love it. Jiseok had gone totally boneless, almost crushing Hyeongjun under his light weight, but Hyeongjun was grateful that he could physically feel his breathing slow and deepen. It was better than being clawed at. Ice still crept up his spine when Jiseok eventually spoke.

"That was on purpose, wasn't it?" he asked, voice small and wobbly. "You liked it?"

The tone was curious, not accusatory. It still ached.

Jiseok was even messier than expected when he sat back—his eyes red rimmed, lips bitten raw and spit smeared on his chin—but Hyeongjun couldn't help thinking he was beautiful that way. As if he could read his mind, Jiseok looked away with a shy smile.

"Don't worry. I did, too."

Smut warnings: anal sex, whatever it's called when you fuck someone while being fucked, anal plug, dacro, multiple orgasms, coming untouched, premature ejaculation, hyung kink kinda

The last thing Jiseok expected was to find himself in the almost complete opposite situation next time he was called into Jungsu's room.

He knew he wasn't going to be ignored—not after what happened before—but Jiseok couldn't have prepared himself for the immediate onslaught of attention. Being touched was one thing; what they were doing was another entirely.

Standing sandwiched between them again, this time with two of Hyeongjun's fingers slowly opening him up and Jungsu's lips against his neck, was enough to already have Jiseok trembling. There was something so dizzying about feeling them hard through their clothes while Jiseok was stripped bare, like they were trying to make up for missing out rather than the other way around, not affording the time to get undressed when they could have their hands on him instead.

That didn't mean Jiseok wasn't dying to properly feel the warmth of their skin—relishing in Jungsu's hand gripping under his thigh to wrap it around his waist, giving Hyeongjun better access to add another finger even if Jiseok leaning back against his shoulder made it more difficult. Judging by the light kiss to the top of his head, Hyeongjun didn't mind.

"You still want it the same way?" Jungsu giggled at Jiseok’s confused frown. "Like we were. With you in the middle."

Jiseok had gotten so lost in their touch that he'd forgotten he could have more, only able to nod with Hyeongjun curling his fingers distractingly well and Jungsu's achingly fond smile. He whimpered after they both broke contact, but it wasn't like he could complain when it was to drop their clothes to the floor, and he followed Hyeongjun to kneel on the bed without question.

Seeing him bend over the same way from behind was what Jiseok had wanted, but it was even worse than he'd imagined from the side. The plug shone under the overhead light, surrounded by an excessive amount of lube Jiseok hadn't expected at all since they only ever used what was necessary for him, and all he could do was stare until the mattress dipped under Jungsu's weight.

"Here," Jungsu pressed flush against him, one arm around Jiseok's middle and reaching for Hyeongjun with the other. "You can just watch for now."

Before Jiseok could get a word in, Jungsu pulled on the plug, making Hyeongjun gasp when it popped out. All thoughts melted away with Jungsu pushing it back in slowly, toying with Hyeongjun in a way Jiseok never had the patience for, and the sticky wet sounds mixing with Hyeongjun's quiet moans had Jiseok digging his nails into his palms to breathe.

"Please," Hyeongjun looked over his shoulder, eyes half lidded and ears visibly burning through his hair. "Want you."

Hyeongjun clenching around nothing when the plug was placed on the shelf made Jiseok's heart pound against his ribcage, but it was nothing on Jungsu physically positioning him behind, the visual of being guided by Jungsu's hand around his dick almost as bad as the feeling of sinking inside. It was enough to forget why he'd been stretched.

The click of the lube cap made his eyes widen, only just catching himself above Hyeongjun's shoulders when he was tipped forward before Jungsu lined up with his hole. Jiseok's mouth dropped open as he was filled faster than he could brace himself for, Hyeongjun's soft moan from suddenly being deeper making him even dizzier, and recognition crept up his spine too late.

"Wait, I—"

A shudder wracked his body, whimpering pathetically as his fists wrinkled the bedcovers, the other two going motionless when they realised what Jiseok had done. Fuck.

"Did you just…"

Hyeongjun's voice trailing off in disbelief sent icy shame through Jiseok's veins, tears pricking the corners of his eyes before spilling down his cheeks with Jungsu dragging him backwards and upright, vision too blurred to see Hyeongjun flipping over. He hadn't meant to do it.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to come, I'm sorry, I'm—"

His babbled apologies were cut off by Jungsu's cock twitching inside, not at all understanding the cause until his vision cleared to see Hyeongjun's hand tightly around himself, his legs spread wide and chest heaving as he watched Jiseok calm down. Jiseok still didn't get it.

"Seriously?" Hyeongjun laughed, sounding slightly crazed. "Felt so good you couldn't help it? Jiseok-ah, that's so hot."

Jungsu's hum of agreement vibrated against Jiseok's back, smoothing his palms across his stomach to his hips, trying to push him down when he was already so deep making Jiseok whine. Being exposed was already embarrassing, so their eyes trained on his dick hardening again made Jiseok squirm, but there was no point hiding. He'd do anything they wanted him to.

"Think you can try again?"

It wasn't really a question.

Crawling to Hyeongjun meant leaving Jungsu, but for all that it was uncomfortable, Jiseok knew it wouldn't be for long. What he didn't know was what Hyeongjun was planning to do.

Looking down at Hyeongjun—flushed with his hair fanned out and lips parted prettily—made Jiseok crave a taste, not thinking much of Hyeongjun readjusting when he gave in. Hyeongjun's fingers unlinked from behind Jiseok's neck after a moment, feeling them leave his body making Jiseok break the kiss, and he nearly choked on his own spit when he took in what he was doing.

Hyeongjun had shifted to hold under his knees, offering himself openly with them being brought up near his shoulders, basically putting himself in a mating press. He shouldn't have gotten so flexible.

It made Jiseok worry that he wouldn't last again, but his hips being tipped back that way was kind of necessary for Jungsu to join them, which Jiseok was reminded of as soon as he was inside Hyeongjun again. A palm on the small of his back kept him in place as Jungsu pushed in, far slower than the first time, but it was just as overwhelming.

He was nice enough to stay still for Jiseok to have a moment, and he really needed it, breathing shallowly with his forehead pressed to Hyeongjun's as Jungsu ran his palms gently over his heated skin. As much as it was sweet—so very Jungsu—he wasn't dumb enough to think they would stay that way. Jungsu was clearly holding himself back. Something had to snap.

Jiseok was entirely trapped between them when Jungsu suddenly pitched forward, panting by Hyeongjun's ear as Jungsu started rolling his hips, every movement translated into him fucking Hyeongjun. The thought that Jungsu was fucking Hyeongjun through him, as if he was nothing more than a toy, made Jiseok shiver.

It felt too good. Jungsu always filled him so perfectly—knew how to use his added strength and size to be what Jiseok needed—and it forcing him deeper into Hyeongjun's surrounding warmth was even more mind numbing. Still, Jiseok was determined to hold out. Remembering his come had added to how wet Hyeongjun was really didn't help.

"Gonna give me more?" Hyeongjun asked between punched out breaths as Jungsu sped up. "It's okay. You get so tight when you're close that hyung won't last long either."

"Hey," Jungsu huffed, pout audible in his voice. "Could if I wanted to."

"I don't. Want to feel you come in him."

Hyeongjun petted Jiseok's hair when he cried out. The easy affection was his undoing.

Hiding in Hyeongjun's neck, Jiseok trembled as he spilled inside for the second time, moaning louder from Jungsu not slowing down. Hyeongjun had to have been getting sore from the position, but it was his cock dragging against his stomach making him groan, and Jiseok knew he had to do something.

"Hyung," he tightened around Jungsu harder, knowing that using the honorific would get to him. "Hyeongjunnie wants you to come in me. Please, hyungie, you have to."

Jungsu's weight pushed him further down, getting as deep as he could when his hips stuttered to a stop, and it took a second for Jiseok to realise Jungsu was kissing Hyeongjun as he came inside him. Something about it made his eyes roll back, almost at his breaking point from coming dry and exhausted, but it was what Hyeongjun needed to tip over the edge without being touched.

"Oh, fuck," he breathed heavily as it smeared on his skin, slowly lowering his legs making Jiseok slip out, closely followed by a dribble of come and lube. "Are you okay?"

Jiseok nodded lazily after Jungsu finally flopped onto the bed beside them, snuggling into his chest when he was pulled over, wiggling happily from Hyeongjun clinging to him from behind. It was the closeness Jiseok wanted the most. He couldn't care less about them being gross if it meant they could stay that way.

Smut warnings: dubcon, somno, anal sex, spit as lube (only for fingering), multiple orgasms, dacro kind of?, joo is called puppy a couple of times but not really petplay, breeding kink, praise kink

In hindsight, Gunil probably should have chosen his words more carefully. Telling a teary and overwhelmed Jooyeon that he could go to him for anything, any time was too broad. Jooyeon could take advantage of the offer so easily, and whether it was intentional or not, Gunil had basically given permission in advance for whatever it was he wanted.

The thing was, Jooyeon didn't consider doing anything particularly nefarious. If he needed a hug and Jungsu wasn't around, he'd walk into Gunil's open arms. If he needed to get something off his mind and Hyeongjun wasn't there to talk it out, Gunil would stop everything to listen. If he was bored and Jiseok wasn't up for games, Gunil did his best to match the energy and pretended to not love being made fun of.

It worked well. It was totally innocent. It was exactly what Gunil had originally meant.

It could extend further though, right?

Jooyeon couldn't help wondering about it one night, sick of staring at the ceiling unable to sleep. It wasn't like him to not be able to drift away—he really was tired—but there was a problem he just didn't want to deal with.

He was hard, and no matter how much he tried to will it away, his dick refused go down. It was too distracting. Of course Jooyeon could get himself off, but the thought wouldn't leave.

Gunil had said anything. Any time.

Going to him to help wouldn't be really bad. It wasn't like they'd never done anything together before. It was more that Jooyeon wasn't sure if Gunil would still be up that late, and if he wasn't, it wouldn't be very nice to wake him up. He deserved to have all the rest he could manage with their schedule. Still, Jooyeon was too curious to not get up to check.

The door was closed but left unlocked when he tiptoed out into the hallway and tried the handle. Jooyeon opened it slowly to not make any noise, taking a second for his eyes to adjust to the deeper darkness in the room after peering inside, and if that wasn't enough, the steady breaths from the other side gave away that Gunil was asleep.

Leaving was an option. But so was staying.

Chewing on his bottom lip, Jooyeon carefully shut the door and crept closer, his stomach swirling when he recognised the outline of the position Gunil was in. Laying half on his front with one leg bent would be perfect to—

No.

No, that would be bad.

But Gunil had basically given permission.

The shoulder peeking out from the covers was bare. Maybe the rest of Gunil was too.

That thought was too enticing. Jooyeon had to know.

Gently lifting the covers, his eyes widened at the sight of Gunil's full body on show, almost like he'd been waiting for Jooyeon all along. Whether that was true or not, Jooyeon couldn't bring himself to care. He had to do something before he fully lost his mind.

Dropping his clothes to the floor, Jooyeon slowly climbed in behind, more grateful than ever for Gunil being such a heavy sleeper. Jooyeon was still afraid to wake him up, but the idea rattled around his skull too loudly to ignore. If he was gentle and quiet enough, Jooyeon figured he could get away with it. Gunil wouldn't mind, he was sure.

Sticking his finger in his mouth, Jooyeon lifted the covers to see what he was doing a little easier, bringing it down to press lightly against Gunil's hole. Spit wasn't ideal, but he didn't want to risk too much movement before he actually got to do anything, and it didn't really matter. Gunil was so relaxed that he took it in easily, only his eyebrows slightly pinching together giving away that something was happening, and it was mesmerising to watch.

Jooyeon stayed up on his elbow to see Gunil's expressions change as he slowly moved his hand, Gunil's body reacting on its own a power trip he hadn't expected to feel, and he needed more. He pulled out to drool down his middle and ring fingers, curiosity getting the better of him, freezing when Gunil grunted from the sudden stretch. Still, despite the icy fear and shame coursing through Jooyeon with the inevitability of getting caught, he somehow didn't wake up.

Stopping would be a good idea. Jooyeon knew that. But his fingers were still inside Gunil, back to having no resistance when his breathing evened out properly again, and he knew it had to feel so good around his dick. He just couldn't give up the opportunity.

Taking the time to turn over to grab the lube from Gunil's bedside drawer was necessary, though. No way was Jooyeon going to risk it being too dry when he'd already nearly fucked up with his fingers. The cap clicking made Jooyeon flinch, keeping his eyes on Gunil as he poured some out just in case, but he thankfully didn't stir.

Trying to not make a sound from coating his dick was difficult enough. He'd been ignoring it the whole time—knowing that even if he got away with what he was planning, there would have to be a stain on the sheet left from the precome he'd been leaking, and that only made it worse. If he didn't fuck Gunil soon, Jooyeon was sure he would come from the thought alone.

Taking calming breaths before lining up with Gunil's hole, Jooyeon watched himself sinking inside agonisingly slowly, barely keeping it together when his boney hips met his ass. With Gunil being so pliant, it almost felt more like fucking a toy than a person. There was still the warmth he craved, though, and that was another problem.

Having to make as little contact as possible wasn't something he'd thought about. If Jooyeon touched too much, Gunil would surely wake up. All he wanted to do was plaster himself to Gunil's back, hold him tightly and hear how good he was making him feel too. But he couldn't. Jooyeon had to behave for this to work.

Drawing his hips back to push in again slowly was still so good—having to bite his lips to hold back a whine when Gunil sighed. Jooyeon took the risk to hold Gunil's hip, desperate to have something, anything, to hold onto, even if he had to keep it light.

It was fine. Jooyeon could stay calm and steady and not wake up his sleeping hyung. Just had to focus. Had to be quiet. Had to—

Gunil tightened around him.

"Oh, fuck."

Eyes fluttering open, Gunil gasped when Jooyeon moaned and pushed him further onto his front, not fully grasping what was happening but automatically reaching for the hand grabbing at his chest to comfort. All it did was make tears burn behind Jooyeon's eyelashes.

"It's okay, it's okay. Haven't done anything wrong," Gunil murmured groggily between Jooyeon's babbled apologies, squeezing the back of his hand as he finally caught up. "Told you to go to me for anything. Good boy, Jooyeonnie."

Even if he didn't feel like a good boy at all, the praise still went to Jooyeon's head—whimpering softly and trying to drive in deeper with his weight pinning Gunil to the mattress. Gunil could easily free himself if he wanted to, but he stayed where Jooyeon put him to be used—to help, just as he'd said he would.

Desperate to make it up to him, Jooyeon skimmed his hand from Gunil's chest to his dick, even more upset to find he wasn't hard. He had to do better. He had to make Gunil feel good, too.

Spitting in his palm, Jooyeon brought it back down before Gunil could say he didn't need to worry about it, relishing in his moan when he wrapped his fingers around him. Feeling someone getting hard under his touch wasn't something Jooyeon was used to since he always got so worked up with clothes still on, but it was even more electrifying than touching Gunil in his sleep.

Reminding himself of what he'd done made Jooyeon whine, going still and hiding himself behind Gunil's shoulder in embarrassment. He'd done something so bad, so wrong, but here Jooyeon had him gasping and trying to get his hips moving again—completely against how he thought Gunil should be acting. It didn't take much for Gunil to understand what he was thinking.

"Come on, puppy. If you woke me up, you can do better than that," he hummed when Jooyeon sniffled pitifully. "Make hyung feel good and I'll let you stay inside."

Stay inside? Jooyeon's eyes widened.

Gunil never liked mess. Jooyeon hadn't stopped to think about a condom, but even with going that far, he'd only considered pulling out and having to finish off on his own. The offer of coming inside—staying inside—being a reward was something he definitely wasn't going to pass up. Still a little sensitive, he wanted to be sure, though.

"Really not mad with me?" Jooyeon's voice was smaller than usual, stomach swooping when he caught Gunil's smile after he nodded. "Promise?"

"Promise. Knew you'd do it eventually, anyway," he laughed breathily at Jooyeon's embarrassed whine. "Only thing I could be mad about is you not hurrying up. Don't you want to breed hyung, puppy?"

