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When my friends started drifting away, I thought I was just going to be okay. And I was, for a while. I was happy for them, and I still am. They’re finding themselves in other people. They are growing up. They are pursuing love and happiness. It was okay. I was okay - up until routines were completely erased, up until I caught myself finding no place and no person to go to, up until lunchtime meant eating alone. But nevertheless I’m fine. Everybody else is, too. Sometimes it’s hard to let go of the familiar. Change is never easy, because we become beginners all over again - getting lost in finding our path, not knowing where to go and when to go. But really, I’m just being melodramatic. I’m happy still because I know that not even life can take them away from me. So now I tell you, adapt to the changes. They’re there for a reason. It’s for you to grow up and to continue living life like it’s the first day.
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How do I tell my friends I'm depressed, that I have constant thoughts of suicide in my head, whithout sounding like a drama queen, an attention whore or that i'm just too much for them to handle?
Okay, the first step is, if you can, to try and avoid making assumptions about other people’s reactions. It’s totally fair to make those assumptions, based on societal stereotypes, etc., but focusing on those will get in the way of you getting what you need from the people around you.
When it comes to actually telling them, ask if they’re willing to have a potentially difficult conversation with you. If they are, just be direct. I have, more than once, sat down with my wife and said, “I’m feeling suicidal, and I’m scared.” That’s when she asks me how she can help. Sometimes I just need a hug, or I need to do a brain dump, or I need to watch The Notebook and cry. Other times, I need to ramp up therapy to two times a week, and I need to make sure that I’m showering and eating—or I need someone to help me make sure.
Ultimately, if you tell someone that you’re feeling suicidal and they tell you that you’re being an attention whore or a drama queen, they are NOT the person you need to talk to. Accept that your relationship with them only goes so far, and move on to the next person you trust. You may have to try a few people before anyone can really dig in with you. That sucks, but it’s okay. Keep going. Someone will listen. I promise.
If you come to a place where you’re hurting, afraid, or need someone to talk to, please reach out to one of the resources below. At the very least, keep the resources in your back pocket, because even if you don’t need them for yourself, you will inevitably need them for someone else someday.
You can reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 or Trans Lifeline at 877-565-8860 (U.S.) or 877-330-6366 (Canada). If you’d like to talk to a peer, warmline.org contains links to warmlines in every state. If you don’t like the phone, check out Lifeline Crisis Chat or Crisis Text Line. If you’re not in the U.S., click here for a link to crisis centers around the world.
Wow. That is a great question. I kind of think you did a great job right there.
How about “I’ve been really depressed, and having constant thoughts of suicide in my head. I’m worried about sounding like a drama queen, or an attention whore, and I’m really worried you’ll freak out and think I’m too much to handle. But I just can’t handle this on my own anymore, and I really need you to listen.”
Being suicidal constantly is an incredible amount of pain. And that kind of pain could kill you. While I can understand wanting to find a way to tell your friend that is “just right” it’s probably more important that you just tell them, rather than telling them in the perfect way.
Sometimes people call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800 273 8255) or text Crisis Text Line (741741) and they can even practice how they are going to talk to their friends, and problem solve anything they are worried might happen after they tell their friends. And, the facts are that not everyone has practice listening to friends telling them about their suicidal thoughts and feelings. Just like you might not tell them about your feelings perfectly, they might not react perfectly either. It’s a good idea to have someone to call or text if it doesn’t go well.
We’re so sorry to hear that you’re going through such a difficult time. We know how hard it can be to find quality mental health care at an affordable price. One suggestion is to take a look at the SAMHSA Treatment Locator at www.samhsa.gov. They have a list of low-cost and sliding-scale treatment facilities in the country, including community mental health centers.
NAMI can also help! We have discussion groups on our website www.nami.org where you can connect online and learn from people who know what you are going through. You can also reach out to your local NAMI Affiliate to see about in person support groups in your area, which are free to join. Find your local NAMI Affiliate at www.nami.org/Find-Your-Local-NAMI.

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How can we increase awareness and compassion of "scary" or "difficult to accept" mental illnesses such as personality disorders, psychosis, schizophrenia, DID, OCD, bipolar disorder, etc?
I am an advocate for people with Borderline Personality Disorder, and I spend a lot of time thinking about this very question.
I believe we need to empower the people who live successfully and effectively with these disorders to tell their stories. I know and love many people “scary” mental health disorders, not just as patients I serve, but also people who are my close friends in day to day life, as well as shoulder-to-shoulder advocates I work with.
For example, I really do know many people who have recovered from Borderline Personality Disorder. It is entirely possible to heal and no longer have this diagnosis. But poor public awareness, and terrible stigma *among clinicians* often cause people to get ineffective treatment, and suffer needlessly for years. There are very few stories of recovery written, how people with BPD go on to build a life worth living (which is the most likely outcome if they get effective therapy).
I am lucky to count Dese'Rae Stage as my personal friend (she is on this panel). Her work to tell the stories of people who survived suicide attempts is exactly what we need to see more of in mental health.
When we think about how much fear surrounded a cancer diagnosis, we learn that public awareness can do a lot to help us connect with our compassion, let go of our fear, and support others. Just like we have done for cancer, HIV or other “scary” illnesses, we can share stories of hope and recovery from “scary” mental illness.
What a great question! It makes me wonder where do these scary ideas about these conditions come from and how are they perpetuated? Many times our beliefs about things that we have not had contact with or experience with may be informed by what we hear, see, or read. We know for instance that the popular media can have an incredible influence on many things that we believe. And it is our beliefs that drive our attitude and behavior. What happens if our beliefs are inaccurate? In the case of mental health and the depiction of mental illness and substance use in the media or entertainment industry – inaccurate portrayals can lead to decreased understanding and compassion for those living with these disorders. It can also increase social distancing, increase negative stereotypes and ultimately discrimination in employment and housing against people living with mental and substance use conditions. One of the ways that we work to decrease these misperceptions is to recognize film and televisions productions – the writers and producers who create these productions- for creating positive storylines and accurate depictions of people living with mental and substance use disorders through the SAMHSA Voice Awards program. This education program is in its 11th year in honoring television and film professionals and consumer/peer/family leaders who help to educate the public that people with mental and substance use conditions can and do recovery , lead meaningful lives and contribute to their communities. Award recipients such as Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard, Yashi Brown, Rebbie Jackson Brown and Staci Brown – Salas, The Staglin family and films such as Love and Mercy, Touched with Fire demonstrate that people living with mental illnesses, serious mental illness and substance use disorders are deserving of respect, compassion and acceptance. I know when I see and read stories that are accurate and respectful, I am inspired and hopeful that people like me living with serious mental illness matter and people can have a better understanding of what we go through and need in order to get better, stay better and live full and meaningful lives in the community. Other means of increasing awareness is access to accurate information - many folks these days take to the internet to access and learn about health information.
SAMHSA website has lots of information as does mentalhealth.gov and the health and information section of National Institute of Mental Health.