what's wrong with a little chaos?

“I am not going to drag you shopping,” Clarke protested back, playfully and lightly smacking his chest. “I’m just going to drag you around everywhere else.” She couldn’t deny that she was excited to show Bellamy the city. She may have ran from it, but now she was ready to be home and she wanted to show him everything. She wanted to show him the Georgetown campus that she had spent four years on, the national mall, the cherry trees, all the spots that her parents had taken her growing up that meant so much to her. She just wanted to share it all with the man that she loved. If they were going to spend the rest of their lives together, than she couldn’t hide anything about hers from him. 

“Yeah I’m ready,” she said with a smile and then turned to her mom. “We’ll be back for dinner,” she promised. She wasn’t so terrible of a daughter that she wouldn’t eat dinner without her mom on the first night that she had been home in years.

“Sounds good honey. Enjoy yourselves,” Abby kissed her cheek and then walked off to her office, allowing Clarke and Bellamy to exit the house.

“Okay so..” she said as they stood besides her car, keys swinging around her finger. “This is the start of the official, exclusive Clarke Griffin D.C. tour. What do you wanna see first? The Washington Monument? White House? A Smithsonian?”

Bellamy followed her outside without protest, his hand only letting her go so that they could go to their opposite sides of the car. Opening his door, he shrugged, getting into the passenger seat and buckling himself into the car. He was going to need it if Clarke was going to be the one driving, but he was going to keep that teasing comment to himself. 

This was good. This was good. Once again, Clarke’s two worlds, the old and the new, were colliding but this time she was okay with it. There was no car crash and siren sounds going off in her head as her mother hugged Bellamy and they talked. Instead Clarke felt content and at peace, ready to move forward. 

“And don’t you forget it,” she teased him as she leaned into his side. Clarke even dared to give him a little peck on the lips, right in front of her mom. But if they were going to married, then Abby Griffin was going to have get to used to the PDA (though never on the same level that their friends had to). 

“Any planning starting yet?” Abby asked and Clarke shrugged.

“Not really. We’re still basking but we’ll start soon.” 

In her mother’s eyes Clarke could see her desire to rattle off a list of venues and guests and ideas, but she held back, much to her daughter’s relief. “Well if you ever need any help with anything, please call me. You’re going to go see Wells after dinner tonight?”

Clarke’s stomach clenched with nerves again at the thought of seeing her best friend for the first time in a couple years. “Yeah we will,” she said as she glanced at Bellamy, “We’re going to out downtown.” 

The peck on the lips was surprising, but welcome, and Bellamy felt both of them relax once in the other’s arms again. He let his hand reach up and run itself over Clarke’s hair as he watched her, talking to her mother, and he smiled at her gently  as she spoke.

When she glanced back at him, he nodded, and then looked back at abby. “I haven’t been out of New York City for years, and I’ve never been to D.C.” He shrugged. “Clarke is going to show me around, and probably drag me shopping.” 

Clarke took a deep breathe and nodded to her fiancee. They could do anything together, even her mother. “I love you too,” she mouthed back before quickly picking up the hand that was holding onto hers and placing a light kiss onto his knuckles. When her mom walked in, Clarke let go of him so that she could stand up and greet her. “Hey mom,” she said as she enveloped into a hug. And the way that her mom held onto so tight made Clarke have to bite down onto her lip. This homecoming had been a long time coming, and she felt guilty for not coming back sooner. 

“Hey sweetie,” her mom said once they pulled back and she brushed some loose hair back from her face like she had always done when she was a kid. “Good drive?”

“Yeah, yeah it was,” Clarke answered. She had a feeling like both she and her mom were a little unsure as to what to do. They were going to have to get to know each other again. 

But it made her happy when she saw her mom walk over to Bellamy and give him a hug, telling him that it was good to see him. Clarke made sure to give him an encouraging smile. So far this was going good. “Engaged…wow,” Abby said as she looked between the two of them and then Clarke let her inspect her ring. “It’s beautiful Bellamy. I can’t believe my daughter is going to get married.” 

Bellamy couldn’t help but smile as he watched his fiancee hug her mother, glad that they’were able to be in the same room without killing each other. They were even taking it a step further as to hug, and that made him smile wider. They were healing, and he was so happy for Clarke. 

