ᴄʜᴀʀʟᴀᴛᴀɴꜱᴀɪɴᴛꜱ

when i decided to wage HOLY WAR - it looked very much like staring at my bedroom floor but, oh GOD, you're gonna get it. you'll be sorry that you messed with ME. and i know i may not look like much, just another SCREAMING speck of dust, but, oh god, you're gonna get it. an independent, low activity and private multimuse blog of various fandoms such as fallout, x-men, percy jackson, dragon age, god of war and more! written by kristina. established 2022/05/27. A STUDY IN ; trying to defy the gods, losing hope, wrath that burns brighter than the sun, lost childhood, undying love and making the gods bleed.

clever words and phrases only stain. 

i remain so lost and buried under everything that i need.

all i want is you.

i've been here so very long.

every word is calculated, never questioned or debated. 

i could wreck it if i had to.

i'm the wreck.

my masterpiece will fall apart.

it was over before the start.

this is just a part i portray. 

you're beautiful, can i hide in you awhile?

don't make a sound in case they hear you. 

it only hurts me to be near you.

keep those tired eyes closes.

follow my instruction and i will show you self destruction. 

i don't know how it got this way.

i realize i'm losing and this is my real life. 

this habit is always so hard to break. 

i don't wanna be the bad guy. 

i've been blaming myself and i think you know why. 

i thought you wanted me.

i want you all to myself.

make me feel like someone else.

i just can't decide what i'm running from. 

i can't keep my filthy fucking mouth shut. 

it's not enough, it's never enough. 

here's another day i'll spend away from you. 

take what you wanna take. 

take me home, i don't wanna be alone tonight. 

i will run to you till i can't stand on my own.

i cross my heart and hope to die. 

you're still away from me. 

i wonder what you're doing.

i wonder if you doubt it. 

i wonder how we used to ever go so long without it.

if your heart wears thin, i will hold you up. 

i will hide you when it gets too much. 

i'll be right beside you. 

nobody will break you. 

trust in me, don't pull away. 

i'm just trying to keep it together.

i could do worse and you could do better. 

every memory comes on when i hear that old song that we used to sing with the words all wrong. 

i'll burn out and slip away.

i'll wreck this if i have to. 

it's no wonder i'm not eating.

are you hearing me now? 

you're not making this easy? 

i just need a minute, i just need a breath. 

don't you ever tell me i'm not lovin' you best. 

can we just say the rest with no sound? 

i know this isn't enough and i don't measure up. 

sorry is never there when you need it. 

i do want you to know that i hold you up above everyone. 

i think you'd be good to me and i'd be so good to you. 

i think i saw a sign. 

maybe it's me, maybe i only see what i want. 

i can't be without you. 

trading in who i've been for shiny celebrity skin. 

i like it push it until my luck is over. 

all this work to impress, charming girls out of their dresses. 

pretty will swallow you forever. 

i can see you open up to breathe. 

what you need has been killing me. 

try to be everything that you want me to be. 

i'll say yes, i'll undress. i've done more for less. 

i think it's better this way.

i'll make this perfect again. 

i wish we could stay here forever alone. 

i still love your taste. 

sometimes i wish you would leave me. 

i'm not sick of you yet, is this as good as it gets? 

i take it hard. 

they don't know you like i do. 

mistrust is written clearly across her features;    trusting someone like him is a mistake   ——   she doesn't know where in the hell he's from or why he was even there.     let alone why he decided to save her, which is something else that she forces herself not to cringe at.     mutants are all for themselves these days;    they're all fighting for survival and she can't blame them, but it makes it very rare when one reaches out a hand and actually offers it without favors.      it's why she's more hesitant now, even as the water is set near her;    it's a gesture of goodwill and she can recognize that, but there's an ache that forms throughout her entire body.      her ribs feel as if they're broken, but she suspects that they're going to just be bruised badly in the morning.     teeth grit and she forces herself to move forward, to grab the bottle of water.     hand shakes as she brings it to her lips, but the coolness does something to clear the haze that's been going on in her head.

