After a lot of deliberation, you'd decided to brave a trip to the doctor's office, deciding you were ready to take a big step in your personal life.

Doctor Kemp had taken over your local doctors clinic a few years ago and you felt content under his care.

He was always friendly with you, making you feel at ease with your issues and you had confided in him about almost everything. You knew that today's conversation would only be okay because of him, despite how nervous you were.

You entered the clinic with a hammering heart and shaky palms, locating a seat as far away from anyone else as possible, after a quick check in with the receptionist. You were anxious as other patients stepped in and out of the double doors for their own appointments, biting at your nails and leg bouncing as you waited. 

When your name was finally called, you scampered through the doors and along the pristine white halls to Doctor Kemp's office, knocking quickly before entering, after hearing the sound of his soft voice calling you inside.

"Good morning." He smiled at you from his seat by his computer, "Take a seat."

You smiled back shyly, flopping down in your seat so quickly that you winced on impact and immediately flushed red in embarassment. 

Doctor Kemp looked back at you with a glint of amusement in his eyes, lips turned up into that charming smile you'd come to know all too well.

"Hi Doctor Kemp." You breathed shakily as you tried to compose yourself, "Thank you for seeing me."

You placed your palms in your lap, spine ridged and stiff while Steve relaxed back in his seat.

"What can I do for you today?" He asked, steepling his hands in front of his chest, with his elbows on his knees as he appraised you.

"I uhh...well..." You uttered, scratching nervously at your forehead, "It's kind of embarrassing..."

"It's okay, you know you can tell me." He smiled softly before letting out a light chuckle, "I don't bite."

"Okay well..." You sighed, glancing around the sterile room to avoid making eye contact for too long, "I uhh....I want to get some kind of birth control."

"Oh is that right?" Steve replied with a harsh underbite to his tone.

"Yeah," You continued, oblivious to his change in demeanor, "I just don't know what kind of one to get or whatever, I was wondering if you could help."

"Forgive me sweetie, but last time we spoke you informed me you were still a virgin." He said sternly, "Is that no longer the case?"

"Oh, uhh yeah I am." You said pressing your lips together, "I'm just...preparing I guess....trying to be safe."

"You got yourself a boyfriend now?" He grumbled with a raised brow, flattening his palms on his thighs to stop them clenching into fists.

"No, yeah." You mumbled, "Uhh I dunno. Kind of. It's new."

"And things have been heating up?" Steve pressed, "Has he touched you?"

His fingers twitched against his thigh and his jaw ticked in irritation, as he watched your face blush at the question.

"Nn..no. Not exactly." You mumbled, rubbing your hands together in your lap, "But he uhhh..he asked me to touch him..so I just want to be prepared..."

Steve's shoulders relaxed and you watched as he visibly exhaled before his face softened. He reached across the space, taking your hand in his and gently running his thumb along your knuckles. 

Your friends told you their doctors were cold and uncaring, Steve wasn't like that, he was always soft with you and always made sure to touch you in such gentle caring ways, you knew you were safe with him.

"You sure you're ready sweetie?" He asked softly, watching you nibble your lower lip.

"Yeah I think so." You sighed, "I mean I'm 23 now and I've waited a long time."

"I know." He smiled, "You're such a sweet girl, so innocent."

"Yeah well...maybe I'm ready for more ya know?" You replied, unsure whether you were trying to convince Doctor Kemp or yourself, but you were fed up of the things your friends said about you, of missing out on something your friends all talked about like it was a gateway drug.

"Okay well as your doctor I guess I'll have to trust what you're saying for the mental side of being ready," Steve hummed, still holding your palm in his, "But there's still the physical."

"Physical?" You gulped, looking up at Steve's blue eyes with your doe ones, as confusion laced your brow.

"Yeah, your vagina might not be ready."  Steve replied. 

"Oh." You gasped in shock, "Really? But...I thought...the girls said.."

"You think your friends know more than me? A qualified practitioner?" Steve scoffed, dropping your hand in your lap with irritation and you felt an embarrassed flush creep up your neck.

"No. Of course not. I just..." You mumbled apologetically.

"We'll need to do an examination." He interrupted, "Make sure everything is okay."

"Right..okay...sure...yeah...." You breathed, rubbing your now sweaty palms along your trousers.

"Good girl." Steve smiled, suddenly soft again, "You wanna jump up behind the curtain, take your jeans and panties off and pop the towel over your lap. I'll be there when you're ready."

You swallowed nervously, getting to your feet and moving to the clinical bed while your hands shook at your sides. You knew you shouldn't be nervous, Steve had seen down there before, several times in fact. He made sure you had regular check ups, making sure to take pictures of your pussy to keep on his files in case anything changed, although he'd never touched you, not once, just appraised between your legs with a clinical scrutiny.

You pulled the paper feeling curtain across the space, separating you from Steve's gaze and quickly stripped your lower half, before climbing onto the hard bed and grabbing way too much paper towel to place over your exposed core.

"Ready." You gulped nervously, hands desperately pressing the paper to your body.

"Okay." Steve hummed before pulling the curtain back, making your body flinch at the sudden screeching sound, "Comfy?" 

"Mmm it's okay." You breathed with a faux smile, "I'm just nervous."

"Don't be nervous sweetheart." He smiled reassuringly, "Nothing you haven't done before. It'll be just like when you do it yourself."

"What do you mean?" You exhaled shakily as he crossed the room, collecting a pair of blue rubber gloves from a nearby drawer.

"I mean it'll only be like when you touch yourself." He replied, facing the wall with a wide smirk and a twitch in his cock that you didn't see.

"Oh..I..I never..." You mumbled nervously, swallowing harshly with wide eyes when Steve suddenly turned to face you once more.

"You've never touched yourself before?" He asked with a raised brow and a twitch in his upper lip.

"N..no..." You repeated.

"God sweetheart, you're such an angel." He almost groaned, quickly snapping the rubber of the gloves before blowing into the opening, "So sweet."

"Oh, uh thank you Doctor Kemp." You blushed, dipping your head under his gaze.

He smiled back, pulling the latex gloves over his large hands before releasing them to his wrists with a loud slap.

"Okay just relax for me sweetie." He said softly as he positioned himself near your lower half, "Bend your knees. That's it and just let your legs drop open."

You did as he asked, pulling your legs up and planting your feet flat on the bed before dropping your knees to the sides, opening yourself up for him.

"Good girl." He praised, "See. It's okay right?"

"Yeah...okay..." You breathed, feeling more secure knowing you were safe with him as you always were.

"Okay. Let's have a look at you." Steve purred, quickly ripping the toweling away from your core and tossing it haphazardly behind him, tongue darting out to run over his lower lip as he looked at your exposed cunt.

"Mmm. Good." He hummed with a nod as his head tilted to the side.

"Is....is it okay?" You asked nervously, attempting to glance down at your own pussy.

"Very beautiful sweetheart." Steve smirked back at you before slipping his gloved hands onto your thighs gently, "Let's have a little feel, see how she's doing?"

His palms slid along the inside of your thighs until you felt his fingers tickle the outer side of your pussy and you audibly gasped at the feeling, unsure if that was how you were supposed to feel when it was your doctor touching you so innocently.

Suddenly you felt his finger tip gently flick at your untouched nub before gently massaging it and you felt an unusual heat spread across your body. 

"That feel okay?" Steve purred, glancing up at your surprised eyes and mouth hanging agape.

"Mmmhmmm." You nodded with a harsh swallow as he continued his soft movements over your clit.

"Words sweetie." Steve coaxed, "Need you to tell me how it feels."

You took a deep breath, letting your head flop back against the bed so you could stare at the ceiling instead of the way Doctor Kemp was staring back at you hungrily.

"It feels g..good." You breathed, "Kinda tingly."

"Yeah?" Steve purred in response, "You're getting nice and wet."

"Is that normal?" You squeaked suddenly, worrying as you regularly felt that flush of wetness pooling down below, often finding patches of dampness in your panties and you worried that it could mean something was wrong.

"Yeah sweetie, perfectly normal." Steve smiled, "It's a good thing."

"Oh..okay...good." You breathed, shoulders relaxing slightly, although still on edge from where he was touching you.

"Now I'm gonna need you to relax sweetheart." Steve ordered softly, "Take a deep breath. Good."

You inhaled deeply and let out a squeak as you felt one of his fingers push inside of your pussy, curling upwards to stroke your inner wall as his thumb took its place on your clit to continue the stimulation there.

Your stomach tightened, more intense heat searing at your skin as sweat began dripping from your brow.

"Oh..." You gasped at the new intrusion.

"Yeah, that okay?" Steve asked and you had to swallow, reminding yourself to use your words when all your body wanted to do was writhe and mewl.

"Mm. Feels. Good." You mumbled, chest heaving up and down.

"Yeah? You got more of those tingles?" He coaxed as he continued pumping his finger inside of you, dragging the tip against your wall and rubbing over your nub in soft circles.

"Yeah and my tummy feels funny." You admitted with a shaky breath as the strange sensations kept building.

"Good, that's what's supposed to happen sweetheart." He hummed in approval, "This is all good so far."

You let out a raspy moan as he continued working your cunt with his finger, feeling yourself becoming wetter and wetter as he continued.

"God. You're so tight." Steve groaned to himself as he stared at his finger disappearing into your virgin pussy over and over, "Dunno if you're gonna be able to take two."

"Huh? Two?" You squeaked, catching the end of his sentence and lifting your head to stare at him with a small amount of fear shooting through you.

"Of my fingers sweetie?" Steve smirked as if it was completely obvious, "Need to get two in to make sure everything is all good inside."

"Oh, okay." You nodded before dropping your head back down. You were being silly, you had nothing to be scared of, Steve was a good doctor, he'd take care of you.

"Just remember to breathe sweetheart and relax." He coaxed with a hitch in his throat, barely holding himself together as his cock pressed stiff and hard against the inside of his slacks, weeping and needy.

"Okay Doctor Kemp." You whimpered as your tummy tightened further.

"Call me Steve." He rasped as he tickled the tip of his middle finger against your opening.

"Steve?" You questioned, though it came out shaky and weak.

"Mmm. Yeah sweetie." He hummed, "You call me Steve, we know each other well enough."

"Okay Steve." You whined softly before letting out a loud moan, "Ahhh!"

"Oh yeah there we go." He grinned as he pushed his middle finger into your pussy to join the other, "Doing so good sweetie, got two fingers in there."

"Oh god. I feel...funny...." You mumbled as heat spread to the tips of your ears and tingles spread across your abdomen, stomach tightening in a way you'd never experienced in your life.

"That's good sweetheart." Steve hummed happily as he sloppily fucked you with his fingers, "That's perfect, you're going to have an orgasm."

"I am?" You gasped, unable to stop yourself from wiggling and digging your fingers into the plastic feeling bed to try and ground yourself.

"Yeah. Just let it happen." He continued, pressing more firmly on your clit and slapping his palm against your core with each thrust of his fingers, "Let me help you."

"Okay Steve." You whined, back arching from the bed involuntarily like it had a mind of its own.

"That's it. Fuck you're perfect." He groaned, using his free hand to grab his cock through his slacks, squeezing it tightly, "So tight, so wet."

"Steve." You whimpered as you felt like you were about to plummet into the abyss, body overtaken with the strange but pleasurable sensations.

"Say my name baby." He grunted, "Say my name when you come on my fingers."

You felt his fingers curl inside you, pressing on a spot that had you suddenly crying his name as your vision whited and your whole body was taken over by a white hot bliss.

"Oh god. Steeveee!" You moaned with tears pooling in your eyes.

"There we go, there she is." He breathed shakily, slowing his movements to work you through the high, "Keep breathing sweetheart, you're okay."

When your body finally relaxed against the bed, shoulders slumping with exhaustion, Steve slipped his fingers from your core, settling his dry hand on your thigh.

"You okay?" He asked softly, looking over your spent body with a proud smile.

"Mmhmm." You hummed with a lazy nod, "That was...good....I liked it...was it okay?"

"It was perfect sweetie." He reassured you, "I'm just gonna have a little taste to make sure?"

"A taste?" You said, head tipping up and eyes snapping to his, seeing a dark glint in his eyes you'd never noticed before.

"Yeah, you can tell a lot by the taste?" He smirked.

You watched as he brought the creamy coated, blue latex to his mouth, swirling his tongue around the wet digits before sucking them into his mouth with a low hum.

"Mmm god." He groaned, shifting on his feet as his erection throbbed, "Fuck."

"Is it okay?" You breathed, worried by his reaction.

"Perfect. So perfect." He hummed as his eyes rolled in pleasure at the taste of your innocence.

"Okay good." You nodded, pushing yourself up onto your elbows and letting your legs drop flat onto the bed.

Steve slowly pulled his gloves off with loud snaps of rubber, before looking at you with a gleeful smile.

"Get dressed sweetheart and we'll have a chat." He grinned before stepping towards his desk and pulling the curtain across the space, as though he hadn't just seen every part of you.

"So it was all okay?" You asked as you pulled the curtain back, clothes now firmly in place as you crossed the space and carefully sat in your seat, watching his reaction with interest.

"Yes and no." He hummed with a nod as he typed something on his computer.

"What is it?" You replied as anxiety began niggling in your mind.

He let out a sigh before turning to face you, placing his hands on your knees softly.

"You're ready sweetheart but there's a small problem." He said with a serious expression that had you shifting in your seat, hands clutching each other uselessly.

"What is it?" You mumbled as fresh tears began to pool.

"Well you're so tight that it's going to be difficult for you to have sex, painful." He admitted and your eyes widened in surprise, you had never thought about the fact that someone may not be able to fit, it hadn't even crossed your mind. You internally scolded yourself for being so stupid and naive. Your friends spoke about sex like it was so easy, you should have known it wouldn't be that simple.

"Oh." You murmured, "Is there something I can take to help?"

"I think it would be best if you come back tomorrow for a longer appointment and I will pop your cherry for you. I'll be able to do it safely and with minimal pain for you." He said, brows furrowing in concentration to stop the smirk threatening to over take his face.

"You mean? Like with equipment?" You squeaked nervously, cursing yourself when you felt more wetness pooling at the thought of Doctor Kemp playing with you again.

"No sweetie, I'll do it myself, with my cock, take real good care of you." He said softly, reaching a hand up to cradle your cheek with a genuine tenderness, "Then you should be ready for other people."

"Really? You'd do that?" You almost whimpered under his touch.

"Of course Sweetheart. Anything to help." He smiled, "I wouldn't be a very good doctor otherwise would I?"

"I guess not." You giggled, watching as his lips twisted up into a charming smile.

"Okay then." He grinned as he released you, "You go home and get some rest. You'll need it for tomorrow."

"Okay doc...Steve." You corrected yourself with a shy smile before standing, "See you tomorrow."

"Can't wait sweetheart." He smiled, watching your ass jiggle as you walked away, with his lip between his teeth and a promise to his cock that tomorrow was the day he would finally make you his, you just didn't know it yet. 

Everything tag - @late-to-the-party-81

@the-wandering-wonder @rnurse-kole @chemtrails-club @marvelgurl

You come to the Tower after a HYDRA clean-up operation in Bucharest.

Former intelligence analyst.

Temporary consultant, Fury says.

“Temporary” becomes six months faster than anyone expects.

You’re clever enough to keep up with Tony, sarcastic enough to survive Sam, patient enough to tolerate Bruce’s nervous rambling, and somehow stubborn enough to call Natasha out on her bullshit without fear.

The team likes you immediately.

Bucky doesn’t.

At first.

Mostly because you’re too observant.

You look at him carefully.

Not fearfully.

Not pityingly.

Just carefully.

Like you’re trying to understand him without taking him apart.

He hates that.

Then he starts noticing things.

You don’t flinch around him.

You don’t stare at the metal arm.

You don’t ask questions about the Winter Soldier.

But sometimes he catches you watching him when you think he isn’t looking.

Not because he’s dangerous.

Because he’s alone.

That’s worse somehow.

The touch thing becomes impossible to ignore after a mission in Prague.

It’s ugly from the start.

Explosives.

Gunfire.

A narrow hallway collapsing before Clint can get civilians out.

You get trapped beneath part of a shattered support beam.

Nothing life-threatening.

Just enough to pin you awkwardly until Bucky and Sam can move it.

You laugh afterward.

Brush dust off your jeans.

Tell everyone you’re fine.

But your hands shake for almost an hour.

Bucky notices because he notices everything about you now.

Which is already a problem.

Then Natasha walks by and squeezes the back of your neck absentmindedly.

And you nearly melt.

It’s subtle.

Most people wouldn’t catch it.

But Bucky does.

Your eyes close for one second.

Your shoulders loosen.

Your breathing evens out instantly.

Relief.

Immediate and devastating.

Like your nervous system has been waiting for permission to settle.

Bucky stares.

You realize he saw.

Embarrassment flashes across your face so fast it hurts to witness.

You pull away immediately.

“I’m okay,” you say too quickly.

Bucky says nothing.

But something ugly twists in his chest afterward.

Not disgust.

Not judgment.

Something worse.

Recognition.

He starts testing theories after that.

Not intentionally.

At least that’s what he tells himself.

You’re sitting on the couch during one of Tony’s terrible movie marathons, half asleep beneath a blanket while everyone argues over which “Die Hard” movie counts as the best one.

Your feet are tucked under you.

Your head keeps drooping.

Without thinking, Bucky reaches over and brushes your hair away from your face.

Just once.

A small movement.

Barely anything.

You freeze.

Not frightened.

Just stunned.

Then slowly—carefully—you lean into his hand.

Like it’s instinct.

Like your body chose before your brain could stop it.

Jesus Christ.

Bucky pulls his hand back immediately.

You blink yourself awake, suddenly aware of what happened.

“Sorry,” you mumble automatically.

Sorry.

Like you did something wrong.

The word slices straight through him.

“For what?” he asks quietly.

You stare at the television instead of him.

“Nothing.”

Bucky doesn’t sleep that night.

After that, it gets worse.

For both of you.

Because now Bucky knows.

And now you know he knows.

The tension changes shape.

It becomes something alive.

Something breathing between you.

Bucky starts finding excuses to touch you.

Tiny things.

A hand at your lower back guiding you through crowded rooms.

Brushing shoulders in the kitchen.

His fingers tapping against your knee during briefings.

He tells himself it’s harmless.

Friendly.

Normal.

But he notices the way your entire body softens every single time.

And you notice that he notices.

One night you fall asleep in the common room while reading.

Bucky finds you there around two in the morning.

Curled sideways on the couch.

Blanket slipping off your shoulder.

Exhaustion written all over your face.

The Tower is quiet.

Everyone asleep.

He should leave.

Instead he kneels beside the couch and carefully pulls the blanket back over you.

Your eyes flutter open immediately.

Panic first.

Then recognition.

Then something softer.

“Sorry,” you whisper groggily.

Again.

Always apologizing for existing.

Bucky’s jaw tightens.

“You gotta stop saying that.”

Your brow furrows.

“For what?”

“For wanting things.”

The room goes completely still.

You look at him like he just reached into your chest and pulled something out barehanded.

Bucky realizes too late how honest that sounded.

You swallow hard.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

He almost lets you get away with it.

Almost.

Instead he says quietly, “Nobody touches you enough.”

Your face crumples.

Not dramatically.

Not crying.

Just—

wrecked.

Like no one was ever supposed to notice that.

Bucky feels suddenly, horribly protective.

You look away first.

“I’m fine.”

“No,” he says softly. “You’re not.”

The silence afterward feels intimate in a way that terrifies both of you.

Then, carefully—slow enough for you to pull away—Bucky rests his flesh hand over yours.

Warm.

Steady.

Gentle.

You stop breathing.

And then—

you turn your hand beneath his and hold on.

It ruins everything.

Because after that, neither of you can pretend anymore.

Touch becomes dangerous.

Addictive.

You start gravitating toward him unconsciously.

Sitting beside him.

Leaning against him during briefings.

Falling asleep against his shoulder during quinjet rides.

And Bucky—

God.

Bucky becomes obsessed with taking care of you.

Not in a controlling way.

In a reverent one.

Like he’s trying to make up for every year nobody held you gently enough.