It surprised him when Abby took a step back and turned to him. He expected a look of disappointment, but he only got a soft smile, and her arms enveloped him in a hug that he returned with surprise. He smiled at her when she pulled away .”It’s good to see you too, Dr. Griffin.” Which was true. He was glad that Clarke’s mom allowed them to come down. He knew that it was probably hard, not having her daughter around, and he was glad they were all willing to work it out.

Clarke let out a giggle as he pouted; Bellamy looked adorable when he pouted. “Later,” she promised with a little purr as she leaned up to kiss the corner of his mouth. She didn’t have the heart to tell him that her childhood bedroom had already been consecrated a long time ago. But doing it with her fiancee…that was definitely something Clarke was going to do before they left. 

“We can start it right here in the bedroom,” she said with a grand Vanna White gesture, “Where I have caught about 5 different couple thinking they could use it as their own little sex room during parties,” she laughed. And so Clarke took him all around the house, telling stories as she went. It felt good to share her memories with Bellamy. She told him about how she would slide down the bannister of the staircase, all her hiding spots as a kid, the time she had brought home a stray dog at the age of 7 and it had tracked mud all over the new living room carpet, the big sunday brunches her family had had in the kitchen, when she sprained her ankle flying off the swings in the backyard, the parties she had had in high school and how the cops had been called one time and she had been grounded for a month, and more. Clarke shared with him the life that she had previously been so desperate to hide away. It was all part of who she was and Clarke could feel something easing inside of her chest as they made their way around. But still, the door to her father’s office remained closed. 

When she was finished they settled down into the kitchen, cracking open the food that she had asked her mom to buy for them. It was an odd feeling for her to see Bellamy sitting at the kitchen table across from her. Then she heard the sound of a key in the door and a moment later, her mom’s voice called for her from the foyer. “In the kitchen,” she called back after a moment of hesitation. 

Bellamy followed her around, listening to her every word. Everything she said sounded so important to her, it was almost impossible to look away from her as she spoke. But he looked around her lazily, taking it every piece of the house. All of it seemed to important to Clarke, despite how she tried to pretend that none of it did. He knew her a lot better than that now. His hand gripped hers tightly throughout the entirety of the tour that she gave him, and when they ended up in the kitchen, it was like they had done this one hundred times before. 

Bellamy was going to be her anchor during this weekend, Clarke knew that. She was going to need him to make sure that she didn’t drown in everything that coming back to D.C. brought up inside of her. And she was so grateful for him that she felt like her heart could burst. She didn’t protest when he took the picture from her and set it back down, and with his hands cupping her face Clarke brought her attention back to him, back to the present. “Thank you,” she whispered. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes as he kissed her because she knew how much he understood her. She had been there for him when they had visited Aurora Blake’s grave, now it was his turn to be there for her when they went to visit her father’s. 

“Today will be good,” she echoed back with a firm nod. Coming back here was a way of Clarke acknowledging that it was time to the past behind her. It was time to move on, to forgive her mother and reconnect with her, and to start a new chapter. She and Bellamy were going to married, maybe one day they would have kids and would have a happy future together. But that could never happen if Clarke didn’t let go. “Come on, let’s you give Clarke’s grand tour of the house before my mom gets here,” she said to her as she took his hand and led him out her bedroom. 

Bellamy smiled at her, hoping that it was going to be. He knew how important it was for her to have a good relationship with her mother, despite what she might tell him out loud. He also understood how, much like him, her past affected her greatly. They both needed to let go in order to move on, and the two of them were doing that together. 

“Hey,” Clarke said as she booped his nose with her finger, “Wipe that look off your face mister.” She knew that face, that was Bellamy’s jealous face. He got it whenever he caught some guy or girl checking her out. Clarke found it both endearing, and frustrating depending on the situation. After all, she wouldn’t have a ring on her finger if he wasn’t the only one for her. But she so desperately wanted this night to go well, and she knew that for her Bellamy would try his best. That would have to be enough for now. “Seriously be nice or, again I say, you’re not getting anything this weekend,” she warned as this time she poked his stomach. “And yes you are a nerd, and you know it, and I know it, and all our friends know it.” 

