no rest for the wicked;

Oh. 

Well. Shit.

That umm, that sounded far too much like his new boyfriend to be anyone other than his new boyfriend. J had mentioned needing to cut things off with a few fuck buddies but Ty hadn’t known one of them was Chad. Also, J baked? Interesting. Tucking that tidbit away.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” He said sincerely. Tyler hadn’t ever thought his own happiness would have to come at the hand of someone else’s misery. Chad fucking Redding had enough misery without Ty sticking his nose in. “Know that doesn’t really mean shit, but I am sorry. You deserve better than that.”

Chad did deserve better than that.

He ran his tongue over his teeth, going down his list of past swings. Someone who wouldn’t do Chad dirtier than they already had, shit. The best ones lived just out of town so that was a no-go. Which left…

“I can promise they’ve no dog, and they can’t bake. Well, actually I’m not sure if he bakes. But he’s really good-looking.”

–

***

“You don’t have to apologize. Not your fault that my personal life sucks. And, hey, at least you made me a drink to drown my shit in. That’s more than can be said for most of the people around here.” Though, truthfully, it would have been better if he hadn’t picked up the drink, but whatever. After everything that had happened, he deserved to throw one or two back. Chad had missed that comforting feeling of being numb anyways. It was high time that he returned to that feeling as far as he was concerned.

“Yeah? I’m…not really sure what I’m looking for right now. The guy I was…fucking, I guess, I thought about it. Thought maybe, this time, I could be happy. He was simple and probably dealt with shit that I had no business being around, sure, but he was good. He was nice and caring and shit, too caring really. It was ridiculously unfair how easily he could guilt me into behaving simply because he was being too kind for me to blow off his gestures, but whatever. He found someone that he wanted more and now I’m back on that ‘love is bullshit’ train.”

Jesus blinked, caught off guard for a moment, and then shook his head. “I wasn’t- I meant the fight, not. Not all of it. I knew what I was signing up for that first night.” Or he thought he had. “But it’s pretty obvious that you’re here because you wanted to get hurt, and that’s not the kind of shit someone just trying to ‘be happy’ does, angel.”

Addressing the other bit of Chad’s speech was gonna take him a half second of brainpower, because Chad was wrong. Jesus hadn’t left without a word. He’d tried staying in touch. Chad was the one who dodged his calls, not the other way around. But it didn’t seem like pointing that out was the best idea, especially not when Chad looked about on the verge of frustrated tears. Mary have mercy, Jesus wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle it if Chad started crying. 

It was Chad calling himself a “Fuck-toy” that kicked Jesus back into action. He couldn’t- he couldn’t just stand here and listen to bullshit this powerful. He wouldn’t. 

“Hey,” he said, voice low and firm. He took a step closer, still holding onto Chad, heart beating a million miles a minute as his emotions ran wild. He was- on the outside he was sure he looked as composed as he always did, maybe a little more intense than usual, but in his mind it was a maelstrom that he couldn’t sort through. “I’m not the one who ghosted. I told you that my boyfriend wouldn’t have to change that much about us- I like you, and whatever the fuck is going on in your head right now is worrying me, ‘specially if you’re delusional enough to tell yourself I just thought of you as a piece of ass. I- mierda, Chad, madre de dios, it wasn’t like I planned to get a boyfriend while we were sleeping together. It just happened. Shit happens. That doesn’t erase everything we did together, or at least I didn’t think it did, till you stopped returning my calls.”

When Chad pulled away, it was only bald shock at what he’d said that kept Jesus from reaching out again, as a whole lot of pieces finally clicked into place in his head. 

Oh. Oh shit. There weren’t enough curses in English or Spanish that could adequately express the level of “I fucked up” that Jesus was feeling right now. He was- he was the stupidest goddamn fucker on the planet earth, he must be, not to have seen this.

The thing was. The thing was. Chad was ridiculously easy to like. That impulse Jesus felt whenever he looked at the other, that oscillated between wanting to pin him to the wall and make him moan, and wanting to wrap him in a blanket and spoil him to death? That impulse was strong as a motherfucker, and Jesus still hadn’t realized until he’d slept with Chad a few times that it would be so, so easy to let the other into his heart in a dangerous way. It would take so little effort to let himself want Chad in a permanent sort of way, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t because he was in love with Ty, like, endgame kind of love, and because he’d thought that Chad was- that Chad didn’t. He’d thought it was just a bit of distraction for the other man. Sure they’d become closer than that along the way, but discussions about feelings, about permanency, had never even occurred to Jesus because, well, he didn’t think they were on the table for someone as complicated as Chad was, someone as devoted to his privacy and his freedom as Chad was. 

Clearly he had. Misjudged that. A lot. 

