Cheeky's Thoughts

Adulting includes bills, job responsibilities, family responsibilities, gaining friends, loosing friends, family members passing (not that it doesn’t happen when you’re younger), relearning yourself; hell all of that for equals psychic discomfort or is it really?

Have you ever felt like no matter how much you attempt to evolve it’s never enough? Likkkkkkeee there’s always some missing piece ? Have you felt like you just can’t make friends…. Or if you do you learn the private love isn’t the same publicly? Have you ever felt like you couldn’t process through grief or for clarity even define it? Have you ever felt like you go over and beyond for everyone but yourself? Hahaha but the people you go over and beyond for, won’t lift a finger let alone a hand for you? Have you looked in the mirror lately and not know the person staring back? Was it a ghost or your past, present, or future? Have you ever felt like the bills weighed more than you and decided to come sit on your face bottom first so that you suffocate?

If you’ve answered yes to more than one question, well my friend, welcome to my world and what “adulting” has looked the past couple of years for me. Well I won’t waddle in defeat because what exactly does that solve?

Most of those things could’ve been managed and handled. A lot of times we set ourselves up to be mishandled, used, abused, and broke because we lack boundaries. We can point out the flaws in other individuals but neglect the personal ones that should be made. If the bills are sky high, what apart of those bills are extras instead of necessities? If grief is tearing us apart, why isn’t counseling an option? If horrible friendships keep occurring, why do we continue to go in with expectations? If you don’t recognize the person in the mirror, why is it we don’t take the time to get to know them?

Seeeeeee what I mean??? It’s all avoidable. Sure life happens but if it’s repetitive, I’m sad to say but it’s US not them. (OUCH heaux) Until we realize what the key and blueprint is to adulting for our specific lives, we’ll continue to be broken, miserable, misunderstood, rejected, and tired…. then again some of US are comfortable in our misery because being in the unknown hurts too bad…

Ever had a soul tie? How did It feel? How long did It take you to get rid of It? Did you feel as though you were going mentally insane? Did you ever figure out where, when, and how this soul tie developed? Well, let’s pause, do you believe in soul ties? When you read the word soul tie, who or what did you think of? Did you feel sick to your stomach or did you smile?

Soul ties can control your very existence. Soul ties are anything that has your mind, will,imagination, emotions and intellect. You can be soul tied to friendships, places, ideas, and even things. Soul ties can be a good thing and bad thing. Deeper things require deeper connections....BUT not being plugged into the right source you could have an entire mess of an life.

For some of us soul ties have ended in complete chaos but how do you move forward? How do you get rid of It? How do you stop yourself from backtracking. It’s so cliché but truly God can break SOUL TIES and if you ask me he’s just about the ONLY way... You find yourself drowning in depression, crying for no reason, missing him/her/it, and completely mentally and emotionally loosing it. In reality, you aren’t missing that person, your spirit just latched on to a contaminated connection. You have to get alone and get alone with God and God alone. You have to allow yourself to grieve the loss of someone who’s not physically dead. It’s a process but it’s worth It if you truly want the peace and joy. Delete all of those pictures. Delete the text threads. Delete the voicemails. Delete ALL connections on social media. BETTER YET BLOCK THAT PERSON, THING, and/or PLACE completely out of your life until you’re no longer dependent of their existence in your world. YOU have to be ok with It gone and allow God to fill that space/void. Prayer and true communion with God will start to mend the broken heart. You have to go thru extremes to break the tie but if you truly want It, you’ll do anything to get It. BUT then some of us love being in a funk and some of us just can’t live or think of living without our soul tie so we’d rather keep It and suffer, ISSUES of the Heart or nah...

Ever really sit back and wonder “what the hell is wrong with me... I’m a good person with a hell of a good heart... why do I constantly catch the short end of the stick”? Annnnnd by short end of the stick I mean, giving the best of you and only receiving 65% of the next person, failed relationships because of false hope and expectations, being in secretive relationships, settling with just being the “other” person because you know it just won’t work anyway... What emotions arise when this happens? Is It defeat or is It the willpower to continue on the journey of love?

At some point in life we’ve really questioned ourselves..... we’ve felt low and we’ve felt helpless. At the point of just feeling low of low, if you’re like me, you began to slowly push away from society.... everybody else seems happy right and you’re the only one that has a stomach of vomit ready each night.... so what’s the real issue??

.....if you can be perfectly honest with yourself, the issue is that WE WANT LOVE! Love that is patient. Love that is kind. Love that is persistent. Love that is consistent. Love that won’t break us down. Love that won’t brick us up. Love that won’t fence us in. Love that we don’t have to share. Love that we don’t have to hide because of who’s watching. A LOVE that will remain. A LOVE that can match ours....

Ever wonder how much of what weighs you down isn’t yours to carry? Ever feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders and no one else. Ever feel like you’re all used up? Ever feel so down and depressed and not understand or know the reason why? Are you always there for other people but rarely/barely find the opportunity to be there for yourself?