Maybe it was the late hour making him bolder, but Jooyeon had never heard Gunil speak that way, and it brought back how desperate Jooyeon had been to be there at all. Of course he wanted it. He wanted it so badly just the thought was dizzying, only snapping out of it when Gunil reached down to get the hand around his cock moving again. Good. Jooyeon could be good.

Taking his hand away entirely left Gunil confused until Jooyeon guided his to take over, bringing his own up to squeeze his chest again as he finally drew his hips back. As much as he'd liked it with Gunil asleep, getting to hear his breath catch and feel him try to meet him halfway was even better—not as easy as when he'd been completely relaxed, but warmer and tighter and almost like he was trying to make Jooyeon come first. That wasn't fair.

Speeding up was Jooyeon's only option, doing his best to be what Gunil wanted, giving up on keeping his needy sounds low enough for anyone awake not to hear. Gunil was quieter, but his lips were parted enough to have a wet patch grow on the pillow, and seeing him so fucked out beneath his body had Jooyeon dangerously close.

"Please, hyung. Please," he begged, tears blurring his vision. "Please come. Been good. Let me fill you up, please."

The slick sound of Gunil's hand on his cock stopped abruptly, exhaling harshly as his come dirtied the sheet below, going limp without trying to make Jooyeon stop. Jooyeon couldn't stop if he wanted to. He was aware Gunil was feeding him praise but couldn't pick out the words, fucking into him too erratically for more than his voice to wash over his mind, getting as deep as he could before finally spilling inside.

Jooyeon took his reward very seriously, turning them onto their sides with a leg thrown over Gunil's body so he couldn't leave, nuzzling into his neck when he groaned. It was just too bad if he regretted it. No way was Jooyeon pulling out, especially with Gunil reaching back to gently scratch his scalp making him melt.

"Really are a good boy, Jooyeonnie," Gunil hummed, smirking when he shivered. "Gross, but filled hyung up so well."

His dick twitching made both of them gasp. Gunil laughed in disbelief when Jooyeon held him closer, both to hide and to get as much as he could out of it if he was pushed away, but Gunil let him tentatively move far earlier than he should have been able to. It could have been put down to not going fully soft in the first place. Neither of them were stupid.

"Is it being gross or just the praise that gets you so bad?" Gunil asked with genuine curiosity, lightly tugging Jooyeon's hair when he didn't answer. "Would you have done this if I didn't wake up? Would you have kept fucking the come in deeper if I didn't know about it?"

Jooyeon shook his head with a drawn out whine, but he couldn't help his hips stuttering forward. Would he? It didn't take much thought to land on yes. Even if he'd planned to pull out, given the opportunity, Jooyeon probably would have done it, and he didn't need to say it for Gunil to know. Shame creeping up his spine, Jooyeon prepared to be told to leave.

"It's okay. Maybe next time," Gunil sunk his teeth into his bottom lip when Jooyeon made a devastating little confused sound. "Just want to breed hyung properly, right? Go ahead. Be a good boy."

It took a moment for Jooyeon to realise he was being given explicit permission to do it again—to touch Gunil in his sleep and come however many times he wanted—and he couldn't hold himself back from adding to the mess already inside in seconds. Gunil wasn't mean about it. Jooyeon wasn't sure if he wanted him to be.

Smut warnings: cuckolding, dacro, anal sex, hand jobs, anal plug, multiple orgasms, coming untouched AND in pants (hell yeah)

Jiseok didn't know why seeing Jungsu with Hyeongjun made him feel so weird. It was totally irrational, especially with them all being involved, and he was completely aware of it. Whatever was happening was starting to manifest in an unfortunate way, though, and even worse was that they were using it to their advantage.

——————————

It wasn't that they hadn't been in the first place, but Hyeongjun was beginning to outwardly show how close he was to everyone. It was sweet, the fans loved to see it and it was fun for them, too. Mostly.

The issue for Jiseok was how he'd started acting with Jungsu specifically. Something had shifted, and at least to Jiseok, it was extremely noticeable. Why were they acting that way in public?

Why did he care?

Everyone was like it to an extent—always had been and likely always would be—but he had no reason to feel so possessive over Hyeongjun, especially with the person Jiseok could admit he was probably the closest to himself. Jealousy wasn't even the right word. It wasn't nice to admit that he wanted their attention the most, but when he really stopped to think about it, that was what it boiled down to. How embarrassing.

As if he wasn't already making enough of a fool of himself, Jiseok was sure they were playing it up more, and rather than communicating, it just made the way he acted even worse. He didn't mean to constantly orbit Hyeongjun and use any opportunity to touch. He didn't mean to look at Jungsu like he hung the stars in the sky and let him manhandle his body however he saw fit. He didn't mean to get so tense whenever they were together, itching to put himself between them so he could have their attention.

It was mortifying for Jiseok to catch himself doing it. Even more so when he went online and saw his hopeless behaviour uploaded in 4k, the times he hadn't realised he'd fumbled an interaction with Hyeongjun or stuck a little too close to Jungsu making his stomach sink and cheeks flush hot. At least the way he felt when he saw them together didn't show so much. That really would be awful.

Still, it wasn't possible for them to not notice how weird he was being. Weirder than usual, at least. Seeking each other out more wasn't on purpose in that sense; they really had gotten closer recently and Hyeongjun was more comfortable showing it. Picking up on the way it made Jiseok squirm was just part of the fun. Making it worse was too hard to resist.

——————————

Receiving a message to meet in Jungsu's bedroom would have been far less suspicious if Jiseok hadn't seen Hyeongjun following him in there earlier. That had already made him antsy, knowing full well that they could be doing anything in there together, so staring down at his phone screen had him reeling.

It could be totally innocent. It probably was totally innocent. There was no reason for it not to be.

That was what Jiseok told himself when he sent a quick reply and dropped his phone on his desk, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves before stepping out of his room to head to Jungsu's. It was pointless with his heart rate spiking again when he got to the door. It was never closed.

"Just a second!"

Having Hyeongjun's voice ring through when he tentatively knocked made Jiseok's breath stutter, chewing on his bottom lip until it opened after what felt like hours of waiting, only to suddenly be face to face with Hyeongjun himself. Jiseok had expected Jungsu, not Hyeongjun smiling down at him so prettily it ached. It was impossible to not notice how his lips were slightly swollen, though.

"What's up?" he asked awkwardly when Hyeongjun stepped out of the way, gulping when Jungsu came into view sitting on the edge of his bed. "Need me for something?"

"No," Jungsu stood after Hyeongjun shut the door, smirking as Jiseok tried to not melt just from his head being tipped up by the chin. "We don't need you for anything."

"That's the point," Hyeongjun moved close behind to speak directly into Jiseok's ear when he made a confused little noise. "You already stare enough. Thought you might like to watch this, too."

Jiseok shivered when Jungsu leaned in, still not figuring out what was happening until his lips met Hyeongjun's over his shoulder, trapping him between them. He wasn't being totally ignored with Hyeongjun's fingers digging into his waist, but besides being pressed together, that was the only indication they remembered Jiseok was there at all.

They broke apart when Jiseok pawed at Jungsu's chest with a soft whimper—not because he was uncomfortable or didn't want to be there, but because he couldn't see properly. That was too embarrassing to admit out loud, and thankfully they picked up on it from his flushed cheeks and eyes darting between them without needing to say it.

"Come here," Jungsu guided Jiseok to his desk chair, spinning it around to face the bed after he sat down. "Now, no touching, okay?"

Kissing Jiseok's forehead when he nodded, Jungsu stepped away to turn back to Hyeongjun, both of them already acting as if he wasn't in the room. The not-quite-jealousy swirled as Jiseok watched Hyeongjun crawl into Jungsu's lap when he sat on the edge of the bed again, his hands closing into fists on his thighs when Jungu's landed on Hyeongjun's hips. As much as Jiseok hated not having any attention on him, this was new. They were perfect together.

He could only see from behind, but Jungsu's hands taking up so much space on Hyeongjun's body after removing his shirt was mind-numbing, the way he slowly rocked making it even worse. Only being a short distance away meant he could hear Hyeongjun's breath stutter from Jungsu's palms sliding further down, focusing on his thumbs hooking under the waistband, gasping when Hyeongjun lifted himself enough for it to be pulled beneath him.

Of course they'd been up to something before he got there. Jiseok still didn't expect to see the base of a plug.

Jungsu getting his fingers around it made Jiseok squirm as much as Hyeongjun, fixated on it being eased in and out, getting a clear view he hadn't experienced before. Even if they weren't directly acknowledging him, Jiseok was sure Jungsu pulling it out all the way to show how open Hyeongjun stayed was for him to see, biting his lips to hold back a whine when it was pushed back inside.

Hyeongjun's expression was hidden by his head on Jungsu's shoulder and hair falling in his face, but Jiseok knew exactly what he looked like when he was being played with—easy to imagine his lips parted and brows pinched as he fought to keep still. It never worked for long, so it wasn't surprising for him to lower himself just slightly to chase more, and it was cute, in a way. Almost distracting enough to forget what was about to happen.

"Hyung, please," Hyeongjun sighed when Jungsu let go of the plug to leave it fully inside, tugging on the hem of Jungsu's shirt for him to take it off. "Enough."

Swallowing hard when Jungsu nodded, Jiseok watched Hyeongjun stand for them to quickly throw the rest of their clothes on the floor, confused when he climbed on the bed the wrong way. It only lasted a moment before he realised what they were doing. The chair had been left by the desk, closer to the end of the bed. They wanted to be sure he could still see their faces from the side.

Instead of bearing his weight on his arms, Hyeongjun bent all the way down to the mattress with his ass in the air, flicking his hair away to not obscure his face. His eyes were closed, so it wasn't like he was actually acknowledging Jiseok, but it was definitely on purpose. Just the thought that they still cared made Jiseok's thighs press together.

That was a problem. He'd been so transfixed on what they were doing that Jiseok hadn't fully processed that he was hard, dick straining against his underwear, having to dig his nails into his palms to not touch. Jungsu told him not to. He could be good. He had to be good.

It was much easier when Jungsu took the plug out again. The little sigh Hyeongjun made was barely audible, but he was never very loud, forcing Jiseok to breathe shallowly to hear more after Jungsu turned his attention back to him.

Something Jiseok had always hated was Jungsu pretending to not be as worked up as he was. Like this, he could see Jungsu taking his time to run his palms over Hyeongjun's skin—not to tease, but to appreciate—and unlike himself getting frustrated, Hyeongjun relaxed under the gentle touch, further arching his back to try to grind against him.

Jiseok had never seen Hyeongjun that way, his pleased hum bordering a purr when Jungsu grabbed the lube from his bed shelf to quickly slick himself up, and that made him tip more towards envy. Of who, he wasn't sure. Did he want to be the one to make Hyeongjun act like that or did he want to be melting under Jungsu?

Both. Jiseok wanted to be between them. He wanted their attention so badly it ached, feeling so stupid to have the thought make his eyes burn, and he had no choice in ignoring it. He couldn't cry over this. Had to be good.

The tip of Hyeongjun's tongue poked between his lips when Jungsu finally started pushing inside, far too cute for what was happening, making it difficult for Jiseok to know where to focus. Jungsu's eyes were trained on his dick slowly sinking inside Hyeongjun, keeping him spread with slightly shaky breaths that left Jiseok dying to have the same view, but he also knew how Jungsu felt inside, how he filled him up perfectly, and watching him bottom out was just as bad.

"Doing okay?"

Jungsu's voice broke him from his daze. It seemed like he was only addressing Hyeongjun, not directly looking at Jiseok, but the corners of his mouth turned up when he nodded hesitantly, so he must have seen him in his peripheral. It helped settle Jiseok's mind, just a little. Drawing his hips back after Hyeongjun's breathy 'yes', not so much.

Treating Hyeongjun like he was made of porcelain was half-expected. Jiseok tended to be cautious with him, afraid that Hyeongjun would shatter with one wrong move, but Jungsu went about it differently. After pushing back in slowly and skimming a hand down Hyeongjun's spine to tuck his hair behind his ear, it dawned on Jiseok that there was no fear at all behind being so gentle. It was how Jungsu always was with Hyeongjun, just in a different context.

That put a new perspective on Hyeongjun's behaviour—meeting Jungsu's hips halfway like he was trying to make him go faster without wanting to say it, the bedcovers twisted in his fists and muffling his sweet sounds growing in volume as Jungsu started moving properly. He wasn't being impatient. Hyeongjun was taking what he was given and chasing more, just as he was beginning to do with Jungsu in general.

Something about it all made Jiseok's stomach swoop. He knew he wasn't intruding since he'd been invited into it, but it felt too raw to just be like a performance, leaving him even more desperate join. Jiseok had been too afraid to blink in case he missed anything, but his thighs twitching was so distracting he couldn't help looking down, exhaling harshly at the wet spot forming from how badly he was leaking precome just from watching.

Gripping the sides of the chair to keep from touching himself, Jiseok refocused on the two in front of him, eyes widening when Jungsu leaned forward to brace himself on the bed. It forced Hyeongjun's knees further apart, hovering closer to the mattress making him seem so small under Jungsu's broader body, and Jiseok could tell he wanted to properly hide his face in the covers. Instead, Jiseok had to be subjected to the prettiest moans slipping between Hyeongjun's bunny teeth, Jungsu murmuring something by his ear making him shudder. It was all too much.

"Don't stop," Hyeongjun managed between punched out breaths as Jungsu sped up, bringing his left arm beneath him with a whine. "Close. I'm gonna—oh, fuck, hyung!"

It was mesmerising to watch Hyeongjun fall apart, the fingers of his left hand wrapped around his cock just so it wouldn't obstruct Jiseok's view of his come dripping onto the bedcovers, only getting louder when Jungsu didn't stop. That was Jiseok's undoing.

He didn't touch himself, still desperate to keep his promise to Jungsu, but he couldn't hold it back. Slapping a hand over his mouth, tears blurred the sight of the wet patch growing as Jiseok's body shook, feeling so pathetic for coming in his pants that he was afraid to see if they noticed. Looking up was definitely a mistake.

Hyeongjun's eyes were open.

There was no contempt or disgust or even heat behind them. He was just staring, and with Jungsu still fucking into him, it made Jiseok hang his head and sob harder. Why was Jungsu ignoring him?

"Inside."

Jiseok just caught Hyeongjun's voice through his cries, Jungsu's groan following a second later, blinking enough to see him buried deep with his arms wound tightly around Hyeongjun's body. It wasn't fair.

Covering his face with his hands, Jiseok tried to get his breathing under control, but was too hard alone. He needed comfort. Why were they ignoring him?

"Jiseok-ah? Breathe."

The fingers combing through his hair were too kind. He whimpered when they left to rest on his knee.

"We're here, Gaonie. Hands away."

Letting them be pulled from his face, Jiseok took in how they were still messy but had put their shirts and underwear back on, kneeling on the floor with expressions that tore him apart.

"You did so well. So good for us."

Jiseok dropped from the chair into Jungsu's lap, wrapping his legs around his waist and clawing at his back as he trembled, not caring about how tearstained his shoulder would be whenever he managed to stop crying. It was kind of Jungsu's fault, anyway.

None of it mattered. There was still safety in Jungsu's arms, Hyeongjun's palm rubbing soothing circles over his shoulderblades and their voices blending into low whispers of praise. That was what he'd wanted. Their attention.

Hyeongjun shuffled behind when Jiseok's breathing calmed, pulling him close and pressing gentle kisses up the side of his neck as Jungsu sat with his legs crossed to be more comfortable. It was nothing like Jiseok was used to from Hyeongjun, but he wasn't going to complain. Definitely not when Jungsu squeezed the tops of his thighs, staring at the stain left from Jiseok’s come as Hyeongjun's hand travelled down to trace over the outline of his dick hardening embarrassingly fast again.

He was still sensitive—emotionally and physically—so he couldn't help trying to squirm away from the touch. It wasn't possible being sandwiched between them, Jiseok's head falling back against Hyeongjun's shoulder with Jungsu holding his hips still, his eyes fluttering closed when fingers dipped beneath his waistband.

