cherry valley forever
Not today Justin
YOU ARE THE REASON
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@chaos-silk
reasons i haven’t replied back:
- i’m socially exhausted - i don’t have the time right now - i don’t know how to reply - i have a bad memory and got distracted - i’m having a depressive episode and don’t have the energy to socialise
not reasons i haven’t replied back:
- i’m ignoring you just because - i hate you - i’m fed up with you - i don’t want to be your friend anymore
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Hey, if we’re mutuals don’t forget that:
You can ask for my Skype
You can ask for my Steam
You can ask for my Discord
I might not sign into skype or discord for months, but I am always on Steam <3
<3
Ok, so audio is synced, computer is finally running ok. Now to make the video decent quality while I record (which is a paiiinnnn because laptop can barely handle it).
I did a thing
Right, so it’s prime day and out of curiosity I checked on some capture cards. I’ve been wanting to get into recording/streaming things for a while and I have a bit left over from my inheritance so I went for it. (Husband will be building me a gaming computer as soon as the graphics card market settles the eff down.)
So it’s going to be a thing now? Yay?
(This reminds me that I have some screenshots that I need to post in the queue, also this is in the queue because the more things between me and the bottom the better.)
If you’re reading this,
Instead of writing like I am supposed to, I am playing FFXII. I have no regrets.
(Don’t you just love when you pre-order something months in advance, see someone post something and go ‘oh yeah, I need that in my life’ and then find out past-you is awesome?)
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
<3
I am really, really bad at this queue thing. This is my reminder to fill it up with something decent later/
Taking a minor break on account of life is exhausting when you’re a night owl and then have to wake up at 4 AM to get to work (ok, it’s really 6 but I have to start my alarms at 4 or I never wake up). Three day weekend was very nice though, this is also a reminder to start building up the queue before it starts posting things I don’t want it to.
Untitled Silent Hill Fic Part 1/?
Title: [TBD] Fandom: Silent Hill 4/Downpour Pairing: Gen. Warnings: Canon-typical everything. Summary: Post 4 & Downpour. Battered, bedraggled and with nowhere else to go, Murphy receives one last letter on the way out of Silent Hill. Notes: Just a snippet, obviously unfinished. Some things might be changed before it’s posted to AO3, but I’m generally happy with the way it turned out. @holehere, sorry I could not figure how to reply before. Here’s the first part <3.
D & D Things
As anyone who plays Dungeons and Dragons knows, interesting things tend to happen. Our current campaign is set up like this: there are two different parties & sessions, one on the ‘human’ side and one on the monster. My party is on the monster side.
friendly reminder that if i have ever befriended you and have not spoken to you in a while it’s nothing you’ve done wrong it’s just because i’m a piece of shit at keeping in contact with people and i still love you okay good
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
You are a sweetheart who is endlessly creative and imaginative and I love seeing you on my dash <3. I've known you since you were a kid so it has to be true, lol. (Also: Hi! I found Tumblr again.)
The only thing I post are reblogs. I don’t do anything. And not quite sure if childhood counts, everyone was always more interested in my sisters than me. I’m obnoxious.
Hey now, you were a cute kid, not any more obnoxious than my little sister. You were awkward yes, but who wasn’t? (And it’s not like I have any room to judge, I am like, the queen of awkward).
I like seeing your comments on things and the back and forth you have with your friends in the tags. It’s cute. One doesn’t have to produce a whole lot of content to be creative.
One does if one intends to GET anywhere in life. I only asked for… idk what i was asking FOR … because I suck at self motivating and i need to finish this fucking comic page because it was SUPPOSED to be up on patreon yesterday but I had to work Tuesday and have been so down and stressed I’m struggling to bring myself to make it even though i know it would only take a couple hours.
And then there’s the whole- WHATS EVEN THE POINT it’s not like anyone is there to see it if I post it on time or not ANYWAY. But It still has to drop publicly NEXT week but because it’s been half a year since that comic was active no one really cares about it now that it is and just UGH!