He tucks blankets around you.

Rubs your back when anxiety hits.

Lets you thread your fingers through his metal hand because you like the coolness of it against your skin.

One night after a nightmare, you end up outside his room at three in the morning.

You look mortified to be there.

“I can go,” you say immediately.

Bucky opens the door wider.

“You can stay.”

You hesitate.

“Only if you’re sure.”

He almost laughs at that.

Like you still don’t understand he’d hand you every broken piece of himself if you asked.

That night you sleep beside him for the first time.

No sex.

No kissing.

Just sleep.

Your head against his chest.

His arm around your waist.

You fall asleep in less than five minutes.

Bucky stays awake almost all night.

Because nobody has ever trusted him with softness like this before.

And because he realizes somewhere around four in the morning that he’s completely fucked.

The team notices eventually.

Sam notices first, obviously.

“You got heart eyes,” he tells Bucky over coffee.

“I’ll kill you.”

“You brush her hair behind her ear like she’s in a Jane Austen movie.”

Bucky glares at him.

Sam grins wider.

“She looks at you like you hung the moon, man.”

That shuts Bucky up.

Because that part scares him too.

You do look at him differently now.

Like he’s safe.

Like he’s home.

And Bucky has spent almost a century being neither of those things.

The first kiss happens accidentally.

Which is a lie.

Nothing between you has been accidental for months.

It happens in the kitchen.

Late.

Rain against the windows.

You’re wearing one of his henleys because you left your clothes in the wash downstairs.

Bucky is trying very hard not to think about that.

You’re standing close enough that your socked feet brush his.

Talking softly about nothing important.

Then your hand lands absently on his chest.

Just resting there.

Warm.

Trusting.

Bucky looks down at it.

Then at you.

And something in his expression must change because your breathing catches.

“Buck,” you whisper.

He gives you every chance to walk away.

You don’t.

You step closer instead.

His metal hand settles carefully against your waist like he’s afraid too much pressure will break you.

You tilt your face up.

And Bucky kisses you like a man dying of thirst.

Slow at first.

Disbelieving.

Then deeper when you make that tiny sound against his mouth.

The kind of sound that tells him this means something.

Your fingers clutch his shirt.

His heartbeat goes completely feral.

When he finally pulls back, your forehead rests against his.

Neither of you speaks.

You don’t need to.

The devastation is already complete.

Loving Bucky Barnes is not easy.

Loving you isn’t easy either.

You’re both too damaged in complementary ways.

Bucky gives touch like it’s survival.

You receive it like oxygen.

Sometimes that becomes dangerous.

There are nights he holds you so tightly it borders on desperation.

Nights you cling to him like he’s the only solid thing in the universe.

You become each other’s comfort too quickly.

Too deeply.

But somehow—

somehow—it works.

Because neither of you asks the other to be healed first.

Months later, after a mission gone sideways in Madripoor, Bucky comes back bloodied and furious and shaking with leftover violence.

You find him alone in the Tower gym at two in the morning.

His metal fist has cracked one of the punching bags clean open.

“Buck.”

“Don’t,” he says immediately.

Like he can’t bear for you to see him like this.

You walk toward him anyway.

“You’re hurt.”

“I’m fine.”

You stop directly in front of him.

His breathing is ragged.

Eyes wild around the edges.

Still halfway in combat mode.

Everyone else in the world might fear him like this.

You don’t.

Very gently, you take his flesh hand first.

Then the metal one.

“You came back,” you say softly.

The anger breaks instantly.

Just—

gone.

Bucky folds around the grief of it with a broken sound in his throat.

And suddenly he’s holding you so hard it almost hurts.

His face buried against your neck.

You stroke your fingers through his hair.

“It’s okay,” you whisper.

No one has ever held the Winter Soldier through his terror before.

No one except you.

Bucky thinks, not for the first time, that this is probably what love actually is.

Not grand gestures.

Not fireworks.

This.

Being known completely.

And held anyway.

The proposal happens almost a year later.

Quiet.

Private.

Perfect.

You’re half asleep in bed, tangled together beneath soft sheets while rain taps against the windows.

Bucky’s tracing lazy patterns along your spine.

Your fingers are linked with his metal hand.

Comfortable silence.

Home.

Then suddenly he says, very seriously, “Marry me.”

You blink up at him.

“What?”

His expression turns nervous immediately, which is honestly absurd considering this is James Buchanan Barnes.

“I’m serious.”

“You’re asking me while I look like this?”

“You look beautiful.”

“I’m wearing an old Stark Industries shirt and one sock.”

“You still look beautiful.”

You laugh softly.

Then realize he isn’t joking.

Your chest aches instantly.

“Bucky…”

He brings your joined hands to his mouth.

Kisses your knuckles carefully.

“I spent a real long time thinking I was too broken for this,” he says quietly. “Then you walked in and started looking at me like I was worth something.”

Tears sting your eyes immediately.

“You are worth something.”

His thumb brushes beneath your eye.

“And you deserve to be loved out loud. Deserve to be held whenever you need it. Deserve somebody who notices.”

Your breath shakes.

“Buck—”

“I notice everything about you.”

That does it.

That destroys you completely.

Because he does.

He notices when you’re overwhelmed before you say anything.

Notices when you need quiet.

Notices when you’re touch-starved and crawling out of your own skin from loneliness.

Notices when you need his hand on the back of your neck to ground you again.

He notices.

And he never makes you feel ashamed for needing.

“Yes,” you whisper, crying now. “Yes, of course I’ll marry you.”

Bucky exhales like he’s been holding that breath for decades.

Then he kisses you.

Slow.

Tender.

Certain.

The kind of kiss that feels like being chosen.

And afterward you curl into him instinctively, your face tucked against his chest while his arms close around you immediately.

Automatic now.

Natural as breathing.

Bucky presses his mouth against your hair and thinks, with something dangerously close to peace, that maybe ruin isn’t always a bad thing.

Because figuring out you were touch-starved ruined both of your lives.

A/N: so, this is my ticket to hell. I posted this back in october as part of my halloween series trick or tease, which I will continue here. anyway, I wanted to give this one-shot an actual plot, so there have been some important changes since it was pretty much pwp before. disclaimer: this story contains monsterfucking, so please avoid sending weird inbox/comments (yes, it already happened). if you follow me, know that this is a recurring theme, as a matter of fact I already have two stories about orc!bucky. it's very simple: if you don't like it, don't read it. hope you'll enjoy 🖤 trick or tease masterlist

You love your apartment in a way that would probably sound ridiculous if you ever tried to explain it, because it’s not particularly beautiful, nor does it sit in some idealized neighborhood where everything feels arranged for aesthetic approval.

The building is old, long past charming. The pipes occasionally groan through the walls as though protesting against their own existence, and the floors remember every step, even when you try your best to be quiet. The kitchen is too small to ever feel fully practical, the bathroom is always slightly colder than the rest of the apartment no matter the season, and the elevator has broken down often enough that you have stopped trusting it entirely.

Objectively, there are better places to live.

And yet every evening, after a day spent among crowded sidewalks, half-finished conversations, and obligations that somehow leave you far more exhausted than they should, the knot in your stomach begins to loosen the moment the front door closes behind you.

Nobody interrupts you here. Nobody watches you with critical eyes. Nobody tries to dictate the way you exist. It’s just you.

Which is probably why you develop the habit of talking to yourself once you step inside.

It’s not something you ever decided to do, it simply followed you from earlier versions of your life. At first it was practical, a way of sorting out stress and untangling thoughts that felt too messy to leave trapped in your head, but over time it became part of who you are.

“Stark scheduled five meetings today.” You drop your keys on the counter. “New record.”

You kick off your shoes, already moving towards the fridge for some water.

“I swear he finds some sick pleasure in wasting everyone’s time.”

You never expect a response, of course, but carry on with the small rituals of the evening while the walls quietly absorb your voice.

Ultimately, you stop keeping tabs of how often it happens, because you talk while cooking, cleaning, and taking showers. You comment out loud while scrolling through your phone and revisit past conversations while folding laundry. Even when sitting on the couch at the end of a long day, you debate whether you’re too tired to start anything meaningful or too restless to do nothing at all, as if the pillows could answer back.

Still, there are moments—usually late at night—when the absence of another human being becomes harder to ignore. A small ache settles in your chest at the realization that entire days can pass without anyone else seeing them. Your thoughts, your victories, the countless insignificant moments that make up a life... all of them exist only inside your own memory.

The feeling never stays for long though: somewhere along the way, you just learned how to be content with your own company.

Most of your friends live hours away now, scattered across different cities and different lives, and trying to keep those connections alive feels mortifying when it becomes clear you’re not worth the effort.

Making new ones has never been any easier. Too many people seem worn down by disappointment, and retreating into themselves feels safer than risking another let-down. The rest treat every relationship like a negotiation, weighing what can be gained from it before deciding how much of themselves they are willing to offer.

So you fall back into your routine, and the apartment remains your favorite place, where you spend most of your time.

However, the feeling is not one-sided, because somewhere within the walls and foundations, something has begun, very slowly, to consider you a constant.

It has occupied the building for longer than any human memory can account for.

Long before you arrived. Long before the current structure of rooms and hallways. Not trapped within it, or bound in any conventional sense, but present like a memory inside a familiar object, woven through walls and doorframes and the quiet space between moments.

For centuries, humans were irrelevant.

They came and went, briefly altering the surface of things without ever touching what lay beneath. The Entity never thought of them as individuals, but as noise. Temporary disturbance that always faded back into silence.

Until you.

At first, you are nothing exceptional. Just another tenant. A fragile arrangement of blood and flesh moving through a structure that has already forgotten most of what it has held. You unpack and settle into your routines.

And then you start talking.

Constantly.

As though silence is something you have to keep at bay to stay sane.

And that’s what catches its attention. At first, it assumes you are speaking to someone outside its perception, but there is no other presence, no other voice.

Only you.

So it begins to assume the words are meant for the space itself, for the apartment as a whole—for the being that chose its shadows as a place to rest.

The conclusion is obvious.

You are talking to it.

The Entity initially listens passively. Your voice is just another sound among many, no more important than the groan of old pipes or the distant hum of traffic beyond the windows.

But as you keep talking, your voice stops blending into the background.

It learns your rhythms before it understands why they matter: the time you come home; the way your footsteps change depending on fatigue; the subtle differences between your frustrated sighs and your tired one. The melody of your happiness and the miserable sound of your sorrow.

The details gather one by one without purpose.

And somewhere along the way, it stops thinking of you as transient.

The first changes are small. A temperature fluctuation in your room settles earlier in the evening than it used to. A recurring fault in the elevator that keeps waking you up in the middle of the night doesn’t return. A light that hesitated before turning on now responds immediately.

None of it is noticeable enough to make you suspicious. Until the reason behind these adjustments changes drastically.

In its memory, humans have always approached beings like it through extremes.

They arrive trembling with desperation that melts into obsession, or rigid with fear that collapses into obedience. Their speech grows cautious, as though a single wrong word might invite disaster. Even when they pretend otherwise, there is always an ugly tilt beneath their requests: ambition, hunger, greed.

But you only fill rooms with thoughts that have nowhere else to go.

You complain about a man named Tony scheduling meetings throughout the day as though he has personal authority over the calendar. You debate dinner choices—usually pizza or sushi—because the outcome might alter your mood for the rest of the night. You spend an entire evening trying to figure out why a couple from your hometown broke up after everyone swore they’d end up married.

And throughout your little monologues, your voice never once bends toward reverence. It never tightens into fear.

And that becomes difficult to grasp.

Over time, those small routines become expected. And expectation creates its own kind of absence.

The first few times you leave for longer than usual, the apartment feels incomplete. Not empty, exactly, but quieter. The space remains the same, yet something about it feels wrong without you.

The conclusion it reaches is simple: if you are choosing to spend more time elsewhere, then the apartment must be failing you in some way. From that point on, every imperfection becomes unacceptable, and small inconsistencies are often corrected before they even have the chance to become problems at all.

Since you are completely unaware that something has started arranging the world around you, the changes continue without question.

You keep talking the way you always do, filling the apartment with things that would seem insignificant to anyone else, but not to the creature listening. You never thank it. Never ask for anything specific, or demand more. You simply exist inside a space that now quietly takes care of itself according to your comfort.

The simplicity of that still confuses it. The Entity has been worshipped before, feared, sought out for power... But no one has ever treated it like part of their daily life. Like an equal.

Your voice is familiar and reliable as you become its Polaris, the fixed point by which the rest of the world is measured.

The Entity has never concerned itself with anything beyond its own existence, most things are allowed to fade.

Anything connected to you is not.

When you come back that evening, something is different. 

You move through your usual routine after stepping inside, loosening your shoulders and mumbling softly under your breath. Yet there is something unfamiliar that clings to the edges of your presence. It doesn’t belong to the apartment, and because of that, it draws its curiosity at once. 

Humans carry traces of the outside world with them all the time: scents, particles, remnants of places and people. Most disappear quickly enough to be forgotten.

But this one doesn’t leave. It stays attached to you in a way that makes it hard to dismiss, fixed on a specific point of contact. Still, you hang up your coat, set down your bag, and slip off your heels with a relieved sigh. There is no hesitation in your movements.

Something outside its space touched you and was allowed to settle. And it doesn’t seem to bother you at all.

That unpleasant realization manifests like the first thunder announcing an imminent storm.

The air changes, pressure building ominously through the room enough to alter the flow of oxygen.

You notice it a few seconds later, your breathing feeling slightly more restricted, your chest tightening in a way that is easy to misread as fatigue from the day. You pause, one hand briefly touching your chest as if checking whether something inside your body isn’t working properly.

Frowning in confusion, you glance around the apartment before sprinting to the window to push it open, letting the crisp night air spill inside.

The suffocating feeling eases a little, but the Entity’s rage doesn’t.

The air turns clammy enough to make your skin prickle. Out of the corner of your eye, the shadows along the edges of the room grow longer, creeping farther than they should. The impression vanishes as soon as your head makes a sharp turn toward the wall, leaving you with a kind of discomfort that will haunt your sleep for the rest of the night.

You were still its when you left this space, but something else got close enough to interfere with that.

Whatever that presence was, it shouldn’t have been near you at all.

The changes start revealing themselves later, in moments that seem insignificant at the time.

You take a shower every morning—it automatically folds into your routine without much attention, the same way you sit on the edge of the bed with a towel around your body and half-awake eyes, letting the day assemble itself around you in slow pieces.

You turn on the tap and let the water warm up while you brush your teeth and check your phone. Sometimes you even have time to tidy up your room a little.

But one day you find yourself rinsing your face while the mirror is already beginning to fog. You dismiss it as temporary luck and keep going through the same motions the next day.

And still, it keeps happening.

A few days later, you’re standing in your bedroom half-dressed and with an unexpected ten extra minutes before work, trying and failing to understand where they came from.

Other weird things follow, like the bedroom door no longer sticking when it’s too humid. Then, the kitchen cabinet that always needed an extra push starts closing smoothly, and the draft from the living room window stops bothering you entirely.

There is an accumulation of small inconsistencies that leaves you with the subtle impression that the apartment and your recollection of it are no longer perfectly aligned, to the point that you start wondering if the problem is you.

Maybe you’re becoming forgetful, distracted... The thought never settles into genuine panic, but it lingers just long enough to leave a sour taste behind.

A quiet Friday night finds you stretched on the couch with the television murmuring in the background, when an email from Tony lands in your inbox. It marks yet another round of revisions of your presentation despite the fact that this is already the fourth time you have edited it.

For a moment you simply stare deadpan at the screen, the frustration that has been building all week finally manifesting with a sharp exhale.

“For fuck’s sake, Tony.”

“I could ensure he never troubles you again.”

The voice comes so quickly after your words that your brain just accepts it without question. Then, your limbs still at once at the realization. Slowly, you lift your head and look around the apartment.

The television still works. The kitchen is empty. The hallway is exactly where it should be.

You frown at it for another moment before forcing yourself to exhale.

Stress.

You imagined it.

Shaking your head, you turn your attention back to the show.

“Well?”

This time you sit up abruptly, confusion sharpening into alarm. 

“What the fuck?” You mumble, because whatever fragile explanation you were building in your head collapses at once.

You nearly trip over your own feet as you scramble to stand, your heart hammering against your ribs while your gaze darts frantically around the open space.

“Is someone here?”

There is a pause before the voice answers—calm, almost unaffected by your agitation.

“I am not visible at the moment.”

Your breath catches slightly.

“What does that even mean?”

“I am in the shadows,” it continues. “I am everywhere.”

You let out a short, disbelieving laugh, but it comes out strangled.

“Yeah, okay.” You mutter. “Sure.”

You quickly check the hallway and then turn back again, trying to locate any possible source that could explain the voice seemingly coming from the inside of the apartment. When you can’t find anything out of the ordinary, your body instantly angles towards the couch, one of your arms already stretched out to get your phone and call someone.

Police. Your neighbor. Anyone...

But your fingers barely brush the object before it slides out of reach.

You freeze.

“No.” You whisper, because now your brain is splitting between panic and denial.

You glance at the device like it has personally betrayed you.

“This is insane,” you say, unconsciously backing up, your chest heaving dangerously fast. “This is fucking insane.”

“He can be removed.” The voice states with confidence.

You shake your head sharply.

“What does that even mean? And what the fuck are you doing in my apartment?”

“I have been here for a long time.”

“What?” Your stomach tightens as you take another step back, shaking your head again like that will be enough to reset reality.

“Get the fuck out or I’m calling the police.” You threaten more firmly this time, even if the trembling in your voice refuses to fade.

The air shifts at once, suffocating in its heaviness.

“Do not dare to call me an intruder.”

Until now, despite everything, some stubborn part of your brain had been trying to force this situation into a shape that made sense—a prank, a squatter, even a neighbor with far too much free time.

Something explainable.

Human.

“I have always been here.”

The words settle like a boulder on your chest.

A chill crawls down your spine.

Nothing around you changes: the walls are still standing, the lights are still on, and the floor is not splitting open beneath your feet. Yet your attention is obsessing over every neglected corner. On the narrow seam where two walls meet. On the vent above the kitchen doorway. On the faint cracks hidden beneath layers of paint.

Places you have never paid attention to before.

Places that now feel claimed.

You have lived here for years, slept, eaten, cried... Spent entire weekends doing absolutely nothing. And the thought that something might have been present through all of it sends a fresh wave of nausea through your body.

That’s enough for you to notice the change in your breathing. Each raise of your chest feels slightly shallower than the last, your lungs stinging as they instinctively prepare for a danger your eyes cannot see.

“Reality parts for me. I have drifted through the birth of galaxies, swallowed storms of time, watched empires swell and rot. Your world? An insignificant speck in the vastness of the universe. Your species? Flimsier than smoke. You puny humans only know how to crawl from the mud to devour each other over shallow trinkets and territory.”

You swallow thickly, flinching hard as your back brushes against the wall close to the front door.

You don’t even remember moving.

“Okay,” you mumble, your voice still uneven. “Someone’s a little too full of themself.”

A thunderous roar crashes through your skull, pain exploding behind your eyes so suddenly that your vision blurs around the edges.

A sharp gasp tears from your throat as you double over, your body folding in on itself before you can stop it. Your hands fly to your head, fingers digging into the skin of your temples as your eyes squeeze shut against the pounding agony.

“I only speak the truth. I am eternal, and your defiance is inconvenient. Remember, human: if I wish to, I could bend you into nothingness before your heart finishes its next beat.”

The temperature of the room drops below zero. Biting cold wraps around you so viciously that it feels as though warmth has been erased from existence.

A violent shiver runs through you, and your arms promptly wrap around your torso in a futile attempt to make yourself smaller, safer, somehow less exposed to its wrath.

The threat itself should sound ridiculous, the sort of thing a comic book villain would say before getting punched through a building. Yet what’s frightening is the certainty burning beneath its voice.

An uncomfortable, deafening silence settles over the room, before the voice comes back quieter—almost timid.

“I have frightened you.” It sighs wearily. “Your fear is bitter. Forgive me. I often forget how small your hearts are, how fragile your existence can be.”