"It was harder to not look than we thought it would be, you know," Jungsu licked his lips when Hyeongjun pulled his dick free. "Sounded so pretty trying to hold yourself back. What do you think made Hyeongjunnie come?"

That was what Jungsu had said? Jiseok couldn't believe it, forcing his eyes open after Hyeongjun properly took him in his palm, squeaking in surprise to find Jungsu already openly staring. It was like he was trying to make up for lost time—searching over every inch of Jiseok's face as he melted under Hyeongjun's touch—and for Jiseok, it was unbearable.

They were so close that he barely had to move to crash their mouths together, moaning into the kiss when Hyeongjun tightened his grip, louder when he recognised they were both hard against him. He did that. Jiseok made them feel good. The thought almost had him crying again.

"I know what you want," Hyeongjun murmured as he slipped his free hand into Jiseok's shirt to squeeze his chest. "Next time you can be in the middle, okay? We did put the plug back in but you won't last long enough now."

It wasn't as mean as it sounded, just an observation, but it still made Jiseok's head spin. What he said before it took a second longer for Jiseok to process, breaking the kiss with a gasp.

"Next time?" he asked, his voice weak from being so overwhelmed. "You… want me together again?"

"Of course," Jungsu lifted his head by the jaw to force eye contact, and even if he'd done it countless times in the past, it still never failed to make Jiseok's heart race. "I would love to see you try to fuck Hyeongjunnie with me filling you up."

"Think we could make you cry again?" Hyeongjun moved his hand faster when Jiseok's breaths stuttered. "Even prettier when you're desperate."

Jiseok trembled as he spilled over Hyeongjun's fingers. He hadn't realised he was that close, so he couldn't give any warning, but they knew him too well to have not noticed. It was claustrophobic with their hands all over him, not having any idea what they were saying with his head full of fog, but Jiseok couldn't bring himself to care too much.

They wanted him. That was all Jiseok could ask for.

Smut warnings: somno (technically?), blow jobs, rimming, face-sitting, frottage

For whatever reason, even after their little meeting, Hyeongjun had only accounted for sex with the change in their dynamics. He hadn't considered the barrage of emotion that would come along with everyday intimacy. Especially not witnessing it from the others when he wasn't supposed to be around.

——————————

He wasn't sure what woke him up, but not hearing slow breathing from above and light spilling through the cracked-open door was enough to tell Hyeongjun that Jooyeon had left the room. Strange for the four in the morning showing on his phone screen. Hyeongjun could only assume he hadn't been able to sleep in the first place, probably from the stress of their hectic schedule, so maybe it would pay to check up on him.

Squinting from the difference in lighting when he stepped out, Hyeongjun recognised the rumbling of their kettle. Jooyeon getting up to make a warm drink made sense. The issue was that Gunil used the living room as a bedroom, and no matter how exhausted he'd been, there was no way he would sleep through the water boiling so loudly in the next room over. Even if Hyeongjun couldn't pick them out specifically under the noise, that explained the two voices coming from the kitchen.

Hyeongjun froze when he was close enough to see them. Whether it was the early hour or something deeper, Hyeongjun wasn't sure, but his brain just couldn't process the position they were in.

Jooyeon was perched on a cleared part of the bench with Gunil standing between his knees, hunched over with his arms thrown over his shoulders, eyes shut and nodding sleepily in response to whatever Gunil was saying. Hyeongjun didn't think he'd ever seen their faces so close. His blood ran cold when Gunil leaned in.

It was no more than a soft peck, something sweet to make Jooyeon smile, but the familiarity behind the kiss was too much for Hyeongjun to handle. It was clearly normal for them. Somehow, he'd just never seen it.

The kettle clicking off snapped Hyeongjun out of the beginning of his spiral, hoping his steps were quiet enough to go unnoticed as he headed back to his room, leaving the door as Jooyeon had in case he didn't stay with Gunil for the rest of the night. Mind racing, Hyeongjun knew he wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep.

Their group was touchy. Anyone could see that. Even Hyeongjun himself had always had his moments. That was the thing, though—a lot of groups were. Sometimes it was just for marketability, but most of the time, it was as close friends. Touchy didn't necessarily mean romantically intimate.

That split was the thing Hyeongjun found himself stuck on. It was all still new—only a few busy weeks since the discussion—but they'd said they wouldn't be cautious anymore. So why hadn't Hyeongjun seen it?

Why did it bother him so much?

He immediately decided he didn't like that question. It shouldn't bother him. There was no reason for it to. They could do whatever they wanted, whether it was around him or not. It wasn't like he was being left out.

But maybe he was.

Nobody was avoiding him. Hyeongjun knew that much. They were more touchy with him than ever, Jiseok was still being borderline insufferable and Hyeongjun himself had started leaning into it all. Slowly. Which was fine. It was what he'd wanted.

But was it really? Touchy didn't mean intimate. He'd experienced it with Jungsu and Jiseok. He'd kissed Jooyeon. Was it selfish to want more?

Hyeongjun had no idea.

None of it should have been at the forefront of his mind. He'd just dyed his hair black. They'd successfully performed at a major event. There were their own concerts coming up that he needed to be focusing on. Awful timing.

The door swung open. Hyeongjun had to make a snap decision. He could pretend to be asleep. Or—

"Jooyeon-ah?"

"Fuck, you scared me," Jooyeon jumped, holding his hand to his chest for a second before closing the door. "Sorry. Did I wake you?"

"No," Hyeongjun half-lied, taking in a steadying breath as Jooyeon reached for the ladder. "Can you… do you want to sleep with me?"

Even in the darkness, he knew Jooyeon was looking at him like he'd finally lost it. Just as Hyeongjun was going to take it back, do his best to laugh it off, Jooyeon let go of the ladder to kneel on the bottom bunk. Hyeongjun wiggled back towards the wall to give him space as he got under the covers, but when they were laying face-to-face, he wasn't sure what to do. They'd slept in the same bed before, but this was different.

"Turn around," Jooyeon gently prompted, laughing through his nose at the confused sound he got back. "You know I need to hug something to sleep."

Oh. Jooyeon wanted him to be the little spoon. Better than awkward staring in the slightly cramped space, Hyeongjun supposed. That was okay.

He hadn't considered that Jooyeon's arm would be over his waist, holding him tightly against his body as if he was afraid Hyeongjun would run, leading him to believe that maybe, maybe, the excuse of just cuddling something to sleep was more flimsy than it sounded. Lips pressed into his hair when Hyeongjun tentatively placed his hand over Jooyeon's, slipping his fingers between the gaps of his own, and that was enough to know he was right.

It was the closeness that Hyeongjun had wanted. He wasn't interested in sex that night and didn't feel like Jooyeon expected it. Definitely not when his breathing evened out a couple minutes later, chest rising and falling against Hyeongjun's spine in a slow rhythm. Something about it made him want to cry. Just a little bit.

Finally relaxing, Hyeongjun managed to fall back asleep.

——————————

Waking up hard wasn't unusual. It was easy to ignore. Feeling someone else hard against his lower back was neither of those things.

It took a moment of sleepy blinking to fully understand what was happening. Hyeongjun gasped when Jooyeon shifted his hips slightly, still held in his arms, but he was very sure Jooyeon wasn't conscious. Even worse, and as much as it felt wrong, Hyeongjun realised he was getting hard from it. He just didn't know what he was supposed to do. Letting Jooyeon stay grinding against him in his sleep definitely wasn't it.

"Jooyeon-ah?" he whispered, clearing his throat when it came out too raspy. "Come on. You need to wake up."

It took a few taps on his arm to get him to stir, grumbling and nuzzling into Hyeongjun's messy hair, but Jooyeon eventually opened his eyes. The relief didn't last long.

"Shit!" he flew backwards, almost falling to the floor in his haste to put distance between them. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean to. I was asleep! I—"

"I know. It's okay," Hyeongjun turned over to prop himself up on one elbow, trying not to panic over Jooyeon's horrified expression. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"Yes I did," Jooyeon sat up and hid his face in his hands, voice small as if he was about to cry. "Doing something you don't want is wrong."

"Never said I don't want it."

If Hyeongjun took himself by surprise, it hit Jooyeon even harder. The cautious way he spread his fingers to peek down at Hyeongjun sent a crack through his heart. Only just waking up probably had something to do with it, but Hyeongjun hadn't seen him act that way in a long time. Jooyeon had become so confident that it was easy to forget how fragile he could be.

"Do you really? Not just saying it to make me feel better?" Jooyeon dropped his hands and chewed the skin on his bottom lip when Hyeongjun nodded, still not looking entirely convinced. "Well… can I try something I'm good at? Wanna make it up to you."

Not seeing the point in arguing that there really wasn't anything to make up for, Hyeongjun laid on his back for Jooyeon to kneel between his legs, nodding again when he hesitated to lean down. The kiss was far sweeter than the first time—slow with Hyeongjun's arms wound around Jooyeon's neck to keep him close. Neither of them were hard anymore, but it wasn't long before Jooyeon dropped down fully to bring their hips together, making Hyeongjun gasp at the feeling of him filling out in his pants again through their clothes.

"You trust me, yeah?" Jooyeon pulled back enough to ask, relaxing a little further when Hyeongjun said that of course he did. "Okay. Okay, good. Then, um, take this off?"

Hyeongjun couldn't help giggling at how nervous Jooyeon was, so different from the way he'd acted the first time, but it also made him wonder what it was that he needed to explicitly say he trusted him for. He didn't get the chance to ask with Jooyeon diving back down after quickly removing their shirts, nipping at the side of Hyeongjun's sensitive neck and running his fingertips down his ribs to his waist, moaning softly when Hyeongjun instinctively tangled his fingers in his hair.

It was such a pretty sound that Hyeongjun had to hear more—tugging the long strands harder to get what he wanted. Jooyeon's whimper made Hyeongjun's hips kick up, dick dragging against his underwear without any needed pressure from him being too far away, needing whatever Jooyeon was planning to do more desperately than he was used to.

Jooyeon understood without needing to say anything, hooking his fingers beneath Hyeongjun's waistband to take off the rest of his clothes without teasing. He paused after throwing his own somewhere to the floor, not seeming to care at all that Hyeongjun's eyes were roaming his body as he got up to grab his pillow from the top bunk, dropping it beside them with a grin that put Hyeongjun on edge. What could they need a pillow for if he already had one under his head?

As if he knew what Hyeongjun was about to ask, Jooyeon shut him up by slotting their lips together, muffling the moan from loosely wrapping his hand around Hyeongjun's dick. Hyeongjun dug his nails into Jooyeon's shoulders, already shivering under his touch, sinking his teeth into his own bottom lip when Jooyeon moved to kiss along his jaw.

Jooyeon's hair had gotten long enough to get in his face and uncomfortably tickled Hyeongjun's skin as he made his way down, the band Hyeongjun had started wearing around his wrist helpful to tie it up, not caring that it was messy if it meant they were both more comfortable. Hyeongjun just couldn't have guessed how useful it would be to keep it out of the way.

It wasn't like he'd never gotten a blowjob before, but Hyeongjun hadn't liked it at all, so even it had probably been bad mostly just from inexperience, he braced himself for it to feel weird after figuring out that was what Jooyeon was aiming for. He was half right.

Warm palms kept his thighs spread when Jooyeon licked up the length of his cock, gauging Hyeongjun's reactions as he took the head in his mouth to sink down. As much as his eyes wanted to scrunch closed, Hyeongjun forced himself to watch Jooyeon's lips stretch around him, the bedcovers twisted in his fists without knowing what to do with his hands. It was weird to feel the spit gathering in Jooyeon's mouth—to be fully surrounded by wet heat when Jooyeon made it to the coarse hair at the base shockingly easily—but Hyeongjun couldn't say it was bad.

Even with their bodies being more apart, it brought back that feeling of connection—intimacy in technically being inside Jooyeon—and with the way his eyes were slightly crinkled in the corners as he slowly bobbed his head, Hyeongjun was sure Jooyeon was thinking something along a similar line. That made it all the more confusing for him to pull off again.

"Up," he tapped Hyeongjun's side after dragging him further down to be flat on the mattress, sliding both of their pillows underneath when he raised his hips, suddenly looking much more nervous. "Okay. Now hold under your knees."

"What?" Hyeongjun's eyes widened, already feeling too exposed from being tipped back by the pillows and still having no idea where Jooyeon was going with it. "That would almost bend me in half!"

"Yeah, exactly," Jooyeon ran his hands up the underside of Hyeongjun's legs to gently start pushing them up, giving Hyeongjun an out if he really didn't want to. "You said you trust me."

He was right. Hyeongjun did trust him. What he didn't trust was Jooyeon swallowing hard when he gave in, realisation setting in after getting into the position he wanted, Hyeongjun's heart racing as he watched Jooyeon lower himself to his stomach. No way.

"Wait, I—"

The first slow lick over his hole made Hyeongjun's head fall to the mattress, fingers digging into his own flesh and feeling his ears burn hot with embarrassment. It was weird and wrong and should have just felt gross, so Hyeongjun couldn't understand why it felt good when Jooyeon did it again with more confidence, comfortable as if it was something he did all the time. Hyeongjun's breath stuttered with the thought that he probably did.

Jooyeon pointed his tongue to just barely dip inside, pulling away again when Hyeongjun whined and shifted his hips like he was trying to chase it, his knowing smile making Hyeongjun groan. He didn't have to say he wanted more—Jooyeon diving back in to quickly flick his tongue now that he was sure Hyeongjun liked it. It left Hyeongjun panting, his thighs trembling, only made worse when Jooyeon started properly pushing inside.

He hadn't been lying. It was still strange and wet and sounded nasty, but Jooyeon really was good at it. Almost too good.

It was the opposite of the blowjob, if Hyeongjun stopped to think about it. Jooyeon always had his tongue out anyway, so it wasn't like he didn't know how long and dexterous it would be used that way, but he couldn't have imagined how it would actually feel inside despite exclusively bottoming before being with Jiseok. It was close in a totally different way. Hyeongjun's lack of flexibility was the issue.

Support from the pillows didn't mean Hyeongjun could stay that way for long, the muscles in his thighs stretched more than he was used to, and Jooyeon thankfully noticed the struggle. Hyeongjun didn't expect him to move back on his knees, pretty even with spit smeared on his chin that he wiped away with the back of his hand, but he was happy to be let down to lay flat again. Not so much with the next words to come out of Jooyeon's mouth.

"I want you to sit on my face."

"Excuse me?" Hyeongjun asked through a shocked laugh as he sat up. "I thought that was just a porn thing?"

"No, it's not just a porn thing," Jooyeon rolled his eyes, but his smile was too fond to really be annoyed. "Jiseokie likes it, if that helps at all."

Hyeongjun was beginning to wonder if there was anything Jiseok didn't like. It was probably better not to ask, especially with Jooyeon already shuffling forward to lay down with an expectant look, clearly assuming Hyeongjun would just do it without any other questions. He didn't have any, but it still would've been nice to ask.

Even if being guided to swing a leg over Jooyeon's head was more embarrassing than how they'd been before, all thoughts left his mind when Jooyeon grabbed his hips to pull him down. Hyeongjun was hunched down to not hit his head on the top bunk, forcing his knees to slide further apart to be over Jooyeon's mouth the way he wanted, and even if it wasn't just a porn thing, it would definitely look like it.

That mental image made Hyeongjun realise how much he'd been neglecting Jooyeon without meaning to. Trying to not keep all his focus on the tongue lapping over his hole, Hyeongjun properly took in how much Jooyeon's dick was twitching, his hips rolling up against nothing, making him wonder if he'd been grinding against the mattress without him noticing. He had to touch.

Jooyeon whimpered when he leaned further forward to wrap his fingers around his cock, keeping Hyeongjun down with arms around his waist, properly pushing his tongue inside when Hyeongjun swept his thumb over the precome leaking from the tip. It was distracting, but also made Hyeongjun curious. He'd never been interested in having a dick in his mouth. If they'd already gotten that far, maybe he should try.

Using what he knew and what Jooyeon had done, Hyeongjun ran his tongue up the length to the head, tucking his hair behind his ears and taking in a deep breath before opening his mouth.