for a minute, nothing but confusion presses against marc's features. again implies that this has happened multiple times before —— meaning that layla has been in danger multiple times and he's having a hard time wrapping his head around that fact. after everything with khonshu, he had been doing his damnedest to keep her out of harms way; even if she didn't see it that way and happily went with whatever taweret said and took on the identity of scarlet scarab. sometimes he still hates that hippo with a passion for giving layla any sort of power —— even if she looks damn good kicking ass, it still puts her in harms way; more importantly, it puts her on the radar of the gods, and that isn't something that marc wants hanging over her head. taweret is far nicer than khonshu by leagues, but it doesn't matter —— any attention from them isn't a good thing, and he wishes that she would remove herself from the equation. layla is too headstrong though, and any protests fall on deaf ears. the men have the audacity to look sheepish now —— like they've been caught with their hand in the cookie jar, and marc finally manages to catch up slightly. ❝ since when do you not work in teams? ❞ there's a little offense that leaks into his tone; they're a team, aren't they? steven stirs at the back of his mind and he quickly attempts to soothe and shut down —— layla's back tracking fairly quickly and the last thing he needs is for steven's hurt feelings to come into play.

this is the part of them that he actually adores; the way that they can go from serious to playful in a matter of seconds and vice versa.    there's nothing there between them that holds onto a grudge; what happens in here is just nothing more than learning how to be protected on the streets of gotham.     they don't carry their anger out of here in a way that's not productive; they can talk strategy and what went wrong, but none of this is a harsh lesson.      not like it had been when he was training with bruce and not how it had been when he had been training with dick.      no, there's no one being better than   ——   there's no egos; they're left at the door and he can actually enjoy sparring again.      it's something that he thought he never would.       with autumn though, she doesn't look at him like he's less than.      she looks at him with fire in her eyes and is ready to destroy anything in her path.      but there's still that softness that echoes there, that same sweet girl that constantly finds a way through even his darkest of moods.

@holyblcd / don't stand that close unless you mean it. (from benjí to charlotte in fourth wing verse)!.

she could turn around right now  ——  tecarus would accept her back, wouldn't even bat an eye if the girl came home to roost. he would have back his best investment outside of cat  ——  her gift could be further exploited, she could train more troops in poromiel, she could keep her dragon and feel the untamed touch of magic against her skin as the wards stretch, pull, and ultimately fail. she could make her stand right here, where she has grown and slowly watched the world fall at the hands of the venin. there are plush couches, plush rooms, a plush bed and extravagant food that could keep her happy.

but benjamin isn't here. he is a marked one, he is a rider, and he stands by his dragon, by the aretia riot and fliers. it's where he belongs, standing strong with gold at his finger tips. doing something about the venin has always been her goal, hasn't it? she's accomplished some of that by flying for aretia, hasn't she?

therefore, it should be easy to stay here. to not even think twice about the viscounts offer.

tongue tucks against her cheek; this isn't her home, and it never was. poromiel had been content to fight the venin on their own, never letting navarre into their kingdom. there is the depth of trust that has slowly begun to form between fliers and riders, and gryphons are starting to stand next to dragons. there is real change happening  ——  change that she wouldn't have been part of if she had stayed here, carving away runes. 

charlotte pulls in a slow breath before she takes one step, then another, until she's standing directly in front of him. her hand reaches out, catching his wrist  ——  the familiar motion, never afraid of the signet that makes him who he truly is deep down. aodh growls softly in the back of her mind, approval that nearly brings her to her knees. 

the viscount might have been her home for a small amount of time, but she hadn't known what home was until she met benjamin.

