A Partially NSFW Notice
With the news of Tumblr banning all nsfw content soon, I thought Iâd make a post about what Iâve been up to this past year. Iâve done more growing as a person this year than I have my entire life. And almost all of it stems from things that resulted from nsfw stuff-directly or indirectly. I know the Diabolik Lovers fandom had dwindled to almost nothing before I left-and I feel like this is what will snuff it out entirely.
I joined my local bdsm community last December after much prodding from a friend for several months. The first few times I went to the âvanillaâ meets, called âmunchesâ I was understandably terrified. Iâd go home and shake, cry, and be in general hysterics for days afterward. I mean, Iâd never even dated someone before that. But I kept going. Kept going until I felt comfortable enough to go to my local dungeon. Rinse and repeat-I was completely and utterly distraught the first few times I went there too.
But I met so many kind people. People whoâd literally spend hours talking to me and calming me down and reassuring me that I was safe-and entirely welcome even with my inexperience.Â
I met someone in February who wanted to experience more ânormalâ relationship stuff first. He was the first person Iâve ever held hands and cuddled with-and hell, Iâve given him a lot more than now (especially in the last couple months, jfc.) Iâm very grateful to him. Heâs introducing me to more things all the time-heâs been teaching me how to play board games like D&D and Iâll be larping with him next year.
Iâm not his girlfriend. I donât belong to him, even though part of me wants to. But my local community is almost entirely polyamorous, including him-and all of the other people Iâve played with. Iâm an outlier in every sense of the word. But thereâs so much more to the community than meets the eye. Thereâs a certain trust you have with people you have to meet with at undisclosed locations in various states of undress. When youâre left at someoneâs mercy, you bond to them in ways that regular friends just donât. I am closer to my play partners than I have ever been to anyone in my life. Iâm rarely home anymore. This community made me realize Iâd been an extrovert all along-I just never had the kind of friends Iâd needed until now. I used to be completely touch averse and timid around others-but now there are so many people I can go to and spend the night just cuddling. Platonically. My brain is much quieter now-far less abusive to itself than it used to be. Iâm still missing someone of my own. But Iâm far happier than Iâve ever been. And you know what? Being topped by 3 people at once is a lot of fucking fun. And soâs the aftercare they give after youâre left a writhing mess.
I might be joining the staff at the dungeon in a couple months after Iâm all settled into my new place. Weâll see. Iâll take every opportunity I can to find a partner thatâd finally call me their own.
I could write from a Diaboyâs perspective much more accurately now, but I donât think there will be a place for that soon. I miss you guys. And Iâd love to keep in contact with my old Diabolik Lover writing friends. If youâd still like to talk, my username on Fetlife is TheHauntedMaiden, or you can reach me at my email on [email protected].










