Cabin Boy

made, as best as possible, gender neutral, taken from ‘the dark pictures anthology: man of medan’ — an interactive survival-horror video game, set on a ship but i have altered it to be location-neutral as best i can.     others from the anthology found here.

“ you think i wanted to hurt anybody? i didn’t get a choice in this, did i? ”

“ you know it’s not polite to ask one about their money?”

“ not a sole survivor!  haha, you weren’t trying to do that, were you? ”

“ you didn’t fucking see that!? … right. no. of course you didn’t. ”

“ we can’t just sit around. we need a plan.”

“ have mercy… no… listen to me, no, don’t do this… ”

“ you’re all in this together! this is a trap and you set us up! ”

“ what the hell was wrong with you back there? ”

“ to descend into the unknown alone is extremely brave, or extremely foolish. perhaps there is more to you than meets the eye. ”

“ this whole place is a floating deathtrap. ”

“ i mean it’s - something is fucking with me. it’s fucking with me, man. it’s just - it’s just fucking with me. ”

“ anyway, look to the future, i say. ”

“ that! it-it w-was… didn’t you see it? okay, so i’m seeing things, but you’re not… ”

“ i’m the captain now! ”

“ stories of love and hate… greed and beauty… life… and death. stories such as this one. ”

“ alright! come out! show yourself! ”

“ this fuckin’ place is cursed.”

“ but you shouldn’t fear death. it is after all… inevitable. ”

“ there are always repercussions. ”

“ argh! no. no! i’m not hearing this. I’m not hearing this! ”

“ don’t fight it… it’ll only hurt more if you do. ”

“ you teeter on the edge of an abyss. ”

“ people drown in these waters and you have to respect their resting place. ”

“ i just keep going over it and over it… and it doesn’t make any sense, y'know? it just… and i know what i saw…  i just don’t believe in whatever it was i that i saw. ”

“ you’re responsible for what happens, you’re culpable. ”

“ i guess you could say i lived my greatest nightmare. ”

“ you can go fuck yourself, you piece of shit! ”

“ what the fuck is going on with this place? because i gotta be honest it feels like there’s some, like… like, evil, like literal evil going on down there. ”

“uh… you are not always going to be there to protect me, big guy. i can handle this, trust me. ”

“ i saw [NAME], and it wasn’t [NAME], it was… someone else. but they looked just like [NAME]. ”

“ let’s just stay calm, and relatively sane about this, okay? ”

“ you know what i like to hear? nothing. that’s right. nada. complete fucking silence. get it? ”

she who became the sun ( the radiant emperor #1 )  -   shelly parker-chan change tenses/pronouns as needed !!  some lines have been edited for clarity / length / ease of roleplaying  tw ;  death , war ,  violence , sexism

‘they say there’s luck in names, and you’ve certainly had luck enough.’

'in my experience, lucky people tend to be the laziest.’

‘where’s the fun in suffering by yourself?’

‘you think you’re that good-looking everyone wants to see you?’

‘desire is the cause of all suffering.’

‘I don’t appreciate being made a puppet for another man’s dirty work.’

‘when I ask myself if future pain is worth it for this life I have now, I always find that it is.’

‘I always knew you had a strong will. but what’s unusual about you is that most strong willed people never understand that will alone isn’t enough to guarantee their survival.’

‘more so than will, survival depends upon an understanding of people and power.’

‘it isn’t strength, but knowledge, that will be our best tool for surviving these difficult times ahead.’

'undoubtedly, chaos brings danger. but there will be opportunities, too.’

‘it’s due to chaos that we’re living through a moment in which even ordinary men can aspire to greatness.’

‘are you going to stab me?’

‘you can’t pray away your fate.’

‘I was merciful. I let you live.’

‘you cause me trouble as well as shame.’

‘you disappoint me.’

‘any power with such comprehensive reach should be understood.’

‘any power with such comprehensive reach should be understood. perhaps especially if they’re on our side.’

‘in my father’s eyes, I’ll always be the failure.’

‘(name) is an easy person to love. the world loves him, and he loves the world, because everything in it has always gone right for him.’

‘you and (name) are two unlike things. don’t fool yourself that he can ever understand you.’