“Angel,” his voice cracked, throat suddenly dry as the Sahara. “I…” he ran a hand over his short hair, and shook his head as his expression went from intense concern to that of a person who was absolutely at a loss. “Shit.”

***

“Don’t call me that! You don’t get to fucking call me that! Right, nothing is supposed to change now that you have someone else. I’m just supposed to watch you get to be happy and what, hope that you have some time for me afterwards? I’m done being forgotten and second best! I’m tired of being the backup or just slightly not good enough to be someone’s first choice! You didn’t give a shit about me. You didn’t want anything with me. You just wanted to sleep with me until someone you actually liked finally came along and you made them someone important to you! You let them actually have something solid and structured while I got…sex.”

Tears finally started traveling down his cheeks as he took another step back. “Fuck you. Just…fuck you for making me believe that I could actually have something decent, that someone could actually want me. If you had just wanted to fuck me, you could have done it without pretending like you gave a shit about me. Just…go find your fucking boyfriend, Jesus. I don’t need you anymore. I don’t want you.” Chad swallowed hard as he took yet another step back, ready to turn away and do…anything other than stand there.

Jesus had been fighting in controlled and raw environments since he was a teenager, both intentionally and not. That’s what happened when you fell in with “the wrong crowd,” and when you realized that there was a decent amount of money in selling yourself, in certain ways. Chad wasn’t the worst fight he’d ever had, but it came pretty fucking close, mostly because Jesus was trying to balance making sure it was entertaining and not actually severely hurting Chad. Still, they’d both be bruised, and by the time he pinned the younger man to the mat he was breathing heavily with the simple exertion of having held himself back for so long. 

Watching the blood trickle from Chad’s nose was bad enough, but when the man started talking to him Jesus felt, ridiculously, like he’d been slapped. Below the ring money was changing hands, a few people were still clapping for Jesus, but his attention was honed in entirely on the short man in front of him. 

“Hey!” It took Jesus a moment to make himself move, but the thought of just having Chad walk away after all that had him vaulting himself easily over the ring to hurry after him, reaching out to grab his upper arm with no compunction for the bruising over naked, sweat-slicked skin. This wasn’t how he’d next wanted to feel Chad’s body under him, that was for damn sure. 

“Hey, fuck me, I get it,” he said, tugging Chad to face him. They were getting some curious stares but Jesus wasn’t sure that Chad would agree to go anywhere else with him, right now, and he want to risk the other man bolting on him. He knew he should greet Ty- oh god, Ty was here, Ty always watched his fights, what would he make of that? What would he make of this? Jesus hadn’t exactly told him the whole story with Chad yet…

“I’m not gonna apologize for pulling my punches, though,” he continued, hand still on Chad’s upper arm, expression emphatic and raw in a way he normally didn’t let it be. “Can you blame me for not wanting to give you goddamn brain damage? I know you’re dealing with some shit, but trying to use me to ignore it, or deal with it, or whatever? That’s not fucking cool.” 

His mother would have rapped his knuckles with a wooden spoon for how many curses fell from his lips, right now. 

“I do care about you,” he finished, the words feeling entirely inadequate for the impulses racing around his ribs. To pull Chad close, to smother him with affection, to protect him. It was so strong he felt choked by it, but he couldn’t make himself move. Ty was somewhere in the crowd. 

***

“I didn’t fucking use you for it! Okay, fine, maybe the first time we hooked up because I wanted to get over the feeling of being turned down, but after that I kept coming back because I liked you. I liked you and you were supposed to like me too, but apparently I was just a good ass for you to fuck, huh? And I’m not dealing with anything. I’m not trying to ignore something or run from something. I’m just trying to live my goddamn life and be happy like everyone else in this godforsaken town gets to be, but apparently that’s not possible for me because the moment I try, it gets ripped out from under me. So, excuse me if I’m a little bitter over the fact that the one good thing I had going for me in a long fucking while is just gone without a word.”

He could feel hot tears stinging in the corners of his eyes, but Chad didn’t care. Just as he didn’t care the blood that had slowed, but was still coming from his nose and traveling over his lips. It was a familiar metallic taste, one he wasn’t fond of in the slightest. “Don’t. Don’t fucking lie to me anymore. I don’t need your fucking pity or whatever in the hell this was. I don’t need you to pretend like you give a shit about me when clearly you were able to just hop into something without a goddamn word to me! But, I guess people don’t really consult with their fuck-toys because they find something worthwhile, huh?”

It hurt to pull away as it forced him to allow the bruises on his body to be touched, yet still Chad did so. “Just…don’t. I let you in. Like a fucking dumbass, I let you in and you never had any intentions of…of anything with me. I was just something to occupy your time with until you finally got who you wanted.”