Turning her eyes from him, Clarke’s gaze fell on another picture. It was one of her and her dad after one of her recitals from when she had been about 7 or 8. Her dad had her in his arms, and she had a wide gap-toothed smile as she held a little plastic trophy. She reached over to pick it up and bite down onto her lip to hold back any tears as she looked at the picture. Clarke wasn’t ready to cry just yet. “I wanna go visit him,” she said in a quiet voice as she continued staring at the picture. “Before we leave,” Clarke hesitated again, “I want him to meet you.” She wasn’t sure what she believed in when it came to any kind of afterlife, but taking Bellamy to her father’s grave, a place that she hadn’t been for a long time, maybe would help her heal a little more. “I can’t go back home without seeing him.” 

He rolled his eyes, a fond smile on her face. She knew, they both did, that he was going to be on his best behavior. Bellamy would do anything for Clarke if it meant that she would be happy, and if the night went well, then she would be. His gaze followed hers and the picture that it fell on, and his arms wrapped tighter around her. His eyes moved from the picture now in her hands to her face, and he sighed gently. He understood what she meant; they had visited her mother’s grave once or twice since they had been together. It was closure, and a way for Bellamy to feel as though his mother knew Clarke. 

“Fifth birthday. There was a pony. It liked to bite people,” she told him with a small chuckle under her breath she moved towards him. Clarke was surprised to see that her room was pretty much the same. Nearly everything was just how she had left it. She was sure that her mother would have changed into a gym or a new guest bedroom or just storage out of spite. But like much of this house, it seemed to have remained a shrine. Maybe Abby had been waiting to see if Clarke would come home, and that thought of guilt made her stomach clench inside of her. She had been gone too long. 

She let out a long sigh when his arm came around her, and her own rested to wrap around his waist. “I’m….,” she trailed off. Clarke wasn’t sure what exactly she felt; she could not pinpoint it onto one emotion. “Scared, nervous, unsure about everything, but relieved that you’re here with me. Seriously Bell, I couldn’t have come here alone.” She didn’t think she was ready for just that. Clarke was going to have face her ghosts here in DC, both those dead and those still alive. “I’m nervous about seeing Wells again.” She and her best friend had been apart for years, longer than they ever had growing up. And of course they had called and texted, emailed and Facebooked, and sometimes Facetimed, but all of that was different than seeing each other face to face. Would he be mad at her for running away to New York? Would he feel like she had abandoned him and their lives together? “But I’m excited for you to meet him, finally. I think you guys are really gonna like each other,” or so she hoped, “he’s a big nerd too.” 

The life that Clarke had lived when she was growing up was different to Bellamy’s, and sometimes he forgot how different the two of them actually were. However, by some miracle, the two of them fit. They brought out the worst and the best in one another, and it was because of that they were together. why they had magically fallen in love with one another and decided that it was better to spend the rest of their lives together than anything else in the world. 

“Spotless,” she answered him and her voice was only slightly bitter. Growing up, even the inside of her home had always had to look perfect Her dad had always been the one to bring more fun into the house, had made the messes that had made her mom smile before she had made sure to clean them up. But now her childhood home was like a mausoleum, a perfect shrine to what the Griffin family used to be. Clarke felt a sudden pang of sadness as she remembered when she and her parents had been truly happy. “Upstairs, go right, and my room is the last door. I’m just gonna go to the bathroom,” she told him, squeezing his arm before disappearing down a hall. 

Clarke took her time in the bathroom. And when she looked at herself in the mirror, she could not help but stare a little. She didn’t look much different than she had when she had left D.C. for New York but she knew that she was. And when Clarke left the bathroom, another door caught her attention. She stood frozen outside the door to her father’s office. It had not been open since he had died. Her hand hovered over the handle, tempted to go inside. But she dropped her hand and quickly made her way upstairs. Even though she was room, Clarke was still running away from her past. “Are you gonna make fun of me for my old academic trophies?” she asked Bellamy with a smirk as she walked into her old room. With him it was easier to hide and deal with her pain. “Because if you do, don’t think that anything is gonna happen in this bed this weekend.”

Bellamy watched her with a worried expression, knowing that this was harder on her than it was on him. When she requested he go to her room alone, he understood it was because she needed some alone time, and he nodded, heading off to where she had directed without hesitation, knowing that it was best she get it out of her system now. Her mother wasn’t home yet, and that wasn’t something that she seemed to be prepared for. Of course, Bellamy would be there for her the entirety of the time, but there was only so much he could do when he came to his fiancee and her mother. His future mother in law. 