The taste, his jaw having to be almost painfully wide to avoid using teeth and figuring out how to suck properly without choking was all very, very weird. Worth it to have Jooyeon's head dropping with a breathy little sigh, clearly trying to hold himself back from bucking up into Hyeongjun's throat, so he guessed he was doing something right. The problem was that he wanted to see. If Jooyeon wasn't going to keep going there wasn't any point in staying there.

It was more comfortable to wriggle free from Jooyeon's arms to crawl between his legs, even with his pitiful puppy-ish whine making him feel slightly bad. Hyeongjun had been fine with being held, and Jooyeon really was making him feel good, but being able to watch was the best part. He was much more interested in making Jooyeon feel good, and the chances that Jooyeon would take anything he was given were fairly high, anyway.

Jooyeon suddenly reaching out to gather his hair up out of the way when he took him back in his mouth made Hyeongjun flinch, turning his eyes up to where he was breathing heavily with his lips between his teeth as if he was trying to not make any noise. That wouldn't do. He'd sounded so lovely before that Hyeongjun needed to hear it again.

"Why are you being quiet?" he asked after pulling off, eyebrows raising when Jooyeon flushed red. "What's wrong?"

"I, um," Jooyeon stuttered, refusing to look directly at Hyeongjun. "I don't want to, like, scare you away being too loud, or something. If I don't hold back, everyone could hear and you'll get embarrassed and—"

Hyeongjun cut off his rambling by biting his inner thigh. Where Jooyeon had gotten that from, he had no idea. Even after thinking about it for just a second, Hyeongjun decided he didn't care. It hadn't been brought up, but the others had probably heard when he was with Jiseok, so why would he have a problem with it now? It was totally unnecessary for Jooyeon to think. There had to be more to it than that.

"Don't lie to me, Jooyeon-ah. Why are you really doing it?"

"Fine," Jooyeon sighed at Hyeongjun's smirk for guessing correctly. "If someone hears, they might try to come in. Don't wanna share. Mine today."

Genuinely taken aback, Hyeongjun sat up on his knees, thumbing over the teeth indents he'd left as Jooyeon groaned in embarrassment behind his hands. Was everyone going to be so possessive?

Playing into it went against everything Hyeongjun usually stood for, but he had to make the decision. He didn't want to stop.

"Hey," Hyeongjun grabbed Jooyeon's boney wrists to pull his hands away from his burning face. "Then they should hear, shouldn't they? How else will they know I'm yours today?"

"That's… true," Jooyeon answered after a moment, voice so small and uncertain that it made Hyeongjun's chest ache. "Could we do something else, though?"

Hyeongjun wasn't sure what Jooyeon had in mind, but he nodded without thinking much of it, letting Jooyeon guide him down so they were facing each other on one pillow, similar to the night before. The difference was being pulled in close, too lost in the dizzyingly gentle kiss to put together why his leg was being lifted over Jooyeon's waist until he felt his dick drag against his own.

He couldn't hold back his moan if he tried, especially with Jooyeon's hand travelling further around to his ass, the fingertip brushing over his hole making Hyeongjun's hips kick forward. Even without it actually being pushed inside, it was impossible to focus on kissing Jooyeon back, but Hyeongjun didn't mind breaking it if it meant hearing him properly.

The band had fallen out of Jooyeon's hair, making it easy for Hyeongjun to tangle his fingers in it, rewarded with a pretty sound when he tugged near his scalp. Of course Jooyeon had a beautiful singing voice, but Hyeongjun thought it had nothing on the moans tumbling from his lips, growing in volume with every desperate movement. That was what he'd wanted.

"Don't stop. Please," Hyeongjun gasped when Jooyeon moved his hand to rake his nails down his spine. "Fuck, close. So close, Jooyeon, please."

Pressing their sweaty foreheads together, Jooyeon grinded against him faster, panting harshly as they both hurtled towards the edge. Hyeongjun hadn't thought he could come that way, and it probably had more to do with Jooyeon using him to get off than what he was physically feeling, but he followed almost immediately after Jooyeon spilled onto his stomach.

It was borderline too intense—trembling as Jooyeon carefully moved his leg back down and gathered him in his arms to hold tight, neither of them caring about the mess on his skin when they needed the closeness. Hyeongjun didn't know why he'd been stripped so bare, left so vulnerable, but it was clear Jooyeon felt the same way. Maybe it was just a him thing. Jooyeon's heart had always been too big. That didn't stop him from being himself, though.

"Question," Jooyeon prodded Hyeongjun's ribs to get his attention after they properly caught their breaths. "I know it was, like, in the moment or whatever, but… you're still all mine for today, right?"

"Sure," Hyeongjun decided it would be easiest to indulge him, corners of his mouth lifting when Jooyeon wiggled happily. "Within reason. Don't make it weird. We still have work to do."

"Oh, no. I'm taking this as permission to bite Jiseokie if he comes within a metre of you," he grinned, rolling on top of Hyeongjun to keep him pinned. "And I get unlimited kisses and you can't shove me away from hugs and—"

Smut warnings: masturbation, clothed sex kinda, coming in pants, frottage, biting/marking, mentioned anal sex

Extra warnings: pseudo-incest and underage sex. they're brought up with their families basically enforcing that they're real brothers so feelings get weird and uncomfortable even though they aren't actually related. originally written as ages 15/16 but i remembered middle school is a thing so jiseok and jungsu are 16/17. it isn't explicitly stated though so can be left up for interpretation if you want to ignore how the school system works <3

They weren't brothers. Not by blood, at least. The difficult part was the blurred lines, the question of what really made someone family, and it was especially hard when everyone around them seemed to be trying to drive in that they always had been. 

Jiseok and Jungsu had grown up as neighbours their entire lives. With their parents already being tight knit and only seven months between them, of course they were going to be close. Their childhoods were spent climbing fences to jump into each other's backyards, tumbling around together on the grass until their clothes were stained green and bruises littered their skin, giggling into their hands at the scolding they received from their mothers almost daily. They shared beds and clothing, secrets and laughter, glances that only they could interpret. Brothers by everything but lineage. 

That was the problem. The older they got, the more Jiseok thought about it. Realistically, no matter how intertwined their lives were, they were just best friends. He knew that. The issue was that over time, their other friends stopped being quite so clingy with each other, simply because that was what they were supposed to do. It was an unwritten rule of life. But it was different with family, right? 

Maybe it would be weird for friends to regularly cuddle up together in bed, or leave kisses on each other's cheeks, or to wrestle on the carpet until they were red and panting with their foreheads pressed together, but it was different for brothers, wasn't it? Sure, it would usually be if there was a more significant gap in age, but both of them being in their mid teens didn't really make a difference. The raised eyebrows from people outside of their families—those who didn't know why they were allowed to act that way—didn't mean anything. It was fine.

The part that made it difficult for Jiseok to keep up the facade, the reason he started to rethink their dynamic, was linked to their ages, though. 

——————————

Jiseok was perfectly aware of the changes that happen to teenagers, both in body and mind, and no matter how hard he tried to shove it all away, it was impossible to ignore. They were growing up and there was nothing he could do about it. 

Jungsu had always been cute. He had crooked bottom teeth and an infectious giggle and the softest voice Jiseok had ever heard. All rolled together, he was adorable. Even when his growth spurt hit at fifteen—shoulders becoming broader and limbs stretching until he was a full 10cm taller than Jiseok in the span of that year—that didn't change. Jiseok went through it all too, of course, but it wasn't quite so drastic. Not in that sense. For Jiseok, the hormonal changes were the most obvious, at least to himself. It wasn't something he could control, but he still felt awful about it. He couldn't stop thinking about Jungsu. 

It was a shift he didn't notice at first. Jungsu had always been on his mind, so that was nothing new, but the way he started thinking about him definitely was. It snuck up on him out of nowhere one night, a smack in the face as he stared at Jungsu fast asleep at his side, and it was so horrifying that Jiseok couldn't breathe. Seeing him as not just cute, but attractive, made nausea swirl in his gut. It was wrong. That was his brother.

Except… he wasn't. Not really. 

That made it all the more confusing. Jiseok had spent so long trying, and succeeding, to justify their behaviour as familial that it was a sickening revelation. He didn't know what to do. 

“Hey? Are you alright?”

Jiseok jolted at the sound of Jungsu's sleep-rasped voice, not noticing that his eyes had opened sometime during his spiral, and he couldn't help wanting to smooth away the worried wrinkles etched into his forehead. It tugged at his heart, but he held himself back from reaching out, and even if he didn't know why, Jungsu definitely noticed. 

“I'm fine,” Jiseok managed to whisper around the lump in his throat. “Go back to sleep. It's late.”

Jungsu pouted, seeming to want to say more, but he just turned onto his other side with a mumble that made Jiseok's chest ache.

He couldn't say he loved him back.

——————————

“Is it weird?” Jiseok blurted out, the three people turning his way with matching confused expressions making him blush. “How close I am to Jungsu-hyung?”

“Yes,” Jooyeon deadpanned, yelping when Hyeongjun kicked him under the library table. “What? He asked!”

“I mean,” Seungmin tipped his head to the side in thought, ignoring the two arguing at their sides. “Yes and no. It would be weirder if you didn't consider each other brothers, I guess. Why?”

Jiseok stared down at his textbook, not sure how to answer. Seungmin's response basically confirmed his worries. Jooyeon's even more so. He couldn't tell them the real reason if that was how they saw it. Hyeongjun hadn't directly answered, but Jiseok was fairly certain he felt the same way. It was weird. Wrong. The shift in his thinking recently would stir it up even further. It was easier to shrug it off than try to give some kind of excuse, even with Seungmin's eyes boring into him. 

With awful timing, Jiseok felt warmth against his back as familiar arms wound around his shoulders, Jungsu resting his chin on top of his head with a pretty, blinding grin. He didn't seem to notice Jiseok's body stiffening, and the others greeted him as they always did—indulging his excited chatter with fond smiles as if they'd already forgotten the awkward conversation. Even if he was a year older, everyone adored Jungsu. It would be impossible not to, in Jiseok's unfortunately biased opinion. 

——————————

“Oh, right,” Jungsu leaned further down to speak directly into Jiseok's ear. “Are you still coming over later?”

“Uh, yeah,” Jiseok held back a shiver at the way Jungsu's breath tickled his skin. “I'll be there.”

“Great! Wait for me after school so we can walk together, okay?”

He didn't wait for an answer, kissing Jiseok's cheek before bounding away to his next class with a cheery wave to the others. Jiseok couldn't look up from the table, afraid of what he would find if he did. Being a coward was easier. 

——————————

There was an actual occasion to be hanging out this time, at least. Jungsu's side was holding a barbecue to welcome the new neighbours moving in across the street—a small family with the eldest son a few years older than Jungsu. They seemed nice enough, and the food would always be good, so Jiseok finally felt like he could relax. Maybe it was too easy.

Jungsu had taken up a love of cooking, so his parents gladly handed over grilling duties to focus on everything else that needed tending to, and Jiseok stuck close to his side as usual. He was awful when it came to anything kitchen related, so he was typically made to be the taste tester, but it was never anything to complain about. Jiseok was more than happy to open his mouth for whatever Jungsu had to offer. 

He choked on a piece of meat at how poorly worded his own thoughts were, waving Jungsu off when he looked his way in concern, but it was something else that suddenly made him feel uneasy. They'd said a brief hello to Gunil before starting, and he came across as quiet and reserved, so Jiseok was surprised to find him openly staring at them from the other side of the yard. Gunil shook himself out of it when Jiseok caught his eye, but a strange sense of dread crawled up Jiseok's spine when he started making his way over. 

“Hi,” Gunil smiled politely when he stopped far away enough from the grill to not bear the heat. “Do you need help with anything?”

“I think we're fine,” Jungsu grinned back after flipping the food over. “Thank you, though.”

“No problem. You're cute together, by the way.”

Whatever he said next was drowned out by the ringing in Jiseok's ears. He caught Jungsu stuttering his way through some kind of response, Gunil's voice sounding frantic when he said something back, but all of the words were lost on Jiseok. His veins flowed with ice, heart hammering against his ribcage, dizziness threatening to send him to the ground and be swallowed whole.

Questioning glances were normal. Noses turned up in disgust were easy to ignore. Nobody had ever directly called them out.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

Jiseok's feet carried him away from Jungsu desperately calling his name, jumping the fence before his mother could ask what he was doing, somehow leading him to stumble up the stairs to his bedroom with blurry vision. The tears burned as they spilled down his cheeks, knees aching when he fell to the floor after slamming the door, but it was nothing compared to the pain ripping through his chest. Curling onto his side on the uncomfortable vinyl, all Jiseok could feel was his phone digging into his leg through his pocket. He needed to talk to someone.

Usually it would be Jungsu, but that wasn't really an option. Jooyeon would be even less helpful than putting his head through a wall and Seungmin could be too snarky about it depending on the mood he was in. That left Hyeongjun. He could go either way, but Jiseok knew it was his only choice.

Pulling the phone free from beneath his body, Jiseok opened his app to find their last conversation outside of the groupchat, his hands trembling as he typed without knowing if it made any sense through clouded vision. He locked the screen as soon as he pressed send, the thud when it fell from his fingers to the hard floor barely registering, unable to look when it lit up with the notification of an immediate reply. At least Hyeongjun always checked his messages.

He wasn't sure how long he laid there. Hyeongjun didn't live far away, but it could've been five minutes or an hour, for all Jiseok knew. A tapping sound finally startled him out of it, lifting his head to find Hyeongjun standing on the small balcony on the other side of the glass, panting with flushed cheeks as if he'd made the decision to run all the way there and climb up the rickety ladder instead of coming inside like any other normal person. Confused, Jiseok hauled himself up to unlatch the glass door and let him in.

"Thought you'd appreciate a Troy and Gabriella moment," Hyeongjun grinned, softening a little when Jiseok only smiled weakly back. "The only thing spelled properly in your message was 'hyung', so I figured it wasn't good. Must be worse than I thought if that didn't make you laugh. What happened?"

Dropping backwards onto his mattress in favour of the hard floor, Jiseok took a deep breath before launching into the short story, gripping Hyeongjun's hand tightly when he reached out. Hyeongjun sat quietly through it, chewing thoughtfully on his bottom lip after Jiseok finished his spiel, finally looking him in the eyes when he appeared to work out what he wanted to say. Jiseok braced himself for it, but it didn't make the words any nicer to hear.

"You're not gonna like it, but you can't really blame the guy for thinking you're together with the way you act around each other," he grimaced, gently patting Jiseok's hair when his head landed in his lap with a groan. "In saying that, you could've just corrected him. Why did you panic?"

That was a good question. Jiseok frowned, fiddling with a loose thread on Hyeongjun's weird, brightly coloured trousers as he thought it over. He had a point. Jiseok could've just corrected him like it sounded Jungsu was trying to do. Really, he knew why he couldn't, why he ran instead of facing the problem, and as much as he didn't want to, Hyeongjun was probably the best person to spill his guts to.

"Something changed," Jiseok mumbled, just loud enough for Hyeongjun to hear. "I think… I think I like Jungsu-hyung."

"More than friends?" Hyeongjun twisted Jiseok's hair in his fingers, smiling down at him softly when he nodded. "So what?"

"What do you mean, 'so what'?" Jiseok sat up, looking at Hyeongjun like he'd lost his mind. "It's wrong. We're brothers."

"No, you're not. Not really," Hyeongjun blinked back passively. "I get where you're coming from, and it's probably a lot for you to get your head around, but you're not actually brothers. It's not incest, Jiseok-ah."

There it was. The big, bad, terrible word Jiseok had been avoiding. How could Hyeongjun say it so casually? Of course it was easier for him to see it in black and white; they weren't related by blood, after all. He would never understand the way it felt—how it was eating Jiseok away from the inside out—because from Hyeongjun's perspective, it was a closed case of a friend with a crush. No matter how empathetic he was, Hyeongjun just didn't get it. Nobody would. Jiseok had no idea what he was supposed to do.

"Alright, look," Hyeongjun sighed when Jiseok dug the heels of his palms into his eye sockets out of frustration. "Obviously I can't feel what you're going through. The best thing to do in any kind of situation is to communicate, though. You can't just leave hyung in the dark. You already left him alone at the grill."