“When I’m not working, yeah.” He was here often enough that it hardly felt like a secret. “Usually I’m over at Fairy Tales.” He twirled a glass in hands as he looked over the booze. It felt like he oughta give Chad something a bit better than the standard well drink given he’d just had his ass handed to him. Plus, he was cute. Kinda a shame, really.

Ty went pink, chuckling. Despite being a bartender he still wasn’t used to people besides Johnny actively hitting on him. “Haaa, yeah it’s a good look on you not gonna lie. I’d take you up on the offer if I wasn’t– I’m taken. Sorry, it’s a shame. You’re really cute. Definitely woulda said yes a few week back. I know a few people though, if you’re looking.”

***

“Of course. Everyone’s got partners. It’s a lovely time.” He didn’t want to sound so bitter, yet he couldn’t help himself, not when that now familiar painful feeling rose in his chest. He needed to find someone who didn’t have someone they answered to and wouldn’t care getting under him, but it also wasn’t as if he could just go around asking people if they were single. Also, a few more rejections and Chad was pretty sure he really would lose his mind. So, instead, he just took another sip of his drink and groaned at the offer to be set up. It seemed a bit pathetic, really, but what did he know? Doing it himself wasn’t really getting himself anywhere and so far, this guy couldn’t be worse at picking someone out for him than he was at choosing for himself.

“Sure, why not. Just make sure they aren’t some hot fighter who likes to fuck you every way to Sunday and lets you hug his dog while giving you baked goods then decides he doesn’t want you anymore because apparently he found someone. Cause, already been down that road and not really interested in traveling down it again.”

***

A small smirk graced his lips at Chad’s outburst, he couldn’t say he hadn’t felt that frustration towards his own cousin at one point. “You know, all that,” he waved his fingers pointing at the younger man, clearly referring to his temper, “could be really useful if you knew how to use it. I think we can work with that.”

Chad’s offer was interesting, and Javi paid special attention to it. After their accidental encounter where he got badly injured in a fight, he couldn’t deny he considered the other’s skills beneficial in the long-term, though the latino wouldn’t have straight asked him to be the Seven go to person when they got injured, but now he was offering…  “So, you’re saying you’ll be fine with doing some patching up work for us?” He questioned, wondering if he really was someone to trust. Chad still wasn’t aware of what they did off the record, even when he could have his theories. “It’s not just me and Jesus, nor taking care after a rough fight. Our crew could need someone with your abilities.”

***

There were so many things he wanted to ask – like what exactly would he need to patch people up from or why didn’t they have someone on staff already that could patch people up if the fights got that rough. Though, there was something that told Chad the fights weren’t exactly what was roughing people up here. Still, the offer wasn’t a terrible one and if he was helping patch people up, then he was doing a good thing – right? It seemed like a small price to pay in order to get what he wanted, even if that small price more than likely had an underlying steeper, hidden price attached to it.

“Alright, fine. You teach me how to actually do this shit and I’ll make sure that you guys are patched up, no questions asked.” Whatever it was that Javier and apparently Jesus got into when they weren’t in the ring, Chad didn’t need to know about it. And, if it involved Jesus, he certainly didn’t want to hear about it from anyone but the man himself. “Just…I just need to know one thing. I know I’ll be patching you guys up, which means you’ll be getting injured and all that, but…Jesus…whatever it is that he’s getting into…is he safe?”

***

           “I’m not sure what I believe anymore,” she admitted, half believing that there was a reason for everything that they did or didn’t do while there was always that thought that everything wasn’t a part of a plan. Danielle knew that the only reason she was there in the first place was thanks to Lily, or the fact that her brothers raised her on their own for years before then. When younger she might have blamed every loss on a higher power, but time had worn that belief thin to the point where it was nothing but choices that led her here. And now. They were all fucked up choices too.

For too long she’d put too much of herself on others, believed that they’d make the right ones and she’d never have to worry about being alone ― joke was on her, now she was nothing but alone. “Isn’t that something that’s universal? It starts as being a kid that wants nothing more than to leave town and never look back, but then they blink ― and they’re adults with the same wish but they feel more trapped than ever before.” 

Maybe her story wasn’t the same as his, maybe it was nothing compared to his but Danielle could understand the small desire to be unrecognizable in her own skin. “I never liked my name anyways when I was younger. That would be the first thing I’d change if I left here.”

***

“I’ve never cared much about the name itself. Chad is fine and Redding is whatever. It’s just…people here know that name and I hate it. I hate that hearing Redding makes people think of my sister and everything that came with her.” There was plenty more that he hated and worried everyday would get associated with his name, but that had been covered up. Heaven forbid that people found out about the Redding boy actually trying to off himself or any of the real trouble he had managed to get up to. No, that had been pretty well hidden, if only to save the family reputation – as if that was anything special.