If you answered yes to ANY of those questions, you’re probably like a me a giver. Buuuuutttt let me just say being a giver doesn’t just mean buying someone nice things or taking them nice places... being a giver includes giving of your time, niceness, peace, joy, conversation, ALLL of which can lead to drainage. ALLLLLLL of which can lead to emptiness..... ALLLLLL of which can lead to depression.

There are some people who come along and realize that you just can’t say “no” so they attach themselves and begin to drain the life out of you and you not even notice it. Alllllll the details of their life is brought to you and what you didn’t realize was that you started to carry the weight of their world and are now wondering why it is you can’t fix anything in your world. Ever heard of the phrase, “the battle is not yours, it’s the Lord’s”? Often times we take on battles that aren’t ours to begin with and then we end up barren in our own lives. But the real question is; why is It when we know we’re empty that continue to allow whatever and whomever It is to stay a priority in our world? That sounds so stupid right? 🙄

We pray and pray and pray and pray and pray to God for strength and endurance but then we will say he’s not answering us. However and contrary to what you thought he actually did, he showed you exactly what you were dealing with but because It has become an attachment and we are now comfortable with it but yet complaining, we don’t want to let go. We can’t push ourselves to saying “NO.” We can’t cut that attachment off because It hurts to bad.

Today I quoted on Facebook, “The right person with the right intentions without any hidden motives led by God CAN and WILL LOVE the hell out of you and bring down every steel wall you thought you had up........🗣🗣 IF YOU LET THEM‼️”

How is It that we want love but run away from It? Why is It when someone with pure motives comes around we push them away? Why do we get rid of the very thing we need and have prayed so earnestly for? Has the past corrupted us so that we don’t realize when the real thing is in our face?

The truth is we’re scared. We’d rather be lonely and miserable than open up to experience real love. We build wall after wall after wall after wall after wall until we become unapproachable. Why is this though? After going through so many chaotic, negative, traumatizing, and almost fatal relationships, we give up. I mean really.... who wants to continue to get to know someone, fall in love, and then find out they’re full of shit? Who wants to continue to allow their heart to be broken? Who wants to continuously go thru the stage of being healed again?

Now the real tea is MOST of us were never healed from the 1st time we experienced heartbreak. We masked It and said we were ready to love knowing that we were no where near ready... MOST of us have not healed because we have not forgiven. In order to LOVE, you have to FORGIVE.... if not we find ourselves comparing and running at the first sight of “love”. Not only do we have to forgive that filthy, trashy, corrupted dirt bag of an ex but we also have to forgive ourselves.

Forgive yourself. Love yourself and It is then you will be open to someone else genuinely and truly loving you.. until you make It to that stage you will forever find yourself wanting something you’ll never get.... why is that? Wellllll because you’re not emotionally or mentally ready for It yourself...

“Love”.

A songwriter by the name of Kirk Franklin once said, “Love a word that comes and goes but few people really know what It means to really love somebody.” What does love mean to you? When you think of love what comes to mind? Who comes to mind? How do you react to the word love? Why do you react the way that you do?

For me love is a very hard word... I think it’s because I’ve used It, I’ve meant It, but I was hurt behind. I find myself sometimes running from the word because of what It means to me. Love’s definition to and for me is something that is seen as an enacted emotion. I feel that love is involuntary. Love is selflessness, trust, growth, mutual respect, companionship. Love to me comes like a force. It’s not something you can really stop. You can def aid in the feeling coming but once it’s there, there’s no turning back. For me “I love you” is not conditional.

Here’s a tougher question that sometimes we really don’t answer truthfully....what would you do for Love? What would you accept in the name of Love? How far would you go for Love? What would you risk in the name of Love? Who is truly worthy of your Love?

Oftentimes, we as humans mean very well when It comes to love but we make poor decisions surrounding It. We put and keep ourselves in chaotic situations in the name of Love and yet we’re dying. We remained stressed out in the name of Love. We allow our partners to cheat and stay in the name of Love. We continue to stay in abusive situations in the name of Love. We continue to feel inadequate in the name of Love. We’d rather stay in the closet as someone’s secret in the name of Love...... but because Love has no boundaries, we feel that It is ok. Is this really what Love is intended to be? I believe NOT‼️

In the Bible (for those of us that are Christians), 1 Corinthians 13 states, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,a it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

Have you found yourself in a place but not really wanting to be there? Not quite sure why you’re there? Everything irritates you? You can’t sleep at night? You cry all day? Your heart just seems not to heal? You’re ready to pack up and leave? The people you thought would be there for you aren’t there? Everyone around you is trying to convince you that it’s for the better but you don’t think so? Are you financially in a better place? BUT are you mentally, emotionally, and spiritually dead? What caused all of this?

