...🔥🫠CHAOTIK ☠️ ARBITRARY☠️CREATIONS💥💨

—

Shunryu Suzuki

A darkness determined to ensure a life of a martyr defined as "untapped potential"

Capped is the capacity of which it can achieve,

Like watching a magnificent bird walk itself through life- despite the knowledge of its exceptionally large and brilliant wings- the bird only ever spreading them occasionally as if to remind itself they were there.

At first even the possibility that soon the bird would surely spread its wings to take flight would be such a beautiful spectacle that any time spent waiting would be well worth it.

Surely, such an extraordinary bird with such exceptionally impressive wings would inevitably take flight. Seeing nothing wrong with the bird, and having repetitively witnessed the bird extend its wings to the fullness of its massive wingspan-

It was just a matter of time until the inevitable became reality before their eyes.

But as time went on, and the bird continued to walk rather than fly- those watching fell away.

They went back to their lifes, unable to keep watching such a frustratingly obvious waste, giving up, accepting the birds unexplainable choice to continue to walk rather than fly as it should.

The longer you stayed the deeper you invested yourself into the bird, every step it took hurting you more and more, feeling helpless as you watch you yell out to the bird about the magnificence of its wings, reassuring the bird of its gift of flight, beating yourself up over your inability to do more to help the bird youve learned to love, but staying nonetheless praying you can somehow want it enough for the bird- you become angry and start to resent the bird for its foolish decision to seemingly throw away its gift of flight- a gift you surely would embrace if given the chance- where at first you sought to understand the bird and its choice to walk, making allowances for its seemingly self sabotaging behavior, your unconditional love in the bird now causing you more pain than you know how to handle. You accept the new grim reality that you will never witness the bird fly-you give up hope, you tear yourself away, unable to watch till the bitter end, you cannot hurt enough to make a change, the idea of the bird soaring through the skies enjoying the full potential of its gifts becomes a painful unlikley "what if" in the back of your mind- now having accepted the bird will never fly, you move on the very best you can with your life. The bird walks on you assume. Time hardens your heart where your love for the bird had remained. Finding something resembling peace in the hope that the bird will finally be freed from its invisible chains in its life beyond death.

But you're still here in all actuality.

Shizophrenics aren't dead... never a walking casualty.

You'd be surprised to know that we are actually a commonality.

Additionally, it's possible for us to keep our empathy and lose rationality.

And we aren't a subnormality... even with illogicality.

Forgive this theatricality but don't keep this with confidentiality.

Spread it along, this factuality,

That we have both personality and vitality.

You may think, "this doesn't matter to me",

But that means you've missed the first thing about crippling insanity...

One day you will receive love, desperate to feed from the affections you give so effortlessly. One day they will trap you in between their arms, weave themselves through your legs and into your chest as their eyes will pin you down with a look so hypnotizing you will want to break free, as they confess that your love is an answered prayer that has been faithfully prayed for thousands of years. One day your heart will feel like a bird, not one trapped in a cage to be possessed and obsessed over, but instead, to be released into the gardens, chirping freely through the waterfalls, because hearing you sing your song will summon the dead leaves of their heart back to life. One day you will meet a love that will be angry when you don't share your anger with them. Like a spoiled child, they will want to be let in through the treacherous abyss in your heart no matter how many times you say no. They will want you to push them away and return every time to beam with pride about how their loyalty to you is more powerful than your fears. One day you will meet a multifaceted love. They will teach you that every sunrise is an opportunity to love the same lover differently each time. They will teach you that loving you is a project, one of the few hobbies that will garner their interest. They will want to study, be dedicated and enrich you. One day you will meet an easy love whose only simple ambition is to impress you. They will fall in love with the look of shock on your face, and since then, attempt to replicate and paint that look back onto your face over and over like a mad artist. One day you will find a still and quiet love. It won't be a love festive and bright or overbearing. Instead, this love will be like a chapel, a cemetery, and allow you to mourn, lament and grieve. One day you will meet a love whose desires are to indulge your wishes. Every laugh will feel like frosting, every kiss like sugar, and every smile like wine. A love who wants to get drunk on your pleasures. One day you won’t find a love, a love will find you.

One day you will learn to accept and believe that the love you desire and need, can come to you with ease.

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