‘I know what it’s like to be humiliated.’

‘any kind of fool can stumble into success once or twice.’

‘you two are such a bad match. can’t you have a single conversation without fighting?’

‘can’t you have a single conversation without fighting?’

‘clever people know when to give in.’

‘if you join his side, you’ll regret it.’

‘how little lives are worth in this war. theirs and ours, both.’

‘you have a lot of feelings in you.’

‘to win a hundred victories, a hundred battles is not the pinnacle of skill. to subdue the enemy without fighting is the pinnacle of skill.’

‘what someone is means nothing about what kind of person they are. truth is in actions.’

‘I didn’t mean to kill. at first.’

‘I wanted to live, so I took a life.’

‘all that means is we have to make this life count.’

‘who did you become, when we were apart?’

‘I might not know you, but I know what you want.’

‘you’ve opened my eyes. there are so many more options than I thought.’

‘you saw something in me that I didn’t know myself.’

‘what kind of man bothers to see potential in a woman, and encourages her despite her own doubts?’

‘rest assured that the only reason I helped you is because it gets me closer to what I want.’

‘you know what’s worse than suffering? not suffering, because you’re not even alive to feel it.’

‘learn to want something for yourself. not what someone says you should want. not what you think you should want.’

‘don’t go through life thinking only of duty. when all we have are these brief spans between our nonexistences, why not make the most of the life you’re living now?’

‘why not make the most of the life you’re living now? the price is worth it.’

‘maybe your suffering is worth whatever it is you want to achieve. but mine wouldn’t be.’

‘that’s all past history. I never think of it.’

‘do you believe that? that one day we’ll be out of a job, because of peace?’

‘have the courage to take power for yourself! do you think it will come to you if you wait?’

‘do you actually believe the idiocy that comes out of your mouth?’

‘you never accepted me for who I am; you never even saw everything I did for you, all because I’m not like (name)!’

‘you always push everyone away. what do you find in it, the loneliness? I couldn’t bear it.’

‘you trust too much. I admire you for it. that you prefer to drawn people closer, rather than push them away. but it’ll get you hurt.’

‘the worst injury you can do to a man is shame him. he can never forget it.’

‘it must have been painful, learning that true wisdom lies in obedience.’

‘are you always thinking do little of me that my defeats seem inevitable?’

‘i’d have thought you’d be the last to cry about (name’s) fate. why can’t we just stand back and let it happen?’

‘so you’re going to save (name) from himself?’

‘and here I thought I was the only one who got manipulated by pretty girls.’

‘why are you lowering yourself by dirtying your hands like this? let someone else take care of this trash.’

‘you were only ever a pretender. you only sat on a pretend throne.’

‘why do we have to play these awful games? what for?’

‘what does anyone want but to be on top, untouchable?’

‘who do you think I am, to think I can make anything happen in my own life? i’m a woman.’

‘I know you don’t want that life. a different one isn’t impossible.’

‘you have something I don’t; you feel for others, even the ones you don’t like.’

‘you want me to believe you’re different. that you can give me something different. but how can I trust that? I can’t.’

‘are you fool enough to believe the future will match your dream of it, with no consideration of the reality of the situation?’

‘I don’t admit anything! I don’t need to! you’ve already made up your mind!’

‘you can’t reason with fools who refuse to see reason.’

‘he was right about you. you’re worthless. worse than that; a curse.’

‘there are people who say that grief will hurt as much as it’s worth.’

‘there are people who say that grief will hurt as much as it’s worth. and there is nothing worth more than a father.’

‘(name) would never put himself on the line for me, or anyone else. but you, you’d do anything for me, wouldn’t you?’

‘i’ve wanted and struggled and suffered for that fate my whole life. I’m not going to stop now.’

‘you are trouble. I’ve never met anyone more trouble than you,’

‘are you so certain of the possibility of change? it seems to me the outcome is inevitable.’

‘what I want has nothing to do with who wins.’

‘every time the world turns its face from you, know it was because of me.’

‘stop blaming yourself and let yourself want it.’

‘stop blaming yourself and let yourself want it. i’ll give it to you.’

‘I have everything I need. whereas you, — you still need me.’