Are you in a place where you think you’re suppose to hear from God but you can’t hear him at all? Is he not speaking? Does he not hear your silent tears? Does he not hear your screams? Does he not care? If he’s God, why won’t he change things so that you can breathe? He said he wouldn’t put more on you than you can bear right? It’s unbearable right? God why are you ignoring us? He did say we have not because we ask not?? Well we’re asking God, why haven’t you come through? Why are you not moving? Why aren’t things happening for me? I'm constantly being prophesied to but these things aren't coming to pass? What's wrong with me? Why is it happening for everyone else but me?

Often times we think God isn’t listening, speaking, or even there but the truth is we’ve shut him out. We’ve caused ourselves to drown out his voice. He’s speaking but we’re so focused on our flesh and emotions that his voice has become irrelevant to us. We try to fill voids with things here and there and not realizing that the only thing that will make us complete and whole is God.

What is your passion? What drives you? What do you think of day in and day out? What calms you? What is the one thing that you would rather have than everything else in the world? What keeps you sane? What makes life worth living for you? What makes YOU happy? Where is that happy place for you?

By now, you should have at least something in mind or on your heart…. what extreme measures would you go through to make sure that you and your passion never depart from each other? Sleep on a couch? Sleep on the floor? Struggle? Sell aluminum cans? Babysit here and there? Go without food?

Do you allow others to keep you from doing what it is you’re meant to do? Or not being who they want or thought you would be? Are there people in your ear telling you that you can’t do it? That it’s dumb? That you’re being immature? That you’re not focused? That you’re wasting your life? That you need to find a career? That it’s not wise?

In reality, most of the time people can NOT appreciate your passion because they really don’t understand you. They’ve known you your entire life but they do NOT know you. Creative people have the hardest time explaining who they are because the ONLY people that actually understand them is likeminded people, God, and themselves. People would rather keep you in a box so that they could feel better about your life rather than YOU, yourself be happy about your life.

But guess what??? It’s time out! It’s time out for allowing others to drive you away from what it is you really want to do with your life. It’s time out for feeling bad because you’re not “successful” in the eyes of other people. So what if you struggle here and there, you are HAPPY!! In order to be happy you have to have a peace a mind. In order to gain peace, you have to live for you!! People will think you’re selfish or just plain out of your mind, but at the end of the day if you know that your passion will one day work out for you, then by ALLLLLLLLLLLL means necessary, GO FOR IT!! Let people talk! Block them and move on! No matter who it is....family, so called friends, classmates, childhood associates, WHOMEVER, do YOU!!! Who you need to support you will be there without a million of questions. Who you need will be there to say I have your back regardless. Who you need to be there will pray without ceasing. Who you need to be there will aid you in seeing that you have what you need. Who you need to be there will be crazy enough to believe that IT WILL WORK OUT!!!

Today, I’m standing with all of my creative brothers and sisters and I’m saying WE WILL MAKE IT!! No one will stop us!! Let’s grind because at the end of the day when you think about it, it’s the issues of the heart!!!!

Have you ever looked yourself in the mirror and said “Chile, noooow what were you thinking and why”? Did you stand there long enough to make yourself cry? Were you angry? Did you drive yourself into deep depression? Did you call yourself crazy? Did you call yourself delusional? I meeaaan did you have this crazy fantasy of starting life completely over?

While looking in the mirror, were you actually blaming yourself for the way you felt or were you blaming someone else? Were you blaming your mom or dad? Were you blaming your boss? Were you blaming the person that broke your heart? Did you blame the dog? Did you blame God? Who did you blame?

Let’s be real, sometimes the true tea is that we blame everything and anything except ourselves. We become victims. We blame other people for the reasons of why our lives are the way they are. At the very beginning and end of everyday, the ONLY person that has power over your actions and decisions is YOU! When will we as a whole make decisions that will better us……..decisions that will make us grow, decisions that will cause us to give up a life of mediocracy, decisions that will give us the life we really want…

Well the other half of that tea is we like to be comfortable. We like things the way they are. We don’t want to be challenged. We don’t want to be moved. We don’t want anyone to rub us the wrong way and make us think about the stupid decisions we make over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. We say we want fresh and productive lives but we place stumbling blocks in our own lives. We purposely bring in distractions and invite old habits back because we’re not ready to face reality. We don’t want to face trials. We don’t want to endure the journey and face hardships here and there but we’d rather stay in the old that was meant to disappear and never return 7 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy ago. We’d rather stay and say “well I know I have this”.

Soooooo when you go back to that mirror, let’s be real…why are we really crying? We’re making these decisions. We’re in this place because we are allowing and are forcing ourselves to stay there. We really don’t want better. We really don’t want to grow. We really just want to sit in a comfortable place, play games, and eat ice cream.

“Cheeky, so what are we doing”…. we’re going to continue to suffer and not excel until we make up our minds that we really want better…. not only will we make up our minds but we will get up and do something about it…. you have to understand that it won’t be easy but you fight for the life you really want…. until you really decide that you’re ready to grow up (you know be an adult) and be about that life STOP looking in the mirror angry, upset, and crying. You’re just wasting good moisture. But hey these are the issues of the Heart….