The cold begins to retreat, slowly loosening its grip on your body until you can feel your fingers again. The pressure squeezing your throat eases with it, and you quickly draw in a breath, gasping as if you have been forced under water.

You don’t answer. Instead your eyes close briefly, and inside your head you keep repeating that this is only a dream.

It has to be.

Dreams can be terrifying.

Dreams can feel real.

Dreams can make absolutely no sense whatsoever.

“I apologize. I am not used to... converse with humans.”

The explanation is absurd. Completely ridiculous. Sure, people do that too. They make themselves louder and hostile, more intimidating. They show their teeth because they are afraid to get bitten first.

But it’s difficult to be terrified of something while simultaneously understanding it.

“I would not harm another being, unless strictly necessary. Like Tony.”

There is a beat of silence after that, the kind that feels like waiting for a clarification.

Your eyelids slowly flutter open.

“Tony?” Your brows furrow in confusion.

“Yes.”

Your stomach drops. “I—Tony is my boss.”

“I am aware.”

That answer does absolutely nothing to make you feel better. Still, a weak, tired chuckle falls from your lips, the sound still sitting on the edge of disbelief.

“Well,” your voice wavers. “Next time you want to show off, try to be a little less... intense.”

There is a pause that lasts just long enough to feel like the conversation might actually end there.

“I will…” It rumbles. “Little star.”

You blink.

For a moment you genuinely wonder whether you heard it correctly. Of all the things it could have said, that had not even crossed your mind as a possibility.

“What?” You ask uncertainly.

“You are smaller than me,” it starts calmly. “And you shine the brightest when surrounded by darkness.”

The words hit you like a punch in the stomach, because that name feels like it was always meant for you—like this weird creature has spent some unknowable amount of time observing the universe until it reached the conclusion that you deserved your own little place inside it.

“And so you just… decided to call me that?” You say slowly, staring blankly at the wall.

“Yes.”

The answer arrives with complete confidence.

Your eyes scan the space again: the walls are still up, the furniture remains exactly where you left it, the front door is only a few feet away if you decide to make a run for it. However, now they all sit beside the crushing knowledge that you have never been truly alone in what you considered your safe haven.

And yet, despite the trembling in your hands and the excruciating headache, the apartment has never felt this warm.

After that night, the voice doesn’t appear on a schedule you can trace, and it doesn’t behave like something that interrupts your life so much as something that exists alongside you, its presence filling the apartment as naturally as sunlight through an open window.

Eventually you resign yourself to the fact that if this is real, then it has always been real. The Entity has existed beyond the edges of your perception all along, tucked into the shadows while you moved through your life unaware.

You are not discovering something new. You are simply learning how to share your home with a creature whose ego is, unfortunately, backed by evidence.

Strangely, that realization no longer feels like you’re losing your sanity. Every appearance still sends a jolt through you though, even when you start anticipating it. The jolts finally become sighs, the sighs fade into pauses... And then, somehow, they turn into full conversations.

“Allow me to intervene.”

The words emerge from nowhere and everywhere at once, threading through the sound of running water.

Your reaction is calmer than it would have been a month ago.

Pausing with a glass still slippery beneath layers of soap, you glance at the counter.

A deep exhale escapes your nose. “That’s not what I meant when I said Pierce should stop being an asshole.”

The silence that follows feels thoughtful.

“He deserves it.”

The certainty in its tone immediately tells you that this conversation is going to leave you with a migraine.

You slowly set the glass aside and reach for another.

“No, he doesn’t.”

“He repeatedly enters the apartments without warning despite causing distress to their occupants. He ignores maintenance requests. He raises the rent while refusing to fix anything. He is unpleasant.” It growls at last.

You stare at the sink deadpan, because the worst part is that none of those observations are technically wrong.

“You still don’t get to decide what happens to my landlord.”

“You have developed a habit of assuming the worst about me, little star.” The response almost sounds offended.

“Last week you wanted to fold the mail carrier into another dimension because he bent one of my packages.”

“He damaged your property.”

“He dropped it because he nearly tripped carrying three other boxes.” You remark tiredly.

“Then he accepted more than he was capable of transporting!” It snaps.

Your eyes close, and for a moment you simply stand there with your hands submerged in warm water, wondering whether anyone else in human history has ever had to explain proportional responses to a cosmic entity living inside their apartment walls.

“You can’t solve everything with violence.”

“At least my ways are effective.”

The tone is so childish that something dangerously close to a laugh threatens to escape you. You barely suppress it, unwilling to give the Entity the satisfaction.

The last thing you want is to encourage it.

“You’re missing the point.” You sigh.

“And your landlord is disruptive.” It retorts, returning to the original topic with persistence. “I remove disruption.”

A month ago, that statement would have sent ice flooding through your veins, now it makes you tired. Concerned, certainly; still mildly horrified. But mostly tired.

You noticed pretty quickly that the creature inhabiting the darkness has apparently divided existence into two simple categories: things that bring you comfort, and things that do not.

And whenever something falls into the second category, it immediately begins offering solutions.

Usually terrible ones.

You still can’t fully comprehend what it is and what it wants from you, yet you don’t reject it anymore, choosing instead to adjust yourself around it the same way people learn to coexist with eccentric roommates, noisy plumbing, or old neighbors with weird habits. But speaking more carefully than you used to has become necessary. Not because you are afraid of being overheard—you passed that stage weeks ago—but because the Entity is always listening, hungrily waiting for the slightest excuse to make itself useful.

The first time you muttered that a coworker was making you want to disappear, it was so concerned that it spent thirty minutes trying to understand whether your desire to “cease existing” was literal. Then you made the mistake of joking about your neighbor’s barking dog, and it calmly informed you that silence could be arranged...

Spending hours explaining hyperbole to a being older than galaxies had not gone particularly well, so now you think twice before speaking. You also avoid idle threats and clarify complains before they can be interpreted as instructions.

In addition to not knowing how human language works, it becomes clear that the Entity also doesn’t understand the concept of privacy. Or perhaps it understands it perfectly well and simply sees no reason to respect it.

You are still trying to determine which possibility is worse.

Thursday has been peaceful so far. Tony hasn’t started any new scandal that requires damage control, and Pierce hasn’t called asking for more money to deal with the umpteenth gas leak.

Yet by the time you finally make it home, exhaustion sits heavily in your muscles—the kind that accumulates steadily over hours spent hunched over a desk, attending meetings that should not exist and dealing with your boss’ particular talent for creating problems out of nothing.

The apartment is quiet when you step inside.

After abandoning your heels somewhere near the entrance, you drag yourself to the bedroom with the same determination of someone whose social battery has been completely annihilated. All you want is to change into something comfortable, eat whatever requires the least amount of effort to prepare, and spend the rest of the evening watching some trashy reality show.

The peaceful silence follows you as you set your bag on the floor and begin pulling your blouse over your head.

“This level of exhaustion is unacceptable.”

A startled yelp escapes your lips as you jerk backwards, immediately yanking the blouse back down.

For one humiliating moment, you are left standing in the middle of the room, tangled in fabric.

“Jesus Christ.” Your hand presses against your sternum.

The apartment remains perfectly calm.

“You scared me.”

“I did not intend to.”

“Yeah, I know.” You let out a weary sigh. “You never intend to.”

Finally pulling the blouse off, you throw it toward the laundry basket with significantly more force than necessary.

The Entity says nothing for what feels like forever, so your eyes narrow at a random corner.

“Were you just... watching me?”

The question leaves your mouth before you can stop it, and the silence that follows stretches long enough to make you squirm uncomfortably.

“You returned home forty-three minutes later than usual. You removed your shoes after entering, yet consumed no food despite having done so at the same time during the last three days. And your shoulders have remained incredibly tense since you arrived.”

You promptly let them relax, suddenly self-conscious of your posture.

“That wasn’t my question.”

“It was.” The creature sounds genuinely puzzled. “You asked whether I was observing you.”

Technically, that’s a logical answer, but it doesn’t make having a pair of monstrous eyes tracking your every movement with unwavering attention any less unsettling.

“You really keep track of all that?” You eventually ask, almost shyly.

“My attention is always upon you.”

The response arrives with such simple certainty that it makes the next words die on your tongue, leaving you frozen in the middle of your bedroom.

This thing has existed for an amount of time you cannot begin to comprehend. It notices things. It remembers things. It pays attention in a way that humans generally do not. And the reminder sends a strange heat crawling beneath your skin.

Suddenly, you are being hit with a feeling of disquiet at being so exposed.

“He should not be allowed to exhaust you like this.”

“No.” It falls from your lips before the conversation can continue.

“No?”

“No. Whatever you’re thinking, the answer is no.”

“You cannot know what I am thinking.”

“Oh yeah? So it has nothing to do with taking care of Tony?” You mock its gravelly voice.

Another pause.

“You know me so well.” It sounds almost pleased.

Sinking onto the edge of the bed, you rub a hand over your face.

“Please, stop trying to find a reason to kill my boss.”

“I was not offering to kill him.”

Relief immediately floods your chest.

“Oh.” You tilt your head, positively surprised.

Maybe all those evenings spent teaching the Entity how to behave more like a human and less like one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are finally paying off.

“I would only harm him.”

Your face falls instantly.

“God, can you just stop talking?”

“It is significantly better.”

“No.”

“It is objectively better.”

You let out a long groan, covering your face with both hands.

“Why do you always bring him up?”

“I was simply stating an observation.”

You scoff, removing your jewelry with far more energy than the action itself requires. “You always make observations right before suggesting violence.”

“I do not always suggest violence.”

The statement is delivered with enough dignity that you almost believe it.

“You suggested throwing an officer into the ocean because he gave me a ticket.”

“He was incorrect.”

Your eyes close in irritation. “You suggested relocating my upstairs neighbor because she vacuumed once at six in the morning.”

“Sunday is the only day you are permitted to sleep in.”

“You spent three days trying to convince me my internet provider is a hostile entity.” Your voice gradually rises, and the apartment slips into complete silence.

“Little star,” the Entity starts slowly. “The service they provide is unacceptable.”

You curse the day you decided to explain how technology and the internet work to this relentless, stubborn creature.

“That’s not the point.” You say through clenched teeth.

The room grows quiet again and you know it is genuinely attempting to understand something that refuses to fit within its understanding of reality.

When it speaks again, the question sounds sincere.

“Why is Tony different?”

You let your head fall back with a sigh.

As much as its insistence and anger management issues drive you insane, you always need to remind yourself it is truly interested in how your mind works.

“He isn’t different,” the words are no louder than a murmur, your body sagging slightly as irritation drains away. “People are just allowed to be annoying. That’s part of the human experience.”

You can practically feel the disagreement radiating off the walls.

“That seems inefficient.” It frets.

A chuckle escapes you before you can stop it, still low but entirely genuine.

“Maybe it is.” You shrug.

“You dedicate a surprising degree of creativity to insulting him.”

“Because he frustrates me.”

“He makes you unhappy.”

“Hm, sometimes.” You nod.

“He increases your stress.”

“Yes.”

“You dread interacting with him.”

You hesitate for a second. “Well, only when he sends me to drag angry women out of his penthouse at nine in the morning.”

“Then I fail to understand why removing the problem is unacceptable.”

There it is—the same impossible logic it always returns to.

Everything else stops mattering the moment it involves you, so when something upsets you, it should be immediately addressed. The conclusion is predictable by now: anything causing you discomfort simply shouldn’t be allowed to continue existing. That’s the entire structure of its reasoning, there is no room for improvement or compromise.

For a few seconds neither of you speaks.

Then, very carefully, as though explaining something to a particularly intelligent but catastrophically misguided dog, “Harming my boss won’t fix my anxiety. And you really need to stop with the whole splitting people into categories based on whether they annoy me or not.”

The silence lingers, but you have learned enough about the creature by now to recognize when it is really considering your words.

“There are additional categories?”

This time you cannot help it—you burst out laughing, the sound brightening the room, loud and alive.

“Yes, you silly creature.” You breathe out, still smiling. “There are additional categories.”

Somewhere within the walls, the Entity appears to spend the rest of the night reevaluating its understanding of interpersonal conflict. You are not entirely sure the lesson will stick. Still, it feels like progress.

When your eyes snap open, the frantic pounding of your heartbeat is the only thing you can hear. You find yourself disoriented, small but stubborn fragments of the nightmare still clinging to you.

There was a corridor that seemed to stretch forever, doors opening one after another into empty darkness, and the overwhelming certainty that something was following just out of sight. The details fade almost immediately, but the fear lingers heavy in your chest.

“You are not alone.”

The rumbling voice cuts through the eerie silence out of nowhere, nearly making you jump out of your skin.

Your body goes completely still as for one awful second, fantasy and reality blur together. Then, fear shifts into exasperation so quickly it makes you faintly nauseous.

“It was a dream.” You whisper to yourself, pressing a hand over your eyes.

“Yes.” The answer comes immediately.

You let out a long breath, instinctively reaching for the lamp on your nightstand. Light has always helped after bad dreams. It gives your eyes something solid to land on so you can breathe a little easier; something ordinary enough to remind you that whatever was haunting you belonged to the deepest pits of your unconsciousness.

Before your fingers can touch the switch though, the temperature in the room drops slightly and the lamp clicks on by itself. You stare at it blankly, before glancing up at the ceiling.

“Have you been in my bedroom this whole time?” 

When the answer arrives, it carries a note of confusion.

“I am always with you.”

You instinctively pull the sheets closer around yourself.

“Hm, not really comforting.”

“I simply illuminated the room.”

“That’s not what I was talking about.” The words come out feebly, as though they were meant just for you.

The pensive silence that follows suggests it is trying to work out what you meant anyway. Eventually, it steers the conversation towards something it deems far more important than your discomfort at its incessant hovering.

“You were in distress.”

A chill crawls across your skin despite the warmth of the blankets.

“It was just a dream.” You dismiss as your eyes drop to your quilt.

“You have experienced similar dreams repeatedly.”

“What do you mean repeatedly?” You instantly look up.

“You have experienced seven variations of the same fear pattern within the last month.”

You frown at the wall in front of you.

“You remember them all?”

“Of course.”

You are not entirely sure what unsettles you more: the fact that the Entity has somehow found its way into your dreams, or the fact that it has categorized them so analytically.

“It was a nightmare.” You swallow eventually.

“Yes.”

“But you don’t have to do anything about it.”

“I disagree.”

Of course it does.

You rub your eyes in exhaustion. “Everyone has nightmares once in a while.”

“You are not everyone. I do not care about everyone.” The word is thrown out in disgust. “And you were terrified, that’s enough for me to intervene.”

Your head falls back against the headrest with a dull noise. “It wasn’t real.”

“It still scared you.” It insists.

The simple logic behind its reasoning is incredibly annoying, because there is no easy way to argue with it. The distinction between reality and dreams seems irrelevant to a higher entity—fear is still fear.

“What was chasing you?”

You immediately regret answering any questions at all, hoping that lying on your side will implicitly communicate the conversation is over.

“Nothing.”

“What was behind the door?”

“Nothing.”

“Your heartbeat was dangerously fast when you remembered.”

You pull the blanket higher and settle deeper into the mattress, ready to ignore it.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me.”

The response is so quick your eyelids flutter open again.

The Entity releases a sigh. “You return home exhausted. You experience distress during sleep, and it lingers long after you wake up. I do not understand why you insist these things are insignificant.”

The sincerity behind its words makes it unexpectedly difficult to swallow.

You know it’s not asking out of mere curiosity, or to eventually use your own fears against you for some hidden purpose. It genuinely cares about you, but not in any way that gives you space from it. Its attention doesn’t arrive and withdraw; it persists, clinging to you with a kind of obsessive inevitability. It feels less like being observed and more like being suffocated—a desperate grip around your throat that won’t loosen even when you need oxygen.

That attention has begun to register as pressure inside your nervous system, a second current running beneath your own reactions. As though it is already anticipating where you will move, what you will feel, what will unsettle you... and meeting you halfway.

Under the apparent reverence lies something far more obstinate: a deep, unwavering hunger to possess you. It craves to reach past what you can recognize as yourself, following you beneath language, control, and into the parts of you where emotion arises before it becomes yours to name—until even the boundary between what you truly feel and what you want to show is blurred.

“Because not everything needs to be fixed.” You ultimately sigh.

“Why?”

Your eyes close in resignation at the question that the Entity keeps asking since manifesting itself to you. It sounds so plain and obvious until you try to look for an answer that actually makes sense, devoid of useless excuses.

“Because sometimes people are just tired, and that can cause bad dreams. It’s called stress and it’s normal.”

The quiet that follows stretches long enough that you hope the conversation has finally reached an end.

“What was behind the door?”

You let out a groan. “Jesus Christ.”

“Little star—”

“Goodnight.” You exclaim loudly enough to cut directly across whatever question was coming next.

Several seconds pass and your body gradually melts against the mattress, your chest finally deflating with a relieved sigh.

“Goodnight.”

A pause follows.

“I am always here. You may inform me if the dream returns.”

You bury your face deeper into the pillow.

“I won’t.” It comes out muffled.

“I would still like to know.”

You gesture blindly toward the ceiling.

“Goodnight.”

The lamp switches itself off.

Several days pass after the nightmare conversation without incident, which should probably be reassuring. Instead, it leaves you vaguely suspicious, because you have already learned that silence doesn’t necessarily mean absence. More often than not, it simply means the Entity has decided to not comment on whatever it is currently observing.

You are cooking dinner when it manifests. Or well, attempting to cook dinner, which is definitely not the same thing. The recipe is open on your phone, and the ingredients are technically correct. Whether the final result will be edible remains to be seen.

The water has finally begun to boil and you are standing in front of the stove trying to remember whether the smoked salmon goes in before or after the tomato sauce, when the familiar baritone drifts through the kitchen as if commenting on the weather.

“You should not consume that.” It throws off-handedly.

You stop stirring altogether, your eyes still fixed on the sauce before slowly turning to the empty kitchen.

“What?”

“The nutritional value is poor.”

You can only blink. Being criticized by an ancient being for your dinner choices... Not everyone gets to put that on their résumé.

“You don’t even eat.”

“Correct.”

“Then how do you know what’s good for me?” You squint accusingly.

“I have observed your species.”

The spoon returns to the pan and you continue stirring, determined to not encourage it. Unfortunately, that strategy stopped working after the third day.

“You consume insufficient vegetables.”

A sigh escapes you. “Stop.”

“It is the truth.”

“We’re not having this discussion now.”

“You purchased zucchini and carrots three days ago and have yet to consume them.”

Your wrist stills. Scarily slowly, you lower the utensil onto the spoon rest, and look at the wall with challenge burning hot in your eyes.

“You know what’s concerning about that sentence?” You cross your arms to your chest.

“The fact that you know when I bought them.”

“You not consuming the vegetables.” It speaks over you.

“Oh my God,” you snap as you sharply turn toward the empty kitchen. “Are you my roommate and nutritionist now?”

Silence follows, and you hope it has finally run out of opinions.

“Roommate is… acceptable classification.”

You freeze at its reply, because it suddenly dawns on you the mistake you just made. You decide to play it cool though, and turn back to the pan to resume stirring, your movements now a little more sluggish than before.

“That wasn’t an invitation, by the way.” You clear your throat awkwardly after a while.

No response comes. At least, not verbally. The flame beneath the pan flares a little higher before settling again, not enough to affect the cooking but just enough to feel deliberate.

You frown at it, annoyed at the fact that this Lord of the Darkness-wannabe officially considers itself a member of the household now, and you are the only one to blame for that.

“You should also sleep more.”

Your shoulders slump in defeat.

The conversation had been going so well.

“I sleep plenty.” You argue.

“You averaged five hours and forty-one minutes over the last seven days.”

The spoon nearly slips from your hand.

“Can you stop tracking my sleeping habits?” Your voice drips with indignation. 

“You are tired.” It retorts at once. “Tired humans make poorer dietary decisions.”

“Who isn’t in this day and age?”

“Well, you are more tired than most people.” It barks back, agitated.

You are beginning to suspect that the Entity’s only hobby is monitoring your wellbeing with a level of dedication that borders on the absurd—and absolutely no sense of when to mind its own business.

