so these are my headcannon pesto moms, redesigned!

alright so i think that all the pesto kiddos were results of one night stands. jimmy senior seems like the kind of guy who would wanna spend his twenties and thirties as a bachelor, i can’t really see him settling down at a young enough age to have had j-ju legitimately

j-ju’s mom is a quiet, semi-reserved woman named margaret. she actually lives in new york city, where she’s a political journalist. she came into seymour’s bay to get some stress off and write a simple lil fluff piece on lobster fest. she ended up staying a weekend and had a one night stand with jimmy– after all it wasn’t like they’d ever see each other again. she really didn’t think anything of it until she discovered she was pregnant. she didn’t want to keep the baby, but also didn’t want to get an abortion for personal reasons, so she gave birth then called jimmy like “hi right so i have a baby and it’s yours.” she wasn’t ready for a kid, she didn’t want one, and she certainly wasn’t about to raise the kid on her own, so she was gonna give him up for adoption,. jimmy made an impulse decision and just kinda “oh no no i can take him” before realizing “shit i don’t know anything about babies whOOPS”

eventually once he got kinda used to taking care of lil j-ju he got back into the swing of things and had another one-night stand with a woman named emily. emily was a rather rich trust-fund baby who traveled for a living, working as an interpreter. she liked the idea of kids, but realized that wasn’t going to mesh well with her busy life, and decided she wanted to travel more than she wanted to have kids. by the time she decided this she was in her third trimester, far too late for an abortion. and jimmy, kinda cocky with how well he was raising jimmy junior, was like “ha i can take him wAIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE ARE TWO OH GOD”

he still didn’t know that much about babies tbh

emily actually visits about once a month, (at the most,) and calls on holidays. she’s… kinda involved in andy and ollie’s lives but they don’t see much of her. she’s sharp as a whip but a lil ditzy and kinda bad with words when she isn’t translating and dates (timezines fuck with her) so she can forget to call on birthdays and stuff which is hard for everyone margaret however is like… absent. she doesn’t dislike jj or anything but she isn’t emotionally stable enough to deal with a kid so she’s told him that when he’s eighteen, if he wants, he can contact her and they can meet, until then tho she’s not ready. jj sometimes finds articles she’s written and keeps a box of them under his bed. she doesn’t cover lobsterfest anymore meanwhile the twins always ask their mom if they can travel with her and like! she can;t say no! so she says that maybe wjen they’re older. emily and jimmy both know it’s an empty promise but the twins have lil suitcases packed in their closets just in case their mom pops by and suddenly says that yeah, they can travel with her, of course! (it’s not gonna happen sadly)

so like the first time lil jj ever sees his dad shitfaced he’s just like

Pickerings Triangle

LOOOK AT THIS ART, CLICK THIS LINK!!! SPREAD THE WORD!! GET THIS SHOW PICKED UP!! JUSTIN ROILAND’S NEW SHOW!!!!

This was waaay funnier in my head. 

based off this vine