Bring Me That Horizon

RICHARD MADDEN

“I dedicate this to all the Indigenous kids in the world who want to do art and dance and write stories, we are the original storytellers and we can make it here, as well.” 

GRIFFIN: “…ah, but this Yahoo was sent in by, ah, Amelie Belcher! Thanks, Amelie. It’s by Yahoo Answers user— JUSTIN: (weird falsetto with undetermined accent) “Amelie?” [A beat of silence.] GRIFFIN: “What was that? What wa—” JUSTIN: “It’s my impression of Amelie from the film—” GRIFFIN: “From the movie, ‘Amelie’?” JUSTIN: (weird falsetto with accent) “Amelie!” [Another beat.] GRIFFIN: “'Cause she just walks around—” TRAVIS: “That’s not an impression, you just—” GRIFFIN: “It’s about a young girl—” JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “Allo! I am Amelie!” GRIFFIN: (laughing) “—who… can only say her own name.” JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “I cook an egg with a spoon!” [Griffin is still laughing.] JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “Amelie!” TRAVIS: (quietly) “Jesus.” GRIFFIN: (in hysterics) “She cook an egg with a spoon?” JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “Fall in love again with me, Amelie! Now on DVD!” TRAVIS: “This week on Moneyzone: Amelie.” JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “You missed the f—you missed out new relationships but maybe fall in love with me Amelie!” (I think? “Amelie”’s mystical accent is difficult to parse. It’s like French-Finnish-Swedish or something.) “Don’t look for me on BluRay, I’m not on BluRay yet! I’m on DVD!” [Griffin coughs, and then continues laughing. As “Amelie” goes on, you can hear Griffin laughing harder and harder.] JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “I’m too small to fit on the BluRay, they lose me… I am Amelie! I’m hiding near the spindle… I am Amelie! JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “This laser disc is gigantic. I am on the edge of it. Hellooo!” JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “It is like a plate for my egg dinner. Delicious! I am Amelie!” [Griffin is now crying laughing.] JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “I am inside your pocket. You have enough money to buy my DVD!” GRIFFIN: (weeping) “You have to stop or it’ll be the whole show!” JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “I miss VHS tapes because I would get in the little holes and spin around. Like teacups at Disney—” TRAVIS: “Is she a Borrower?! What’s going on?!” JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “Yes I live in a hole with a mice king!” [Travis is now also laughing, while Griffin continues to unravel.] JUSTIN, as AMELIE: “I’m married to the mice king. My staff is a lollipop. Amelie!” [Another beat. I suspect Griffin edited out a long stretch of him pleading for sweet release.] GRIFFIN: (catching his breath) “Okay.” TRAVIS: “Oh, jesus.” GRIFFIN: (sniffling and weak) “Thank you. Ugh. Christ. Gimme a second. All right.”