Of a Friday Night

“It really isn’t.”

Leon practically almost shoved Tiamat away if it weren’t for the fact that all he had was her arm. He turned back to his smoke sticks and almost jumped on them, covering the boxes with his body like a mother bear protecting her cubs.

“I don’t believe you! Everyone wants my boxes. My smokes. They’re not safe here or anywhere. not from you. Not from them-” He pointed to random people. “Not from anyone! I’ll keep my sticks safe. From everyone. From everything. Forever! THEY’RE MINE! MIIINE!”

RANDOMIZER SAYS GREED

Leon scratched the back of his head furiously. They were going to steal his smokes weren’t they? WEREN’T THEY?! Oh, but he wouldn’t let them. Let anybody steal his precious menthol smokes with infused flavors. They were too good, too relaxing. It was his escape and his way to relax. Nobody- NOBODY would have them!

“Heh, heh…. heh!“

“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING !?”

RANDOMIZER SAYS GREED

Leon scratched the back of his head furiously. They were going to steal his smokes weren’t they? WEREN’T THEY?! Oh, but he wouldn’t let them. Let anybody steal his precious menthol smokes with infused flavors. They were too good, too relaxing. It was his escape and his way to relax. Nobody- NOBODY would have them!

“Heh, heh…. heh!“

“Oh, you know.” he said, casually, as though she had done anything but insult his home. “Just being some guy that lives in this mess. Got a nice cave dug out into one of the hills.”

He briefly ruffled his own hair, shaking some of the ash out, with a light chuckle. He didn’t really think it was such a bad place, so hearing people’s complaints about always amused him.

Even as they were conversing, Tiamat kept an eye out for the plants that grew around here. She barely even looked the red head’s way.

Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

I hope karma slaps you in the face before I do.

You know, it only takes four muscles to just extend your arm and bitchslap the twat.

Congratulations on being an awful bitch who’s completely oblivious to the fact that everyone hates you.

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

My business isn’t your business; so unless you’re my thong, don’t be up my arse.

I may look calm, but in my head I’ve killed you three times already.

I would retaliate against your snotty remark, but since you resemble a garden gnome, I’d say the joke is on you.

I thought I saw your face on my newsfeed but it turns out it was just a picture of a potato.

You want to walk out of my life, there’s the door. Hell, I’ll even hold it open for you.

I don’t do fashion, I am fashion.

Somewhere out there there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breath. I think you owe it an apology.

I’m only single because I’m too sassy for everyone.

Bitch please, have you seen me? I’m a princess.

I think, therefore I’m single.

Life’s too short to bullshit.

If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.

When in doubt, freak ‘em out.

I’d rather die my way than live yours.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.