Maybe you should introduce it to birdwatching next.

It becomes obvious that it also reacts to the people surrounding you. Not in anything you could immediately point to as proof, but small inconveniences cluster around certain names, voices, intrusions that are not physically present in the apartment and yet somehow seem to have been catalogued all the same.

At first you tell yourself it must be a series of coincidences.

A delayed train to go back home for Thanksgiving, forcing you to text your family that you won’t make it. A rooftop bar reservation that gets cancelled just as you’re getting ready to leave—the kind of place you were going to with old friends who insisted it was “important to catch up properly.” Plans with people you actually like quietly unraveling at the edges, and conversations turning into vague reschedules that never settle into anything concrete, leaving your evenings empty at home.

The pattern becomes harder to ignore.

You finally connect the dots thanks to Steve.

You’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks, nothing serious yet, though that feels less and less accurate when your evenings keep turning into phone calls that stretch far longer than either of you originally intended.

It’s late in the afternoon and you are talking to him while tidying the living room, the conversation drifting effortlessly as you gradually stop dusting and end up leaning against the couch, your cheeks hurting from how much you have been smiling.

Dating comes easy with someone as sweet and kind as Steve. You always feel a little lighter after spending time with him.

Perhaps that’s why he becomes an obstacle to remove.

“... and then she told me I should apologize to her cat.”

You chuckle. “What? Why?”

“Apparently me stating I have a dog offended him.”

After your laugh fades, your mouth parts to answer with a story of your own about disastrous first dates, when the call abruptly ends.

It doesn’t crackle, it simply cuts off. One moment Steve is speaking, the next there is silence.

You check the screen with astonishment written all over your face, and sure enough there is only your wallpaper staring back at you.

Your stomach twists with a familiar, uncomfortable feeling.

Slowly, you lower the phone, and that’s when it registers that the apartment has been quiet for a while.

Too quiet.

“That puny boy is annoying.”

Your brow lifts skeptically. Steve Rogers is many things, but “puny boy” is definitely not the first word that comes to mind when talking about him. The man has shoulders that deserve their own zip code.

You huff out a weary breath. “What did you do this time?”

“I ended the interaction.”

The answer is tinted with poorly concealed smugness, not a single attempt to hide what it has done—and it’s that stupid brashness wrapped in the arrogant conviction of always being right, that makes fury flare in your chest.

Your grip tightens around your phone.

“I noticed.” You smile caustically. “Care are to explain why?”

“The call had continued long beyond necessity.”

The scoff leaves your mouth before you can stop it. “Since when do you decide what is necessary in my relationships?”

“The puny human was occupying your attention.”

“We were having a conversation.” You state tartly.

“You have many conversations.”

“So what?”

“They occur too frequently.”

You blink at the wall, utterly flabbergasted by its impudence.

“Are you kidding me?” You chuckle drily, no traces of humor in it. “You were jealous of Steve and—and your solution was to violate my privacy and go through my fucking phone?”

Your arms rise in a gesture of helpless disbelief, only to drop again by your sides a second later. “What are you? Six?”

“He occupies a disproportionate amount of your time.”

“I like him.” You fire back.

“He is temporary.”

The answer comes out as a roar that makes you flinch instantly. Anger evaporates, leaving behind a cold, hollow feeling beneath your ribs.

“He is temporary.” The Entity repeats calmly this time, as if the statement has already been settled rather than offered for discussion. “You have known him for weeks.”

There is a brief pause before it continues—still unhurried, still confident in its presumption.

“I have known you longer.”

The words are final in a way that doesn’t invite contradiction.

The dreadful realization that this fragile boundary between you had been crumbling day after day without you noticing makes it impossible to keep your voice steady.

“You don’t get to decide who matters to me.”

The apartment shifts—not physically, or visibly—but it feels like the air has suddenly reoriented toward the sound of your voice.

“I do not decide who matters to you.” 

A pause follows, strategic.

“I only decide what enters my domain.”

The apartment is not a place it inhabits, but a condition that defines what can be present within it. And for the first time, the implication is not about Steve at all, or any of the other people the Entity has quietly pushed to the edges of your life.

It’s about you.

“This apartment is not your domain.” You swallow, forcing the trembling out of your words.

“It contains you.”

Your stomach churns so harshly you feel like vomiting at how completely unremarkable the Entity seems to find its reasoning.

There is something profoundly unsettling about its inability to separate you from the spaces you occupy, the people you interact with, or the things that demand your attention. Everything collapses into the same category, tied together by the simple fact that it exists in relation to you, and therefore falls under the quiet assumption that it has the right to interfere.

And judging by the calm confidence in its voice, it’s a belief that has been festering in the background for a very long time, undisturbed. As though the boundary between what it assumes and what you are has never been particularly solid to begin with.

Your grip on the phone hardens until your fingers ache against its hard edges.

“You can’t sabotage every relationship I have.” 

“That assumes they were ever stable to begin with.”

There was never anything meaningful enough to protect in the first place, only shifting connections that held for a while or failed on their own terms. And yet your life has been reshaped so nothing ever keeps you away for long, every little detail arranged so the roots of its sick devotion can sink deeper and deeper into your existence until eventually you’ll stop leaving.

You are living your days bounded by a mere, temporary concession of freedom, because the Entity has already gathered what serves its purpose.

The rest is nothing but a speck of dust meant to aimlessly wander across the vastness of the universe.

It’s a system that you reject but now find yourself placed inside regardless. The center of it all.

It’s the day you meet with Wanda that you really understand how deep the Entity’s visceral attachment to you goes.

Your friend comes over on a Saturday afternoon after several weeks of failed attempts to meet up. The visit is long overdue, and you spend most of it moving between rooms while talking about work, mutual friends’ life updates, and whatever gossip has accumulated since the last time you saw each other.

For the first hour everything feels normal enough that you almost forget about the presence woven through the concrete. You are halfway through making coffee when the conversation stops abruptly. At first you assume Wanda is checking her phone, but the silence feels unnatural.

When you step out of the kitchen, you find her standing near the entrance with an expression you cannot immediately identify.

She is confused, almost distracted—the way people look when they walk into a room with purpose only to forget why.

“Wanda?”

She blinks as if woken up by a dream, instantly meeting your worried gaze.

“Hm?”

You frown. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” The answer comes a little too quickly as she nods frantically.

Her gaze then drifts upward again, lingering on the ceiling for a moment before returning to you.

She titters as she lightly shakes her head. “This is going to sound stupid.”

An unpleasant sensation tugs at your chest.

“What is?” You ask thinly.

Wanda’s lips open and close once, as if something is holding her back.

“Do you ever feel like someone’s… watching you?”

For a second your heart forgets how to beat, but you eventually manage a strangled laugh.

“No?” The word sounds more like a question than an answer.

“It’s not bad,” she clarifies apprehensively. “I don’t know how to explain it. It just feels like…” She trails off, shrugging at last. “Like there’s someone else here.”

You stare at her and Wanda stares back for a quiet, uncomfortable minute, before her eyes briefly land on the cups waiting on the table, and everything is forgotten.

But your friend’s laugh is less loud, shorter. Her attention keeps wandering, and more than once you catch her glancing at empty corners as though she expects something to be standing there.

She leaves nearly an hour earlier than planned.

The excuse she gives you sounds legitimate. The timing does not.

You stand on the threshold long after she disappears down the hallway before slowly closing the door, your forehead briefly resting on the wooden surface as you let out a tired sigh.

“You dislike her.”

You roll your eyes, straightening up. “You’re slipping. Wanda is one of my closest friends.” 

“Your interactions are infrequent.”

“We’ve known each other for eight years,” you reply promptly, a faint edge to your voice now. “We don’t need to talk every day for our friendship to be real.”

The Entity’s voice is pensive. “She occupies little of your time.”

“Again, that’s not how friendship works.” You huff, busying yourself with the dirty cups on the table.

“Proximity is important.” 

You let out a short, disbelieving breath.

“Friendship isn’t defined by how often someone is physically or temporally close to me.”

“Yours is an inconsistent system, then.” It concludes and you let the cups fall into the sink with a loud clank.

“What exactly is your criteria for liking people?” This time the question is not tinted with accusation so much as worn down into something closer to fatigue. You turn around, this time directly staring at the wall.

Arguing definitions with something that doesn’t operate like a human being is starting to feel pointless.

The answer takes longer this time.

“Not believing in the arrogant presumption that they could take you away from me. The delusion that something so small, so transient, could ever lay claim to what is mine is preposterous.” It states at last.

In some distant, irrational corner of your mind, the words feel familiar enough to not shock you anymore. But the clinical insolence, and how strongly it believes it has the right to make such a claim, is revolting.

It simply exists in it the way breath exists in you, natural and unquestioned.

You exhale sharply, jaw tightening as your teeth press hard enough to ache.

“And what makes you think you have any claim over me at all?” The words come out strained, held together by effort rather than control.

The silence that follows presses into your skin like the walls have leaned in a fraction closer.

The answer has always been in front of you, it’s only a matter of when you will surrender to it.

Some tv series you picked up days ago and barely remember choosing plays at low volume on the television. The voices rising and falling should be comforting, but their rhythm isn’t quite landing anywhere inside you. You still keep your gaze on the scene out of habit, hoping that alone might eventually turn into genuine engagement.

You have been repeating that to yourself for almost two hours.

You shift on the couch once, then again almost immediately after. Your shoulders settle, then lift. Your back presses into the cushions and then pulls away, searching for a version of contact that actually feels like it belongs to you.

Everything is technically fine—the room is warm, the couch is comfortable, the apartment quiet except for the show—but your skin feels strangely hot, too aware of itself, like it can’t stop registering the absence of something your brain refuses to name directly.

You cross your arms loosely, then uncross them again just to feel something brush against your hardened nipples under your camisole. The strong urge to have something hard and definite pressed against your body instead of this drifting tension that never fully resolves, is driving you mad.

Your thighs press together without much thought—a slow, instinctive squeeze that makes your breath hitch when you remember you haven’t worn anything underneath in hopes of getting some sort of stimulation against your clit.

It ends up being a useless attempt to soothe the arousal, because it only sharpens the need to take care of the ache in your core.

You let your leg bounce once against the couch cushion, then still it, then start again a moment later.

The Entity has altered your life completely. Privacy is no longer a clean boundary, but something porous that breathes back. It has turned upside-down the way you exist inside your own space, despite your earlier belief that you could simply ignore it and carry on as usual.

Some nights the fire licking at your insides becomes too unbearable, but a part of you keeps pulling back at the last second—the sole idea of being fully exposed to its monstrous eyes while having a dildo plunging in and out of your pussy makes your guts contort with shame.

Your mental health is on the line, because it leaves you suspended in this strange, unnerving state—restless, alert, never fully grounded in anything else.

So your body keeps searching for relief in innocent motions.

You shift again, sinking deeper into the couch, then slide slightly forward. One arm presses into your side and your breath catches once, shallow and unexpected.

The television continues without caring whether you’re following it or not. A scene changes. A line of dialogue lands but leaves no imprint.

After a while, you stop trying.

Your attention slips away from the screen entirely as your hand instinctively reaches for your phone on the coffee table. The cushions dip as you shift your weight again, abandoning any effort at sitting properly.

You lie down, hoping to find a little comfort in a less rigid position. One leg lifts and settles over the back of the couch while the other bends a little, enough to plant your foot securely on the soft cushions.

Instagram feeds you fragments of other people’s lives: house tours, obnoxious laughter, delicious recipes, cleaning reels, captions you don’t read all the way through. Your thumb moves automatically, pulling you further down the stream.

It seems to work, finally granting you some sort of reprieve, until a sharp gasp claws out of your throat.

The room sinks into darkness as the TV screen goes black, but the shock is soon replaced by a thrill of fear as something brushes your ankle. It’s a slick, cold contact that makes you flinch violently. When you look down, your vision catches on movement that doesn’t belong in the geometry of the room, emerging from beneath the couch as if the floor itself has opened to grant it access.

Your limbs stay frozen as oxygen gets stuck in your throat. Your eyes lock on the tentacle, wide and unblinking, because looking away means potentially giving it the chance to attack you.

Your voice is shaking with worry when you decide to ask for help.

“Please tell me this your doing.”

The Entity answers immediately, the sound not arriving from any clear direction.

“Yes, that is mine. You do not need to worry.”

Your shoulders relax at once.

“What the hell happened to you?” You frown, because your brain reaches for the closest thing it can tolerate. “Did you turn into the kraken all of a sudden?”

The subtle recoil from the tentacle somehow reads as disdain.

“That insignificant squid with delusions of grandeur?” It growls, voice dripping with contempt. “Don’t lump me with that drooling, crude imitation ever again.”

Despite the shock still lingering, you snicker at the pure pique in its words.

You hum, shaking your head slightly. “My bad, Squidward.”

With a loud squeal, you find yourself dragged down until you’re fully lying on your back again, this time both of your thighs bent and spread open by two tentacles tightly wrapped around your ankles that keep you still and exposed.

“Quiet.”

Your heartbeat rings loudly in your ears. “Not my fault you decided to go all octopus on me.” You choke out, a mix of excitement and anticipation swirling wildly in your lower belly.

“That is because I know you enjoy it.”

Oh, you knew that tentacle-shaped dildo in the back of your closet would come back to bite you in the ass some day.

“Okay!” You loudly draw the word out, already feeling a familiar heat crawl up your neck. “Care to explain what exactly is going on?”

“You are not stable.”

Your left eyebrow lifts in perplexity at the ceiling. “Excuse me?”

“I feel your restlessness.” It hums. “It gets stronger day after day. Something is bothering you.”

You frown. “So?”

“I know what it is that makes you fidget like a little, frightened bunny.” Your eyes widen. “And I can help you.”

That earns it a short, disbelieving chortle.

“Jesus Christ,” you drag a hand over your face. “Okay, I—I can’t believe I’m really going to say it.” You mutter to yourself.

“Whatever, okay. Let’s see what you got, big guy, since you apparently have all the answers—oh.”

Two other tentacles peek out from under the couch, thicker than the ones wrapped around your ankles. You can’t really tell their color—perhaps a shade close to dark teal, bordering on black—the only source of light being the moon shining through the open curtains and the weak glow of the city lights in the distance.

Surely, being spread open by your filthiest fantasy is not helping you keep a clear head. 

The two curious appendages stop by your stomach to kiss the soft skin with gentle caresses through the flimsy fabric of your camisole. Your breath catches in your throat when the tips teasingly graze your turgid nubs, but before a pathetic plea can fall from your lips, they wrap around your wrists to slowly guide both arms over your head.

Their hold is firm but not brutish as they keep them anchored against the cushion.

“What—” The word fades into a soft gasp as two thinner tentacles slide up your legs before trailing under the hem of your camisole.

“You constantly squeeze your thighs. I am simply helping you soothe the ache.”

Your eyes roll back at the simple yet suggestive explanation, your mouth forming a perfect circle as each one of the appendages finally takes hold of your breasts, their tips flicking your erected nipples with slow, sensual motions.

“You are… delightful to touch.”

“Thanks?” You frown in mild confusion, already panting from the playful touches against your tits.

“And beautiful.” It contemplates almost absently. “For a puny human, you have a stunning body.”

“You sure know how to woo a girl.” You answer drily, huffing out a strained chuckle. 

“I apologize. I am not quite acquainted with this.”

“This as in… ?” 

“Sex.”

Your eyes widen, before a sly smirk brightens your features. “Are you saying that me—a lowly, puny human—is going to take the big, mean kraken’s virginity?”

“Stop associating me with that unintelligent abomination!” The voice roars disgusted, a new tentacle lightly smacking your thigh. “I am a cosmic entity. And sex is a foreign concept to us: we do not reproduce, nor feel the need to pleasure ourselves.”

Your witty answer falls short when small, hard suction cups graze your clit through the light fabric of your shorts. The movement prompts you to thrust your hips up, and the tentacle responds in earnest, steadying itself to allow you to hump its surface as more tentacles slither up to rub your hips.

It exhales shakily. “I would like to see it.”

“Hm?” You moan quietly, too lost into the heavenly, throbbing sensation in your core to pay attention.

“This curious, warm spot.” The tentacle against your clit twitches. “Your hidden treasure. Its smell is celestial whenever you wake up sweaty and whimpering in the middle of the night, my little star. Did you know that? Did you know how hard it is to ignore your pretty, little cries?”

You whimper at the raw need in its voice. “You mean my pussy? I’m all yours, honey.”

It seems to appreciate your answer since the tentacles restraining your limbs immediately tighten their hold on you.

“Your clothes are in the way.”

“Let go of my wrists for a s—” The sound of fabric tearing leaves you gaping. 

When you glance down, you immediately catch two thick tentacles releasing the ruined fabric of your camisole. It now hangs pathetically by the short sleeves around your shoulders. The appendages already teasing your breasts can finally move across your naked chest, patiently yet freely. You can’t prevent the loud moan that claws out of your throat at the lewd sight of those two slimy limbs wrapped around your tits, prompting you to push your chest into their touch. 

You toss your head back when the suction cups finally attach themselves to your nubs, steadily sucking on it. It’s not entirely similar to a human mouth, not only because of the texture borders on rubbery, but also because of their colder temperature that feels surprisingly pleasant against your stiff nipples.

A string of wanton sounds falls from your parted lips as they alternate gentle strokes to playful, harsher tugs that leave you gasping for more.

“May I?” It strains out, two tentacles slightly pulling at the hem of your shorts.

“Please.” You moan.

With a mere tug, the sides of your bottoms rip into two perfect halves, and the fabric is abandoned under your ass. 

The tentacles holding your ankles finally spread your legs wider with an enthusiastic pull as every limit has finally been annihilated.

“Oh.”

You giggle at the amazed tilt in its voice. 

“I have never seen anything like this before.”

You jolt as the cold tips of two thin, smaller tentacles unexpectedly brush against your inner thighs, lazily sliding forward until they take hold of your folds, parting them delicately as if afraid you might break.

“Your pussy is very pretty” It hums. “It is glistening.”

“Thank you.” You breathe out, still squirming at the stinging sensation of the tentacles playing with your chest.

Silence engulfs the space as the Entity stills you completely, admiring the way your core shines beautifully with the mess you made with your slick. The tentacles still trace your folds leisurely, enjoying the smooth, wet texture.

At some point, they start toying with your hole, letting their tip slowly breach it only for the creature to marvel at how it flutters in response. Furthering its inspection, the tip of an appendage kisses your clit, using some of your slick to get your nub wet.

You gasp as it rubs your arousal through your folds with slight pressure, prompting the Entity to release a low, unconscious hum. It is more than satisfied with the sloppy sounds that bounce off the walls along with your hushed whimpers.

As the strokes of its tentacles turn more intense, the urge to feel it inside you becomes utterly oppressive. You don’t know if it is trying to tease you relentlessly, or perhaps if the curiosity it feels towards your body is genuine, wishing to take its time to study your reactions—from your cute sounds to the way you tense and squirm under its tender touches.

“Sublime.” It whispers. You squeak in response, writhing in its firm hold.

“Settle down, my little star.” It grumbles. “I am going to give you what you have been craving very soon.”

You nod eagerly, a cry erupting from your throat as the other appendage puts more pressure on your throbbing clit, the suction cup following the example of the two tentacles abusing your nipples by steadily tightening and releasing your nub.

Despite its weird, unique texture, it still feels like a mouth suckling on your clit.

“Must you move so much?”

“It feels—” You almost choke on your own saliva. “So good.” Your eyes squeeze close.

“Oh, my darling. You are such a vision.”

Your hips attempt to chase the stimulation, yet there are other appendages already emerging from different sides of the couch to carefully wrap around every exposed inch of your body, until you are forced to lie spread and still for the Entity to turn you into its personal fucktoy.

“Fuck.” You whisper, panting at the pure display of dominance.

The fact that you are fully restrained and exposed for this unknown, powerful creature to do as it pleases should terrify you—considering the sick obsession for you it flaunts so proudly.

Yet here you are, pliant and eager for it to finally lose control and possess you.