Jiseok rolled his eyes at Hyeongjun's stupid grin. Joking or not, he did have a point. God only knew what he'd had to say to Gunil—not to mention their families—after Jiseok ran. It wasn't fair to have left that way. Still, knowing that didn't mean he wanted to confront it.

"How, though?" Jiseok picked at the skin around his nails nervously. "It's not like I can just say sorry and move on."

"I don't know," Hyeongjun shrugged unhelpfully. "I can tell him you're alive, if you want, but as much as I love you both, I'm not getting tangled in the rest of it. That's yours to sort out."

It might have sounded rude from anyone else, but Jiseok knew it was just Hyeongjun's way of showing he cared without being any more directly involved than he already was. He appreciated that Hyeongjun was willing to at least let Jungsu know he was okay. That was already more than he really needed to do.

Feeling slightly lighter, Jiseok walked Hyeongjun down the stairs so he wouldn't, for whatever reason, try to leave from the balcony again, letting him get back to whatever it was that he'd been doing before Jiseok's message. Probably guitar practise, but Jiseok had learnt to not ask too many questions about what Hyeonjun got up to in his spare time. Strange guy.

He really didn't want to, but Jiseok knew he had to check his notifications. His phone was still on silent, left where he'd dropped it on his bedroom floor after trudging his way back up, and as stupid as it was, Jiseok felt like it would burst into flames if he tried to touch it. Staring down at it forever wasn't really an option, though.

Taking in a deep breath made his chest ache more than settle, but Jiseok forced himself to crouch and tap on the screen, the glaring blue light making his nerves pick up all over again. He'd expected the missed calls and texts from his mother, followed by Hyeongjun letting him know that he'd spoken to her too, but it was Jungsu's that made his stomach twist. A string of unnecessary apologies, each one more desperate than the last, ending only a few minutes earlier with a single word that shattered Jiseok's fragile heart.

'Please.'

The phone slipped from Jiseok’s fingers. He couldn't speak to Jungsu that night.

——————————

Jiseok wanted to take Hyeongjun's advice—he really, really did—but it just wasn't as easy as he'd made it sound. Maybe it wasn't the best idea, but avoidance was the only palatable option. The anxiety was making him genuinely unwell, so taking days off from school wasn't too questionable, but Jiseok knew it couldn't last forever.

The 'incident', as Seungmin referred to it after presumably being told by Hyeongjun, had happened on the Friday night. Jiseok's mother would only allow him to stay home until Tuesday, forcing him out of his cocoon of despair despite his grumbled protests, and there really wasn't anything Jiseok could do about it. For one, he couldn't afford to fall behind. Outside of that, Jooyeon's boredom texts were getting weirder, and there really was a limit to the memes Jiseok could deal with. Trading a slow death for a potentially very quick one.

Not living far from the school made taking a bus pointless, which would usually be fine, but walking meant that Jiseok couldn't keep a natural distance if Jungsu happened to see him on the way. It was ridiculous to be so concerned over the possibility of the person closest to him following along the same path. He couldn't even remember the last time they hadn't done it together. The thought shouldn't have sent such a deep crack through his sternum.

The heaviness in his gut didn't leave after making it to the school grounds, Jiseok's jaw tightening with the main entrance looming ahead, but it wasn't like he could back out. He couldn't guarantee that Jungsu would be around. All Jiseok had to do was make it to class. It could be fine.

Maybe he really did have the worst luck in the world.

Jungsu's eyes had never been so sunken and lifeless, the skin beneath them purplish as if he hadn't slept in days, and all things considered, there was a chance he hadn't. His steps were ghostly—wobbling in a way that was entirely unlike Jungsu's usual sturdy and self-assured gait—and Jiseok was sure they would be soundless if he was any closer. Jungsu didn't see him with his gaze trained on the hallway floor, but Jiseok still felt torn apart as he watched him enter the opposite classroom.

He was never supposed to look like that. The two of them were supposed to be a duo full of sunshine. They were supposed to be a duo.

They were supposed to be together.

Someone crashing into the back of his shoulder snapped Jiseok out of it. He waved off the half-hearted apology they gave for not looking where they were going. Standing frozen in the middle of a busy space was his own fault, anyway. Jiseok had to get to class and at least pretend to be okay.

If Seungmin, Hyeongjun and Jooyeon noticed how his hands trembled as he sat down and silently unzipped his bag or that he couldn't look them in the eyes, they didn't say anything. Jiseok wasn't sure if he was grateful or resented them for it.

——————————

Not running into Jungsu for the rest of the school day didn't mean his presence wasn't haunting. Jumping at every unknown shadow was stupid—Jiseok knew that—but he couldn't help it. The idea of seeing him again in the half-dead state Jiseok himself had caused was too much. Maybe Jungsu felt the same considering they usually met at least a couple of times. Was Jungsu avoiding him, too?

Being unnecessarily paranoid eating his lunch with three pairs of eyes glancing at him warily was one thing. Classes being let out in the afternoon was a far greater problem. Just as in the morning, there was nowhere to hide on the way home if Jiseok did happen to spot Jungsu. He hadn't taken the possibility of not making it that far into account.

Thick fingers wrapped around Jiseok's wrist as soon as he stepped out, taking him so off guard that he yelped embarrassingly loudly, but he was dragged around to the side of the building before he could see if anyone reacted to it. It took a second for recognition to properly set in with it happening so quickly, Jiseok's heart hammering even harder when Jungsu shoved him against the bricks with his free hand, the other tightening like a vice so he couldn't try to leave. Jiseok wasn't being given a choice in facing what he'd done.

"Talk to me," Jungsu used his height to loom above, bitten-down nails digging into Jiseok's shoulder, but his voice wavered too much to be intimidating. "Why won't you talk to me?"

Jiseok's mouth opened soundlessly, too many words flying through his mind for any to stick well enough to speak, the desperation in Jungsu's eyes like a car crash he couldn't look away from. He was too close.

They were too close.

"I can't."

Nothing more would leave Jiseok's tongue, Jungsu's expression crumpling blurred by his own tears, but they didn't spill over until Jungsu broke contact. It was only then that he understood how Jungsu must have felt on the day he ran—listening to his shoes slapping on the path as he slid down the rough wall, cradling his head in his hands until the distance was too great for the sound to travel back his way. He'd meant to apologise. Making it worse shouldn't have been possible. Somehow, Jiseok had only turned the ashes into dust.

Can a burnt bridge be rebuilt? Maybe. Can one fully incinerated and blown away by the wind be brought back together at all? Jiseok had no idea.

He couldn't tell if he'd even get another chance to try. It definitely wasn't something he deserved.

——————————

'Unpredictable' wasn't a word Jiseok had ever associated with Jungsu. He was the total opposite—dependable, locked into habits and too introverted to step out of his comfort zone. Jiseok had assumed Jungsu would lay low for a while because that's just how he was. Predictable.

The sound of tapping on glass that night scared Jiseok far more than it had with Hyeongjun. With the curtains drawn at 11pm, just as he was about to get into bed, the smart thing to do would be not going towards it. Whether it was curiosity or just being in a daze, Jiseok wasn't sure, but he couldn't help peeking around at the silhouette on the other side. The person was standing with their hand flat on the door, hunched with their head hung low, and even in the darkness, it was a figure he would recognise anywhere.

Without stopping to think, Jiseok ripped the curtain aside. The action startled Jungsu away, cradling his hand to his chest like it hurt, his eyes almost as large as Jiseok's reflected back. Fumbling with the lock took longer than it should have, Jungsu looking more terrified by the second, and Jiseok only recognised the emptiness in his lungs after sliding the barrier away. He had no idea what he was supposed to say with them face-to-face again so soon.

"You answered," Jungsu whispered before Jiseok could try. "A sane person would've called the police or something."

"Lucky you knocked on the crazy guy's door, then," Jiseok cringed at himself, but the poor attempt at a joke made Jungsu relax slightly. "Why are you out here?"

Jiseok backed away when Jungsu stepped forward without responding to the question, instinctively keeping space between them despite the way Jungsu's face fell in disappointment, but he wasn't going to shut him outside. Sitting cross-legged on the bed seemed like the best option to talk if it was going to go anything like it had with Hyeongjun.

"Please talk to me. I need answers, Jiseok," Jungsu didn't follow, awkwardly staring at the floor after taking off his shoes and closing the door. "I miss you."

"I miss you too," Jiseok replied automatically, feeling his cheeks turn warm when Jungsu looked up in surprise. "I'm sorry."

Jungsu hesitated when Jiseok patted the bedcovers, taking a deep breath before crawling up to sit opposite a little further away than the spot he'd touched. He looked sickly pale even bathed in the warm lamp light.

"Did it scare you?" Jungsu broke the stretch of silence when Jiseok didn't continue, his jaw tensing when Jiseok nodded. "Why?"

"I can't—"

"Yes, you can," Jungsu cut him off, an angry despair in his tone that Jiseok had never heard before. "Why did it scare you? Why did you run? Answer me!"

"Because it's wrong!"

Stunned by the outburst, Jungsu stared open-mouthed as Jiseok dug his nails into his thighs in an attempt to calm down, the sting being an awful reminder that he'd worn shorts. He felt too bare. As if being emotionally rubbed raw wasn't bad enough.

"Hey," Jungsu pried Jiseok's fingers from his flesh, holding tighter when he tried to flinch away. "It was just a misunderstanding. Why are you freaking out?"

"Why aren't you freaking out?" Jiseok lost his patience, not at all understanding how Jungsu wasn't bothered by it in the same way. "We're brothers."

Jungsu fell back like he'd been burned, realisation visibly flowing over his features like he'd been dunked in ice water. Where Jiseok was sure he was supposed to feel relieved, all he felt was confused. How had it taken Jiseok saying it directly for Jungsu to catch up?

"I didn't really think about it," Jungsu eventually laughed bitterly as looked up at the ceiling. "I thought it was just because it was me."

"It is because it's you," Jiseok said slowly, even more lost than before. "I don't understand what you mean."

He caught Jungsu's wrist as he got off the bed before he could move too far away to reach, but Jungsu easily wrenched himself free, leaving Jiseok to scramble off the mattress and follow him back towards the door. He'd just slipped his shoes on when Jiseok gripped his upper-arm to spin him around, his jaw dropping at the way Jungsu's eyes were shiny with unshed tears. Jungsu took in a shaky breath before he could try to ask what he was missing.

"My shirt is too big on you. You still wear it. Why?"

Jiseok looked down at himself, eyebrows pinching together when he recognised that it was one of Jungsu's old shirts. It had been in his wardrobe for so long—'borrowed' months earlier from one of their sleepovers—that Jiseok hadn't thought about it at all. Jungsu was right about it being far too big on his frame, too. So much so that his shorts barely peeked out from under the hem. It was comfortable, he supposed, but it clearly wasn't the right answer when he said so.

"You have ones that fit. You have your own clothes," Jungsu's hands tightened into fists at his sides, his tone strangely accusatory. "So why are you wearing mine?"

"I don't know!" Jiseok exclaimed, barely holding himself back from stomping his foot like a child having a tantrum. "I don't know what you want me to say! I—"

Chapped lips meeting his own left Jiseok frozen. It was only for a second, so brief that Jiseok thought he might have imagined it if it wasn't for Jungsu's fingers painfully digging into his shoulders, the shock he felt mirrored on Jungsu's face.

He couldn't speak. He couldn't stop Jungsu from leaving. He dropped as soon as the door slid closed.

Bile rose in Jiseok's throat, screwing his eyes closed as the room spun, tipping forward onto his palms as he struggled to breathe. Jungsu kissed him.

It was wrong. They were brothers.

But not really.

Wrong. Brothers.

Not by blood.

Jungsu kissed him.

The scream ripped from Jiseok’s chest before he could swallow it down. He didn't care about the vinyl bruising his knees. Being held tightly against his father's chest and his mother's frightened pleading to calm down barely registered. Jiseok couldn't them what happened. He couldn't tell anyone.

The bridge hadn't even left a shadow.

——————————

Passing out from exhaustion was more accurate than saying he'd fallen asleep. Sleep was supposed to be peaceful. Waking up under the covers with a dry mouth and scratchy throat could be considered anything but well rested. He'd never been so grateful for a glass of water left on the bedside table, but sitting to take a sip brought about another issue.

Jungsu's tshirt hung loosely from his torso, the time-softened material scraping with every movement and pooling over his thighs from the shorts riding up. Nausea swirled in Jiseok's stomach at the memory of Jungsu brushing over the same skin to hold his hands the night before. Jiseok put the cup back on the table before his trembling fingers could let it slip and smash on the floor.

As if it couldn't get any worse, Jiseok recognised a different feeling as he laid back down, reluctantly lifting the covers to scowl down at himself. He was perfectly aware of it being a normal thing, and it was nowhere near the first time, but waking up sticky would've been better than having a tent beneath the thing making him itch.

It would go away if he ignored it. Jiseok knew that. All he needed to do was leave it alone, think about something horrible to speed up the process, and then pretend it hadn't happened. With the digital clock reading 10am, Jiseok's parents clearly weren't making him go to school, so maybe he could even get some proper sleep. Easy.

His hips kicked up on their own when he dropped the covers, slapping one hand over his mouth to stifle a gasp as his dick dragged against his underwear. Jungsu had momentarily been forgotten, but his image flooded Jiseok's mind when he did it again with more purpose, the shirt draping his body impossible to ignore.

Jiseok shouldn't be doing this. It was wrong to think about Jungsu, especially wearing his clothes, but he couldn't help it. He'd seen what Jungsu looked like with his head thrown back, sweaty and panting after they'd been wrestling. Jiseok had been pinned by him so many times that he knew exactly how much strength he had in his larger body and it was easy to picture what Jungsu looked like from below. So, so easy.

Still, Jiseok couldn't bear to touch himself directly. That was too far.

The shorts were beginning to get uncomfortably tight, so Jiseok took just enough time to wriggle out of them before turning onto his front, burying his face in the pillow to muffle his moans as he rutted against the mattress. His parents should have been at work by then, but he wasn't going to take any chances. What he was doing was bad enough without being caught.

It wasn't like he was trying to take his time with it or anything, but Jiseok was brought to the edge so quickly that he couldn't help finding it embarrassing. All because of Jungsu. Jiseok shouldn't be doing this, but—

Jungsu kissed him.

Jiseok started grinding down faster, a patch of drool spreading across the pillow as he sunk his teeth into it. Close. So close. Just a little more.

Did Jungsu want more?

"Fuck."

Choking on something like a sob, he clawed at the sheet as he dirtied his underwear, trembling through it until he went limp. Dizzy, Jiseok tried to catch his breath, but the nausea caught him first.

He barely made it to lift the toilet lid before he retched. Jungsu's shirt was thrown to the back of his wardrobe in the hopes of being forgotten. Jiseok didn't know how to scrub himself clean.

——————————

Telling his parents that he didn't need a doctor meant that Jiseok was made to go back to school the next day. He couldn't really argue when he'd only been there one day that week, but Jiseok’s anxiety was at an all time high. The idea of seeing Jungsu after what he'd done was horrifying. Somehow, his friends were even worse than he'd braced himself for.

"Six days since the incident and you still haven't made up," Seungmin pouted, putting his elbow on the library table to hold his head up on his hand. "Unbelievable."

"You both look like shit, too."

Judging by his hiss of pain, Jiseok assumed Hyeongjun kicked Jooyeon in the same place as Friday. He kind of hoped the bruise would be permanent.

"Have you talked to Jungsu-hyung at all?" Hyeongjun asked after turning away from Jooyeon's glare, droopy eyes widening when Jiseok nodded hesitantly. "Oh. So something else happened, then."

Not framing it as a question made Jiseok sigh. Maybe Hyeongjun did know him too well. Maybe he was just being too obvious. It didn't matter. Jiseok couldn't talk about it. He could pretend it wasn't real.

A chill ran down Jiseok's spine, his shudder so violent that it made the other three frown, and the hair on his arms stood on end as if his body felt something before his brain could recognise it. Jiseok twisted in his chair at the sound of something clattering to the ground, coughing when he sucked in a breath too hard, locking eyes with Jungsu as he got up from the floor with the dropped pencil case.