“I wouldn’t even care what name I would take on, if I even took a different name. I would just want to be somewhere where no one would think to look up the name Redding.” Though that would have to be far away. People got curious and when the story of your sister’s murder was only a google away, well it would be rather difficult to really escape. “What would you change it to, if you could?” It felt weird, talking about this as if it was something beyond the realm of possibility. They spoke as if they were children again, coming up with wild fantasies about running off to some magical kingdom, though Chad supposed that’s what it felt like when you were an adult dreaming of escaping all of your problems.

“If you could actually get out of here and change your name, what would you end up changing it to? Would you tell anyone about it?”

Tyler inclined his head. That tended towards the way of things with The Cage. Great word of mouth appeal, no official marketing at all. Hopefully that fight didn’t mean that Chad wouldn’t come back. It wasn’t like he was a bad fighter or anything. Just had the misfortune of going up against J for his first Cage fight. And that had been Jesus going easy. 

He gestured Chad towards the back before ducking behind the area normally reserved only for the Seven. “Just gotta grab your poison of choice. What kinda drink you want? We got the shit for well drinks and a few of the regular’s favorite mixed drinks.”

==

***

“Honestly, I’ll take anything.” He’d never been picky, not when it came to alcohol. Everything went down the same and if he had enough of it, it managed to serve its purpose – making him forget. That’s really all he wanted in the moment. He wanted to forget about the pain and he wanted to forget about the way his heart had always managed to start racing during every minute he had spent with Jesus. Most of all, he wanted to forget about how that was all gone now that the man had this new mystery boyfriend. “So, do you hang around here often? Seems like a fun place.”

Fun if people liked getting their teeth knocked out, but hey, with his violent nature it seemed like the perfect place. It wasn’t the best for his mental health – not by a long shot – but it would serve other purposes and who gave a fuck about getting better anyways? “Ya know, I’ve been told that guys are into the whole fighting look. Who knows, maybe my night will turn around and I’ll get lucky here. Present company preferred.”

Jesus let out a short breath through his nostril’s. He wanted to push, chastise Chad for obviously not giving a shit about his own health, but he really shouldn’t have been surprised. His brief- if deep- acquaintance with the man meant that he knew all about Chad’s struggles to care for himself. 

Javier. Jesus wished he could be mad, but he couldn’t. God, he was wishing a lot of things right now, but distantly he did understand how this situation came to be. Javi would have seen someone like Chad and seen an opportunity to get new blood in the ring; it was a good call, it made sense. The only thing Jesus objected to was the fact that he had a personal relationship with Chad and happened to know that a fight club probably wasn’t the best way for him to be dealing with his problems. 

Except his problems weren’t Jesus’ concern. He’d made that clear time and again, especially when they last spoke. 

“’Anything else’?” Jesus echoed, brows raising briefly before they furrowed in concern at Chad’s words. He was about to flat-out tell the other man that getting the shit kicked out of you wasn’t a substitute for therapy, when Chad spoke again, and the words seemed to pour out almost in spite of himself. As if a single declaration wasn’t enough. Jesus blew out another hard breath, this time through his teeth. He looked at Chad in the silence after the other spoke, absorbing it. 

“Alright. You’re here to fucking fight. I get it,” he said quietly. His lips twisted into a frown. “I’ll try not to knock out any of your teeth.”  

On that note he turned and went back to his corner of the ring, and closed his eyes, and breathed deeply for a count of seven. Somewhere in the room, Javi rang a bell. 

Time to fight. 

***

It wasn’t Jesus’s fault that he felt this way, not really. Chad had been holding this pain in for far longer than he had known the man. It had been a long time coming, really, but accepting that wasn’t likely, not when it was easier to blame everything on this one interaction. Admitting that it wasn’t just because of the fact that Jesus had seemed to move on easily enough meant that Chad would have to admit everything else in his life that had gotten to him, and that wasn’t happening. Instead, he wanted to focus everything on this moment, right then. He wanted to let every ounce of rage and pain take over his body.

He was fast, that much was obvious, but at the end of the day, Chad had to admit that he was unskilled. Rough around the edges may have worked for a few fights in the streets now and again, but it wasn’t like that in the ring. Though he could tell that Jesus was controlling himself, only hitting Chad where he needed to in order to disable him, the punches were still landing while most of Chad’s just…weren’t. Some were too far of a swing, too short to actually meet the mark, not enough to even phase his opponent.

When the final bell rang, he was exhausted. Blood dripped down his nose and he could feel the familiar warmth of the liquid on the corner of his mouth, but it was far less than he had been expecting. Jesus hadn’t completely obliterated him, not as he was sure the other man could and somehow, that pissed him off even more. “Fuck. What the fuck is wrong with me that you can’t do any of this all the way? You make me fucking feel shit for you then you…you fucking find a goddamn boyfriend. Now you can’t even give me a proper fight. Just…fuck you.”