“That is indeed what I plan to do with you, lovely.”

“Oh, please.” Your teeth sink into your bottom lip to unsuccessfully stop a shameless whine.

“You are an impatient little thing.” It chuckles eventually.

You would love to wipe the smugness out of its voice, see its tentacles flinch in disdain at another one of your silly nicknames, but then a smaller appendage joins the one that has been gently working on your clit and the two focus on two different rhythms, alternating quick, flicking motions to slow, intense sucks.

“Oh God.” You squeak, letting your head fall limp to the side. 

“I could spend an eternity buried in your little treasure and still, it would not be enough.” The voice grunts. “Sing for me, my little star.”

All it takes is the suction cups on your nipples tugging at the sensitive flesh for you to come. Your climax is so intense that your mouth opens around a loud, raw moan, your vision momentarily fading out as your body attempts to arch into the wicked stimulation.

“Gorgeous.” It marvels. “I need more.”

Your eyes widen as your pussy is lavished with attention by several more tentacles tracing your folds, forcing you into that delicious state of perpetual pleasure.

With rapid and decisive movements, the Entity quickly drives you over the edge over and over again, leaving you flinching pathetically in its hold, your muscles tensing up so often that you feel a faint ache throbbing in your tendons.

The appendages on your breasts are still eager on your tender nipples, abusing them with their suckling motion and cruel flickers.

“Looking at you makes it difficult to believe anything else deserves attention, little star. I apologize but I will never tire of your sweet sounds. You are ravishing when you surrender to pleasure.” 

“I can’t—” You sob, finally being granted a moment to breathe as a thin tentacle slides up your neck to catch the tears threatening to spill, lovingly stroking your cheeks and your damp forehead as you sniffle. 

Your eyes briefly roll back as those two sneaky tentacles keep your clit wet and sensitive, electricity running through your veins as your hips hopelessly jerk against the Entity’s appendages trapping your lower half.

“Do you wish to stop, pretty thing?”

“No! No please.” You cry out, your eyes instantly snapping open. “Just—need you inside, please.” A mewl falls from your lips at the gentle pressure on your hole.

You briefly catch something moving in your peripheral vision, and when your head turns, your heart almost stops at the sight of a new, perfectly thick tentacle emerging solemnly from underneath the couch. Its bumps and ridges are far more numerous and prominent than the ones scattered across the others.

“I know you are fond of certain… sizes.”

You whine, before something crucial finally dawns on you.

“W—what’s your name?”

It seems taken aback. “My name…” It muses. “It is too difficult for humans to pronounce, little star.”

“What should I call you then?”

“For now,” you moan shamelessly at the sensation of being finally filled. “I want to hear you scream for me.”

The appendage works inside you, the ridges a pleasant addition as they stroke along your walls in a steady motion while it carefully feeds you of its length.

“More.” You whimper.

“Hm?”

“Give me more.” Crying out, your hips attempt to thrust up.

Huffing a chuckle, the Entity manifests a few smaller tentacles that carefully push inside you along the bigger one, each of them focusing on a new spot to rub. Your eyes cross in bliss at the incredible feeling of being so stretched. The fullness is almost absurd, to the point that you briefly wonder if your body is going to explode at some point, all burning and taut as you feel trapped in an endless orgasm.

The depravity of being restrained and pounded by a mess of eager tentacles right in the middle of your living room only makes you moan louder.

“You have to be quieter, little star. Someone might hear you.”

The urge to chortle and reply with something sarcastic is strong, but right now you can barely recognize your surroundings.

“There could be the entire building watching me from the window for all I know and I still wouldn’t give a fuck.” You breathe out.

A wail roughly makes its way out of your chest when the little suction cups tug at your nipples harshly, the length of the appendages curling around the flesh of your breasts to fondle and squeeze them together. 

The Entity lets out a growl so guttural it makes your bones shake. 

Your breath catches when something slimy brushes over your bottom lip—another tentacle, quite thick but not like the one thrusting inside you. 

“Open.”

You obey at once, parting your mouth as it doesn’t waste any time to slip inside. Its motions are less harsh compared to the Entity’s possessive tone, and that allows your lips to wrap around it and suck at your own pace.

“I warned you before I would harm other beings if necessary.” It starts, your body tingling as the hair on the back of your neck raises at its baritone echoing right into your ear. 

The large tentacle around your waist tightens, almost protectively. 

“I will rip the flesh and feast on the bowels of anyone who dares to touch you.” The Entity’s tentacles inside your pussy pick up their pace, furious and wild, eliciting a string of loud moans out of you that get promptly muffled by the appendage curiously exploring your tongue.

“I love watching pleasure consume you, my lovely, beautiful creature.” It grunts. “You are perfect. So soft, and wet and warm.” It blabbers, as delirious as you.

A low moan quietly resounds in the living room as it plunges in and out of your pussy while the other tentacles work in unison to send you over the edge, never stopping their unforgiving twists and sucking on your nipples and clit until you are thrown back into pure and utter ecstasy.

“You are coming, right? I can feel your pretty pussy clench around me.” The tentacle inside your hole gently whirls as it slides in and out.

“I am going to mark you so deep with my essence that every being, mortal and celestial, will know not to challenge my claim on you.”

The Entity gasps as the tentacles holding and fucking you suddenly tense up, trembling and pulsing. It roars, the sound so primal it travels deep into your bones till it reaches the tips of your nerves. 

The warm, viscous liquid filling you initially catches you by surprise. Then, you eagerly accept it as if you’ve been craving it for eons, doing your best to relax your throat to accommodate the spasming tentacle.

The one on your clit moves harder and faster, clearly determined to break you completely.

You keep shuddering in sensitivity, yet the tentacles avidly work one last time to make the unbearable tension in your lower belly snap.

You shriek around the slimy flesh stuffing your mouth, not even noticing the smaller appendage that comes up to stroke your cheek, as though to calm you down. The other tentacles cling onto you, tightening their hold in tenderness to keep you safe throughout the burning climax that shatters the only ounce of composure you had left. 

Only when your body ceases its severe shaking, leaving you pliant and drenched in sweat, the Entity eases its grasp. The skin of your cheeks is gently held as the tips of two more appendages wipe away the tears the moment the tentacles leave your pussy.

The others begin a soft kneading motion on the sore muscles of your legs as the ones previously attached to your clit curiously brush your puffy folds, marveling at its cum steadily running down your hole and inevitably dirtying your ruined shorts.

You barely have any energy left to notice the deep ache in your joints when the Entity guides your arms back by your sides and your legs on the couch. Still, you try to control your stuttering breath as those two sneaky appendages keep stimulating you in tender curiosity.

“Rest, little star.”

You lazily blink at the ceiling, startled that your eyes had been closed this whole time. 

Speechless, your ears and mouth both feel like they’ve been stuffed with cotton wool. “Huh?”

“Rest, little star.” It purrs, still caressing your sides, adoration dripping from each reverent touch. 

“You are safe with me here.”

The next morning, you wake with a small smile already tugging at your lips and your body still pleasantly sore from the night before. The memories linger a little more before consciousness can interfere—the beautiful sense of fullness, the phantom ache of being held firmly in place without needing to understand the technicalities, the solid warmth curled around you in the aftermath.

It’s only when you open your eyes that you notice the unusual quiet.

You lie still for a moment longer than necessary with bated breath, because some part of you is already reaching for that familiar presence that always lingers somewhere at the edge of your awareness. But you can’t find it.

You sit up almost lethargically, expecting the feeling to return now that you’re properly awake. The apartment is exactly as it should be, unchanged in every single detail, and somehow that only makes the emptiness beneath your ribs harder to ignore.

Of course you assume it will return, so you start your morning, anticipating the Entity to pop out anytime as you eat breakfast.

But the coffee grows cold in your mug. The television drones quietly in the background. The sunlight shifts across the apartment as the hours go by... And still nothing.

Usually, its silences never feel truly empty. Even when it isn’t speaking, there is always the certainty that it is there with you.

This is different.

And that’s where everything begins to change.

The next day arrives with a kind of stubborn normality that feels almost insulting.

You wake again hopeful that the absence might have been temporary, something that would fix itself the way it should. But the same void is still there.

What unsettles you the most is not the loss itself but the way your thoughts keep skirting around it, never lingering for too long, as though looking at it directly might break you completely.

It hurts to acknowledge the small pauses between actions, the moments where you find yourself waiting for something to talk, and then realize, too late, that there is nothing to respond at all.

Each time it happens, it leaves behind a faint sting of embarrassment.

By the fourth day, the idea that something was there starts to feel like a version of events that only exists because you keep brooding over it, even when everything around you refuses to support it.

You keep turning moments inside out, trying to hold them in place, but they slip out of reach as soon as you look at them too closely.

It feels like a stab behind your ribs, because your memories of it are no longer anchored to anything that could confirm its existence.

There are moments when anger comes out of nowhere, sharp and ugly, usually when you catch yourself waiting again without meaning to. It feels ridiculous, humiliating even, reacting so strongly to something that simply left without a word.

That feeling turns quickly inward, because there is nothing else to blame that makes sense.

Only you.

After several days, its memory trails after you like a ghost—quiet enough to ignore for a while, but never far enough to forget.

You work, eat, sleep, and in between, there is always that quiet, painful feeling of something missing.

Gradually, you accept that it is not going to return. Not because you have figured some big mystery out, but because the waiting has sunk its poisonous teeth into you. It feeds on every quiet moment, contaminating every stray thought, gnawing steadily at your sanity, rotting the vulnerable parts of your life.

Day by day, it consumes you out from the inside, leaving behind a space shaped entirely by its hunger.

At the end of the second week, the silence has become ordinary in a way that almost convinces you it was always like this. The version of events where something had been present starts to feel increasingly difficult to defend, even in the privacy of your own mind.

It’s only later that reality bursts in a way you cannot ignore anymore.

You are standing there, knife in hand, your movements automatic as you work over the cutting board, when something inside you finally tears loose, so violent that even breathing results painful.

Your movements slow without permission, until they stop completely.

For a long, horrible moment your still body exists in a space that feels suddenly foreign. Your eyes stare blankly at the counter as your vision quickly blurs. You blink once, sharply, hoping that it would fix it, but it doesn’t. Only then something wet falls on your cheek.

You let out a short, disbelieving huff.

“Shit.” You swallow thickly, but the word comes out wrong—thin, strangled. “What the fuck is wrong with me.”

You press the heels of your hands briefly against your eyes as if that could physically push the tears back into place. If anything, it only makes it worse, the lump in your throat growing heavier with every second.

“This is pathetic.” You whimper, not sure whether the anger is aimed at yourself or at the situation.

Or at the fact that there is no situation at all.

Because there is nothing to justify this.

Nothing that should be making you cry in the middle of making dinner on a random Friday night.

You let out a sharp laugh, but it breaks halfway through.

“I’m actually losing it.” You sniffle.

Standing there with your breath uneven and your face still wet, your hands wipe your cheeks a little too roughly.

Your attention goes back to the cutting board, as if resuming the task might finally steady that precarious balance you’ve been clinging to for days, but your hands don’t immediately follow. They hover—uncertain, trembling.

And beneath all of it, there is still that absence—hollow and impossible to prove—pressing against the inside of your awareness, a dull ache lodged in your chest that no amount of distraction can soothe.

The next week is quieter.

You stop revisiting it. There is no point in chasing something that leaves only pain behind.

You’re not waiting anymore, not voluntarily at least. You still pause sometimes in doorways, still find yourself listening into empty rooms, but the expectation is gone. What’s left is only habit.

You eat because Tony still needs your help keeping the company running—there are too many things that would fall apart without you.

You clean because the mess won’t clean itself.

You move because stopping would mean having to untangle what comes next, and the sole thought of facing that is akin to stepping off the edge of a cliff you can’t see the bottom of.

At night, you lie in bed and stare at the ceiling for hours—not really on purpose, sleep just evades you. When nothing happens, there’s no disappointment. Only a bland confirmation.

The absence stops being absence, it just becomes normality again.

Because remembering hurts more than letting go.

Three months pass and you have finally taken some of the vacation days that have been accumulating in your file for months.

Well, calling it a vacation feels generous considering most of it has been spent catching up on everything you never seem to have time for while working.

Medical checkups you kept postponing. A dentist appointment for a wisdom tooth you should have booked six months ago. And then there are the usual tedious tasks: laundry, groceries, cleaning...

By all accounts, it should feel productive.

Instead, you are left drained.

You move through your days checking items off lists and running errands across the city, returning home every evening with aching feet and the vague satisfaction of having accomplished something, only to discover the feeling never lasts particularly long.

The apartment is still your favorite place. At least, you think it is. Lately, it feels less like comfort and more like retreat.

There are moments when you catch yourself staring into nothing for no reason. Moments where a pit opens somewhere in your stomach before disappearing so quickly you almost convince yourself it never happened.

You have stopped trying to understand it, though. Whatever happened—or didn’t happen—refuses to become any clearer with time.

Maybe loneliness is capable of stranger things than people give it credit for.

Maybe your mind had built something elaborate to fill a void you didn’t even know was there.

Maybe that’s why the memories still feel like a knife buried deep in your chest.

By the final day of your leave, you have mostly made peace with what your life has become.

You spend the afternoon exactly as planned: sprawled across the couch, surrounded by junk food and no obligations in sight. For the first time in weeks, there is nothing demanding your attention.

When the doorbell rings, you’re halfway through a tub of ice cream and so absorbed in the new season of Abbott Elementary that it takes you a moment to realize the sound isn’t coming from the television.

You briefly assume it belongs to your phone, lost somewhere between the cushions, and decide to ignore it. You have every intention of enjoying the last few hours of freedom before returning to your personal circle of hell that is Tony’s company.

However, after exactly one minute, the shrill sound comes back, clear and unmistakable, and now you are pushing yourself upright with a groan—your back aches from lying there all day.

You cross the space without much urgency, immediately regretting all your life choices once you open the door in pajamas and find a handsome man standing on your doorstep.

Tall, broad-shouldered, dressed in a simple pair of jeans and a plain, dark t-shirt that perfectly hug his big, sturdy body.

He has the kind of face that would attract attention without ever seeking it. A man people notice instinctively and then spend the next several minutes pretending they haven’t, because there is something eerily intimidating about a face that looks carved by the gods themselves.

His eyes catch your attention next.

Blue. Startlingly so, almost unnaturally bright, the color so vivid and intense it looks like pigment suspended beneath glass. You decide they must be contacts, because that’s the safest explanation and your brain is gradually learning to settle into this pattern for the sake of your own sanity.

The moment he smiles, the effect is immediate.

It softens his sharp beauty, easy and unforced in a way that invites trust and warmth.

Such a shame that his presence is so staggering that you completely miss what really lies beneath the illusion—a crude imitation.

His body seems to always react a fraction later than intention: his shoulders shift a moment after his head turns and his posture corrects itself a beat too stiffly, as though alignment is a conscious reminder rather than an innate response.

When he steps forward, there is the faintest unevenness in his weight, one foot pressing down a little too carefully before the other follows. A subtle trembling persists in his legs even when standing still, his knees locking into place a second later than expected.

Even his hands don’t settle easily. When they fall to his sides, a few fingers twitch and bend on their own accord before returning back to a more natural state.

“Hello.”

There is something unfairly serene about his voice, just as smooth as silk.

“I’m James,” he continues. “I just moved in next door. Apartment 6B.”

The tension you hadn’t noticed you were holding loosens without permission, leaving your shoulders a fraction lighter and your breath a little less controlled than it had been a moment before.

Unfortunately, you realize a moment too late that you have been staring at his gorgeous face all along.

“Oh—sorry.” You let out a short, embarrassed chuckle as you shake your head. “I didn’t know Ms. Esposito moved.”

The man tilts his head slightly, as if considering the name.

“Ms. Esposito?” He repeats, lightly, the name seemingly not settling the way it should.

That small hesitation makes your brows knit faintly in confusion.

“Yeah,” you add, half-amused. “She lived here. Apartment 6B. I just thought—”

You decide to stop as his expression remains unchanged, waving your hand dismissively. “Never mind.”

Maybe they didn’t have the chance to meet each other.

His gaze remains exactly where it is, fixed on your face with the same intense attentiveness as before.

The silence stretches a second longer than it should, and you find yourself shifting slightly under it.

“Well,” you start with a small titter, eager to fill the gap before it becomes too awkward. “Nice to meet you, James.”

As you offer him your name, something shifts—a subtle spasm in his features, but it’s gone in the blink of an eye.

You accept his extended hand without hesitation. His grip is warm, firm without being excessive, but there is a curious deliberateness that suggests he is paying more attention to the contact than what is socially acceptable.

You are already preparing to let go when his grip abruptly tightens around your hand, enough that the bones in your fingers press together unpleasantly. The change catches you off guard. Your breath hitches as a sharp pulse of discomfort runs up your arm, and before you can stop yourself, your gaze drops to your joined hands, noticing how his knuckles have been turning an unhealthy shade of white, bordering on dark grey.

When you look back up in confusion, your stomach gives a small, sickening lurch.

James’ big smile is exactly the same, but it doesn’t respond anymore. It stays frozen in place with an odd consistency, as if it has been placed there and forgotten.

You don’t remember his eyes looking so... wide. His eyelids seem to draw farther and farther apart by imperceptible degrees, exposing a little more white with every passing second.

Your hand jerks in a reflexive attempt to pull away, but his grip doesn’t yield. It holds with the intransigent firmness of steel, his long fingers locked around yours as though they have forgotten how to let go.

And so you remain there, forced to watch as the features of this weird stranger soften until they slowly melt out of shape.

“Oh, I already know that, little star.”

END NOTES: thank you so much for reading 🖤 my masterlist → winteryn's masterlist

You stood in front of the bathroom mirror with one earring in, one hand braced against the counter, staring at your reflection like she belonged to somebody else.

There was nothing objectively wrong with the girl in the mirror. Your makeup was soft and glowy, your hair falling in careful waves over one shoulder, your dress the color of sea glass and cut just enough to make all your friends whistle when you’d stepped out earlier. You looked exactly like the kind of woman who should’ve been on a bachelorette trip in a beach town with four of her closest friends, buzzing with excitement, cheeks warm from laughing too much, texting her fiancé blurry selfies with the caption miss you already.

Instead, you looked like a woman who had learned, six weeks ago, that the man she’d nearly married had been sleeping with someone from his office for almost five months.

You still remembered the way the apartment had smelled that day. Coffee gone cold. Laundry detergent. The sharp citrus of the dish soap because you’d been standing at the sink when the messages lit up his iPad one after another, stupidly ordinary in their cruelty. You still remembered how your body had gone cold first and then violently hot, like your skin didn’t know how to hold what had just happened. You remembered him trying to explain. Trying to cry. Trying to touch your arm.

You remembered saying, very quietly, “Don’t.”

That had been the end of it.

No dramatic reconciliation. No begging worth hearing. No grand speech that fixed the unforgivable fact of it. Just the sick collapse of a life you’d already started arranging furniture in.

The venue had been canceled. The dress returned. Some deposits lost, some salvaged, some too humiliating to deal with until later. The bachelorette trip, however, had been stubbornly, stupidly non-refundable.

So your friends had done what best friends do when your life explodes in your hands. They had shown up with snacks and wine and righteous fury. They had boxed up his things while cursing creatively. They had taken your phone when you were at your weakest and blocked his number for you. And when you’d tried to tell them you didn’t want to go on the trip anymore, that it would be embarrassing, pathetic, that the whole thing would feel like one big neon sign flashing she got cheated on, they’d looked at you like you’d lost your mind.

“He ruined a relationship,” Mia had said flatly, stuffing sandals into a suitcase for you because you’d been too numb to pack. “He does not also get to ruin a beachfront villa.”

So here you were.

A former bride on what had become, through sheer force of friendship and denial, a girls’ trip in denial.

There was a knock on the bathroom door before it pushed open an inch. “You decent?”

“Depends on who’s asking.”

Lena slipped through the gap, already dressed in a red wrap dress that made her look like trouble in the best possible way. She took one look at your face in the mirror and softened. “Hey.”

“I’m fine,” you said automatically.

“Liar.”