For once, Jooyeon was right. He really did look awful.

Jungsu ran before Jiseok could even think to get a word in. He could have chased after him, and the others clearly expected him to by the way they stared when he turned back around, but Jiseok didn't see any point. What would he do? Cause a scene in the hall? It wouldn't be as easy to fix as they seemed to think.

He looked down at his textbook to avoid their disappointment, but it was all just squiggles on a page to a skull filled with cotton wool. It wasn't fair. No matter how smart he was, Jiseok really couldn't afford to fall any further behind, and it wasn't even his fault that he couldn't concentrate. It was all Jungsu's for messing with his head. Resentment was easier to deal with than regret.

Missing the concerned glances the others shared was probably for the best.

——————————

Devoting himself to studying worked surprisingly well. One of the most productive distractions Jiseok could've picked after the brain-fog lifted, even if it wasn't entirely by choice. Not thinking about Jungsu was a conscious decision, though. There was no sense in dwelling on it if Jungsu was just going to be avoidant.

With that in mind, Jiseok found that time flew past. Spending less of it with his friends was a side-effect he hadn't considered, and he could tell they were getting more frustrated by the day, but Jiseok couldn't bring himself to care. Was the chance of burnout creeping closer? Sure. But it wasn't his fault that he needed a distraction in the first place.

His eye twitching meant nothing.

It was fine.

The lack of sleep no matter how exhaused he was meant nothing.

He was fine.

An empty cavity in his chest, hollowing itself wider and deeper and heavier, meant nothing.

Jiseok was fine.

Until Seungmin appearing on the balcony—tapping on the glass with Jooyeon and Hyeongjun standing just behind—severed the frayed rope holding his pieces together. Collapse.

Being held tightly to Seungmin's chest on the floor as he sobbed, Jooyeon holding his hand and Hyeongjun trying to soothe with words he couldn't understand, was too close to that night.

"I'm sorry," Jiseok managed to get out between harsh breaths. "I'm so sorry."

"We know," Seungmin whispered into his hair as he rocked them gently, pretending to not notice how tearstained his shirt had become. "But no more ignoring us. We're going to figure this out, okay?"

"We miss you. Just a little bit," Jooyeon grinned when Hyeongjun rolled his eyes, but fell back into something more uncharacteristically serious a second later. "He does, too."

Jiseok hummed, already feeling a headache coming on from crying so hard, and that had been without Jungsu actually being mentioned. Of course he knew that Jungsu would miss him. It went both ways. Telling himself that he was also at fault was the nasty part. Shoving everything down to not feel so awful might not have been the best idea, after all.

"Do you think you can tell us what happened that night?" Seungmin pulled back to look at Jiseok properly. "We can't help if we don't know."

"I… Jungsu, um," Jiseok croaked, struggling to get the words out. "Hyung was asking me questions I didn't understand. I still don't, honestly."

"Questions?" Jooyeon frowned when he nodded. "What questions?"

"Why I freaked out and ran away. Thought that would've been obvious," Jiseok huffed a short, humourless laugh. "But then he asked why I was wearing his shirt if it was too big."

Not getting an answer, Jiseok looked around at the semicircle of bewilderment and defeat. Apparently they'd become telepathic in his absence. Not at all helpful for Jiseok's frustration growing again.

"You were… wearing his shirt when he came over? Why?"

"Because it was in my closet?" Jiseok sighed when Seungmin raised an eyebrow, scooting to a different place on the floor with his arms feeling too suffocating. "It's basically mine."

"Basically yours is one way of putting it."

Not very subtle, but it still took a second for Jiseok to understand what Hyeongjun meant. The nausea came back full force, horror overtaking confusion, struggling to fill his lungs as the ghost of Jungsu's lips passed his own. He couldn't keep pretending it hadn't happened.

"He kissed me," Jiseok mumbled, staring at the floor to avoid the mix of shock and pity he was sure they had to be wearing. "Before he left. Jungsu-hyung… kissed me."

"Wow. This whole time we've been joking about locking you in a room until you kiss. Beat us to it and you still fucked it up."

It was Seungmin who lost his temper over Jooyeon opening his mouth that time. Jiseok looked up when he caught the flurry of movement, just seeing Seungmin tackle Jooyeon before his view was obscured by Hyeongjun squatting in front of him. Pity wasn't the right word for his expression. Something more like concern with a pinch of curiosity.

"Jungsu-hyung shouldn't have done that and I'm sure he feels bad. I don't think that's the problem though, is it?" he gently fixed the parts of Jiseok's hair sticking up from Seungmin's petting. "I know what you told me but you need to remember what I said, too. You can let yourself want more. I promise it's okay. Dragging this on and leaving him to rot isn't."

Hyeongjun being so straightforward, if not a little dramatic, made the full situation hit harder. Jiseok was leaving him to rot. For the better part of a month, if he was calculating correctly. None of it was Jungsu's fault. Not really. It was all Jiseok's for messing with his head. Regret replaced resentment.

"Tomorrow," Jiseok tried to match his pleased smile, but he knew it was a little too watery. "I'll talk to him tomorrow."

Jooyeon and Seungmin sat up to pay attention. An excited grin stretched Jooyeon's lips, shoving Seungmin off where he was still hovering over his thighs to shake Jiseok by the shoulders, the effort to fully lift the gloom appreciated even if it almost rattled him apart. It felt silly to link his pinky finger with Seungmin's, but Jiseok knew it was a promise he had to keep for everyone's sake.

He could do this.

——————————

Jiseok slept soundly after the others left, finally able to rest without the shadows of doubt clogging his arteries for what felt like the first time in forever, and he was determined to follow through on his words. Jungsu's Friday schedule was as committed to Jiseok's memory as his own. He should have been easy to find.

There was just one thing Jiseok hadn't considered.

Jungsu wasn't at school.

That wasn't right. He was supposed to be there. Even at his lowest points, mentally or physically, Jungsu never skipped a class. Even with them avoiding each other, Jiseok had still been aware of his presence. He'd rather be dead than fall behind. Not a pleasant thought, but it was the one that stuck. Maybe the others had heard from him.

"Why would he message us if you're the problem?"

Jooyeon twisted his body to the side before Hyeongjun's foot could make contact and leave a fresh bruise. Smart.

"No, we haven't," Seungmin sighed, using his hand like a shield to not have to deal with the other two squabbling again. "Hyung isn't here?"

Jiseok shook his head, confidence falling further and a bitter taste on his tongue. He'd been so prepared for some kind of confrontation that he was left deflated as a popped balloon. It wasn't fair for Jungsu to go so far off script.

A sudden downpour pelted the nearby window and the library lights flickered. Jiseok understood the feeling.

——————————

Avoiding puddles on the footpath had always been more fun with Jungsu by his side. It was a gamble for who would be pushed into one first, a game of pretending to not think about it until someone was forced into having soaked shoes, inevitably leaving them both giggling when the other did it back. Jiseok walked around them easily.

He had half a mind to be grateful that the rain had eased in the afternoon—moisture clinging to his hair without making it clump into dripping strings—but it didn't do much for his mood with the deep grey still hanging overhead. Being damp wasn't enough of a repercussion for what he'd done.

The phone in his pocket grew heavier with each step closer to home. Jiseok was fully aware that he could just message Jungsu. Any sane person would. The thing was, he was too cowardly to look at the last message—that single word haunting him ever since it was sent. He couldn't take on that burden, too. Pathetic.

"Jiseok!"

Head snapping up towards the sound of the vaguely familiar voice, Jiseok blinked in surprise when he realised he'd already made it to the front of their new neighbour's house. Or, newish, he supposed. Jiseok hadn't seen any of them since he'd fled the barbecue. It took a moment to remember Gunil's name before he jogged over from locking his car in the driveway.

"Hey," Jiseok plastered on a smile he hoped appeared genuine. "What's up?"

"I've been wanting to apologise for what happened but haven't had the chance. Glad I finally saw you," Gunil laughed awkwardly as he looked everywhere but Jiseok’s direction. "I'm so sorry. You both seemed so close I assumed you were together. Jungsu explained that you're just friends and—"

Gunil's voice fell into the background as Jiseok lost focus. Dizziness threatened to send him to his knees. What?

"He said we're just friends?" Jiseok cut off Gunil's rambling apology mid-sentence. "That's all? Nothing else?"

"Yes?" Gunil frowned, confused and thrown off balance. "Why?"

"I… I need to go. Sorry," Jiseok backed away before Gunil could say anything else. "Oh, and apology accepted. You might have just helped with something, actually."

Jiseok didn't give Gunil time to respond, sprinting across the road to his house without a proper goodbye, but he didn't really care about coming off as rude. Leaving his neighbour stunned wasn't the biggest thing to be dealing with.

Fumbling with his keys to let himself inside, Jiseok almost tripped over his own feet after leaving his wet shoes by the door, racing upstairs to his bedroom to get changed as quickly as he could. It was only when he dropped his bag and opened his closet that he hesitated. The top from that night had been hidden, but Jiseok hadn't stopped to think that so many of his other clothes weren't actually his own.

Half of the shirts were too big.

Jiseok exhaled shakily. It didn't matter. He'd made up his mind. He could do this. He had to do this.

Plucking one he knew was Jungsu's—old and worn with too many washes—from its hanger, Jiseok swallowed the saliva growing thick in his mouth contradicting the way his throat clicked dryly. Not letting himself think about the wrongness of it all, Jiseok changed out of his damp clothes to pull it over his head, grabbing a jumper to put on top so it would stop itching. It wasn't so bad if he couldn't see.

With everything in order, Jiseok went downstairs for his shoes, pulling his hood over his head in preparation to hop the fence into Jungsu's yard. He knew there wasn't any point in going around the front with his parents at work. They'd always left the back door unlocked for Jiseok, and thankfully, they hadn't changed their minds in his absence. Still, it had never felt like he was sneaking in uninvited before. Weird.

The thought that it might have been a good idea to give some notice for coming over didn't cross his mind until a plate slipped from Jungsu's fingers to smash on the floor. Jiseok hadn't expected to find Jungsu next to the sink in the kitchen, just as Jungsu obviously didn't expect him at all. They stood frozen, barely breathing in the silence, and Jiseok realised he hadn't planned this far. He hadn't prepared for how awful Jungsu would look.

Pale. Exhausted. Worn as thin as the fabric hidden beneath Jiseok's hoodie.

Did he do that?

"Why are you here?"

Jungsu's wavering voice made Jiseok blink. He wasn't supposed to sound like that. Soft and sweet. Not empty. Jiseok did that.

"You weren't at school," Jiseok mumbled the first thing that came to mind as he crept closer, the building tears burning when Jungsu didn't react. "I looked for you. You weren't there."

"No. You weren't there," Jungsu stepped over the shards, rage bubbling as Jiseok's back hit the island bench. "I know I ran, but you left. It's been so long. Why are you here, Jiseok?"

That was a good question. Did Jiseok really think it would be as easy as saying he was sorry and everything would be normal again? The whole thing was stupid, but Jungsu looking away when his tears spilled over hurt the most. He'd always wiped them from his cheeks using the fabric of his sleeves with such gentle care that being ignored was painfully jarring.

Fabric. That was it.

"You asked me something that night. I didn't understand," Jiseok sniffled, using Jungsu leaving to get the dustpan as an opportunity to take off his hoodie, placing it on the bench and untucking the top from his pants when he bent to sweep up the broken pieces of the plate. "You asked why I was wearing your shirt. I think I get it now."

"What?" Jungsu froze after turning back around from the bin, eyeing the material swimming on Jiseok's body. "What are you talking about?"

"I wear them because they're comfortable. They're big and soft and I've had them forever. They're… basically mine," Jiseok trembled when Jungsu caged him in against the bench between his arms. "Always have been. Right?"

"Right," Jungsu whispered, searching for sincerity. "But I thought you were still caught up on the brothers thing."

Eyelids fluttering closed so he could breathe with them being so close, Jiseok twisted his fingers in Jungsu's tshirt, not wanting him to be able to leave when he nodded. He opened them again when Jungsu tried, not at all liking the way his face was twisted in betrayal.

"I'm sorry. I thought you were, too," he explained, gulping when Jungu's eyebrows pinched together. "That isn't what you told Gunil-hyung, though. You said we were friends."

Cheeks flushing red, Jungsu blinked rapidly in surprise—a habit Jiseok had always found endearing without thinking much of it. It was a shame to be so clouded.

"I'm still hurt, you know," Jungsu leaned in further despite his words. "What do you want from me, Jiseok-ah?"

"Just want you back. I miss you."

Sighing heavily, Jungsu held Jiseok's wrists to pull his hands free before stepping away entirely. No.

"I need time to think," his gaze turned to the ceiling to avoid Jiseok's expression falling. "Please."

Mortified, Jiseok gripped his hoodie with a jerky nod, refusing to let Jungsu see him cry a second time. He didn't trust himself to say goodbye without his voice cracking. Jungsu didn't try to make him stay.

The rain had picked up again while Jiseok was inside, but he didn't bother putting his jumper back on before walking into it. He hoped it would wash away some of the bitterness. Mingling with his tears as he jumped the fence was good enough.

——————————

Curled on his side on the bed was better than the floor, but not by much. Jiseok's head on the pillow didn't make his chest ache less.

He was grateful that he'd at least taken the time to dry off before settling on the covers. Jiseok was certain his seams would pop if he moved again, and if he was going to unravel, he might as well not be damp for it. The idea of getting sick was far more distant. He barely felt the chill.

Stupid. All he felt was stupid.

What did he expect to happen? Have his apology be accepted, share a hug and laugh over how silly they'd been? Jungsu was hurt and it was Jiseok's fault. He had no idea what he could do without messing everything up even more. Giving Jungsu the time he'd asked for was really his only option.

Water spattering on the glass was something to cover the silence—giving Jiseok the fleeting thought to unlatch the sliding door and let it inside. Maybe flooding his room would be a decent distraction from the ice piercing his skin and splintering his bones.

Was this how Jungsu felt the whole time?

Jiseok didn't want to know. It had been so much easier to shove everything down, make it light and easier to chew on. Being draped over his body held too much weight. How could a blanket be so cold?

The prickling feeling on his arms made Jiseok fully realise he hadn't chosen a top with long sleeves. Already dumb for autumn, but it was noticing he'd unconsciously worn another one of Jungsu's that made him groan. Jiseok was beginning to wonder if anything in there was really his own. 'Basically mine' wasn't quite right, after all.

Joints snapping when he turned onto his back to look at the ceiling, Jiseok traced the imperfections as his lungs filled for what felt like the first time in hours. Would it be better if the roof collapsed? The rain would be let in either way, he supposed. Staring wouldn't make new cracks appear anywhere but his already fragile ribs, but that didn't mean much when the cage was already broken.

Inhale, fracture, exhale, repeat.

What would fall in first: building or bone? It didn't matter. He wouldn't get Jungsu back either way.

Scrubbing at his stinging eyes with a sigh, Jiseok forced himself to sit up, grimacing as each vertebrae popped. He had no idea how long he'd been laying there moping, but the sound of a door slamming against the wind and barely audible voices let Jiseok know his parents were home. That explained the darkness creeping further up the walls.

He'd just have to put the mask back on and die with a smile, no matter how fake.

——————————

Trying to seem at least somewhat normal around his family had already been difficult, but with Jungsu firmly embedded at the forefront of his mind, it was nearly impossible. Jiseok's parents had been avoiding asking questions, and thankfully, that night over an awkward dinner was no different. He had no idea how to deal with the disgust he was sure would follow his answers. There wasn't any way to put it nicely.

The rain had completely stopped by the time Jiseok trudged back upstairs, but whether that was a good or bad thing was debatable. It left too much space for silence. Flipping the switch to fill the room with light made no difference.

Jiseok had always hated the time it took between turning it on and closing the curtains—eerie to see outside bathed in shadows with the possibility of finding something that shouldn't be there. It didn't matter if he was on the second floor. Considering how much use his friends had been getting out of the ladder recently, anything was possible.

A figure hunched over on the balcony had Jiseok's heart leap into his throat. Recognising who it was when they spun around didn't thaw his limbs stuck in place. Not a monster.

He couldn't leave Jungsu out in the cold.