When he talked Clarke didn’t really hear his words and she just nodded. She felt like she was frozen in her seat as she stared up at the house. Looking at it made everything come rushing back in; the expectations that she had always had on her and then recently failed to meet, the pressure on her to always act a certain way, her father’s death. But things were different now, she was different, and she wasn’t going into the house alone. She had Bellamy. 

So she got out of the car and followed him up to the front door. She may have purposefully fumbled around in her purse looking for her key longer than necessary. But since she couldn’t put it off any longer, she put it in the lock and pushed open the door. She was immeadiately embarrassed by the obvious wealth of the house as they stepped into the foyer. Both her mom and dad had come from money, and then her dad working for the EPA and her mom being in congress had added to it. It was clear that her mom had had the housekeeper come clean it up for them, as if it wasn’t always spotless. “So…this is it,” she said as she took more steps in and looked around. Very little had changed since she last been there. “Home sweet home and what not.” 

As they entered the house, Bellamy let out a breath, fighting back a shake of his head. It was amazing inside, even more so than the exterior, and he couldn’t imagine living in this place. Growing up in a home like this. Bellamy had known Clarke grew up wealthy, but this was so much more than he had expected. Even as he shut the door behind the two of them, following her in further inside the house, he could barely keep his mouth from hanging open, as his eyes took in the entirety of the interior. 

Clarke had decided that she was going to make new strides in her life. After all, a lot of things were happening; the biggest of all regarding the ring that she wore on her left hand. And it was because of that ring that she was doing what she was doing right then, which was driving in her car about to pull off the exit into a D.C. suburb with Bellamy besides her. Clarke didn’t want to go into being married with the bad blood still boiling between them. So when she had told her that she and Bellamy were engaged, it had actually been her idea to go down for a visit. She wanted her fiancee to see where she had grown up, the life that she had had before moving to the city, and also how she had grown into the person that he loved. Hopefully he wouldn’t judge her old life, and see just how he had come up with her Princess nickname. Hopefully this weekend would be bearable. Her stomach clenched as they started driving through her old neighborhood. She hadn’t been back since her dad had died and the memories were rushing back. Nothing had really changed about the pristine and affluent neighborhood with its perfectly trimmed green lawns where not a blade of grass was out of place, shiny cars in the driveways, the mini-mansions that were called “historic” but had actually been designed to look that way. The sight of it all made her immeadiately miss her and Bellamy’s little apartment, and Achilles who they had left with Octavia for the weekend. “Mom won’t be home yet,” she told him as they got closer and closer, “We should have the house to ourselves for a bit of time so we can just chill before tonight.” It had been almost five hours in the car thanks to traffic. 

To  say that Bellamy wasn’t nervous about the fact that he was in DC would be, well, a lie. He knew the way that Clarke’s mother felt about him, and the nation’s capital held a life that his fiancee had lived long before he had ever met her. He watched from driver’s seat as the NYC skyline turned into suburbs, and then into city once more, but it was unreal, the place that Clarke had grown up. It was just as Bellamy had imagined it - upper class, obviously conservative, so pristine that he felt dirty just being a few miles near. However, he knew that Clarke needed this, so he tried to relax, even as they pulled into the driveway of her house. 

Clarke didn’t know if she had ever been so happy before, and not even the rain and thunder could ruin her mood right then. She and Bellamy were engaged, they were going to get married. She wiped what she was now sure were hot happy tears away from her eyes, even if the falling rain made it pointless, as he slipped the ring onto her finger. Seeing it on there and having it fit perfectly only made the tears return though. It was beautiful. But Clarke didn’t have time to admire it long before she being fiercely kissed, which she gladly returned. “I love you,” she said into his mouth with a happy sigh. It seemed like he was unable to contain his joy as well and Clarke squealed and laughed as she was spun around. She had to laugh again at his exclamation. And the grin that she saw on his face was something that she always wanted to see and would never tire of. “I love you too,” she repeated as her fingers found their way into his wet shirt, curling them in tight and pulling him close to her as she kissed him with every ounce of love and happiness that she had inside of her at the moment. There was so much Clarke felt like she could burst from all of it.

