Oh, me chcipqe.

yet when i travel i am scared i will be alone

that there won't be anybody who drops off at the same stop

We were chatting

In the bathroom

Looking into the bathtub

and in one moment

we watched a single hair

moving with the soft flow of water

and disappearing into the sinkhole

I want to bury you, so I can be freed from you.

I'll bury this in between the words.

You don't have to master the thing you're about to do before you start to do it. Learn along the way, collect knowledge from own experiences.

Work with what you have. Don't look up to the things that are hard to get. Start with the stuff you already have. Build something.

The thoughts, the intrusive thoughts, the negative thoughts, the thoughts I don't want to be in my head are there again. An uneasy mind, the racing heart, the feelings of loneliness are by my side again.

he said "ok"

he had me waiting, he had me hoping he promised and he forgot some days he lied to me some days he put me aside some days he ignored me on purpose he was fed up and he denied it

but i felt it i felt his absence, i feld his coldness i felt his ignorance, i felt his anger

but i stayed i was worried and i was silent i was sad and i have masked it 'cause when i've outspoken he denied it so what's the point?

little by little one day i had enough

i left him waiting, i left him hoping i didn't walk the extra mile i didn't make the sacrifice i went to sleep when i was tired i kept busy with my day

and he pointed it out "it happens" i replied

I want to cry... a lot. I feel the emotional pain forming into the physical pain and it hurts... a lot.

And I hate myself for this. And I hate you for making me feel like this. Because I shed those tears for my father when he died. I felt the physical pain of grief when I was exploring the emptiness that left where he should have been. He deserved my tears, he deserved it all. 

I met you. I felt like all the stars are suddenly aligned, like everything in the universe falls into its place, like the clouds in my mind are disappearing. 

But on the next day, there was a gloomy parade of thoughts and feelings marching in my head. Heavy rain was falling down on me. I felt sinking deeper into the bottomless hole again.

On the very next day my mind started to play tricks with me. I felt like nothing has ever happened. It felt so strange and unlikely. I forgot what your face looks like. I forgot what your voice sounds like. 

I feel like a burden now. I feel like everything is hopeless, like there is no future. I can’t find a way how to communicate with you. Every word feels so forced and every answer seems to be said out of tolerance and nothing more. 

Why did I fall into this swirl of random feelings? There is no reason for me to feel like this. How do I get out of my head?

i’ve been feeling something strange lately. 

i crave for distances, i dream of leaving for a one-day-trip to a vienna, where i used to spend some of my days as a teen. i dream of leaving to uk to any seashore city, whether for a week-long vacation or two-years living. 

i crave for closeness of an alike mind. i dream of having some new friends because suddenly i have nothing to talk about with my long-time besties. they seems so unknown to me, like we had nothing in common.

but i also crave for loneliness. i’d like to wake up in the morning, make a coffee and spend the day doing things that makes me happy without talking to anyone. no explanations, no answers to their questions. all day for myself. no altering due to their plans and mood and activities.

but i also feel so fucking tired. i want to try new recipes, find a job, do little housework that once made ma happy, start exercising again, read full articles and whole books again instead of saving them for later, i just want to be productive again, i want to do something about the feelings i feel.. but i feel so exhausted and i am just wasting my days.