Bakery

*sleeps, but in a really fucked up and evil way*

But seriously, can you imagine coming from a nice date with your girlfriend, you’ve been dating for a couple of months, it’s going pretty well, and her ex is lurking outside her apartment and talking to her cat, which, while annoying is not that weird, and he seems like an ok guy, so you forget about it, and a couple of days later, you’re on a date in a nice restaurant, and the ex turns up looking like absolute shit, dunks himself into a lobster tank, eats a live lobster, and you end up having to carry him out to the hospital where he has a seizure in the MRI and so you send him home but then you get his tests back and it turns out his fucking heart and internal organs are atrophying because of a sentient parasite which your girlfriend manages to separate only the ex runs away and the parasite ends up in your girlfriend who goes to give it back to her ex and then you end up in a weird four way relationship with your girlfriend, her ex, and a symbiote that finds the word parasite offensive

some woman on the street below just hit an operatic high c and then screamed “i’ll fucking kick your ass”

That was the wardrobe from Beauty and the Beast

hey syd-the-avenger, this post has over 50 thousand notes. people have added on that the woman on the street below was brendon urie, christine daae, kristin chenoweth, roger taylor, starkid, “literally me”, and “literally you”. and this is the only valid addition. 

How does Aang factor into this? I ask because the more I think about it the more I want him to somehow be trying to capture the Avatar.

Aang is 112 years old, decided he was going to be Zuko’s airbending teacher, and refuses to take no for an answer

Aang: Aw, the new Avatar doesn’t want me. Aang: *gets out a weighted net* Time for Plan B then.

JDJSHJABDBFJSH

Look, you know how you keep a net from falling on you? YOU AIRBEND IT, SUCKA. Air comes right after fire in the cycle so it’s not like the guy has any other options. Do you want a flaming net falling on you? No? Then learn to airbend. Or this tiny old man will cart you away like a trussed turkey and lecture you about the power of laughter, going with the flow, opening your chakras, and other hippie shit.

Sokka, slouching against a fence, not moving: Oh nooooooo, that creepy old man stole the Avataaaaaaaaaar. Sokka, sitting down on the ground: We should dooooo something. Sokka, pulling out his lunch: Otherwise he might actually learn something. That would be teeeerrible. Katara, indignant rage coursing through her body: Sokka!!!!!!!! We have to go look for him!!!! Sokka: Might! Actually! Learn! Something! Katara! Katara: *wavers* Katara, also sitting down: We have to go look for him…. *gets out her own sandwich* But, maybe after lunch.

I love that this transforms Aang’s role in the full Team Avatar familial situation from the baby of the family to the Grandpa with weird hobbies

At the end of character creation, have every player roll a d100 for “plot reasons”. When the game begins, reveal that the result is how many miles in the air the characters start the campaign at.

I have been informed that the edge of space is 50-62 miles off the ground, depending on which measurement you use. In light of this new information, I will not be amending the post in any way.

I’m not a teacher (yet) but I do work with students and one of them had the nerve to look me dead in the eye and ask me “why would it be a bad idea for me to eat this entire marker?” They’re 11

A student during break had her head in her arms and was shaking a bit, so i asked the kid next to her whether she was laughing or crying and this 8 year old stared me in the eye deadpan and said “im crying on the inside”

Oh my god I love this. Thank you for letting those kids be the dorks all high schoolers are.

not to be fake deep but….men who are kind are not the same as men who are kind to you bc they like you

kind men vs nice guys

i hate airpods dude id rather be broke than have two lil tiny things to keep track of. “oh there’s like a carrier” muh muh muh like i’ll remember the carrier when im barreling out of my door with the bus coming in 2 minutes. an airpod falls out and falls into a storm drain. i fling my head around to watch it fall and the other one flies out into the street and my bus crushes it. i scream in agony and run up to it and the bus just barrels straight over me bc bus drivers in chicago have 3 kill allowances a year