"you are my home. poromiel means nothing if you're not here with me."  there's nerves that prick along her skin; telling anyone things like this puts her in a vulnerable state. it's not a state that she relishes being in often  ——  that abandonment still is warm in her veins, no matter how many times she outruns it. 

for the first time, she embraces that fear as her eyes flick to his own. "wherever you go, i go. that's what family is."

it was a MIRACLE that benjamín was still on his feet while everything around him was crumbling. the very earth beneath his feet seemed to disappear and the air that usually filled his lungs with every breath he took seemed to be gone. everything hurt and it was his heart that hurt the most. it felt as if it had been ripped out from his chest and now there was only a black empy void. he couldn't look at her. there was fear inside of him. feasting. infecting his mind. for what IF she seemed to thrive here? in her home? an impressive palace filled with comfortable furniture and exquisite food with no venin in sight. why would she return with them to the never ending battle? because he thought they had something more. something special.

it hurts. it hurts. it hurts. it was all too much - all these feelings. and yet they were not unfamiliar. benjamín had felt this many years ago when he had been a child and LOST everything ; his kingdom, his home, his family and in a way, himself. he can't be left alone again. alone in a world that wants to burry him. it would be impossible to survive without her in his life. she was HIS sun and had guided him through dark times at basgiath. she had showed another way that had been hidden in the shadows. she had made him laugh after so many years. charlotte was his sunshine. his only sunshine.

a hand rested against amber coloured scales. he could hear a worrying RUMBLE from mallachd. rider and dragon. side by side. and yet the sound seemed to be so far away. it was too difficult to focus. he could barely stand on his feet. he could barely breath. he could barely think. the only thing he could feel was the flicker inside of him - his power. the door seemed to swing back and forth. would it open? would it close? he didn't know. gold seemed to appear on his fingertips and then disappear. a cursed loop. he didn't know if he could escape it. was anything even possible anymore? was he able to do anything?

it was then he felt it - the touch. her touch. his head turned and suddenly those GOLDEN eyes looked into hers. some say that the eyes are the window to the soul and in this very moment he can believe it. it's no small thing to wear your heart on your sleave in dire times, especially among others. the touch, the words and the vulnerability were enough to break him. SHATTERING. right there, in front of her. he doesn't care about the others. he only cares about her. the confession means more than any gold in the world. to know that he is her home and not this place, not this palace, not this kingdom, but him. an outcast among outcasts.

she doesn't realize she's holding her breath at first, eyes careful as they take him in.    every part of her knows that benjamin has the right to leave  ——  he has the right to fly away on his dragon and never think of her again.     that's what all of this is about, isn't it?    the appeal of free will, of doing the right thing;   things that their damn kingdoms would have never done on their own.     there has been too much strife, too much animosity toward one another instead of fighting for what really matters.       they've done so much since all of this   ——   they have given the world a real chance at still surviving, of never looking back on the cowardly ones that they had once been.      but free will also holds the realization that there is too much going on, that actual choices have to be made that contain consequences. 

she has never believed in a person more than she believes in him.     that alone scares her to her core; to put her heart in someone else's hands, to allow him the freedom to walk away like everyone else has.    if she has free will, then he does too; she will never take that away from him.     but she would be lying if she said relief didn't fill her the moment that his arms crashed around her, his embrace steady and warm  ——  her safe landing in the rough skies.     eyes slip close as her fingers wrap around his middle, arms squeezing tight as she swallows hard.

her thumb runs along the worn leather of his flight jacket; she allows him the moment of emotional vulnerability, allows herself to come entrapped in the feeling of being wanted.     for the first time, she feels like the world is right; the last time she had even come close to something like this was when aodh had chosen her.    this is bigger than a bond with a dragon though; a bond with another human being, another rider who understands a common goal, who understands the fear in the world at the uncontrollable magic, who knows her from the inside out?     that is something that she had never thought that she would ever feel. 

her nose nuzzles into his neck, taking in the scent of leather, his cologne, and the unmistakable scent of dragon that follows them around everywhere.     it's home, bottled up in a person that loves her and accepts her for who she truly is.     swallowing hard, fingers grip his flight leathers in earnest now, her body beginning to shake along with his sobs.     "you will never lose me, not to this place, and not whatever hell comes our way.     i am yours."      there is nothing but unmistakable loyalty in her tone, a fierceness that she reserves for the battlefield.     but right now it is for him, for everything that they have, for the future that they've entangled in one another.

jason todd in every episode — project starfire