You laughed, but it came out thin. Lena stepped behind you and rested her chin lightly on your shoulder, both of you looking at your reflections.

“You don’t have to go out tonight,” she said. “We can stay in. Order room service. Watch terrible reality TV. I’ll even let Jess pick the movie and you know what a sacrifice that is.”

From the other room, right on cue, Jess yelled, “I heard that, and for the record, my taste is immaculate.”

You smiled despite yourself.

Lena squeezed your shoulder. “I’m serious.”

“I know.” You swallowed. “I just… I don’t want this trip to become some sad little memorial service to my canceled wedding.”

“It won’t.”

“It already kind of is.”

“It was,” she corrected gently. “The first night was. Yesterday was weird because we all kept almost saying things and then not saying them. But tonight?” She lifted one brow in the mirror. “Tonight, we get drunk, dance badly, and remind you that your life didn’t end because one mediocre man had the self-control of wet cardboard.”

You barked out a real laugh at that.

“There she is,” Lena said softly.

You looked down, blinking hard. “I hate that I’m still this upset.”

“Of course you’re still upset.”

“It’s been weeks.”

“And?”

“And I should be…” You gestured helplessly at yourself, mascara wand still clutched in your fingers. “Better.”

Lena’s voice went very quiet. “You were going to marry him.”

That landed in the room with all the weight you’d been trying not to feel.

Not just date him. Not just love him. Marry him. Build a life with him. Wake up next to him for years and years and years, and trust that the future you were stepping into was solid beneath your feet. He hadn’t just cheated on you. He’d made you question your own memory, your own judgment, your own ability to know when you were loved honestly and when you were being made a fool.

Lena turned you gently on the stool until you were facing her. “You do not have to be over it on anyone’s schedule,” she said. “Especially not yours.”

Your throat tightened. “I really, really hate crying with mascara on.”

“So don’t cry.” Her mouth curved. “Come let me put obnoxious lip gloss on you and tell you how hot you are.”

From the bedroom, Mia called, “We are going to miss the dinner reservation if you two keep having a feelings summit in there.”

“And I’m starving,” Tori added.

“Tragic,” Jess deadpanned. “Thoughts and prayers.”

Lena held out a hand. “C’mon.”

You stared at it for a second, then took it.

The restaurant was loud in the pleasantly expensive way only vacation places seemed to perfect.

Warm lights strung across the open-air terrace cast everyone in gold. Music drifted from somewhere near the bar, something upbeat and rhythmic that mixed with the crash of distant waves and the low murmur of a hundred overlapping conversations. The air smelled like salt, grilled meats and citrus, sunscreen, and the faintest hint of tequila.

Your table overlooked the marina, all bobbing lights on black water. Your friends had done what they did best: formed a protective wall of normal around you without making it obvious. Nobody mentioned him. Nobody made pitying faces. They just ordered too many appetizers, argued over cocktails, stole bites off one another’s plates, and dragged you into conversation until the tension in your shoulders slowly, almost reluctantly, began to loosen.

By the second drink, you were laughing more easily.

By the third, Mia had somehow gotten the whole table ranking celebrity breakups by messiness.

“Absolutely not,” Jess said, pointing with a french fry. “Public cheating scandals are bad, yes, but nothing tops a man leaving his wife for a woman he met while making a movie where they play soulmates. That is psychotic.”

“That is unfortunately a classic,” Tori agreed.

Lena tilted her head at you. “Your thoughts, wounded party?”

You swirled your drink, pretending to consider it deeply. “I think men should have to apply for licenses before speaking to women.”

“Renewed annually,” Mia said.

“With references,” Jess added.

“And an essay portion,” Tori said.

You grinned. “Minimum one thousand words.”

The table erupted, and for one soft, golden moment, it almost felt easy. Not fixed. Not fully healed. But easy enough to breathe inside.

Then a group at the bar started cheering over some birthday shot ritual, and the sound hit you wrong—too close to celebration, too adjacent to the thing this trip was originally supposed to be—and the air seemed to thin.

It was sudden, stupid, and so incredibly unfair.

You set your glass down too carefully.

Lena noticed first because of course she did. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” you said, already halfway out of your chair. “I just need a second.”

Nobody tried to stop you. Another kindness. Mia only squeezed your wrist as you passed, and Jess said, “Text if you need me to come glare at strangers.”

You slipped away before they could see your face fully give you away.

The terrace opened into a quieter walkway that curved along the side of the restaurant toward the beach access path. The noise softened there, blunted by wind and distance. A line of palms swayed overhead, their fronds whispering against the night. Somewhere below, the tide moved in and out with steady, indifferent patience.

You wrapped your arms around yourself and kept walking until the music and voices behind you were little more than a blur.

This was the part no one told you about heartbreak, how it could ambush you in the middle of a good moment. That you could be laughing one second and then wrecked the next because someone popped champagne two tables over or because a song came on or because your brain remembered, without your permission, what was supposed to be happening instead.

You pressed the heel of your hand briefly to your sternum like it might steady the ache there.

“Not your night either, huh?”

The voice was low and rough-edged, threaded with something almost like humor. Not invasive. Just there.

You turned.

He was leaning against the white stucco wall a few yards away, one boot braced behind him, a beer bottle loose in one hand.

Your first ridiculous and entirely involuntary thought was that he looked unfair.

Not just handsome. Plenty of men were handsome. This was something more disruptive than that. Tall in a way that made the space around him seem smaller, broad-shouldered, dressed simply in dark jeans and a black henley with the sleeves shoved to his forearms. There was silver at one wrist from a watch, dark hair pushed back carelessly, a beard that softened the hard lines of his jaw only enough to make you wonder what he looked like clean-shaven and then immediately resent yourself for wondering that at all.

But it was his face that kept you there a second too long.

Something in his expression was watchful, steady. Not the eager opportunism of a man who’d spotted a woman alone and decided to try his luck. He looked like someone who knew what it was to need air.

His gaze flicked once to your face, then away again with deliberate politeness. “Sorry,” he said. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

“It’s fine.” Your voice came out softer than intended. “I was just…”

“Escaping?”

A faint laugh caught in your throat. “That obvious?”

He took a small sip from the bottle. “You’ve got the same look I do.”

“And what look is that?”

“Like if one more person asks if you’re having fun, you might throw yourself into the ocean.”

You stared at him.

Then, to your own surprise, you laughed. Really laughed. Sudden and bright and helpless enough that you had to press your lips together after. The man’s mouth tipped at one corner, not smug, just pleased to have earned it.

“Okay,” you said. “That was kind of funny.”

“Kind of?”

“Don’t get cocky.”

His eyes, startlingly blue even in the low light, settled on you again. “Too late.”

There it was. Chemistry. Not a spark. Not a flicker. A live wire.

You felt it in the curious little pause after your laughter faded. In the way the air between you changed shape. In the way he seemed perfectly still and yet somehow entirely attentive.

He straightened off the wall and held out his free hand, not too close, not presumptuous. “Bucky.”

You blinked at the name, then smiled despite yourself. “Bucky?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“No, I like it.” You slid your hand into his. “It just surprised me.”

His hand was warm and much larger than yours, his grip gentle in a way that made your pulse misbehave. He repeated your name quietly after you gave it to him, like he was testing the shape of it.

It should not have affected you as much as it did.

“So,” Bucky said, easing back half a step but not too far, “what are you escaping from?”

You should have lied.

You almost did. Almost said a loud table or too many margaritas or my friends are insane. Something light. Easy. The kind of answer that kept things shallow and safe.

Instead, maybe because he was a stranger and therefore safer than anyone else in the world for the span of a few minutes, you said, “This was supposed to be my bachelorette trip.”

His expression changed instantly.

Not dramatically. Not with that terrible exaggerated pity people wore when they thought they were being compassionate. It was subtler than that. A stilling. A sharpened attention.

“Supposed to be?” he asked carefully.

“I caught my fiancé cheating.” You looked out toward the dark line of the water. “The trip was non-refundable.”

For one beat, he said nothing.

Then: “He’s an idiot.”

The answer was so immediate, so certain, that your head turned back to him.

“You don’t even know him.”

“Don’t need to.”

That should not have made heat rise behind your ribs. It absolutely did.

You huffed a quiet laugh and looked down at the tile. “My friends agree with you.”

“Smart women.”

“They are.”

He tipped the beer bottle lightly toward the restaurant. “They the ones keeping an eye on you from inside?”

You glanced back through the open terrace and immediately spotted them. Four women pretending very badly not to watch from across the restaurant. The second Lena realized she’d been caught, she gave a tiny, unapologetic wave.

A smile tugged at your mouth. “Yes.”

“Good.”

Something about the way he said it made you look at him again. “Good?”

“Yeah.” His shoulders lifted in one small shrug. “You got your heart broken. Means anybody with sense oughta be cautious with you for a while.”

There was no flirtatious edge to it. No but I’m different tucked inside. Just simple, grounded truth.

That, more than anything, disarmed you.

“You always this honest?” you asked.

“Only when I’m trying to make a good impression.”

“That your plan?”

“Wasn’t, originally.”

“And now?”

His gaze met yours full on, and there was something devastatingly direct in it. “Now I’m thinkin’ I’d like to keep you talking.”

Your breath caught. Just a little. Enough to annoy you.

You folded your arms loosely. “That a line?”

“Not a very polished one.”

“No.”

“I can do worse, if it helps.”

You laughed again, and this time he smiled properly.

Lord. It changed him completely.

The seriousness in his face didn’t disappear, exactly, but it warmed, the corners of his eyes creasing, the whole effect unexpectedly boyish for someone built like he could carry furniture by himself. It made him look less like a man leaning in the shadows and more like someone you could picture grinning across a kitchen table at midnight.

Dangerous thought.

You cleared your throat. “So what are you doing out here, Bucky?”

He looked down at the bottle in his hand. “Friend’s birthday dinner. Too many people, not enough exits.”

“Ah. Fellow escape artist.”

“Seems that way.”

“Your friends keeping tabs on you too?”

He angled his head toward a table farther inside, and you followed the motion.

Three people were watching him with absolutely no shame.

The first was a broad-shouldered blond man who looked like he’d been carved out of old-fashioned decency and stubbornness, one arm hooked over the back of his chair, his expression calm except for the faint, knowing curve at the corner of his mouth. Beside him sat a man with an easy grin and warm, assessing eyes, leaning back like he was enjoying a show he fully intended to heckle later. He caught your eye and lifted his glass in a quick, charming salute that made Bucky mutter something under his breath.

And next to them was a woman with red hair and a smile sharp enough to cut glass, watching the entire exchange with the quiet satisfaction of someone who had already figured out the ending and was waiting for everyone else to catch up.

“Yep,” Bucky said dryly. “Like a zoo exhibit.”

“You say that like you’re not talking to a woman currently being monitored by a four-person committee.”

“Fair point.”

The night wind lifted a strand of hair across your cheek. Without thinking, you tucked it back, suddenly aware of your bare shoulders, the dip of your dress, the fact that you’d come out here to have a small private breakdown and instead found yourself flirting with a stranger who looked like he’d stepped out of some absurdly specific fantasy.

You should probably go back inside.

That was the sensible thing. The smart thing. The emotionally mature thing, even.

Instead you heard yourself say, “So what happens now?”

Bucky’s brows drew together faintly. “Now?”

“You’ve made me laugh during my dramatic escape moment. That’s a high-risk move. What’s your follow-up strategy?”

His mouth twitched. “Well. Could offer to buy you a drink, but it looks like you’ve already got one.”

“Very observant.”

“Could ask you to dance.”

You blinked.

Somewhere deeper in the restaurant, the live music had shifted. Slower now. Not fully slow, but smoother. The kind of song people swayed to more than danced.

Bucky watched your face carefully, like he was making sure not to crowd you.

“Or,” he added, “I could just stand out here with you a while. Whichever you’d rather.”

There it was again. That carefulness. That unexpected, almost old-fashioned gentleness. Not pushy. Not performative. As though your comfort mattered to him on instinct.

It had been a long time since anyone’s instinct had felt like care.

You looked at him for a long second.

Then you said, “You know what? Ask me properly.”

A flicker of surprise crossed his face, followed by something warmer. He set the beer bottle down on the ledge beside him, took one step closer, and held out his hand.

“Would you let me have this dance?”

Oh.

That was unfair too.

You stared at his hand, then at his face, then at the hand again. Somewhere behind you, your friends were absolutely losing their minds in silent, collective suspicion. You could feel it from here.

And maybe it was reckless. Maybe it was ridiculous. Maybe it was too soon and too strange and too much for a woman still nursing a cracked-open heart.

But maybe, too, life did not wait for perfect timing to offer you something tender.

You put your hand in his.

His fingers closed around yours with quiet certainty.

He led you back toward the edge of the terrace where there was just enough room between tables for dancing if people were willing to be a little shameless about it. You were very aware, suddenly, of everything. The warmth of his palm, the nearness of his body as he turned to face you, the curious glances from strangers, the way your friends had all gone rigid at your table as though witnessing a wildlife event they didn’t dare interrupt.

Bucky’s hand settled at your waist with measured care, like he was asking permission even after you’d already given it. Your free hand came to rest against his shoulder, and the solid heat of him beneath the thin fabric of his shirt nearly short-circuited your brain.

“Still okay?” he asked quietly.

You looked up.

He was serious again, gaze fixed on yours, all the humor gentled into something steadier.

The question wasn’t about dancing. Or not only about dancing.

Your chest tightened unexpectedly.

“Yeah,” you whispered. “Still okay.”

He nodded once, satisfied, and drew you a fraction closer.

The music wrapped around you soft and low. Beyond him, lights blurred against the marina, gold melting into black water. A breeze moved through the terrace, carrying salt and jasmine and the faint clink of glasses. His hand at your waist was warm, anchoring without pressing. He moved like someone who knew exactly where his body was in space and was making damn sure it never overwhelmed yours.

You hadn’t expected that either.

“You’re good at this,” you murmured.

“Dancing?”

“Making a woman feel like she’s the only person in the room.”

Something in his expression shifted. Deepened.

“Maybe,” he said, “that’s because right now you are.”

Your pulse stumbled so hard it was almost embarrassing.

“Bucky.”

“Too much?”

You should’ve said yes.

Instead you smiled helplessly and shook your head.

His thumb moved once against your side. Barely there. Enough to send a tiny shiver through you anyway.

At your table, Lena looked one second away from marching over with a clipboard and a background check.

You caught sight of her over Bucky’s shoulder and snorted.

“What?”

“My friends are conducting a silent tribunal.”

He glanced discreetly, then huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, I see that.”

“They mean well.”

“I know.”

“They’ll probably interrogate me later.”

“That so?”

“Oh, absolutely. They’ll want to know your full name, your social security number, whether you’ve ever hurt a woman’s feelings, your stance on emotional availability—”

“Got good answers for most of that.”

“Most?”

He looked down at you, mouth curving. “Might fail the social security one.”

You rolled your eyes, smiling in spite of yourself.

The song shifted again, your bodies swaying almost lazily now, and there was suddenly very little space between your laughter and silence. Not awkward silence. The charged kind. The kind that gathers. That asks.

You became aware, with startling clarity, of the roughness of his hand at your waist. The clean smell of soap and cedar and maybe something darker underneath. The exact shade of blue in his eyes. The fact that if either of you leaned in even an inch, everything about this moment would change.

Your breath slowed.

His did too.

He looked at your mouth once. Quick enough that you could have pretended not to notice.

Instead, because apparently heartbreak had destroyed your self-preservation along with everything else, you said softly, “You’re very intense.”

Bucky exhaled a quiet laugh. “Sorry.”

“I didn’t say I hated it.”

That landed.

He went very still, his eyes on yours.

From somewhere far away, you could hear your friends collectively combusting.

But Bucky didn’t move closer. Didn’t presume. He just watched you with that impossible, careful attention, as though he understood exactly how fragile first steps could be when somebody else had already broken the ground beneath you once.

It made your chest ache in a whole new way.

“You know,” he said, voice low enough that only you could hear, “I was gonna be a gentleman.”

“Were you?”

“Tryin’ to be.”

“And now?”

His gaze dropped briefly to your mouth and back. “Now I’m thinkin’ I’m in trouble.”

For the first time in weeks, maybe longer, the ache in your chest loosened around something other than grief.

Something bright. Warm. A little terrifying.

Hope, maybe.

Or at least the beginning of wanting something again.

You tilted your head. “That sounds like a you problem.”

His smile was slow and devastating. “Could be.”

The song ended. Neither of you stepped back right away.

Applause rose around the terrace. Glasses clinked. The spell should have broken.

It didn’t.

“You should probably get back to your friends,” Bucky said at last, though it sounded like the suggestion cost him something.

“I probably should.”

He nodded, but his hand stayed where it was for one beat longer, two, before he let go.

The loss of warmth was immediate and ridiculous.

You took half a step back, tucking hair behind your ear mostly so you had something to do with your hands. “This was…”

“Yeah,” he said softly. “It was.”

You searched his face. “Are you going to ask for my number?”

One dark brow lifted. “Would that be okay?”

The fact that he still asked nearly undid you.

You smiled. “Yes.”

By the time you made it back to your table, your friends looked like a panel of judges moments away from delivering a verdict.

Jess leaned back in her chair, arms folded. “Well?”

Mia shoved a glass of water into your hand. “Before anything else, hydrate.”

Tori was openly staring over your shoulder toward the bar. “He’s hot.”

“Thank you, Tori,” Lena said, not taking her eyes off you. “Can we focus?”

You sat down slowly, aware that your face felt warm. Warm enough that all four women immediately noticed.

Mia gasped. “Oh my God.”

“What?” you demanded, already defensive.

“You like him.”

“Shut up.”

“You do,” Jess said, sounding delighted and skeptical all at once.

“It was one dance.”

“One very charged dance,” Tori said.

Lena leaned forward, expression gentler than the others. “Are you okay?”

The question quieted everything.

You looked down at the condensation sliding down your water glass. At the tacky ring-shaped stirrer someone had stuck in your untouched second cocktail. At your own hand, where his warmth felt like it had somehow lingered.

And then you looked back up at your friends.

For the first time since the world had tilted sideways, the answer didn’t feel complicated.

“Actually,” you said softly, a little stunned by it yourself, “I think I am.”

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · · · · ─ ·✶· ─ · · · · ─ ·✶· ─ · · · · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

The first thing you became aware of was the light.

Not soft morning light. Not gentle, poetic, new day, new beginnings light.

Aggressive light.

Bright, merciless, tropical sunlight poured through the thin gap in the curtains like it had personally been sent to punish you for every tequila-based decision you’d made the night before. It sliced across the hotel room in one golden blade and landed directly over your closed eyelids, dragging you reluctantly back into consciousness one miserable degree at a time.

You made a sound that was not quite human and rolled onto your stomach.

Something crinkled beneath your cheek.

You opened one eye.

A silver sash lay half-under your face, the sequins catching the light in tiny, hateful flashes.

Not the BRIDE TO BE sash. Thank God. That one had been shoved into the back of Lena’s suitcase after the first night with a solemnity usually reserved for disposing of cursed objects.

This one said HOT GIRL DETOUR in glittery pink letters.

You stared at it for a long second, trying to piece together when exactly it had entered your life.

Then the memories began filtering in.

Dinner. The terrace. The music. The boy at the wall with the blue eyes and the unfair smile.

Bucky.

Your heart did a small, humiliating thing.

Then came the rest of it. The dance. His hand at your waist. Your friends staring like government officials observing an unidentified flying object. The way he’d asked for your number like he genuinely cared whether you wanted to give it. The brief, warm press of his fingers around yours before he’d let go.

Your hand moved before your brain fully caught up, patting blindly over the bedspread until you found your phone wedged dangerously close to the edge of the mattress.

You squinted at the screen.

9:47 a.m.

Three notifications from your group chat.

One missed photo drop from Mia.

One reminder from the airline app you had no emotional capacity to deal with.

No text from Bucky.

Your stomach sank in a way you immediately hated.