But i HAVE to keep producing content, in fact I have to produce MORE content! we already have 2 other comics in planning stages one already starting to be hyped on dA because despite working a full time job and getting a decent damn wage i STILL don’t make enough to cover all my bills, gas food and then I’m stuck at home for weeks on end unable to leave the house interact with anyone other than MOM. AND I gotta be saving up too because there’s only 1 more year of school left and then all my student fees are due and I want OUT of this hell state and to live with my best friend, own a Scottish Kilt kitty and create comics and novels and other cool content together! But that will probably never even happen because I’m nothing but a dreaming failure!
I’m just so tired. all the time. Some days I want to just die, but insurance wont cover that.
I have been there, well not in that exact situation but a similar one. I only owed a friend of mine something and I couldn’t go through with it because I was/am so damn tired that even though it would not take me more than an hour or two, I just couldn’t bring myself to write it.
There were other factors involved, but I still feel guilty that I didn’t finish it or go through with it. Sometimes every unfinished project is like a knife to my heart and I just cannot go on anymore (... especially since I keep starting things and not finishing them).
Sometimes I still cannot make myself do it, I haven’t actually written anything worthy of being shown outside my notebooks in months. I actually logged back into tumblr to get myself back into the habit of writing daily (I filled the bottom of my queue with embarrassing stories so I would be -forced- to write something up and pop it in there).
It’s... yeah, it’s a lot. Especially when you aren’t sure if anyone’s really reading it or if it’s even being noticed. You start feeling sad and depressed and then start wondering if it’s even worth it at all. You want to produce, you don’t want to produce. You want a nap that lasts forever, you want to stay up all night and watch silly cat videos. It happens.
Yeahhhh... Work sucks and it will always suck you in when you least expect it. You think they have it settled then next thing you know you get a phone call at 6AM after working six days in a row asking you to come in because someone did a thing or wants to do a thing (and you notice that if you want to do a thing, no one wants to cover for you :/). It sucks and they do not pay anyone enough. It’s a cesspool of need and want and ugh.
However, you have to keep on the bright side. You have goals, you have dreams and you absolutely can do it! I believe in you! You are smart and creative and can achieve anything you set out to do. I know it’s rough, especially when that little voice in the back of your mind starts talking incessantly. Do not let that little voice win.
I can sympathize with being tired all the time. I am too, not so tired that I’d really like to die, but so tired I’d just like to not exist for an unspecified amount of time because just thinking takes too much effort some days.
It will be ok <3. Just take your time and do it little by little, don’t think of everything you have to do all at once or you’ll get overwhelmed.
You are a sweetheart who is endlessly creative and imaginative and I love seeing you on my dash <3. I've known you since you were a kid so it has to be true, lol. (Also: Hi! I found Tumblr again.)
The only thing I post are reblogs. I don’t do anything. And not quite sure if childhood counts, everyone was always more interested in my sisters than me. I’m obnoxious.
Hey now, you were a cute kid, not any more obnoxious than my little sister. You were awkward yes, but who wasn’t? (And it’s not like I have any room to judge, I am like, the queen of awkward).
I like seeing your comments on things and the back and forth you have with your friends in the tags. It’s cute. One doesn’t have to produce a whole lot of content to be creative.
Silent Hill 4/Downpour Fic Plotting
So a while back I was thinking about Henry and Murphy and how they look alike/might be related. I did a fair amount of writing on it, but some of it didn’t flow right and I’m probably going to rewrite it when I get the time (who am I kidding, I never have time, lol).
Anyway, I thought writing out my thoughts and putting them out where other people could see them would kickstart my desire to write.
Placing it under the cut so that if I do ever get around to writing & posting it, people who don’t want to be spoiled will not be. Keep in mind this is a barebones outline and I probably will scrap some stuff. And it is in no way in chronological order.
/headdesk
So between finishing the last post and this, the tablet I bought specifically for writing upon had a dog related accident. (whoops). Very annoyed and very grateful I have enough saved up to immediately replace it with something I like better. It is shiny, red and will have armor & a protection plan, something I forgot to put on the other one.
