jennifer’s body sentence starters.
change pronouns as needed.
“ hell is a teenage girl. ”
“ i guess i’m not exactly perfect myself. ”
“ i’m kind of the shit. ”
“ they tell me everything will be okay if i just accept jesus christ into my heart. ”
“ i say the words, but nothing ever happens. nobody comes back. nobody gets off the cross. ”
“ i’m a kicker. ”
“ i recommend you shut the fuck up! ”
“ after the killings began, i started to feel … i don’t know. loose around the edges. ”
“ sandbox love never dies. ”
“ you and me are going out tonight. ”
“ i can kind of see, like, your womb, so … ”
“ ‘salty’ means ‘beautiful’. ”
“ we have stuff in common. that’s why we’re b.f.f.’s. ”
“ it smells like thai food in here. have you guys been fucking? ”
“ frankly, it’s not even a bar. It’s like a bingo hall with tabs. ”
“ you’re just jello because you’re not invited. ”
“ that place is disgusting. everyone in there has a mustache. ”
“ you’re totally jello. you’re lime green jello and you can’t even admit it to yourself. ”
“ clubs are for attractive people in populous urban areas. clubs have dj’s and champagne. all we have is a jukebox and a sticker toilet. ”
“ i can’t wait until i’m old enough to get wasted. ”
“ i’ll just play hello titty with the bartender. ”
“ i couldn’t even go to flags the next day. i had to stay home and sit on a bag of frozen peas. ”
“ you want to head somewhere safer? like my van? ”
“ oh, cheese and fries! ”
“ there’s somebody here. ”
“ what’s wrong with you? besides the obvious surface flaws. ”
“ i feel guilty just breathing. ”
“ i’m not saying that to be a dillhole. ”
“ i’m glad you didn’t die. ”
“ you and me would make a totally banging couple. ”
“ feel my heart. i think it’s broken. ”
“ i had another one of my night terrors. ”
“ well, it’s four o’ clock. so technically you had a day terror. ”
“ i dreamed some bad people were trying to nail you to a tree with hammers and big stakes and shit. ”
“ i feel so scrumptious! ”
“ goody for you. ”
“ move on dot org, [ NAME ]! ”
“ crass. it means greedy. exploitative. scummy. ”
“ i feel like boo-boo. my skin is breaking out and my hair is dull and lifeless. ”
“ i went to super target and picked up more condoms. ”
“ i mean, i thought boys like you were really into vermin, death and shit. ”
“ god, that’s so emo. ”
“ i need you frightened. i need you hopeless. ”
“ enough with the screaming. you’re such a cliche. ”
“ but we always share your bed when we have slumber parties. ”
“ i’m not going to bite you. ”
“ they’re basically like agents of satan with really awesome haircuts. ”
“ we’re in league with the beast now, and we have to make a really big impression on it. and to do that, we’re going to have to butcher you. and bleed you. ”
“ i don’t really remember what happened after that. i just know that i woke up and i found my way back to you. ”
“ you’re acting really fucked up. ”
“ i feel so empty. ”
“ god, do you have to undermine everything that i do? ”
“ you’re such a player-hater. ”
“ wow, nice insult, hannah montana! got any more harsh digs? ”
“ you were never a good friend. ”
“ i’m going to eat your soul and shit it out! ”
“ do you buy all your murder weapons at home depot? ”