‘nobody expected anything of me. nobody ever cherished me.’

‘I cherish you.’

‘you think you understand me. but don’t forget it goes both ways. like knows like; like is connected to like. I understand you, too.’

‘pure emotions are the luxury of children and animals.’

‘more fool I am, to hope against hope for a change in his nature, that he might actually try to be useful.’

‘I presume you’re not here to kill me.’

‘you think you have power over me because you know a secret. but you don’t.’

‘how can something like that stop me, destroy me, when nothing else has?’

‘look at me and see the person who will win. the person who will rule.’

‘I presume you realize how much I dislike you. wasn’t the last where I said I wanted to kill you clear enough?’

‘you betray you ignorance in less than a sentence.’

‘how willing you were to think the worst of me. why aren’t you happier? i’m just being who you’ve always though I was. i’m giving you the ending you believed in.’

‘the times and means of our deaths have always been fixed, and this is yours.’

‘even the most shining future, if desired, will have suffering at its heart.’

‘i’ll follow you, as far as you want to go.’

‘I wasn’t born with the promise of greatness either. but I have it now. because I wanted it. because I’m strong, because I’ve struggled and suffered to become the person I need to me, and because I do want needs to be done.’

‘you said you’d be different. you lied to me.’

‘when you did this, did you even stop to think about how it might make me feel to bear witness for what you think is justified?’

‘I want what I want, and sometimes I’m going to have to do certain things to get it.’

"Figlio..." Shoulders eased at the sound of Charlie's voice, his words cutting through the air and settling like a blade within Cecco's lungs. Heavy lids fell shut, a deep inhale through flared nostrils brought the quartermaster out of their thoughts. for what felt like weeks, they had been hunched over poorly crafted maps, tattered books of old crew mates long since passed, and locked away within this blasted study. Searching for answers that likely did not exist, not here, not yet.

The tone of Charlie's voice was more painful than any physical injury they could sustain. The soft-spoken apology more fear inducing than even Bowen's hate filled voice barking insults and threats. It was a reminder as to what their job was, a job they had been neglecting. With everything that had happened within the last few months, somewhere along the way, Cecco had lost sight of their place upon the ship, amongst the crew. They had been crumbling in upon themself like a house built upon a weak foundation.

A wave of guilt washed over them, crashing against their bones with the intent of destroying all within its wake. It was a disgusting thing, to feel so useless, so hapless as the world passed them by, leaving them locked within but a singular, numbed moment untouched by time. A prisoner with the key in hand, choosing to bang against the bars and scream for help, wallowing in their own misery.

He had missed Cecco, missed them around the ship and while they were all handling Tristan's... Loss in their own ways, Charlie had the sneaking suspicion that Cecco was likely wallowing in it as was their way. Charlie didn't want to bother the other though, not when with the loss of a crew member their work was now even harder than before, and so by the time he had squeezed enough determination to come visit the other, it hadn't been much of a surprise that the first words out of Charlie's mouth had been an apology.

After all, where Hook failed, Charlie knew he could look back to Cecco for advice when Hook would only act in anger.

The exhaustion that Cecco wore like yesterday's clothing hung poorly around them and Charlie couldn't stop the reflexive, sympathetic wince he made when he saw it. "You look terrible, Cecco," Charlie weakly joked, hand already extended as if his touch alone could wipe away the exhaustion. "I'm glad I'm not bothering you," Charlie admitted, "but if I was, you have to tell me, alright?"

The hand that had been extended to the other pirate came up to pat the one Cecco placed on Charlie's shoulder. Once, twice, he patted the other before returning the hand to his side. "I'd be thrilled to get you above deck," he joked, though he feared it fell flat. "You're almost as pale as I am after your time hiding down here, which cannot be good for you."

"Come see if you want, none of the Lost Boys will give you any trouble." And they wouldn't. Peter felt he knew that for certain. Lost Boys who questioned Peter's whims instead of going along with them tended to find their stay on the island cut abruptly short or made so miserable that they did everything the could to make up for their transgression. It was never an outright threat, Peter didn't need threats. It was simply felt, an unspoken rule to always follow Peter's lead no matter what. Besides, wasn't it better to be on his good side in hopes that some of his favor would fall on them?