I wasn’t exactly thrilled with how the broken tablet was handling and while I am not exactly excited about having to replace something I use pretty frequently (there was some screaming, but at least I got my money’s worth out of it), what I bought was what I wanted in the first place but didn’t have the funds to get. (Also red! Yassss.)
I’m annoyed, I’m delighted and more importantly, there’s now another post in the queue between me and embarrassing stories I don’t want to share with the internet.
Now that my queue has been sufficiently filled with enough embarassing stories to shame me into ensuring that at least two things have been written (say what you want about me, I do know how to motivate myself when it comes down to it), let's start with some quality(Ha!) content.
Silent Hil has always been one of my favorite series, even though I have never really participated in the fandom. I think I have written and posted a total of one fanfic for it and that was way back when livejournal was still active (but not, incidentally when any of the Silent Hill comms were). There's a few more lingering around my writing folders, but I was never really satisfied with their quality so they were never posted. Granted, even when games -were- coming out the fandom was never really large, nor did it have a lot of fic so I'm sure that if I had posted it would have been welcomed.
Anyway, 4 has always been my favorite, as well as being the scariest. I'm not saying it's the best, it does have its flaws as they all do. But it has a special place in my heart. I can and will go on for hours if not days about 4's characters, lore & storyline (which is why I am saving it for a separate post). Henry is my favorite protagonist, Walter makes me want to write all the fix-it fics, Eileen is <3 and Frank... Well, he makes it easy to understand why James is so weird.
Downpour is a close second. I like the little bits of lore we learn here and there, the implications that James was only one of many called into the town to be punished, and also how far Murphy was willing to go for Charlie. Silent Hill has always been this interesting mesh of good & terrible parenting and I really like how strong a theme it is in Downpour. I only have one really strong plot bunny for it, and I will probably post some snippets of this later.
The original is my next highest ranked. I have nothing but love for Harry. All the love. Best Dad. And also Lisa <333. I really wish we had gotten a better remake than... whatever the hell Shattered Memories was supposed to be. Something like RE1's remake would have been awesome, an expansion on the story instead of a very, very alternate take.
Origins is fourth on the list if only because it's so damn creepy. After 4 this is the one I found the scariest. Travis didn't make much of an impression on me (though I do find the idea of him being trapped in that area, picking up hitchhikers and bringing them to Silent Hill forever very intriguing). The Butcher, while fascinating is also a bit horrifying and kind of felt like a combination of Valtiel and Pyramid Head, not really original. Never really gotten any plot bunnies for it, aside from some post-3 Harry feels.
2, 3 & 5 are all equally ranked, I love Heather & Alex. James is... special. I'd like Homecoming a bit more if it was set in Silent Hill itself.
I think I am done on this for the moment, more later probably.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Writing Woes
One of the issues I have been having lately is not writer’s block, but the fact that what should be a quick little 500+ word ficlet turns into a 10k+ word monster and I just do not have the time for that. Especially when I am already multi-tasking and have about ten things that need to be done right now.
And also editing, so much editing needs to be done. [I feel I should also mention that I have switched between three different writing programs this year alone, so everything is also a muddle.]
Why plot? Why? I just wanted a drabble, not a multi-chaptered fic. I want quick fic, not effort fic...
/headdesks & whines
So I remembered this was a thing.
Whoops. I may have kind of sort of forgotten my password? And some things happened, had a death in the family, got promoted at work, life sucks & people are complicated, etc, etc.
I’ve barely had any time to write because I am exhausted because my schedule keeps flopping from opening and evening shifts, which in turn leads me to missing out on talking with my friends who either keep opposite sleep schedules or are in different time zones.Â
Basically I logged in because I missed talking to @iamkatsudone, @scythesxroses and @alynnl <3.
I will try to be around more often but I make no promises and I will definitely queue up some things so this blog has a little more content other than...
Ok, so it’s all going to be random nonsense, it’s me, What else would you expect?