Whether he liked it or not, it was over. Chad wiped away the blood from his mouth and hopped out of the ring. He’d drown his feelings later, just as he should have always done. Whatever he could get his hands on, someone had to have something good around this joint, right?

Jesus let out a short breath through his nostril’s. He wanted to push, chastise Chad for obviously not giving a shit about his own health, but he really shouldn’t have been surprised. His brief- if deep- acquaintance with the man meant that he knew all about Chad’s struggles to care for himself. 

Javier. Jesus wished he could be mad, but he couldn’t. God, he was wishing a lot of things right now, but distantly he did understand how this situation came to be. Javi would have seen someone like Chad and seen an opportunity to get new blood in the ring; it was a good call, it made sense. The only thing Jesus objected to was the fact that he had a personal relationship with Chad and happened to know that a fight club probably wasn’t the best way for him to be dealing with his problems. 

Except his problems weren’t Jesus’ concern. He’d made that clear time and again, especially when they last spoke. 

“’Anything else’?” Jesus echoed, brows raising briefly before they furrowed in concern at Chad’s words. He was about to flat-out tell the other man that getting the shit kicked out of you wasn’t a substitute for therapy, when Chad spoke again, and the words seemed to pour out almost in spite of himself. As if a single declaration wasn’t enough. Jesus blew out another hard breath, this time through his teeth. He looked at Chad in the silence after the other spoke, absorbing it. 

“Alright. You’re here to fucking fight. I get it,” he said quietly. His lips twisted into a frown. “I’ll try not to knock out any of your teeth.”  

On that note he turned and went back to his corner of the ring, and closed his eyes, and breathed deeply for a count of seven. Somewhere in the room, Javi rang a bell. 

Time to fight. 

***

The fight hadn’t been an easy one. In fact, it had felt like hell every time he was punched. It was especially shitty when Chad knew good and well that Jesus had been holding back, not wanting to seriously injure him. Even if he could appreciate the mercy, the annoyance was still there. He had burned off quite a bit of energy, but the pain was still left over and that was hard to tolerate as he stood there, out of breath and panting softly. He stared at the man for a moment before snapping out of it, pulling off the gloves that had been used and sighing. He was tired now, both physically and emotionally as he gave Jesus another look.

This wasn’t somewhere he could linger around for too long, not with now knowing that Jesus seemed to have a strong connection here. If he was wanting to avoid the man, going to a place where he seemed to be a part owner wasn’t really in his best interest. Without a word, Chad headed back to the side of the ring, exiting and making his way to the back. A quiet corner would do the trick – give him some time to think.

What was he doing here? How did he feel now that he knew who exactly owned the club? Did he want to stay?

🔥

Harriett couldn’t help the feeling of sadness that fell over her when the male mentioned that the one he’d been interested in found someone else. While she had understood that Chad’s involvement with the other had been little and rather quick, she hadn’t anticipated the fact that perhaps Chad had genuinely liked the male. Mossy hues flicked over her nephew’s features in order to decipher what kind of response she should give him. Though he let little slip through, the red head still felt sad for him. “It doesn’t matter. It’s okay to be said about that.” Which she assumed Chad knew. This male, while perhaps a bleep in the male’s life, would still be significant given how he’d played a part in Chad discovering and accepting who he was. 

“Exactly, take your time and just have fun.” Harriet said. In truth, she was out of her depth with the situation. She’d never had children and hadn’t ever thought about what it would be like to speak to her nephew and niece about these kind of things. For many years, the red head had been content with giving them money and allowing them to raise themselves. 

“There’s plenty of other fish in the sea.” The woman said with a shrug of her shoulder. He couldn’t exactly leave town to see what other fish lingered out there or to avoid the other male, she Chad was strong and if anyone could get over heartbreak — she knew it was him. “Well, I’m just glad you told me and that you feel you can come to me with anything. At least, that’s how I hope you feel because I’m here.” A hand reached out to squeeze his but immediately pulled back as she knew Chad didn’t appreciate too much affection.

***

A wave of exhaustion hit him now that everything was said and done. Apparently coming forward with that confession had taken a lot out of him – more than he had expected. Still, it was nice to know that he had finally accepted something about himself and been able to share it with his aunt. Even if they weren’t he closest family members, a strong part of him wanted to be. He had been on his own for so long, learning what it meant to take care of himself and only having himself to rely on when things got difficult. To have her there now was jolting in the best of ways.

