"you're not...?" sara sniffles, voice weak and broken. "it's not my fault? you're too nice. i can't. i don't deserve it, shinjiro. not at all."

caretaker.

i'll  stay  until  you  fall  asleep.

you're  not  a  burden.  not  to  me.

you  don't  have  to  act  tough  with  me.

let  me  help.

if  you  need  to  cry,  i'll  look  the  other  way.

you  don't  have  to  talk.

let  me  handle  it,  just  for  a  minute.

rest,  i'll  watch  over  you.

i  don't  care  if  you  think  you're  fine.  i'm  staying.

deep  breaths.

just  lean  on  me.

you're  safe  now,  okay?  just  breathe.

i  know  it  hurts.  i'll  sit  here  as  long  as  it  takes.

i'm  not  leaving  until  i  know  you're  okay.

you  don't  need  to  hide.

let  me  take  care  of  you  this  time.

shh.  i'm  right  here.

you  don't  have  to  put  on  a  smile  for  me.

i  don't  think  less  of  you.

i'll  be  here  when  you  wake  up.

you're  allowed  to  lean  on  me.  that's  what  i'm  here  for.

you  don't  have  to  be  okay.

scoot  over,  i'm  not  letting  you  sleep  alone.

your  hair's  a  mess.  let  me  brush  it.

don't  apologize.

cared  for.

i'm  tired,  that's  all.

please  don't  go.

i  don't  know  what  i  need.

you  didn't  need  to  come.

you  shouldn't  have  to  see  me  like  this.

i  hate  feeling  like  this.

i  was  trying  to  push  through.  i  think  i  made  it  worse.

this  is  so  embarrassing.

can  you  just...  stay  a  little  longer?

i  didn't  think  anyone  would  notice...

i'm  not  safe  in  my  own  head  right  now.

why  are  you  being  so  gentle  with  me?

i  don't  want  you  to  fix  me.

today's  just...  one  of  the  harder  days.

i  didn't  know  i  needed  to  hear  that.

can  you  stay?  after  i  fall  asleep?

sorry.  i  didn't  mean  to  flinch.

i  don't  always  know  what's  going  to  help.

this  is  the  nicest  anyone’s  been  to  me  all  week.

i'm  sorry.  i  know  i'm  a  lot.

i  don't  even  know  why  i'm  crying...

i  think  i'm  broken.

you  didn't  have  to  do  all  this  for  me.

i  don't  want  to  be  a  burden.

They’ve always hugged, but lately those hugs linger just a beat too long.

Sharing a bed during a trip—neither of them sleeps much because they’re too aware of the other’s presence.

Accidentally slipping into couple habits (buying each other food, remembering their exact coffee order, fixing their collar, etc.).

Friends teasing them for acting like a couple… and both of them freezing because it hits a little too close.

One notices the other’s dating profile and feels irrationally territorial.

The line between “friendly banter” and “flirting” has gotten blurry.

A partner/bystander points it out bluntly: “You know they’re in love with you, right?”

A fight about boundaries—because one of them wants more, but is terrified of losing the friendship.

A drunken kiss that neither of them can stop thinking about.

Everyone else assumes they’re together already… and they can’t quite correct them.

“Do you have any idea what it does to me when you look at me like that?”

“You’re supposed to be my safe place, not the reason my chest feels like it’s going to explode.”

“We can’t—God, we can’t cross that line.”

“Say it. Say you don’t feel it too, and I’ll drop it.”

“You don’t get to touch me like that and still call it friendship.”

“Stop smiling at me like I’m yours.”

“If this is just friendship, then why can’t I breathe when you’re this close?”

“You’re going to ruin me, and you don’t even know it.”

“One more second like this, and I’m not going to be able to stop myself.”

“Tell me you don’t want me, and I’ll believe you.”

“Don’t kiss me like that and pretend it means nothing.”

“We’re not supposed to do this. We’re not supposed to feel this.”

“I’d rather lose my mind than lose you, and right now I think I’m losing both.”