Wasn't that why Charlie's presence at their bonfire celebration had gone over fairly uneventfully, completely unquestioned? Peter hadn't reacted negatively to him crashing their fun and Wendy, the very person they had been celebrating, had been the one to bring the little duck. So the Lost Boys had followed their leader, just as they were meant to.

"No expectations," He repeated, promising, for whatever a promise from Peter Pan was really worth. He was lying, of course, in a sense. He had his own expectations of what could happen, what might be the chain reaction put into motion if his extended invitation was accepted. But all he really needed from Charlie was for him to show up. Then the little duck would see that he had options; straying away from his mamma didn't have to mean walking straight into danger. The Lost Boys had been his home first, after all.

"You can sit with me, help keep score, or just watch. Wendy will be playing, and I bet she'd be happy to see you there cheering her on." Peter gave a sly grin and turned, "You should be getting back before someone comes looking for you. Whatever you decide, it's your choice. Don't forget: tomorrow, midday!"

Charlie let Peter explain, let the web be woven. Charlie was the kind of man destined to forever be caught in the webs of others, to be tangled in the ever-present threads of spider-silken lies that permeated this island, wrapping it in invisible layers and leaving Charlie and others to get stuck on them. Unfortunately, knowing where the web may be doesn't do much when it comes to avoiding them.

Charlie had always been weak for a kind word or gesture, always driven to action by fear but always inspired to loyalty by kindness. Like calls to like, and it was always more likely that a kind word would go farther in securing his obedience than fear. After all, when one has been afraid for most of their life, it stops being a motivation to avoid the emotion at all. Instead, it fades into the background, simply becoming part of the day-to-day landscape. But kindness, here? That was far more rare and far more valuable.

Charlie knew what he was going to choose. No expectations was enough, the idea of getting to cheer and celebrate someone on the island he quite enjoyed being around was another cherry on top. He visibly brightened when he learned Wendy would be there. "I did enjoy meeting Wendy at the bonfire," Charlie admitted carefully as if his decision wasn't written across his face. "I'll..." He trailed off, swallowed his worry, and announced "I'll be there. I'll bring some of the counting sea glass I use to help Cecco with their counting of stocks for points?" He didn't mean to make it a question, but Charlie was far more afraid of overstepping, of hearing this impossible invitation be revoked. "I'll be there,' he confirmed again quickly.

A pause.

— the swell of the storm had settled, the rolling clouds now feathered off and sparse as the sun shone bright once again, hot rays dawning upon the cypress and oaken planks that made up the body of the vessel he captained. all morning, tired and aching limbs of loyal crew members picked up the debris that had tarnished the ship's hull, taking mop heads to whittled floor boards as sea shanties made efforts to keep the spirit afloat. james, exhausted, was sunken in his chair at his desk, hook pressed into the sharpness of his jaw as his finger, pinching a quill with ink that had long since dried as efforts to put tip to paper seemed fruitless. discussing an ambush was simple, plotting revenge was simple, seething in anger and feeing the fire with thoughts of scarlet stained sword sips was simple... however, it was deciphering the proper execution of a plan that was the true feat.

hearing the door to his quarters open, a furrowed brow lifted on his forehead as eyes flittered upwards. normally, james would have kept his gaze down, knowing that whomever dared to enter his space without permission only did it due to knowing they could without facing repercussions. the voice that rang out was one hook never minded hearing, a lilt of a smile tugging at lips that had been drawn into a tight frown for what feels like centuries now.

❛ charlie, come in, my boy, ❜ eyes returned to paper, still empty and lacking proof of any efforts james may have been making. the young lad was one that james doted on fondly, for he had given up everything to keep him safe, and never once had charlie faltered in ensuring his gratitude was made something james was aware of. he looked to him like a son, protected him like one, would give his life for him...there was no doubt to anyone on the crew that charlie was james's most prized pirate. there was a lingering silence, a one that brought james a quick sense of unease, like there were words yearning to be spoken but charlie was lacking the verbiage to produce them.

then, alas, they were spoken.

it was instinctive, the rage that swelled in the captain's chest upon even hearing charlie MENTION pan's name. james was certain he had forbad charlie from having any involvement in peter pan... keeping him in a metaphorical cage on the ship that he tasked fellow crew members of supervising. for hundreds of years, years james had long stopped counting, his entire purpose was to stop pan and, in turn, stop harm from coming to those in which he would give his life for. fist came in contact with his desk, weight shifted up onto his feet as the heat in his chest floated up to his tongue as words came bellowing out before james could even process them.

