CharliJo

Truth be told.

I harbor lots of Anger, Sadness and Depression.

I make up for that by hoping I don't pass on my negative energy.

With my husband I don't have to repeat or explain myself.

I can be totally me.

I'm more grateful for my husband more then he will ever know.

I love him so much for cleaning out or making some of my anger, sadness go away .

He asked her name and what she was like etc.

"Wait a minute who is she? "

"Oh, that's so&so"

He was like "she's cute af! "

Etc. ( check screenshot)

Then like that I started babbling about how beautiful and awesome she is.

Proud happy moments.

I think it has to be harder to describe someone if you don't love them.

But even better if you do, it comes out the words that I have the ability to say with good faith.

So in a sense I do love her unconditionally to be able to talk kindly of her but then I realized that I was only talking about someone who has been such a great part of my success and encouragement.

I think my worries set in when I really thought that I had the answers to someone's prayers without thinking about her feelings.

Maybe, I felt good knowing that she was "cute af! " And how it means a lot to me to know that about her, she is beautiful in and out and only deserves all the happiness in the world.

The funny part is that Charles has very solid friends and I appreciate their friendship with Charles, a lot.

So I know his friend meant those words and I have been very careful about who I am friends with these days.

I know in my heart he meant every word.

I see what he sees.

Anyways.... Cousins are here.

I need a good cry and a blunt and a movie about rom-com... Light and funny... Dark undertones to lighten my depression in the midst of this virus.

Why did I open up my google photos? Oh yah.. Reminiscing... I feel it.

#CoronaVirus2020

I was hoping for my last and final child.

Mostly the ones I trust most.

I miss late night talking and the constant reassurance from a good friend.

Being a wife is amazing but it's the loneliness that comes with it when he goes to work and I have to stay home.

I wish I could sit with someone and just be here in the presence and reflect on trial and error and have that bond outside my marriage.

The sacrifices we make as women for our husbands may seem like less when it so much more.