“Yes, Aunt Harriet. I know.” They were both trying to make this work. Years of conditioning didn’t just go away, but they were trying and that was something. Even if the topic chosen had been an embarrassing one. “I know I’ll meet other people. I plan to meet other people I just – it was nice…having someone care for me and seem to want to take care of me just because it was me.”

Jesus hadn’t known who he was, hadn’t known what sort of a family and what level of wealth Chad had come from. He wasn’t seeking notoriety, blackmail, or leverage. He had just been content taking care of Chad and spending time with him. Such a realization had come later to him, but it was one that held fast in his mind. “I hope…when I do find someone, they’re as nice as him though.”

***

“Yes, cousin. Believe it or not we’re related.” The confusion was fair, Javi hadn’t mentioned who his business partner was to Chad, mostly because he didn’t think it was necessary not knowing about the history there was between the two. A history he thought was more related to a mutual dislike than what Chad was slowly revealing. He didn’t need to say much for Javier to realized what this was all about, and now he was somehow standing in the middle of some messy exes or whatever situation, which would turn into an even worse thing now that Jesus and Tyler were dating. “I see,” he offered a small nod, followed a short raise and fall of his shoulders. “If he looks out for you is because he cares, that’s what friends do. Not trying to side with him here, just saying.” Even when in his own personal experience that wasn’t quite true.

The other’s glare only caused his lips curled up into a smirk. “Of course you did, my bad.” Which weren’t enough if the guy wanted to jump on the ring against other people that weren’t as lenient as Jesus, that’s why he made him come a night where his cousin would be fighting. “Kinda offended you think there’s no goodness in my heart,” he pointed out, though obviously with sarcasm. “I’m a business man, Chad. This is my business, so yeah, if I give you lessons they’re not gonna be free. I feel you got no issues with money, yeah? Unless you got something more interesting to offer.”

***

“Well I don’t need him to care, so he can take his care and shove it right up his – “He was getting worked up and it wouldn’t do either of them any good. Javier wasn’t the one who Chad had issues with. He had already gotten a chance to have it out with that person and that person had won. Jesus had won because Chad hadn’t been strong enough – something he would fix by working with Javier. The offer was tempting. He could come here, work on his fighting skills, get stronger. It could finally be a place where he let his anger seep out. That’s what people did in fighting rings, right? They let their anger fuel them and push them forward towards victory. He could do the same.

“I guess that depends on what you want. I’m sure I have a remarkable skill set that could be of value, but if you’re looking for a steady paycheck to keep this place going, I’m more than good for that as well.” Whatever fee Javier was looking for in order to get lessons, Chad could pay it. If it meant that he got to keep coming back and getting stronger, he would pay whatever fee Javier put in front of him. It was that simple.

“I want lessons. I want to get stronger. I want to be able to move as quickly and land punches as hard as I saw the other fighters do. Whatever I have to do to get there, I’ll do it.”

Harriet was only worried about two things: that he was safe and happy. Whether it was with a female, male, non-binary individual didn’t truly matter to her. All she wanted was for him to be safe as he explored his own sexuality with whomever he wanted to explore it with. For what she knew right now, he was well equipped to do that as he’d never come to her for any sort of doctors appointment or worry. Therefore, she dropped the subject and saved them both the embarrassment of discussing something they’d never done in the past. It had been her job but when she’d taken up guardianship of them, she expected that they were old enough to have already gotten the sex talk.

“Positive,” she said with a nod as she brought the glass of wine to her lips and listened to the way the male spoke about this person. While she would have liked to know that they had met somewhere and gotten to know each other, she couldn’t fault him for a one night stand. Not when she’d done multiple of those throughout the year. “What happened?” She asked softly then, knowing they were no longer seeing one another. 

Bitting her lower lip, she smiled. “It’s also new, right? I mean people don’t normally have types because sometimes people surprise you.” Harriet didn’t have a type but she also wasn’t someone who looked for personality because she didn’t keep anyone around long enough to get to know them. “Attractive, nice, respectful. Hopefully all traits you enjoy in a partner. You’ll have time to figure it out and unfortunately, things not working out and heartbreak can often be apart of that.”

***

“Oh. He…found a boyfriend, actually. And since he has a boyfriend now, well we couldn’t really keep…seeing each other.” Once again, a feeling of embarrassment at the words settled in. He had no reason to feel embarrassed, yet here he was. He was a grown adult. It was only natural that he would feel attracted to someone and he was well within his right to engage in something consensually sexual with them if they so choose. It was just, talking to his aunt about it all felt wrong. “It’s fine, though. I mean, he’s happy I think, and that’s what matters.” His shoulders rose in a slight shrug then. In front of his aunt, he would pretend as if it didn’t bother him – put on something of a brave face for her. She didn’t need to deal with all of his problems right away.

