I’m scared it’s going to get bad again. I’m scared of being a failure. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere, and I feel like an imposter at school and at work. I shouldn’t be a mechanic, I don’t even know what I’m doing half the time. What if I fuck this up too? What if this means I’ll never get to hold a baby in my arms and know that that baby is mine? What if I never get to buy my own house, with my wife, to raise our babies in? I’m just so fucking scared of fucking it up again. And I’m scared I’m gonna get sad again, and I’m scared that if I get sad now I’ll never be happy again. In a way I’m already sad. It’s sad to realize that I am about to turn 30, and I have nothing to show for my existence. I haven’t done shit with my life. And it’s sad to realize that I have basically no friends. I’m 30 soon, with no friends, no career, no place of my own. Jesus fuck that’s depressing.