“Do you want me to beg? Is that what this is?”

“If we cross this line, nothing will ever be the same. And God help me, I still want to.”

“If you keep touching me like that, I won’t be able to stop.”

“Friends don’t ache when the other leaves the room. So what does that make us?”

“Tell me to go, and I will. Please—say something before I do something we can’t take back.”

“Don’t call me your best friend when you’re looking at me like I’m more.”

“If this is nothing, then why does it feel like everything?”

“You don’t get it, do you? Every time you smile at me, it feels like a promise.”

“You’re in my head all the time, and it’s killing me. Friends aren’t supposed to feel like this.”

“If we cross this line, you’re not just my friend anymore. You’re my downfall.”

“You’re standing too close.”

“Do you even know what you’re doing to me right now?”

“Stop making me want something I can’t have.”

“I can’t lose you to this, but God, I can’t stop wanting you either.”

“You’re looking at me weird.”

“That wasn’t a… friendly thing to say.”

“Do you always stand this close?”

“Why does it feel different when it’s you?”

“You’re supposed to be my best friend, not the one making my heart race.”

“That… didn’t sound like a joke.”

“Stop holding me like that. Friends don’t hold each other like that.”

“Do you even realize how you’re looking at me right now?”

“Don’t call me yours. You don’t mean it.”

“I can’t breathe when you touch me like that.”

“Say we’re still just friends. Lie to me.”

“We’re not supposed to want this.”

“If this is nothing, then why does it feel like everything?”

“One more second and I’m not going to be able to stop myself.”

“Every time you laugh, I forget we’re not allowed to be more.”

“Tell me you don’t feel it. Please. Tell me I’m imagining this.”

“You can’t just kiss me and act like it means nothing.”

“I’m trying so hard not to want you, and you’re making it impossible.”

“If you keep looking at me like that, I swear I’ll ruin everything.”

“Tell me to go, or I’m not going to.”

“You’re mine. God help me, I don’t care what we call it—you’re mine.”

“I’d rather destroy this friendship than pretend I don’t want you anymore.”

“Do you want me to beg? Because I will.”

“We’ve already crossed the line. The second I realized I loved you, we did.”

“Stop staring at me like that. You’re my best friend.”

“You can’t just… say stuff like that. We’re supposed to be friends.”

“Friends don’t make my heart do backflips when they smile.”

“Why does it feel like I’m cheating when you go on dates?”

“Don’t hold my hand if you don’t mean it.”

“We’ve been friends for years, so why does it suddenly feel different?”

“Don’t kiss me like that if you’re going to pretend it didn’t happen.”

“You’re supposed to be the one I tell about my crush, not be the crush.”

“That’s not a friendly kind of jealousy.”

“If we’re just friends, then why do I feel like you’re mine?”

she doesn't like admitting when she's dealing with a flareup. she feels like it's selfish of her to complain about her pain when others have it worse. she tries to brush it off most of the time so no one worries.

show  me  how  much  i  can  grow?

with  that?

what  she's  asking  for  is  obvious.

shinjiro's  answer,  then,  is  to  kneel  down  in  front  of  her.  putting  them  at  the  same  height  isn't  enough  -  he  wants  her  to  have  the  advantage.  to  be  above  him.  he  wants  her  to  feel  more  in-control  than  she  evidently  does  right  now.  he  puts  a  hand  over  hers;  over  the  dowel.

so when shinjiro pauses what he's doing, kneels so that he's below her level, and speaks to her in a soft, low voice she's never heard before, sara feels like she might just shatter into a million pieces right then.

"i..." she's at a loss for words, looking into his eyes. any refusal she wants to throw back at shinjiro dies in her throat, doesn't get past her opened, shocked lips. sara swallows hard. "....why?" that's all she can get out, her heart threatening to burst from her chest. "why do you care for me like i'm fragile? i'm used to the pain, so it doesn't bother me. why do you... treat me like a person? aren't i just a tool?"