“Yeah. I guess I’ll find out what my type is when I find out.” If he even really had one, though Chad figured he had to, right? Everyone had a type, even if it was vaster than others. He had to have a type because there had to be some people in the world that he just didn’t find appealing.

“Heartbreak…yeah, I guess that will be a part of it, but I’m fine Aunt Harriet. Really, it was just a thing. It was just…sex, you know?” As embarrassing as it was to say, at least that lie felt better than admitting that he had been hooking up with a guy and went and got stupid feelings that weren’t even returned. His aunt would be sympathetic towards him, that much Chad knew, but he didn’t want her sympathy. He didn’t want anyone’s sympathy, never had. “It’s all fine.”

**

Maggie raised her eyebrow and wondered what it was about men about activities that made them sit still and think for a moment. First Jack now Chad. Honestly what was so bad about the mere concept having to find something like calm? Everyone could use more time to think zen things. No matter what.

When Chad laughed, Maggie smiled. She’d never heard him do that before. Now that she had, it was a sound wished the world got to experience more. Just for that she’d teach Jazzercise every week. 

“People still absolutely still get dressed up and go to Jazzercise. Some people even wear the crazy 80′s makeup. I, of course, always remain in yoga pants because I am a professional. But I’ve worn the crazy eyeshadow once or twice.”

***

“That’s insane.” Though there was something that sounded fun about it – not caring and just getting dressed in your most ridiculous outfit to work out. It had a carefree feeling to it that Chad had never truly felt. Every moment of his life had been on guard, waiting for the moment where something would bite him in the ass or the moment Madison decided to make his life a little harder. Never had he just went out and did something absolutely insane but harmless just for the point of having fun. As depressing as it was, fun just hadn’t been a concept of important to him growing up. Now, however, it was interesting to think about, even if Chad never actually planned on joining the class. It wasn’t anything he was interested in, but it was still nice to hear that there was something that carefree and light being engaged in.

“You all teach a lot of classes here, don’t you?” Maybe he was just inflating it, but it felt like there was always a class being taught and always something going on when he looked at the schedule for the gym. It was either they were very busy with classes, or Chad just happened to keep swinging by when there were limited classes available. Either way, it was interesting.

“Have you ever taught something really weird?”

**

Considering that Jesus had beaten Chad pretty badly, he couldn’t really begrudge the tone to Chad’s voice. He’d heard it plenty of times when people lost to J. Usually it made Ty feel a little bit smug, catching someone under-estimating Jesus felt a bit like watching people under-estimate Rocco: they never noticed the danger until they were already in pain. This felt different, though. The whole fight had.

“This your first time here?” He asked. J didn’t always fight, and Chad had seemed pretty chummy with Javi at least. Maybe he’d fought one of the nights it wasn’t J’s turn to step in. Ty was the brand of hopeless that really mostly paid attention to Jesus, anyhow. “I know where they keep the good shit, if you want a drink.”

***

“Nah. Didn’t even know about this place until – “ He stopped then. This man was already here, so surely he knew the drill already, but loose lips and all that good stuff. “I didn’t know a thing about it until someone directed me here after…after learning that I needed a place to let off some steam.” He needed way more than that, but at least this would help take the edge off of things. Chad could appreciate that much at least. This didn’t substitute for therapy, not really, but it would have to do so as he didn’t plan to step foot into a doctor’s office for some time – at least not unless forced to do so.

At the offer of a drink, Chad perked up slightly. He shouldn’t be doing it, but it was too hard to say no in the moment. After everything, he was feeling more hopeless than the moment he had walked in the door. A drink would help curb that feeling. It could help numb the pain that seemed to be his constant state at this point. “Yeah, a drink would be nice. Thank you.”

Jesus hadn’t seen Chad since he broke off the sex-specific part of whatever their relationship was. After that it was pretty obvious that the other was ignoring him, and Jesus’ desire to give Chad space warred with his worry for Chad’s health. Well. He had a pretty good idea of how Chad was doing now. Which was not great, if just looking at him was a fair indicator, and the fact that he was here of all places. How had he even found out about the Cage? One of his dealers? This place was the kind of underground he didn’t figure someone like Chad would deliberately seek out. In fact, he knew Chad was fit, but he wouldn’t have ever expected him to be a fighter. 

Jesus frowned at the snap. “Sorry, man.” Chad’s response had him exhaling sharply. Shit. Chad was here with an axe to grind, with life in general if not Jesus specifically. 

“This isn’t a gym, Chad,” he said seriously, stepping close and pitching his voice low. “People get hurt here, bad.” Sometimes Jesus and Javi were the ones who hurt them, and other times they were hurt themselves. That was part of the appeal of this place, of the fact that it wasn’t strictly legal; they had no boundaries. Plus, they made a killing with the betting. “Seriously, the fuck are you doing here?”