Clarke didn’t care about the rain or the thunder or the way her socks squished inside her shoes. It could have been hailing and she wouldn’t have cared. And she wasn’t sure if the water that she felt running down her cheeks were raindrops or happy tears. For a moment Clarke just stared at Bellamy. His curls were stuck to his skin, his shirt was soaked through and clinging to his body, but his smile was as large and bright as the sun and his eyes were full of love and hope. And then her lips quickly grew into a smile that matched his as she looked at the ring that he held in front of her and then looked back at him. Unlike most decisions that she had made in her life, Clarke did not need to think too hard, or really at all, about this one. In her heart, she just knew. “Yes,” she said with a laugh of joy and then shouted “Yes!” again, even louder this time so that he could hear over the weather. 

“Why are you laughing?” she yelled back at him as she pushed wet hair away from her face. He was acting absolutely crazy and they were still standing there in the pouring rain. “I love you too but Bellamy let’s go inside!” What the hell was he doing? They were going to get sick if they stood out there for too long. Clarke was about to turn away to go inside, hoping that he would follow suit but Bellamy grabbed her hands before she could go. And she was ready with mouth wide open to yell at him but instead, his words left her speechless. Even with the rain roaring in her ears Clarke had heard him but she almost wasn’t sure if it was true. The notes and the dinner and his clothes had given her some clue but still he was proposing….Bellamy was proposing to her. “Say it again,” she asked him as her hands squeezed his, her voice low and soft with disbelief but she knew that he could hear her. 

Just as she stood up, the rain came pouring down. “Fuck!” Clarke cursed as the downpour started. The thunderstorm really had come out of nowhere but was now relentless and unyielding. In an instant her hair was sticking to her face and her clothes and boots were getting soaked through. Clarke could feel the little bit of makeup that she had on starting to run down her face. She stuffed the notes Bellamy had left her into the inner pocket of her jacket, hoping that there they would be safe. Little could be done about the food though, as much as she tried to save it. “What?” she yelled back over the rain and thunder. It was so loud that even though he was only a few feet away from her she could barely hear him. “Bellamy what the hell are you doing? Get up! We have to get inside!”

“Slightly true,” she countered back as she swirled her wine around her glass. With the notes making her look back on their relationship, Clarke could not believe how Princess can gone from patronizing to a term of endearment. “But you do look very handsome.” She had bought him that shirt and was again satisfied to see how good he looked in it. Again she wondered the reason for the clothes, and the dinner, and the wine but she held her tongue. Bellamy would tell her why when he was ready to, even if he knew he was making her squirm because of it. She was taking another sip of the wine when the sky suddenly boomed and Clarke let out a small groan. “We jinxed ourselves,” she laughed as she put down her wine glass. “Come on, let’s get this inside before the rain hits. This all looks too good to get rained on and ruined.” 

“Hmmm okay,” Clarke said as a smirk quirked up onto her lips. Bellamy knew how she wasn’t the biggest of fan of surprises or not knowing what was going on, but she would let him have this one. She tucked her loose hair back behind her ear, suddenly more conscious of her appearance since she was still in her work clothes and he was dressed so nice. “Now this very nice to come home to. And I still say that it is not my fault that he’s a beggar.” It totally was; she never had a dog growing up and couldn’t say no to Achilles big brown eyes. The wine was something that Clarke was especially excited to see; kid parties always made her want some wine. “To the weather for holding off,” she echoed back with a laugh as she clinked their glasses together. She took a long sip of her drink, sighing at the taste. This wine definitely wasn’t the cheap stuff in the box that she had become a fan of since moving to the city. “That’s good,” she said as their eyes mets and Clarke propped her chin into her free hand, “You’re making me feel underdressed babe.”

It took a few minutes for Clarke to see the note that was attached to the dog’s collar, and she got the crease between her eyebrows as they came together in puzzlement. But when she read it, a smile came to her lips. She quickly put Achilles into his kennel, and tried to scrub some paint from her hands before making her way up to the roof. The surprises came when she saw more little notes along her way, with Bellamy’s familiar handwriting telling their story. Clarke could not help but laugh at the beginning. As the story went on, she could feel her heart swell. Why the notes were left for her was the question and Clarke thought that maybe she knew the answer but was trying to be a smart ass or too presumptive. And then finally she got to the roof and she smiled wide when she saw Bellamy waiting for her, all dressed up with a dinner besides him. “Well this is a surprise,” she laughed as she walked up to him. “A very good one. But you want to tell me what it’s for?” she teased him, raising her eyebrows at him.