As if walking through mud, Jiseok made his way slowly towards the glass, an awful sense of déjà vu settling heavy in his stomach with Jungsu's wide eyes staring back. From up close, they were tinged with red.

"What are you doing?" Jiseok asked after sliding the door across enough to speak through. "It's freezing out here."

"You didn't answer your phone," Jungsu shrugged, not as nonchalant as he probably thought it was. "Figured I'd wait."

It was true that Jiseok hadn't touched his phone since he got back, but it was still stupid, and despite everything, Jungsu grinned when he told him so. Jiseok hated that he didn't hate it.

Opening the door the rest of the way with a sigh, Jiseok let Jungsu in, closing it and the curtains behind him as he took off his shoes. Jiseok wasn't the one who was supposed to be mad, but it was hard not to be when he'd been mentally preparing himself for the worst, and here Jungsu was in his bedroom just hours later. That wasn't fair.

"I, uh, didn't really plan to come over tonight," Jungsu cringed at himself when Jiseok bristled, catching his wrist before he could put further distance between them. "But I was talking to Seungmin."

"Oh?" Jiseok thought back to their conversations with a raised eyebrow. "I'm sure that went well."

"Yeah. He called me an idiot for letting you leave."

The words clicked over in Jiseok's brain as Jungsu's grip loosened to hold his fist instead, his heart thumping harder when Jungsu clasped it in both hands to bring up to his chest. His palm being flattened to feel Jungsu's heartbeat just made Jiseok want to flinch away. The whole thing was so stupidly cheesy he couldn't help laughing, sounding manic in his own ears.

"He was right to call you an idiot," Jiseok hung his head, giving up on trying to pull away. "Should've called me one, too."

"Probably, yeah," Jungsu smirked when Jiseok looked back up with a scowl, but it dropped again as he thought something over. "Should I ask this time?"

It took a second for Jiseok to understand, only made obvious by Jungsu's gaze flickering down to his lips. He had options. He was still upset. The wrongness still lingered. They couldn't go back if he gave in.

Inhale, fracture, exhale, repeat.

Fuck it.

Jiseok used his free hand to drag Jungsu down by the back of his neck, gasping when he met lips as chapped and bitten as his own, wrapping both arms over Jungsu's shoulders after he let go to hold his hips. It was difficult to not let the little voice in his mind echo louder—weird and wrong and disgusting and brothers—but melting like putty in Jungsu's palms helped drown it out.

Of course it was different from the first time. He wasn't frozen with fear or seconds from a spiral; he was trying to keep up with Jungsu kissing him harder and being pulled in close. Jiseok wasn't just giving in—he wanted, chasing Jungsu's lips when he moved away enough to speak with a pitiful whine.

"Always forget how small you are, Jiseokie," Jungsu murmured as he squeezed Jiseok's waist. "This is mine too, right?"

Whether he meant the shirt or Jiseok himself didn't matter. Jiseok had never heard Jungsu's voice so low, his eyes heavy-lidded and lips swollen, and all he could do was nod in a daze before the gap was closed again. It was too good.

He should've known it would happen, but panic zipped down Jiseok's spine when he was brought further forward, squeaking in shock at Jungsu's dick pressing against his own. Hard. They were both hard, the memory of the awful thing he'd done flashing through Jiseok's mind making him freeze up, accidentally giving Jungsu the wrong idea.

"Shit, I'm sorry," Jungsu flinched away, scrunching his eyes closed when Jiseok whimpered. "We shouldn't go that far."

"No, wait. I need to tell you something," Jiseok swallowed around the lump in his throat, dropping his forehead onto Jungsu's shoulder and willing his body to cooperate by staying away. "The morning after you left. I… made myself come… wearing your shirt. Couldn't stop myself. I'm so sorry."

"You were thinking about me?"

Jiseok let his head be lifted by a finger under his chin, surprised for a moment to find Jungsu looking so passive, but he knew him too well. There was something simmering. He had to be sure.

"Yes."

Jungsu pulled Jiseok flush against his body, the desperation Jiseok had seen beneath the surface spilling to fill his lungs, the replaced oxygen too disorienting to properly kiss him back. Jiseok couldn't move away with Jungsu's palm resting on the small of his back and the other in his hair, only able to scrabble at his shoulders as he brought their hips together, but he didn't want to.

No nausea. No sirens wailing. Just want.

As much as Jiseok would have been happy to stay that way, he wasn't at all reluctant in being guided backwards to the bed, pulling Jungsu down after settling on the pillow. Seeing him knelt between his bent legs sent a flash of guilt through Jiseok's mind—amplified by being reflected in Jungsu's expression in spite of the way he'd seemed to be fully over it—but he refused to dwell on it. Letting his eyes linger on where they were both obviously hard in their pants was enough to shake Jungsu awake.

Crawling up Jiseok's body, he hesitated for a moment before dropping down on one forearm to kiss across his jaw, using his free hand to slip under Jiseok's shirt. It wasn't to remove it, just running his palm over Jiseok's heated skin, and it took a second for Jiseok to realise it was on purpose. Jungsu didn't want it off at all.

"Why are you so—" he was cut off by a gasp when Jungu's sharp teeth grazed the side of his neck. "Possessive?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Jungsu replied after licking where he'd nipped Jiseok's skin. "You're mine."

No room for questioning. His. Jiseok was his. Daring to think the same was too much. It was all too much.

Willing the tears to stay below his lashes, Jiseok wrenched Jungsu away from where he was colouring his throat a deep purple, not caring how messy the kiss was if it covered the sound of his heart pounding against bone. Wrapping his legs around Jungsu's waist drew him closer, finally getting the friction he needed as their hips met, moaning into his mouth even with it just being through their clothes. It still wasn't enough.

"Hyung, please," Jiseok ran his hands down Jungsu's front to grab the hem of his shirt hanging loose between them. "Off."

Jiseok didn't mind keeping his, but he needed to see—to touch and feel and experience Jungsu above without it just being in his imagination. He had to cover the acidic memory of what he'd done.

Not wasting time to ask why he'd sounded so desperate, Jungsu sat back on his heels to pull it over his head, only then seeming to realise it left him half-bare. His cheeks dusted with red was what made it feel more real for Jiseok. It didn't matter if they'd gotten undressed around each other countless times in the past. It was different, and this was the Jungsu he knew. They couldn't afford to make it weird now.

"These too?" Jiseok tapped Jungsu's calf with his foot when he silently blinked back. "Pants."

Eyebrows shooting up like he hadn't thought about it, Jungsu looked away with a short nod before hooking his thumbs under his waistband. Taking in a deep breath, Jiseok did the same, not bringing his eyes back towards Jungsu until they'd both been dropped to the floor. Jungsu was still partly turned to hide himself, and even if it felt awkward, Jiseok knew what he had to do.

Pulling the shirt down to cover himself, Jiseok cleared his throat to get Jungsu's attention, waiting for his head to turn before parting his knees. Jungsu's jaw dropped when Jiseok slowly dragged it up to reveal his dick resting hard against his stomach, and he was back between his thighs almost laughably fast. Looking down had the giggle sticking like tar.

"Woah," Jiseok mumbled, more to himself than Jungsu. "Would that even fit?"

"Hey!" Jungsu glared, his face flushing even darker. "We are not going that far. Well… not today, at least… I guess? I'm sorry."

It wasn't like Jiseok had expected them to anyway, and he'd never even seriously considered bottoming before, but Jungsu getting so flustered over it was horribly endearing. Rolling his eyes, Jiseok made grabby-hands at Jungsu until he was close enough to wrap his arms around his neck, more comfortable even if they'd been brought out of the moment.

Jungsu was warmer being skin-to-skin, making it easy to fall back into sharing breaths with roaming hands, leaving Jiseok slightly dizzy until Jungsu shifted his hips down. Breaking the kiss at the feeling of a sticky trail left on his skin, Jiseok gasped when Jungsu did it again—the visual of his larger dick dragging against his own even more mind-numbing than the sensation.

What would it be like to be filled?

With the way his next exhale was so shaky by his ear, Jiseok was fairly sure Jungsu had wondered the same. Like puzzle pieces? Two halves coming together to form one whole?

Jiseok groaned at his own poor mental wording.

Would Jungsu come in his—

"I know what you're thinking," Jungsu whispered. "Another time. Whatever you want."

Whimpering softly, Jiseok nodded, too much on his mind to notice Jungsu's hand creeping towards his cock. His hips kicked up when Jungsu wrapped his fingers around it, clawing at his shoulders as he swiped his thumb over the tip, overwhelmed from never being touched that way by another person before. Jiseok hadn't ever been so slow and cautious with himself, trembling with need as Jungsu let go for long enough to spit in his palm.

"Hyung," Jiseok stuttered when Jungsu took both of them in his hand together, biting his lips to hold back a sob. "I'm sorry. I won't last."

"Don't be sorry," Jungsu pulled away from sucking another bruise on the side of Jiseok’s neck to look over his face, devastatingly earnest. "That just means I'm making you feel good, right? Why would that be a bad thing?"

Instead of verbally answering, Jiseok scrunched his eyes closed as he desperately bucked into Jungsu's fist, trying his best to kiss back when Jungsu kept his hand still to do the same. The slide was too good, grip borderline too tight and wet, too far gone to not let his whiny moans slip out as he got close.

He was vaguely aware of his shirt being pushed up out of the way before Jungsu stopped moving, Jiseok crying out as he was suddenly tipped over the edge by Jungsu's hand. Jiseok shook through it, not meaning to clamp Jungsu's body between his thighs, but keeping him close made him moan so prettily that Jiseok didn't care about the impending overstimulation.

Watching Jungsu's come mix with his own on his stomach made Jiseok's breath catch, and he was sure that would've been enough to push him over if he hadn't already. He couldn't go again so soon, but the thought was definitely still there, sending final aftershocks through Jiseok's body until Jungsu let go.

Having Jungsu's sweaty forehead pressed against his own as their heartbeats slowed was almost too intimate. Jiseok didn't want to cry—he really, really didn't—but he couldn't help the tears welling when he caught Jungsu's eyes shining more than usual after he sat up.

"Are you… okay?" Jungsu asked hesitantly as he chewed on his bottom lip. "I got your neck pretty bad. And, um, everything else."

"Think so," Jiseok grimaced when he lightly poked the bruises. "But by 'everything else' you mean feelings, don't you?"

Jungsu screwed his nose up in a way that would usually be cute, but under the circumstances, it just ached. Jiseok silently took the tissues Jungsu got out from his drawer to wipe himself down, pretending to not notice his throat bobbing when the shirt fell after getting up to put the rest of his clothes back on. The possessiveness wasn't what they needed to be talking about.

"I missed you. So, so much," Jiseok sniffled, turning his eyes to the ceiling when Jungsu reached for his hand after getting redressed. "We're going about this a bit backwards though, aren't we? And I should be asking you that."

"Well, yeah. But pretty sure it got to you more than me," Jungsu blinked rapidly as he played with Jiseok's fingers to avoid him looking back down in confusion. "It really hurt, but with the… you know… I understand."

The meaning of gesturing between them wasn't lost on Jiseok. It didn't matter if it was better left forgotten; the 'brothers' box was still clearly labelled and signed by their parents. Even after what they'd done, the lettering hadn't been rubbed away for them, either. Jiseok didn't want to crumble. He couldn't go through it again.

Jiseok tucked his face into the side of Jungsu's neck when he was pulled into his lap—the old, familiar comfort helping to keep him from shattering beyond repair—but he knew it was just as much for Jungsu's benefit. The tremors in his hands on Jiseok's sides made that more than clear. He was still calmer, and Jiseok had a feeling he'd already been thinking it over for longer than he would let on.

"How about we don't give this a name for now?" Jungsu murmured, holding Jiseok tighter when he didn't respond. "We can figure it out eventually. For now, can't we just be like… this?"

He made it sound so easy.

It wasn't. It wouldn't be.

Jiseok couldn't care less with a world's worth of emotion trying to stuff itself into his tiny body. The best he could do was nod and go limp in Jungsu's arms, knitting himself back together with the soft laugher and warmth radiating from his chest. At least for now, they were okay.

——————————

"So you fucked, then?"

Jiseok blushed at Hyeongjun being so straightforward as he adjusted his scarf to properly cover the yellowing skin around his throat. He hadn't realised just how badly Jungsu had mauled him until the next morning, and the extra day before school still hadn't gotten the bruises to heal enough to go unnoticed. It wasn't fair. Especially with three pairs of eyes fixated on him around the library table.

"I mean… yeah, kinda," he didn't see the point in lying, even if it meant their interest spiked even further. "But not, like, all the way?"

"Ah, right. Have to go through all the prep, and whatever," Jooyeon shook his head with a chuckle as he looked back down as his textbook. "Must suck to be gay."

"Jooyeon-ah," Seungmin placed his hand on his shoulder after a beat of silence. "You're gay."

"Yeah, and? That doesn't mean I'm acting on it."

The fight breaking out was immediate. Jiseok rubbed his temples with a groan, realising too late that he would've been better off keeping his mouth shut, but it wasn't like he was thinking clearly. The arms winding around his shoulders didn't take him completely off guard, at least.

"What are they arguing about this time?" Jungsu asked in a low voice to not interrupt. "Anything I should put a bet on?"

"Not this time," Jiseok giggled as he leaned further back into him. "They're fighting about what counts as acting on being gay."

"Oh? And how did that come up?" Jungsu asked closer to Jiseok's ear, smirking when he shivered. "I'm sure we can figure it out if you come over after school."

Disappearing as quickly as he'd arrived, Jiseok was left cold and dry-mouthed from Jungsu leaving. One less voice in the hushed noise brought Jiseok's attention back, finding Seungmin's fox-like eyes trained on him with a grin designed to bear sharp teeth.

"Looks like Jiseokie is gonna get to have more first-hand experience la—ow!"

Even if it was nothing compared to the emotional ones Jiseok knew he and Jungsu would inevitably have to deal with, he hoped the bruise would stay for as long as Jooyeon's. Encouragement meant they could suffer the consequences, too. Jiseok would take whatever solace he could get.

Smut warnings: i think anal sex is the only warning? truly just porn with feelings and it's 1am while i'm putting this together forgive me

It wasn't that he'd outright forgotten, but opening his eyes to a bare chest instead of his pillow made Hyeongjun flinch, going stiff when he registered that he was being held tight against Jungsu's body like a stuffed animal. Not being able to untangle himself wasn't something Hyeongjun could say he appreciated in the morning.

The slight movement was enough to bring Jungsu out of his sleep, seeming to sense Hyeongjun's mild panic even half awake. Letting go to stretch helped Hyeongjun breathe, and he was pretty sure Jungsu had done it on purpose for him to pull away, but with his brain working slightly better, Hyeongjun found that he didn't really want to.

"Hey," Jungsu's voice was slightly gravelly from disuse, but still sweet as he brushed Hyeongjun's hair back over his shoulder. "Feeling okay?"

Hyeongjun nodded after a moment of thought. Okay was probably the best way of putting it, if he really needed to choose a word. A little sore and gross, though. Taking a shower was definitely first on the agenda.

"Want me to come with you?"

An immediate 'no' stuck to Hyeongjun's tongue. Tucking his hair behind his ear after sitting up, he studied Jungsu's expression for what kind of question it was—whether it would hurt if he declined—but there was only an open fondness. Shaking his head with a small smile, Hyeongjun searched for his clothes to leave for the bathroom.

"Meet us in the living room when you come out, then. We really do need to talk about… this."

Jungsu cringed at himself, and it wasn't like it was something Hyeongjun wanted to do, but he understood the urgency. It was awful timing with the comeback. Just another thing to deal with, he supposed. Hyeongjun could only hope the shower steam would help calm his growing nerves.

——————————

The discussion was nowhere near as embarrassing and awkward as Hyeongjun had anticipated. Being glued to Jungsu's side on the couch for newly-found comfort probably had something to do with it, but the casual air overall made it easier to talk through what would happen for them next. Maybe it was just because they were all exhausted from being dragged out of bed even earlier than usual. Hyeongjun still appreciated it.