❛ you did WHAT ?? ❜ weight traveled around the desk, heavy boots creaking the floorboards, the ferocity of his stride sending wiry curls behind him. hand and hook came in contact with shoulders that were buzzing beneath their touch, holding charlie in place so he couldn't run from the repercussions he was surely about to face for his actions.

❛ did i not forbid you from leaving this ship without an escort ?? and without telling me, at that ?? ❜

anger wasn't even enough of a word to describe what was coursing through the elder man's veins in this moment. a cocktail of betrayal, disappoint, and fear coating his words in thick molasses as he attempted not to hurl the younger to the floor. any other crew member would have been properly handled for directly disobeying orders, but charlie was a complicated situation. if james were to have a son, flesh and blood of his own, the young man before him would take precedence over them- a confession he has never made to anyone besides himself in thought.

❛ does my word mean NOTHING to you ?? do my efforts to keep you safe hold no value ?? ❜ releasing his shoulders, knowing if he held any tighter the bones beneath his grip would splinter in response. james turned his back on the young man, pressing his hand to his face as fingers sought out throbbing temples. he took a deep breath, forcing his emotions at bay, pressing hand and hook on the edge of his desk and leaned forward, eyes downward.

❛ if you think there is any merit in the promises i can only but ASSUME pan made to you... then take your leave now, charlie. if the temptation to throw away everything i have given you for a pathetic game of cat and mouse, a game in which you will undoubtedly lose, is too strong, GO. i will not stop you.❜

It was nothing he hadn't encountered before. If Charlie were to open his mouth, rage would follow before long. It was the defining characteristic of his life, of his relationships, and he knew well-enough to be quiet, to sit and take the rage he so deserved with nothing more than quiet acceptance. It was, after all, his own fault this situation has arisen at all.

Looking his father captain in the eye, Charlie took a breath to calm the shaking in his hands, clenching them into fists before tucking them away behind him. There was a time and a place for fear, for the incompetence Charlie seemed to wield as well as he did anything else. He shifted back slightly, only for comfort and not to get away from the man he had absolute faith in.

If anyone could be trusted, it was Hook. It was Jamie.

"Captain..." Charlie started before stopping, wetting his lips, and trying again. "J.H., I didn't disobey anything. I wanted your help from the start. But you weren't here. What am I supposed to do when I can't seem to get a second of your attention with the island's god meeting me in the forest, promising me everything I've wanted since I was a child, and then you not giving me enough time to ask for help?"

Charlie sighed again, getting comfortable. "I've always listened to you," he added quietly. "I've always trusted you. I am alive because of you, and I never want to leave you. This is..." Charlie paused again and swallowed. "I just couldn't get your attention until now. I was, for a moment, adrift at sea and the man that had set me adrift was the same man that had brought me to a ship at all, instead of leaving me to the webs and the dark and the fire..." Charlie winced, memories of those days rising unbidden and he looked back down to the deck.

"I never want to fail you. And I have told you know. If you wish to send me away, do it. But I need your help, not your anger. If you want me gone for this, I will leave and you'll never see me again. But I am asking you for help, for the first time I could since it started."

"Nothing's wrong," He said dismissively, trying, and rather failing, to keep the amusement from his voice. The more he spoke, the easier it got to school his tone into something more flat and less telling, "You're right though. This isn't how I normally do things, but then I'm not here to do something I've ever done before so—" He trailed off, giving an open-armed shrug. He let the silence hang for a beat to build the suspense. Surely Charlie suspected he was up to something and Peter would have loved to know what wild possibilities for his appearance at the camp were running through Charlie's mind. Alas, peering into the mind of a conscious being was not something he'd gotten the hang of.