It was stupid. Completely, embarrassingly stupid. You had met the man less than twelve hours ago. He did not owe you a good morning text. He did not owe you anything. A dance, a conversation, a charming little moment on vacation… it could remain exactly that. A moment. Not every nice thing had to become something. Not every man who looked at you like he wanted to keep you talking was secretly the first chapter of a love story.

Still.

Your thumb unlocked the phone anyway, as if perhaps the text might be hiding somewhere beneath the wallpaper.

Nothing.

You dropped the phone onto the mattress and turned your face into the pillow with a groan.

From the other bed, Jess rasped, “If you’re dying, do it quietly.”

You lifted your head just enough to look at her.

Jess lay on her back in the exact position she must have fallen asleep in, one arm flung over her face, mascara faintly smudged beneath one eye, still wearing one earring and none of her dignity. Her hair had become something of a structural event overnight. Beside her on the nightstand sat three empty water bottles, a half-eaten bag of salt and vinegar chips, and a pair of heart-shaped sunglasses with one lens missing.

“You look incredible,” you croaked.

“Don’t flirt with me,” she muttered. “I’m vulnerable.”

Across the room, a mound of blankets shifted on the small pullout sofa. Tori emerged from it slowly, blinking like a newly unearthed creature seeing daylight for the first time.

“Why is the sun yelling?” she whispered.

“Because you ordered a round of shots called ‘The Bad Decision’ at midnight,” Jess said without moving.

Tori frowned, then seemed to consider this. “That does sound like me.”

The bathroom door opened, and Lena stepped out already wearing sunglasses indoors, an oversized T-shirt, and the expression of a woman held together by sheer moral superiority and electrolyte packets.

“Alive?” she asked.

“No,” Jess said.

“Emotionally?” Lena asked, looking specifically at you.

You groaned and flopped onto your back. “Why are you all like this?”

“Because last night you danced with six feet of emotionally available jawline,” Tori said, pointing weakly from the pullout. “And now we require updates.”

“There are no updates.”

That got Jess to remove her arm from her face.

Lena stopped halfway to the mini-fridge.

Tori sat upright too quickly, winced, and clutched her head. “Ow. Also—what?”

You held up your phone with a miserable little shake. “No text.”

There was a beat of silence.

Then Jess said, “I knew it. Men are disappointing in every climate.”

Lena shot her a look. “Jess.”

“What? I’m not saying we send him hate mail yet. I’m just saying I had one eyebrow raised from the beginning and she knows it.”

You pulled a pillow over your face. “Can everyone please stop acting like he promised me a dowry and then disappeared at sea?”

“No,” Tori said immediately. “Because he had vibes.”

“He did have vibes,” Lena admitted, though reluctantly.

“Very intense, careful, ‘I chop firewood but also ask about your feelings’ vibes,” Tori continued.

“That’s a suspicious combination,” Jess said.

You peeked out from beneath the pillow. “How is that suspicious?”

“Because men should not be allowed to be both hot and emotionally attentive. It’s how they get past security.”

Lena pointed at Jess. “That is, unfortunately, not entirely wrong.”

You sat up slowly, wincing when your head objected to the movement. “He could just be busy. Or asleep. Or also hungover.”

“Or gathering references for the essay portion of his license to speak to women,” Tori said.

Despite yourself, you smiled.

Then your smile faded as your eyes drifted back to your phone.

You hated that you cared.

That was the worst part. Not the lack of text. Not the uncertainty. Not even the tiny, uninvited sting of disappointment.

It was caring at all.

After everything with your ex, you’d promised yourself that you were done handing pieces of yourself over too quickly. Done making excuses. Done mistaking sparks for safety. Done letting a man’s attention feel like proof of your worth.

And then Bucky had smiled at you once under terrace lights, and here you were the next morning, hungover and freshly pathetic, staring at your phone like a teenager.

Lena’s expression softened when she saw your face.

“Hey,” she said, quieter now.

You shook your head before she could continue. “I know. I know it’s dumb.”

“It’s not dumb.”

“It is,” you insisted, throat tightening with irritation at yourself more than sadness. “I met him last night. I had one dance with him. I’m not—” You stopped, pressing your lips together. “I’m not spiraling over some guy not texting me by breakfast.”

Jess was quiet for once.

Tori looked down at the blanket in her lap.

Lena crossed the room and sat on the edge of your bed, careful not to jostle you too much. “You’re not spiraling over him,” she said gently. “You’re bracing.”

That hit too close.

You looked away.

Lena lowered her voice. “There’s a difference.”

The room softened around that. The obnoxious sunlight, the scattered shoes, the sequins, the water bottles, the stale scent of perfume and salt air and last night’s cocktails… it all seemed to go still for a second.

“I just don’t want to feel stupid again,” you said.

It came out small enough that you wished you could grab the words and shove them back into your mouth.

Jess sat up slowly, suddenly much less sarcastic. “You were never stupid.”

You gave her a look.

“No,” she said firmly. “Absolutely not. He was a cheating little sewer rat who made choices behind your back. You trusting the person you were going to marry does not make you stupid.”

“I missed so much.”

“You didn’t miss anything,” Lena said. “He hid things.”

Tori nodded, eyes earnest despite the disaster of her hair. “And now your nervous system is doing that cute little thing where it thinks every silence means danger.”

“That is unfortunately very accurate,” you muttered.

“Which is why,” Jess said, reaching for a water bottle and pointing it at you like a gavel, “we are maintaining cautious optimism at best.”

“Supportively suspicious,” Tori added.

“Exactly.”

You laughed weakly. “Supportively suspicious.”

“That’s our official stance,” Lena said. “We liked him. We are willing to admit he seemed sweet. We are also prepared to ruin his life if necessary.”

“Balance,” Jess said.

“Healthy,” Tori agreed.

A knock sounded at the connecting door from the room Mia had taken with Tori originally, though clearly room assignments had become more of a suggestion than a rule after midnight.

“Is everyone decent?” Mia called.

“No,” Jess yelled.

The door opened anyway.

Mia entered wearing linen pants, a bikini top, and sunglasses pushed into her hair, looking far too fresh for someone who had absolutely been the reason the group had ended up singing along to early 2000s breakup songs in a bar called The Tipsy Pelican at one in the morning.

She carried an iced coffee tray like an offering from the gods.

“I come bearing caffeine and judgment,” she announced.

Tori made a reverent sound and crawled toward her.

Mia handed out drinks, then took one look at your face and narrowed her eyes. “He hasn’t texted.”

“How did you know?”

“Because you look like you’re trying to be chill about not being chill.”

Jess snapped her fingers. “Exactly.”

You accepted your iced coffee with a glare. “I hate all of you.”

“No, you don’t,” Mia said, sitting cross-legged at the foot of your bed. “You hate uncertainty. Which is reasonable, because uncertainty recently kicked in your front door and stole your wedding registry.”

You took a long sip. “That metaphor got away from you.”

“It did, but I stand by the emotional truth.”

Lena reached over and squeezed your ankle through the blanket. “We’re doing brunch at eleven-thirty. You have time to shower, hydrate, and stop checking your phone every eighteen seconds.”

“I am not checking it every eighteen seconds.”

Your phone lit up.

All five heads turned toward it.

You froze.

The screen showed only a weather alert.

Jess inhaled through her nose. “The universe is tacky for that.”

You grabbed the phone and turned it face down. “Nobody is allowed to perceive me until brunch.”

Unfortunately, being perceived was the primary hobby of your friend group.

The next hour unfolded in a haze of showers, shared concealer, dry shampoo, and the particular kind of fragile laughter that came after a night out with people who knew exactly how much fun to push on you before it became too much. The suite slowly transformed from disaster zone to controlled chaos. Jess found her missing earring inside one of Tori’s shoes. Mia discovered a video of herself dramatically toasting “to women with standards and men who fear God,” which none of you remembered but all of you agreed was thematically strong. Lena made everyone drink water before she would allow a single person to leave.

You tried not to check your phone.

You failed six times.

No text.

By the time you reached the brunch place, some breezy little café with white umbrellas, blue tile, and a view of the beach, you had almost successfully convinced yourself that it was fine.

Almost.

The hostess led you to a corner table outside. The morning had softened into something kinder by then, the sun higher but less cruel, the sea flashing silver beyond the low dunes. Around you, other vacationers nursed bloody marys and iced coffees, sunglasses hiding the universal evidence of poor evening choices.

You slid into your chair, grateful for the shade.

Mia immediately opened the menu and said, “I need potatoes in a spiritual way.”

“I need eggs,” Tori said.

“I need silence,” Jess muttered.

“You need toast,” Lena told her.

“I need justice.”

You were smiling down at your menu when your phone buzzed against the table.

Once.

A real buzz this time.

Not a weather alert.

Not the group chat.

A single notification slid across the screen.

Unknown Number: Morning. This is Bucky. I was trying to wait until a respectable hour, but I’m starting to think I may have overcorrected.

Your entire body went still.

Unfortunately, your friends saw everything.

Mia gasped so loudly that the woman at the next table glanced over.

“Oh my God,” Tori whispered. “Is it him?”

You snatched the phone up, but it was too late.

Lena leaned in. “Read it.”

“No.”

Jess put her sunglasses down her nose. “Read it, or I will climb across this table and take your phone.”

“You are in no physical condition to climb anything.”

“Try me.”

You held the phone to your chest for one last second, cheeks already warm, then read the message aloud.

There was a collective pause.

Then Tori pressed both hands to her heart. “That’s cute.”

Mia looked deeply conflicted. “That is… unfortunately a good text.”

Jess narrowed her eyes. “Respectable hour, huh? Clever. Takes accountability without groveling.”

Lena pointed at Jess. “Do not sound impressed. It weakens our position.”

“I’m analyzing the enemy.”

You stared at the message, biting the inside of your cheek to contain the ridiculous smile fighting its way onto your face.

Bucky had texted.

Not at some lazy afternoon hour that said he’d remembered you as an afterthought. Not with a boring hey or a performative line. He’d apparently been overthinking the proper time to reach out, which was either wildly charming or dangerous to your fragile little heart.

Possibly both.

You typed, deleted, typed again.

You: Good morning, Bucky. Respectable hour is subjective, but I appreciate the restraint.

You stared at it.

“Too much?” you asked.

Mia leaned over. “Perfect.”

Jess nodded. “Dry, mildly flirty, not desperate.”

“Thank you for grading my trauma texts.”

“Anytime.”

You hit send before you could lose your nerve.

The reply came faster than expected.

Bucky: For the record, the restraint was difficult.

Tori made a sound like she’d been wounded.

You pressed your lips together, but your smile won.

You: That’s a bold confession before noon.

Bucky: I’ve been awake since seven trying not to make a bad impression.

You read that one silently first, and something warm unfurled in your chest before you could stop it.

Lena’s face softened when you showed them.

“Okay,” she said. “That’s… kind of sweet.”

“Kind of?” Tori demanded.

“Supportively suspicious,” Lena reminded her.

“Right. Sorry.” Tori straightened. “Suspiciously sweet.”

You huffed a laugh and typed back.

You: Seven? That’s either disciplined or alarming.

Bucky: Little of both, probably.

You: Honest answer. Dangerous strategy.

Bucky: Worked last night.

You stopped breathing for half a second.

Your friends, fully shameless now, leaned so close that the waiter arrived with water and visibly reconsidered whether he wanted to get involved in whatever ritual was occurring at your table.

“Can I start you ladies with drinks?” he asked.

“Five mimosas,” Mia said immediately.

Lena lifted one finger. “Four mimosas and one coffee.”

Jess pointed at herself. “Coffee is for me. I’m recovering from an incident.”

The waiter smiled politely and fled.

You looked back at your phone.

You: Did it?

A few seconds passed. Then:

Bucky: I got your number, didn’t I?

Your cheeks went warm.

Mia slapped the table softly. “Oh, he’s good.”

Jess grimaced. “Annoyingly.”

Lena took a deep breath. “I am trying so hard not to approve.”

“He’s making it difficult,” Tori whispered.

You typed under the table this time, not because they couldn’t still see you smiling, but because you needed at least the illusion of privacy.

You: You did. Though technically I may have prompted that.

Bucky: I was getting there.

You: Were you?

Bucky: Eventually.

You: Very smooth.

Bucky: Never claimed to be smooth. Just interested.

Oh. There went your pulse again.

You stared at the words for too long. Interested.

Not you’re hot. Not last night was fun in the kind of noncommittal way that could be said to anyone after anything. Just interested. Like he was naming a fact instead of tossing bait into the water.

Lena studied your face. “Good text?”

You handed her the phone without speaking.

She read it. Her expression betrayed her before she could stop it.

Mia snatched the phone next. “Oh, damn.”

Jess took it last, eyes moving across the screen with reluctant focus. “Hmm.”

“What?” you asked.

“Nothing.”

“Jess.”

She handed it back. “I hate that I don’t hate him.”

Tori beamed. “Progress!”

You were about to reply when another message came through.

Bucky: Also, I should probably say this before I accidentally imply otherwise: I know last night was a lot. I’m not trying to rush you into anything. I just liked talking to you.

The table went quiet.

For a moment, even Jess didn’t have anything sarcastic to say.

Your throat tightened, but not in the awful way it had the night before. This was different. Softer. More dangerous in its own right.

Because there was something excruciatingly disarming about being handled gently when you’d gotten used to flinching.

You swallowed and looked down at your lap.

Lena reached over beneath the table and squeezed your knee.

“You okay?” she murmured.

You nodded.

Then you typed carefully.

You: I liked talking to you too.

You hesitated, then added:

You: And dancing with you.

His reply came a moment later.

Bucky: Good. I was hoping you’d say that.

Then another:

Bucky: My friends are doing a beach bonfire tonight. Nothing fancy. Food, drinks, music, probably Sam pretending he knows how to make a fire better than everyone else. You and your friends would be welcome, if you want to come.

You blinked and the words seemed to rearrange themselves twice.

Bonfire. Tonight. You and your friends.

Not come meet me alone. Not ditch your group. Not a late-night, half-vague invitation that carried all the wrong implications. He had invited all of you, directly and comfortably, as if he understood exactly who the gatekeepers were and had decided not to sneak around them.

You slowly lowered the phone.

Four faces stared back at you.

“What?” Mia asked.

“He invited us to a beach bonfire tonight.”

There was an immediate eruption.

“Us?” Tori squealed.

“All of us?” Lena asked.

Jess’s eyes narrowed. “Interesting.”

Mia grabbed your phone. “Let me see.”

You handed it over, half-laughing, half-terrified. They passed it around like a sacred document.

Tori looked delighted. “That’s so cute.”

Lena looked thoughtful. “Inviting the whole group is good.”

“Strategic,” Jess said.

“Respectful,” Lena countered.

“Could be both.”

Mia was already reading the message again. “Sam pretending he knows how to make a fire better than everyone else. That’s funny.”

You took your phone back. “We don’t have to go.”

All four of them looked at you like you’d suggested spending the evening watching tax law seminars.

“Excuse me?” Tori said.

“I mean, we just met them.”

“Correct,” Jess said. “Which is why we go as a group, remain supportively suspicious, and gather data.”

“That sounds ominous.”

“It is.”

Lena folded her arms, still considering. “Where is it?”

You typed.

You: That sounds fun. Where would it be?

Bucky: North end of the beach, past the public pier. There’s a permitted fire pit area. Starts around seven, but people drift in after.

You showed them.

Mia nodded slowly. “Public place. Group setting. Reasonable time.”

Jess pointed a finger. “We are not getting murdered at a permitted fire pit.”

“That’s reassuring,” Tori said.

“Statistically.”

“Less reassuring.”

You pressed the heel of your hand to your forehead, but you were smiling. “You guys, it’s okay to say no.”

Lena looked at you carefully. “Do you want to go?”

The question quieted the table again.

You looked down at the phone. At Bucky’s name, well not even his name yet, technically just an unknown number you hadn’t saved because saving it felt somehow too intimate and too hopeful at the same time.

Did you want to go?

Yes.

That was the terrifying part. You wanted to go. You wanted to see him again. You wanted to find out whether last night had been a trick of good lighting and grief and tequila, or whether that strange, warm tug in your chest meant something real enough to follow for one more evening.

You wanted to hear his laugh again.

You wanted to watch him try to be smooth and fail with charm.

You wanted to stand near him in the firelight and find out whether his hand would brush yours, whether he’d ask before touching you again, whether he’d look at you like he had on that terrace.

And because you wanted it, fear immediately rose up behind it.

“I don’t know,” you said softly.

Lena’s expression didn’t change. “That’s not what I asked.”

You exhaled, staring at the table.

Then, barely above a whisper, you admitted, “Yes.”

Tori’s whole face melted.

Jess sighed like the universe had personally inconvenienced her. “Then I guess we’re going to a bonfire.”

Mia lifted her mimosa as soon as the waiter set it down. “To questionable but potentially excellent vacation decisions.”

Lena clinked her glass against Mia’s. “To staying together as a group.”

Jess added, “To background checks conducted in real time.”

Tori raised hers last. “To hot men with manners.”

You laughed, cheeks aching with it, and lifted your water because you were still not confident your body would tolerate champagne yet.

“To supportively suspicious friends,” you said.

They all drank to that.

You typed back before you could overthink it.

You: We’re in. But fair warning, my friends are protective and nosy.

His reply came almost immediately.

Bucky: Good. Protective friends are usually right to be protective.

Your chest squeezed again.

A second message followed.

Bucky: And my friends are nosy too, so it’ll be fair.

You smiled down at your phone.

You: Should I be worried?

Bucky: About Steve? No. About Sam? Maybe.

You: That sounds like something someone says right before Sam becomes a problem.

Bucky: He’s already a problem. But he’s mostly harmless.

You: Mostly?

Bucky: Emotionally exhausting, occasionally loud, very committed to making me look stupid in front of pretty women.

You read the last two words three times.

Pretty women.

Mia saw your expression. “What did he say?”

“No.”

“Read it.”

“No.”

Jess leaned across the table. “Oh, it’s good.”

You held the phone away from them, laughing. “I’m allowed to have some private dignity.”

“Not on this trip,” Tori said.

You typed:

You: Pretty women plural? Should I warn them?

There was a longer pause this time.

Then:

Bucky: Woman. Singular.

Your stomach flipped clean over. You put the phone facedown on the table and covered your face.

The girls exploded.

“What?” Lena demanded.

“What did he say?”

“You can’t react like that and not tell us.”

“That’s illegal.”

You dragged your hands down your face, laughing helplessly as they snagged your phone to read what was said. 

Tori actually squeaked.

Mia slapped Lena’s arm repeatedly. “I’m sorry, I know we’re suspicious, but that was hot.”

Jess stared at the ocean like she was wrestling with herself. “I hate men.”

“No, you don’t,” Tori said.

“I hate that one might be doing well.”

Brunch became, from that point forward, less of a meal and more of a strategic council.

There were pancakes and omelets and potatoes that Mia described as spiritually restorative. There were iced coffees and mimosas and a second round of water under Lena’s watchful eye. There was an extremely serious discussion about what one wore to a beach bonfire when one was trying to communicate effortless vacation goddess without looking like one had spent three hours spiraling in front of a mirror.

“You need something breezy,” Tori said, stabbing a piece of fruit with unnecessary intensity. “But not too sweet.”

“Why not too sweet?” Mia asked.

“Because she already has the wounded-heart thing going on. We need hot, not tragic.”

“I am sitting right here,” you said.

“And we love you,” Tori replied without missing a beat.

Jess took a sip of coffee. “No white.”

Everyone looked at her.

“What?”

“White reads bridal adjacent. We’re not doing that.”

You grimaced. “Agreed.”

“Black?” Mia suggested.

“For a beach bonfire?” Lena made a face. “She’ll look like she’s attending a seaside funeral.”

“I could be,” you said. “For my engagement.”

“Too soon?” Tori asked.

You considered it.

Then you shrugged. “No, actually. That one was funny.”

Your friends cheered with the kind of disproportionate enthusiasm only best friends could manage over one mildly dark joke.

It felt good.

That was the strange thing. The day began to unfold around you, and it felt good. Not untouched by pain. Not miraculously healed because a handsome stranger had texted you before brunch. But there were pockets of light again. Little ones. Enough to notice.