Nothing needed to change on his side if he didn't want it to. As much as that should've been obvious, hearing it directly from Gunil's mouth was a huge weight off Hyeongjun's hunched shoulders. Just because he'd been okay the night before didn't mean he always would be. Not needing to get too deeply into it—having them just understand—was enough to relax further into the couch cushions. Just a little.

The only necessary difference was lifting the thin sheet of caution the others had draped over themselves for his comfortability. Out of the moment, thinking of them together was much more strange. Even Jooyeon sitting on the floor with his head resting on Seungmin's shoulder, their hair mixing into a tangle of rust and honey, didn't feel any different to how they usually were.

That thought clicked it all into place. It was weird to think of it as something more, but it wasn't really different. Not for them. They'd been toning it down slightly for his sake, sure, but their feelings had never been shoved down and locked away like Hyeongjun was beginning to truly realise he'd been doing. It was safe to feel. He was safe.

Getting too close to overwhelm, they wrapped it up to prepare for another long day. It really was terrible timing with everything else they needed to stress over, but there was nothing they could do except head to their bedrooms to get ready. Being shaken by the shoulders as soon as he stepped inside was the last thing Hyeongjun expected.

"So? How was it?" Jooyeon rolled his eyes when Hyeongjun frowned in confusion, letting go to flop onto the bottom bunk. "With Jungsu-hyung, silly. He was good to you, right?"

"Uh," Hyeongjun opened one of the cupboards awkwardly when Jooyeon propped his head up on his hand, clearly ready to gossip. "Yeah. I guess so."

"Good," he nodded, humming as Hyeongjun started flipping through his jackets for something to do. "Hyung was my first, you know."

Hyeongjun nearly slammed the door on his fingers. It wasn't like he'd had to consider it before, but out of everyone, he wouldn't have ever thought Jungsu was Jooyeon's first. If he had to guess any of the others, it would've been Jiseok.

"What? No," Jooyeon screwed his nose up when Hyeongjun said so. "I wanted it to be special. I can have Jiseokie any time."

It was decidedly easier to not read into that. Even if he still couldn't bring himself to turn around, Hyeongjun could hear Jooyeon standing to walk towards him, bracing himself for the thin arms winding around his middle. He was so used to Jooyeon's clinginess that it wouldn't normally be a problem. It was weird to feel so new.

"I know this is different," Jooyeon held tighter and hooked his chin over Hyeongjun's shoulder when he shivered. "Just nice to have you be a part of it. Wanted you to be for a long time."

Heart thumping wildly, Hyeongjun gathered the courage to twist in Jooyeon's arms to face him fully, searching for any hint of a joke from something so honest. All he found was a devastating earnestness—nothing hidden behind his wide eyes as they flickered down to Hyeongjun's lips.

Trying to not overthink it, Hyeongjun straightened to his full height and laced his fingers behind Jooyeon's neck, leaning in without quite making contact in case he was reading it wrong. Jooyeon outright laughed at the caution, surging forward to close the gap.

The idea of kissing Jooyeon was strange. In practice even more so. He was far more enthusiastic about it than Jungsu had been from the get go—not holding back from pushing Hyeongjun back against the cupboard and squeezing his narrow hips, acting as if he was planning to eat him whole. It was weird, messy and more than a little overwhelming, but in a way that Hyeongjun couldn't say was bad. There was just one problem.

"Lee Jooyeon!"

They jolted apart at the sound of Jiseok’s raised voice, their heads snapping towards the door to see him with crossed arms and narrowed eyes, unnecessarily angry from Hyeongjun's perspective. It seemed to make perfect sense to Jooyeon, though.

"Sorry," he grumbled, stepping away from Hyeongjun entirely with a sigh. "Couldn't help myself."

"Too bad. We don't have time," Jiseok clicked his tongue. "Shower. Go."

Hyeongjun had the feeling there was something more to it, but he didn't get the chance to ask with Jooyeon being shooed out, left half-hard and panting in the room alone. Not having any interest in sorting it out himself, Hyeongjun starfished on his bed until it went down again, taking a little longer than usual with his mind spinning and lips swollen. Great.

——————————

It was true that nothing really changed in the days following what happened with Jooyeon, but it wasn't like they had time with their schedule being eat, music show, fansign and maybe sleep. One thing did stick out for Hyeongjun, though.

Jiseok was acting funny.

Nothing unusual enough for anyone outside to pick up on. He'd always been funny with Hyeongjun, acting like he was in heaven if even just their fingers brushed, but with the supposed new openness in their relationship, it was glaringly obvious for Hyeongjun himself. It was all in the most Jiseok way possible, of course.

Staring from a distance. Standing too close. Small touches he'd either pretend didn't happen or seemingly combust over in a less theatrical way than before. It was weird.

Hyeongjun just didn't have time to question it away from the cameras for behind the scenes content. Couldn't bring any of it up in front of their staff. He resigned himself to ignoring it, even if it was making him, and then everyone else, antsy. It wasn't Hyeongjun's fault.

He didn't think so until Seungmin cornered him in his bedroom the night after their last performance on Show Champion, anyway.

——————————

"You need to do something about Jiseok," he loomed over Hyeongjun sitting on the bed, hands on his hips and jaw tense. "Seriously, either take care of it if you're up to it or let him down nicely if you're not. He's driving us insane."

"Take care of it?" Hyeongjun blinked up at Seungmin, rubbing his sweaty palms on his pants at the frustrated sigh he got back. "You mean, like—"

"Yes, Hyeongjunnie," Seungmin bent at the waist to tap his nose, smirking when Hyeongjun grimaced. "I mean fuck him before we kill him."

Just like that, Seungmin left him to tailspin. With perfect timing, Jungsu's words echoed in Hyeongjun's mind. Jiseokie talks about it a lot. I don't even know how many times he's whined about wanting to ride you.

Was that what Hyeongjun wanted? He didn't not want it, he decided after a moment of thought. That was enough to reach for his phone, sending a short message to Jiseok to come to his room with shaking hands, not trusting himself to stand. Just because he'd settled on it being okay didn't mean it wasn't nerve wracking.

Jiseok appeared in the open doorway in mere moments, which would have been laughable if Hyeongjun was in any other mindset, but his eagerness only made the muscles by the corner of his mouth twitch. Being approached like a spooked animal after closing the door didn't really help.

"Need something?" Jiseok sat cross-legged at the foot of the bed, staring at a spot on the covers when Hyeongjun mirrored the position at the other end. "Something I can help with?"

"I know why you've been acting weird with me," Hyeongjun didn't see the point in dragging it out, having to actually bite back a laugh at Jiseok’s head raising in shock. "Guess that's something you can help with."

"You… want to?" Jiseok asked, hiding his flushed cheeks behind his hands with a groan. "Jungsu told you, didn't he?"

"He did. Apparently everyone else wants to kill you for not having any subtlety, too, though," not bothering to hold back his grin, Hyeongjun shuffled to lean back against the wall with his legs outstretched. "It's okay. Come here."

Still cautious and bright-faced, Jiseok crawled forward, hesitating to hover above Hyeongjun's lap until he patted one of his thighs. With Jiseok so close, warmth seeping through his shirt from the palms on his shoulders, Hyeongjun's confidence faltered. He hadn't let himself think that far.

"You haven't topped before, have you?" Jiseok gingerly lowered himself down when Hyeongjun shook his head, tucking his hair behind his ear with a short hum. "That's alright. You know I want to do most of the work, anyway. Just tell me if you want to stop."

Hyeongjun only had time to give a breathy 'okay' before Jiseok pitched forward. There was more care behind the kiss than Jooyeon's had, but Jiseok seemed just as determined, wrapping his arms around and pressing himself close as if he wanted to meld their bodies together. Trying to keep up, Hyeongjun scrabbled at Jiseok’s back until his hands landed on his waist, relishing in the moan against his lips when he squeezed.

He didn't mean to push Jiseok down further, but the movement made him realise he was already getting hard, the thought of being inside Jiseok making Hyeongjun whine embarrassingly loudly. Seemingly knowing what he was thinking, Jiseok pulled back to watch Hyeongjun's expressions shift with a slow roll of his hips, using the way he'd been thown off balance to slip his hands beneath his shirt.

Shivering under careful fingertips, Hyeongjun leaned away from the wall for it to be pulled over his head, tugging on the hem of Jiseok’s before he could get too embarrassed about the staring. There wasn't a huge difference between their body types, but Jiseok's stomach was a little softer—quivering slightly when Hyeongjun skimmed his knuckles above his waistband.

Jiseok lifted himself enough for his pants to be pulled beneath his ass without having to get up, hanging his head with a sigh at Hyeongjun's quiet 'oh', clearly already knowing what he was going to say.

"Cute," Hyeongjun couldn't help reaching for his cock, marvelling at the way it almost fully disappeared in his fist. "Never thought I'd say that. You really are cute all over."

It wasn't that Jiseok was tiny, but he was small, pink and leaky in a way Hyeongjun was endeared by. Puffing his cheeks out in embarrassment, Jiseok wasted no time in shoving a hand in Hyeongjun's underwear, eyes widening at how they were almost completely opposite when he pulled his dick free. Hyeongjun hadn't thought about it before, but the differences in both size and colour were enough to make his breath hitch. Not being as awfully hypersensitive as the last time was a blessing.

"Do you want me to prep myself quickly?" Jiseok snapped him out of his daze, giggling at the lost head-tilt he got back. "Stretching, silly. Just guessing you haven't done that to anyone before. I can if you don't want to."

"I want to," Hyeongjun replied so quickly he surprised even himself, but it was true. "Please. If that's okay with you."

"Of course. You have magical fingers when you play. Have to be good for this too, right?"

That made Hyeongjun feel like it was a set-up, that Jiseok had definitely planned it out this way, but he didn't say anything when Jiseok stood to dig out the lube. Watching him let his pants drop to the floor after grabbing the bottle was what made it all feel real—so much pale skin on show that Hyeongjun wanted to commit to memory.

"Stop staring. It's embarrassing," Jiseok grumbled as he knelt on the bed to pass it over. "Take yours off and hurry up. If you don't touch me I think I'll die."

Hyeongjun didn't need to be told twice. It was easier to strip bare without Jiseok looking, but the bottle slipped from Hyeongjun's grasp when he lowered his chest to the mattress, face down and ass up like an offering. He wasn't sure what he'd expected, but it definitely wasn't to see Jiseok presenting himself like that.

Forcing himself to focus, Hyeongjun popped open the cap and poured some on his fingers, giving Jiseok a second of warning before pressing one to his hole. Knowing how cold and strange it was made Hyeongjun want to take it slow. Jiseok seemed to have other ideas.

The little gasp when he shoved himself back wasn't pained, taking the full finger easily, and as much as Hyeongjun wanted to, it was probably better to not ask why. Jiseok being more experienced wasn't something Hyeongjun wanted to psych himself out with. Curiosity could be dealt with later. Hyeongjun still didn't want to hurt him, though.

"Another one," Jiseok mumbled after less than a minute of cautious movement, whining when Hyeongjun voiced concern. "I'm fine. Please."

Not seeing any point in arguing, Hyeongjun pulled out to line up a second finger. Jiseok kept still this time, only wiggling his hips when they were all the way inside, non-verbally encouraging Hyeongjun to move. Slightly more comfortable, Hyeongjun used his limited knowledge to curl them how he liked it, poking around until Jiseok full-body shuddered. More sensitive than Hyeongjun thought.

"Stop it," Jiseok blindly smacked Hyeongjun's thigh when he did it again. "I wanted to ride you, remember? Won't be able to do anything if you keep this up."

"Fine," Hyeongjun rolled his eyes. "One more."

Jiseok nodded against the bedcovers, relaxing for the third finger to stretch him carefully, but not so slowly with Hyeongjun beginning to really feel how needy he was getting himself. For all that he could usually ignore it, Hyeongjun didn't want to. Jiseok could tell.

"Enough," he lifted himself when Hyeongjun squirmed in place, using how he was caught off guard to push him onto his back. "Want you."

"Oh, wait," Hyeongjun placed a hand on Jiseok's chest to keep distance when he crawled up his body. "Shouldn't we use a—"

"Did Jungsu use a condom?" Jiseok narrowed his eyes at Hyeongjun silently looking away. "That's what I thought. Gunil-hyung and Seungminnie don't like mess. Jooyeon doesn't really care. I want to feel you."

Stunned, Hyeongjun dropped his hand to let Jiseok close the gap, groaning when his fingers tangled in his hair to pull. The kiss was messy, biting and desperate, leaving Hyeongjun breathless until Jiseok sat upright. Just the light touch to line up his dick made Hyeongjun whimper, but he forced himself to watch Jiseok sinking down, only letting his head fall back against his pillow and close his eyes when he was fully inside.

"You feel good," he whispered, squeezing back when Jiseok tentatively linked their fingers. "So good."

"Yeah? I'm glad," Jiseok ran his thumbs over Hyeongjun's until he looked at him again, unexpectedly shy and awkward. "Won't lie, I was really upset seeing you with Jungsu. I wanted to have you like this first. So pretty, my Hyeongjunnie. You know I love you."

Hyeongjun had no idea how to respond. Not verbally, at least. Of course Jiseok had expected it, not minding that Hyeongjun didn't always have the right words when he could see how he felt, instead. His ears burning red hot, eyes shining and hands trembling in his own was enough. Tightening to make him gasp might have been a little mean, but Hyeongjun was in no position to complain.

Untangling their fingers for Jiseok to more comfortably lean further back, Hyeongjun took in a shaky breath as he lifted himself up halfway, keeping his eyes trained on where they were connected when Jiseok dropped down just as slowly. It had to make his muscles burn, and he probably wouldn't be able to keep it up for long, but Hyeongjun didn't know if he could last, either.

Not sure what to do without guidance, Hyeongjun dragged his fingertips up Jiseok's thighs, liking the way it made his movements falter and breath catch. He wanted to learn how to make Jiseok feel good, to make his sweet moans louder and skin flush darker, to melt and mould him like putty in his hands. Maybe it was too analytical, but the distraction was necessary to not lose himself in Jiseok bouncing faster.

It was his palm travelling up Jiseok's body that gave him what he wanted—squeezing his heaving chest making him throw his head back and stay down to roll his hips. Hyeongjun wrapped his other hand around his cock, fixated on the string of precome drooling from the tip as Jiseok bucked into his fist as if he was trying to both chase and escape it at the same time.

"Fuck. I was right about magical fingers," Jiseok managed between stuttered breaths as he looked back down at Hyeongjun. "Getting close. Are you?"

Being asked brought Hyeongjun back to himself, nodding quickly with the feeling building low in his stomach, trying not to panic at the sudden thought that Jiseok might want him to pull out without having time. As if he could read his mind, Jiseok shook his head wildly, grinding down harder until Hyeongjun couldn't hold it anymore.

Jiseok squeaked as Hyeongjun spilled inside, tipping forward and grabbing the hand around his dick when it loosened to push himself over the edge, his come hitting Hyeongjun's skin seconds later. It took a moment for Hyeongjun to register the soft lips against his own, his mind sluggish and body spent, but he did his best to return Jiseok's lazy kisses as their heart rates slowed.

"Fast learner. Pretty when you come, too," Jiseok giggled at his embarrassed whine, moving further down to nose at Hyeongjun's jaw. "Knew you would be. At least I got you second."

The possessiveness wasn't something Hyeongjun expected. Another thing that was probably better to not question, he supposed. Maybe Jiseok had been seriously holding back, or maybe he'd just never noticed the severity of his weirdness, but it didn't really matter. Hyeongjun was surprisingly content with laying together, half zoned out and tracing patterns over Jiseok's skin as he rambled, only refocusing when Jiseok's head popped up from his chest.

"I know you're not actually listening," he huffed, but there was a mischief glittering in his eyes. "I said I love you, idiot. Also, good luck with the others after they find out you're free game. Especially Jooyeonnie. Wants you so bad he looks even stupider than usual."

Blinking back wordlessly, Hyeongjun picked apart the implication that Jiseok had called dibs on him like the front seat of a car and the fact that even if they would absolutely be respectful about how he felt on a given day, the others would be even more insufferable than they already were. With how desperate Jooyeon had been from just a kiss, he could only imagine how bad it was going to get.

Things were really about to get interesting.