He hadn’t meant to be so fierce, but he didn’t like the idea of Chad diving into something he didn’t fully understand. They were slated to fight, so unless Chad decided to tap out, they’d fight, and Jesus would just have to do his level best not to knock out any of the other man’s teeth. 

***

“Yeah, kind of got that. I accept the consequences.” He was there to let it all out. All the rage, all the hurt, it was going to leave him that evening because Chad didn’t know what else he could do if it stayed around. “I know what I’m getting myself into. I’ve already talked to someone about this place. Javier already explained this shit to me and I’m ready for it.” He didn’t know that for sure. There would be no way of really knowing that until they were both at it and the fight was going, but whatever. Chad would either have it in him or he wouldn’t. Either way, he was there to at least do something.

“You’re the one who is supposed to fight me, right? Then honor what you’re here to do and fight me. Shit, can’t be worse than anything else.” It wasn’t fair to pin all of his pain on Jesus, especially when it wasn’t the man’s fault. He wasn’t angry at just Jesus, but the man was such an easy target to apply all his pain towards. Years of pain, anger, and desperation was now piled onto the other man and though Chad knew it wasn’t right, he couldn’t help it. Feelings were shitty that way.

“I know what I’m doing. I came here to fight. If you don’t want to fight me, then fine. I’ll find someone else to do it, but I’m tired of just standing on the sidelines and waiting. I want to do something. I want to be active and stop feeling on edge every fucking second of every day.”

–

Watching Jesus fight the Redding kid had felt… honestly Ty wasn’t sure what exactly it made him feel. Different. Not the same way J’s fights normally made him feel. It had been obvious that J’s heart wasn’t in it. He’d seen J phone in a fight before but this hadn’t been the same. Something was different. Jesus would tell him later. Probably.

He couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of him when Chad asked if he was here to fight. It was a bit more of a reasonable assumption, he didn’t need his cane today and he had the look of a regular. It wasn’t Chad’s fault he had a life outside small town busy-body gossip. If anything it helped Ty like him better. 

“Oh no, no my fighting days are well behind me. Even when they weren’t, I was never this sophisticated. I never miss one of J’s fights though. I know I’m the one ‘supposed to be the artist, but he’s really something out there.” He cast an appreciative look back to Jesus on the side of the ring.

***

It wasn’t hard to match up the man’s gaze right in the direction of Jesus. Seeing that and hearing the guy call him ‘J’ Chad realized that he had probably picked the wrong person to really wonder towards and start a conversation. But that was just his luck, it seemed. Making the right choices on people to engage in conversations with had never been his strongest talent. Though, he was at least grateful that he knew this guy was at least somewhat friends with Jesus early on. It would keep him from saying anything too harsh and getting his ass kicked – again.

“Sure, he’s really something.” Even though he tried to hold it back, there was still a bit of distain in his tone that even Chad hated. He hated that he felt so bitter towards Jesus. He hated that everything felt terrible, even if he knew that it wasn’t the end of the world. Worst of all, he hated that he had felt any bit of attachment in the first place in order to be feeling this way, but he supposed that’s how life was sometimes. He didn’t like it, but that didn’t stop it from being the way things were.

——————

“People,” she nodded along. “But that’s not everyone.” Maybe it wouldn’t make much sense to him. But Ariela had met enough folks to know that in the whole wide world there was always going to be someone willing to be in your corner. Even now- maybe she didn’t think about it often enough but Ariela was paddling in quite a similar boat to his. When she thought about it she knew she had the town’s scary and powerful looking at her like she’d done something wrong by saving a man’s life. And yet she still had people in her corner. She wasn’t an island.

“If you truly believe all that, you’ve just been talking to the wrong people.” 

Ariela didn’t know if she was the ‘right people’ exactly, but it had to be better than whatever Chad had been hearing. She gave him a confident smile, hoping he would still be able to catch it in his down turned gaze. “I’m no expert, but I think talking about it with someone is the first step. And even if it isn’t, it’s still a good one at that.”

***

“A majority can’t just be the wrong people.” Chad muttered out, knowing that at that point he was being more of a feet-dragging brat than anything else as Ariela was there trying to help him. There she was, trying to be positive and say that he had someone on his side, but he was there refusing. Admitting that he had someone on his side would lead to just admitting that he couldn’t handle it. Even when he wasn’t alone, he couldn’t handle it. No, it was much easier to tell himself that his hardships were because the world was against him. When that was the case, he didn’t have to take hard looks at himself in the mirror and acknowledge the issues.

“Even if I am just talking to the wrong people…I don’t even know who the right people are.” He could guess, sure, but what if he was wrong? What if he chose wrong and they ended up leaving him as he expected them to? “I want to get better. I don’t like feeling this way anymore.”