Jesus had been fighting in controlled and raw environments since he was a teenager, both intentionally and not. Thatâs what happened when you fell in with âthe wrong crowd,â and when you realized that there was a decent amount of money in selling yourself, in certain ways. Chad wasnât the worst fight heâd ever had, but it came pretty fucking close, mostly because Jesus was trying to balance making sure it was entertaining and not actually severely hurting Chad. Still, theyâd both be bruised, and by the time he pinned the younger man to the mat he was breathing heavily with the simple exertion of having held himself back for so long.Â
Watching the blood trickle from Chadâs nose was bad enough, but when the man started talking to him Jesus felt, ridiculously, like heâd been slapped. Below the ring money was changing hands, a few people were still clapping for Jesus, but his attention was honed in entirely on the short man in front of him.Â
âHey!â It took Jesus a moment to make himself move, but the thought of just having Chad walk away after all that had him vaulting himself easily over the ring to hurry after him, reaching out to grab his upper arm with no compunction for the bruising over naked, sweat-slicked skin. This wasnât how heâd next wanted to feel Chadâs body under him, that was for damn sure.Â
âHey, fuck me, I get it,â he said, tugging Chad to face him. They were getting some curious stares but Jesus wasnât sure that Chad would agree to go anywhere else with him, right now, and he want to risk the other man bolting on him. He knew he should greet Ty- oh god, Ty was here, Ty always watched his fights, what would he make of that? What would he make of this? Jesus hadnât exactly told him the whole story with Chad yetâŚ
âIâm not gonna apologize for pulling my punches, though,â he continued, hand still on Chadâs upper arm, expression emphatic and raw in a way he normally didnât let it be. âCan you blame me for not wanting to give you goddamn brain damage? I know youâre dealing with some shit, but trying to use me to ignore it, or deal with it, or whatever? Thatâs not fucking cool.âÂ
His mother would have rapped his knuckles with a wooden spoon for how many curses fell from his lips, right now.Â
âI do care about you,â he finished, the words feeling entirely inadequate for the impulses racing around his ribs. To pull Chad close, to smother him with affection, to protect him. It was so strong he felt choked by it, but he couldnât make himself move. Ty was somewhere in the crowd.Â
âI didnât fucking use you for it! Okay, fine, maybe the first time we hooked up because I wanted to get over the feeling of being turned down, but after that I kept coming back because I liked you. I liked you and you were supposed to like me too, but apparently I was just a good ass for you to fuck, huh? And Iâm not dealing with anything. Iâm not trying to ignore something or run from something. Iâm just trying to live my goddamn life and be happy like everyone else in this godforsaken town gets to be, but apparently thatâs not possible for me because the moment I try, it gets ripped out from under me. So, excuse me if Iâm a little bitter over the fact that the one good thing I had going for me in a long fucking while is just gone without a word.â
He could feel hot tears stinging in the corners of his eyes, but Chad didnât care. Just as he didnât care the blood that had slowed, but was still coming from his nose and traveling over his lips. It was a familiar metallic taste, one he wasnât fond of in the slightest. âDonât. Donât fucking lie to me anymore. I donât need your fucking pity or whatever in the hell this was. I donât need you to pretend like you give a shit about me when clearly you were able to just hop into something without a goddamn word to me! But, I guess people donât really consult with their fuck-toys because they find something worthwhile, huh?â
It hurt to pull away as it forced him to allow the bruises on his body to be touched, yet still Chad did so. âJustâŚdonât. I let you in. Like a fucking dumbass, I let you in and you never had any intentions ofâŚof anything with me. I was just something to occupy your time with until you finally got who you wanted.â