sometimes I wonder why it seems like the ones that will want me so bad seemingly for so long almost always end up being the ones to leave me.
I’m not sure which hurts worse… If it’s that they wanted me but then once they got me, they realized they had made a mistake and they really didn’t want me at all because I wasn’t what they thought or
if it wasn’t me they wanted in the first place, just the Chase or an ego boost or whatever it is they were seeking. Just definitely not me.
I kind of think of myself as like a Christmas present.
One that got wrapped early..the decorative paper being double wrapped with very bold and shiny designs.
When you shake it, you can hear something moving around in there…
It sounds fragile and breakable, but you still are clueless as to what it might be.
But the mystery and anticipation keeps growing as your thoughts race as to all the possibilities.
You can’t open it until Christmas…
So you sneak in your parents closet to rip off tiny pieces of wrapping paper, getting tiny clues. Seeing small puzzle pieces hoping to finally find out what is hiding in this box.
After all the time wondering, sneaking to investigate, excitement, you finally get to open it.
And you’re disappointed. It’s nothing exciting or cool or anything you’d ever want at all.
That’s how I feel it is when people who think they want me finally get me.
A fucking disappointment wrapped in beautiful bullshit.
I find myself apologizing just for being who i am.
I’m sorry I wasn’t what you wanted.