"We're going to have a Battle and I thought, 'Why not invite the little duck?', so here we are! It'll be tomorrow, midday. You know the spot. Come if you want. Or don't." Peter gave another shrug, "It's up to you. I just figured you might want to watch since you never got to see a proper one before..." His voice was significantly more solemn now.

He wanted to remind Charlie that the pirates had been his enemies too at the start. Granted, all of those pirates were long gone by now, but it was still the pirate crew's legacy all the same. The one and only Battle Charlie had gotten to see when he was still a Lost Boy hadn't been for fun. It'd been to the death. And it had been his precious mama who had been fighting for his life. It hadn't been a fair fight. Everyone knew Jamie would have won, had the pirates not ambushed them first. So many Lost Boys had been taken by surprise and slaughtered at the hands of the pirates. That had been the day Nod had watched Fog die. Some legacy.

"It's a proper Battle, for fun. It's good practice. Of course, you won't be allowed to join in — no good comes from pirates spilling blood up there." Another not-so-subtle needling at the memory, "But you could watch. If you want."

It took an alarming amount of self-control to not roll his eyes. Even a few years ago, the idea of showing Pan he wasn't giving him his full attention was horrifying. Now, the mere idea that he'd show up here of all places without something being wrong was laughable. He managed to keep his eyes fixed forward, despite the effort that it took. He waited for a moment as Peter admitted this was out of place for him and with that additional hook that it was for something he'd never done... Well. Charlie's mind spun with the possibilities as his eyes opened a bit wider in anticipation. It wasn't enough to be obvious, unless you were looking for it, of course.

Perhaps... Well. It was a bit of a far-flung dream of his that one day, Nod and Hook could go home. It was his fault that they were on the boat now, of course, and it was going to be up to him to fix it. Perhaps that's why Peter had come, bringing another impossible task for an impossible ask. Charlie knew he'd do it though. He'd do it in a heartbeat for them though. They deserved it.

The actual offer ground him and his mind to a stop, and Charlie swore he even felt his heart stop for a moment. His mouth dropped open but no sound escaped as it looked like someone had taken a rock and cracked open the very core of Charlie, leaving all those bits that had formed around Pan before being tucked away and hidden from the light of day to spill out through his eyes.

"Me?" It was hardly more than a whisper. "You're asking me to come watch? I..." He swallowed, trying to bring some moisture back into his suddenly dry throat. His eyes sparked with the possibility of tears and he blinked hard to keep them from materializing. Pan Peter didn't need to see that, not now that he was old and grown and finally able to go.

"No, no," he stumbled over the words, "I wouldn't want to fight anyways." The needling of memories had caused more than a few winces during this conversation and Charlie waved both his hands with the palm up in what he hoped showed how little he wanted to do that at such a location. "I don't want to do... Anything like that! But... I..." He stumbled over his words. "I can come watch? No... No expectation or anything? I can go there?"

If the answer was yes... Well. Charlie knew, deep down, what he expected his own answer to be if that was the case.

"Oh, I can be mean," he says, sounding almost proud of himself for the fact. He takes a few steps closer, eyeing Charlie curiously. "But you don't look like you deserve it. You seem alright, Charlie the Pirate," he tilts his head as he speaks the words. "But what do you think? Y'know, Peter reaaally hates those pirates. Is he right about that?"

But that was something to think about later, in a place where he'd have the space to think about it. Right now, Charlie knew most, if not all of his attention, was on Rufio. "Of course you can be mean," Charlie scoffed. "I mean, look at you!" Charlie had most certainly been doing that and he'd certainly done more of it than he had intended. "Some might say I deserve worse, Rufio the Lost Boy, but I'm glad you aren't one of them. It means I can sleep easy at night now without the scorn of a near-stranger haunting me."

The subject of Peter and pirates was an uncomfortable one and Charlie couldn't really hide that discomfort, though he tried to shrug it off with one shoulder. "I can't say he's right," Charlie started, "but I'm not saying he's wrong either. It is my fault, after all, so I'm possibly the worst person you could ask for an impartial opinion."

Charlie laughed then with the last question, the noise pure and honest. "I'm always up to no good, Rufio. I'm a pirate, after all. It's my job."