After brunch, the five of you wandered through the streets near the beach, drifting in and out of boutiques and tourist shops with woven bags, linen dresses, handmade jewelry, oversized hats no one needed, and candles that all claimed to smell like some variation of ocean, coconut, or emotional rebirth.

Bucky texted again while you were holding up two dresses in a shop mirror, one coral and one deep blue.

Bucky: Sam wants me to ask if your group has dietary restrictions. Steve wants me to clarify that Sam is asking because he’s in charge of food, not because this is a trap.

You laughed out loud in the dressing area.

Lena, who was sorting through a rack of cover-ups, looked over. “Bucky?”

You nodded, reading the text aloud.

Mia, from somewhere behind a display of straw hats, called, “Tell Sam we appreciate the trap transparency.”

You typed:

You: No restrictions. Mia says thank you for the trap transparency.

Bucky: Sam says Mia sounds like leadership material.

You: She is. Fear her.

Bucky: Noted.

Then, after a beat:

Bucky: What are you doing today? Besides letting your friends interrogate my text etiquette.

You snorted.

You: Shopping. Possibly being bullied into buying something for tonight.

Bucky: Bullied?

You: Affectionately.

Bucky: Good. I’d hate to have to defend you from a sundress.

Your smile went soft before you could stop it.

You: You think you could?

Bucky: Against the dress? Probably.

You: Against my friends?

Bucky: Absolutely not.

That one you showed the group.

Jess nodded once. “Self-aware. Good.”

“He knows his limits,” Lena said.

“Green flag?” Tori asked.

“Don’t get greedy,” Jess replied.

In the end, you did not buy the coral dress.

You tried it on and stared at yourself in the boutique mirror, trying to decide whether it was cute or whether you were simply drawn to anything bright because your life had been so gray lately. It fit well. It made your skin look warm. It would have been perfect in another mood.

But the deep blue one made you pause.

It was simple, soft, the kind of dress that moved with you instead of clinging too tightly. Thin straps. A low back. A skirt that floated around your thighs when you turned. It wasn’t trying too hard. It didn’t feel like armor or costume or some desperate attempt to prove you were fine.

It just felt like you.

When you stepped out of the dressing room, your friends went silent.

Your stomach dipped. “Bad?”

Lena’s expression softened. “No.”

Mia pressed a hand to her chest. “Absolutely not bad.”

Tori clasped her hands together. “Beach bonfire Bucky is going to walk into the ocean.”

Jess considered you with the seriousness of a museum curator. “That’s the one.”

You looked back at the mirror.

For a second, you tried to see yourself the way Bucky had seemed to see you the night before. Not discarded. Not humiliated. Not some tragic almost-bride carrying around the wreckage of a man who couldn’t love her correctly.

Just a woman in a blue dress on vacation.

Pretty.

Interested.

Maybe even beginning again.

You bought the dress.

The afternoon slipped by in that slow, sun-soaked way vacation days did, stretching and melting until time felt less like a schedule and more like a suggestion. You went back to the hotel with shopping bags swinging from your wrists, changed into swimsuits, and spent a few hours by the pool, where Jess fell asleep under a hat, Tori befriended a retired couple from Michigan, and Mia kept ordering things with pineapple in them while claiming the fruit made them medicinal.

You alternated between reading half a page of a book you were not absorbing and texting Bucky.

He did not overwhelm you. That was what you noticed. He didn’t send message after message demanding your attention. He let conversations breathe. He answered when you answered. He flirted, yes, but carefully, with enough sincerity beneath it that you never felt like he was performing for a reaction.

At 2:13 p.m.:

Bucky: Sam has now asked twice if matching shirts would make the bonfire more festive.

You: Please tell me you said no.

Bucky: I said hell no.

You: Strong leadership.

Bucky: Steve said I should compromise.

You: Did you?

Bucky: I compromised by leaving the room.

At 3:02 p.m.:

You: Important question: is this bonfire casual casual or “everyone says casual but somehow looks beautiful” casual?

Bucky: I’m wearing jeans. Sam will probably dress like he’s hosting a lifestyle show. Steve owns three shirts and somehow looks respectable in all of them.

You: That answered nothing and yet told me so much.

Bucky: Wear whatever makes you comfortable.

Then, a moment later:

Bucky: But for what it’s worth, you looked beautiful last night.

You stared at that one so long your screen dimmed.

You tapped it awake, read it again, then let the phone rest against your chest.

The pool noise moved around you. Laughter, splashing, the hum of conversation, Mia arguing with Jess about whether SPF 30 was enough, Lena reminding Tori to reapply said sunscreen. Everything ordinary. Everything sunlit.

You closed your eyes behind your sunglasses.

A compliment should not feel like this. It should not make your ribs ache. It should not make you feel both shy and seen, both happy and terrified. Your ex had called you beautiful plenty of times. Automatically, sometimes. Lazily. As punctuation. Like saying it meant he’d done the work of loving you.

But Bucky had said it like he remembered.

Like he had thought about you after you left.

You typed back slowly.

You: Thank you.

That felt too small, so you added:

You: You didn’t look so bad yourself.

His response took thirty seconds.

Bucky: That was smooth.

You: I’m capable of growth.

Bucky: Proud of you.

The laugh that left you was soft and stupid and impossible to hide.

Jess lifted her hat with two fingers. “You’re giggling.”

“I am not.”

“You are. It’s disgusting.”

“Let her giggle,” Tori said, floating nearby with her arms draped over the edge of the pool. “She deserves vacation giggles.”

Mia pointed at you with her pineapple drink. “Vacation giggles are legally protected.”

Lena watched you from beneath the brim of her hat, her smile small but tender. She didn’t tease. She didn’t need to. Her expression said enough.

Careful, but happy for you.

By late afternoon, the sky had started to soften around the edges.

Everyone returned to the suite with that pleasantly tired, sun-warmed heaviness that made the idea of getting ready feel both exciting and impossible. For a moment, you all stood in the middle of the room surrounded by bags and damp towels and half-finished coffees, silently assessing the amount of effort required to transform yourselves into bonfire-ready women.

Then Mia clapped her hands once. “Okay. We have two and a half hours. Nobody panic.”

Jess walked past her toward the bathroom. “I call first shower because I am emotionally the oldest.”

“You are emotionally a Victorian ghost,” Lena said.

“Exactly. Respect your elders.”

The room became chaos again.

Music went on, not too loud at first, then louder after Tori found a playlist called Post-Breakup Beach Goddess Energyand declared it fate. Dresses were pulled from bags. Makeup bags exploded across the counters. 

Someone opened the champagne that had been glaring at everyone from the ice bucket since arrival, and though nobody drank more than a glass, it felt symbolic. Less like celebrating a wedding that wasn’t happening. More like reclaiming the trip from everything it had been meant to mourn.

You sat on the edge of the bed in a robe while Lena curled a piece of your hair, your phone resting facedown beside you.

“You’ve been calmer this afternoon,” she said.

You met her eyes in the mirror. “Have I?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t feel calm.”

“No,” she said, smiling faintly. “But you feel less like you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

You looked down at your hands.

That was true, maybe. Not fully. The fear was still there, tucked beneath your ribs like a blade you couldn’t quite put down. But it had dulled a little throughout the day. Bucky’s steady presence on the other end of your phone had not fixed you (God, you hated the idea of being fixed by anyone) but it had given your nervous system something new to consider.

Maybe interest didn’t always have to feel like a trap.

Maybe attention didn’t always come with a hook buried inside it.

Maybe a man could be eager without being careless.

Lena finished one curl and moved to the next. “You know we’re going to be annoying tonight.”

“I’m counting on it.”

“Good. Because if he gives me even one weird vibe, I’m pulling you into the ocean as an emergency evacuation tactic.”

“That seems dramatic.”

“It’ll look spontaneous.”

You laughed, then your phone buzzed.

Lena’s eyebrows rose.

You picked it up.

Bucky: Do I get to tell you I’m looking forward to tonight or is that too much pressure?

Your smile came before you could stop it.

You: You can tell me.

Bucky: I’m looking forward to tonight.

A second message came right after.

Bucky: Maybe more than I should admit.

Your pulse warmed.

You: That was almost smooth again.

Bucky: Damn. I’m improving too fast.

You: Careful. Expectations are dangerous.

Bucky: I’ll try to disappoint you a little when you get here.

You laughed.

You: Please don’t.

Bucky: I won’t.

The simplicity of it landed harder than any clever line could have.

You stared at the screen until Lena gently tapped your shoulder with the curling iron, safely closed, but still enough to make you look up.

“Hey,” she said softly. “Breathe.”

You did.

In. Out.

The girl in the mirror looked different than she had that morning. Not because of the makeup, though Mia had done something glowy and unfairly effective with highlighter. Not because of the hair, though the loose waves softened around your face beautifully. Not even because of the blue dress waiting on the hanger behind you.

She looked different because she didn’t look quite so haunted.

Still bruised, yes. Still cautious. Still carrying the ache of betrayal in places no one else could see.

But not empty.

Not defeated.

By the time the sun began sinking toward the horizon, the suite was full of perfume, music, and the frantic final rituals of women getting ready together. Tori kept losing her lip gloss. Jess changed shoes three times before deciding comfort was sexier than blisters. Mia delivered a solemn speech about how everyone should eat something before drinking near open flames. Lena packed a small purse with the energy of someone preparing for both a party and a tactical extraction.

“Water bottle,” she said, dropping one in.

“Phone charger.”

“Mini sunscreen.”

“It’ll be dark,” Jess said.

“You can still burn if you’re spiritually vulnerable.”

“That is not science.”

“Band-Aids,” Lena continued.

Mia looked over. “Are you packing snacks?”

Lena paused.

Everyone stared at her.

She unzipped the purse again and added two granola bars.

“Leadership,” Tori whispered.

You stood near the mirror, smoothing your hands over the blue dress.

It really was the right one. The fabric skimmed over you lightly, catching movement every time you shifted. Your shoulders were bare, your skin still warm from the afternoon sun, your hair loose down your back. You had chosen simple earrings, a thin bracelet, sandals that wouldn’t sink too badly into the sand.

You looked like someone going to a beach bonfire because she wanted to.

Not because she was proving a point.

Not because she was running from pain.

Because she wanted to see a man with blue eyes and a careful smile again.

That was all.

That could be enough for tonight.

Mia came up behind you in the mirror and rested her chin on your shoulder, echoing Lena from that morning. “How are we feeling?”

“Nervous.”

“Good nervous or bad nervous?”

You thought about it.

“Both.”

“That’s allowed.”

Jess appeared on your other side, holding a tube of lip gloss. “For the record, if he turns out to be awful, we leave immediately and I personally throw sand at him.”

“Noted.”

Tori joined the cluster, already beaming. “But if he’s wonderful, we also support that.”

Lena stepped into view last, meeting your eyes in the mirror. “We support you. That’s the actual thing.”

Your throat tightened.

You looked at all of them reflected around you, your ridiculous, loyal, fiercely loving little army, and for a second the ache of the canceled trip shifted into something else. Because this was still not the bachelorette weekend you’d planned. It wasn’t the beginning of married life. It wasn’t the pretty, predictable future you had thought you were walking toward.

But it was yours.

The laughter. The grief. The hangovers. The group texts. The blue dress. The man waiting somewhere on the beach, probably pretending not to be nervous while his friends gave him hell.

All of it.

Yours.

Your phone buzzed one more time as you were slipping it into your purse.

Bucky: No pressure, but Sam just asked if I’m going to stare at the entrance all night until you arrive. I said no. I may have lied.

You bit your lip against a smile.

You: We’re leaving now.

His reply came almost instantly.

Bucky: Good.

Then, after a few seconds:

Bucky: I’ll be the one trying not to stare.

You looked up from your phone, cheeks warm.

“Well?” Jess asked.

You slipped the phone into your purse. “He says he’ll be the one trying not to stare.”

Tori made an ungodly noise.

Mia pointed toward the door. “Move. We are not wasting that line standing in a hotel suite.”

The five of you spilled into the hallway in a cloud of perfume and nervous laughter, the door clicking shut behind you. Downstairs, the lobby glowed gold with early evening light. Outside, the air had cooled just enough for the ocean breeze to raise goosebumps along your arms.

The walk toward the beach felt longer than it probably was.

The sky had turned peach and lavender at the edges, the last of the sun melting low behind rooftops and palms. Sandals slapped softly against pavement. Somewhere ahead, beyond the dunes, you could already hear faint music drifting on the wind. Laughter too. The distant crackle of something that might have been fire.

Your friends walked around you in loose formation, still joking, still teasing, still making it impossible for fear to swallow the whole moment.

But beneath their voices, beneath the rustle of your dress and the rush of waves beyond the dunes, your heart beat hard and bright.

You crested the wooden path toward the beach.

A warm orange glow flickered ahead, just out of full view.

And somewhere beyond it, waiting in the firelight, was Bucky.

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · · · · ─ ·✶· ─ · · · · ─ ·✶· ─ · · · · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

PRIOR 

It will be a simple mission. No undercover needed. It won’t even take a day. Get in, get out. All things Fury and Steve had both said in response to your disagreement of No. This is a bad idea. Send someone else. 

Or rather, just send him. They were right after all, in theory, it was a simple mission. Just east of the Sakha Republic, in a rural little snow covered town. It wasn’t like it was a rescue mission. There were no hostages. Hell, there weren't really any hostiles. Just information kept on a small drive in the backroom of a bunker, put there with the idea that no one would think to even look in the small, barely inhabited town. It was famous for its record low temperatures, and therefore not a place people chose to necessarily “settle down” in. Not unless their family was native, not unless they were used to the climate from generations of acclimating. 

Which meant the drive was not heavily guarded. Why would it be? Who would have thought to look there? Only someone who had been there before. Someone trained by the same organization to be one of the most lethal tracking agents in all the seven continents. Someone who had leaned against the wall in the corner of the room when Steve gave you the mission file and your orders to stick together. 

The same man who said nothing when you tried to reason with Steve, and then again with Fury. When you turned your head to see if he’d chime in, tell them how ludicrous this is, he had his head turned to stare at the door with that unfeeling expression. Like all he wanted to do was leave. 

Orders are final. Fury had said while stamping the file and sliding it across the desk. Stick together. This isn’t a mission where you split up to cover ground. Get in, get out. 

And so you turned, following Bucky Barnes out the door with the file in hand. 

₊˚ ‿︵‿୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿ ˚₊₊˚ ‿︵‿୨୧ · · ♡ · ·

PRESENT

Turns out getting in and getting out wouldn’t be a problem. No, you would find that went just fine. Smooth as can be. Aside from the usual bickering. 

“Cover me.” He whispered when you both turned the last corner, guns raised just in case. You hadn’t needed to pull the trigger once. 

“What? No. You cover me.” You scoffed as though it were obvious. It wasn’t that you weren’t capable, but you were considerably newer at this than him. Didn’t it make sense for the man practically dressed in weapons to do the covering?

“No. I’ll retrieve it, you stand watch.” His voice turned cold as you both approached the door. 

“That doesn’t make any sense!” You take focus off your gun to raise your hands in confusion. 

But his head snaps towards you with reflexes that can only be credited to the serum in his veins, one hand snapping over your mouth and the other grabbing your wrist to return the gun's aim down the hall. His eyes were cold enough to rival the tundra outside when the unspoken words passed between you: keep it down.

You watched him pull in a slow breath, his eyes dropping to where his gloved hand rested over your mouth. A second later, he dropped it and the hand around your wrist once he knew your focus was back on the hall. 

“It makes sense because I know this place,” he drops his tone low to match the whisper, “I can find it quicker and most likely be back before you even need backup.” 

You open your mouth to retort, only to close it again. Damnit, he was right. You had watched him lead you through these halls like he knew them personally, and you supposed he did. It briefly made you wonder what else happened in this bunker, what other memories these walls held for him. 

You didn’t respond, instead clenching your jaw and turning your back to the doorway to watch the hall in front of you. He must have understood that to be an agreement, because then he was sneaking into the room and disappearing in the dark. 

Replaying the conversation brought you back to why you disagreed with the mission assignment in the first place. You knew Steve saw the dynamic between you two, because everyone did. It was hard not to when you seemed to be the only person on the entire team that Bucky could not stand to be in the same room with. 

It hadn’t always been like this. When Natasha recruited you, the team was welcoming. Your degree in biomedical engineering gave you much to talk about with both Banner and Stark, although you discovered quickly you still had a lot to learn. You hadn’t had much time to go further into the career after college, when you lost your adopted parents suddenly. You had turned to every physical outlet possible to handle the grief–the anger–and that’s how Natasha found you. Lying on your back at midnight in the middle of a sparring mat at the local gym. She gave you an offer that sounded like exactly what you were looking for. 

You hadn’t always been great at making friends, but it didn’t matter much. Sam was so outgoing, you barely had to talk half the time. Tony took pride in teaching you and Peter what he knew. Banner shared your love for comfortable silences. Natasha and Steve took over training, and Wanda quickly became one of your closest friends. Turns out you both needed a good friend, someone to talk to about lighter, kinder things. Someone to remind you that girlhood was a necessity.

Bucky… was fine at first. You picked up on his quiet nature, noticing he really only became talkative with Sam. That was fine, you knew it wasn’t personal. 

Until one day, a few months in, when everyone had a down day for once. Wanda had asked if you wanted to visit the city with her, mumbling something about finding something to wear out with Vis. You planned a whole day around it, did your hair up in your favorite blown out curls and everything. You needed a girls day.

You had entered the common room, humming a Sinatra song you hadn’t been able to get out of your head. You had greeted everyone like usual, excited to be out of uniform and planning to leave the tower for something other than a mission. 

But the atmosphere changed when you met his eyes, or rather his snapped to yours. You watched in confusion as his eyes swept down over your knee-length dress to your Mary Jane’s. Something almost stricken passed over his face, but it was gone the next second. Then he cleared his throat, mumbled something under his breath, and left the room with tension across his shoulders. 

You looked skeptically down at your a-line skirt, red with white polka dots, that hugged high on your waist and flowed at the knees. Then, you turned to everyone else, and asked “Did I do something?” 

But everyone shook their heads, apart from Steve, who looked to the door he left through with an expression of contemplation. And that’s how it was from that point on. Intentional avoidance. He left rooms so abruptly you found yourself asking Thor if you smelled or something. He basically refused to train with you, always having some sort of excuse. The only time he didn’t find somewhere else to be were mission briefings, where he stuck to the wall. Those didn’t seem much different except that he visibly disliked being put on the same team, and he would often argue your role on the mission if there was any level of danger to it. As if you weren’t capable. 

That’s when you started speaking up, and that’s when it started getting ugly. He was shocked the first time you asked: “What the hell is your problem?” But only for a brief second before his eyes turned cold and he snapped, “I’d rather not have a liability on a mission I’m supervising.” 

The sad part was, you respected him. You knew his story. Hell, you were required to write papers over your hypotheses on the engineering design behind the metal arm in college. You knew how far he’d come when you saw his ability to joke with Sam, smile with Steve… but not you. No, you were a problem, apparently. 

The sound of your name snaps you out of whatever headspace you found yourself in, watching metal fingers snap together in front of your line of sight. You blinked several times, backing away from the hand and turning a glare to the man in question. 

“Were you even paying attention?” He looked astonished, unbelieving.

“Yes.” No. You felt your cheeks heat in embarrassment, but narrowed your eyes at him all the same. Daring him to question you. 

He stood straighter, looking down his nose at you in some form of a staring contest you didn’t remember signing up for. He was good at it, so good you looked away with a sneer. You refused to look back, not wanting to see the smirk you no doubt heard in his voice when he said: “Let's go.” It was as easy getting out as it was getting in. Retracing steps, evading guards at the front doors, and you set off back into the treeline to the jet. 

Which is exactly what you did not account for. The jet. 

Mind you, this was Stark designs you were working with. These jets survived situations many would think incapable. But where you were, the temperature had the ability to reach a negative sixty eight degree celsius (-90 F). It was already hard to keep yourselves warm, and partly why you were glad there were no hostiles around. The layers under your snow-colored gear were harder to move in than you were used to.

“It’s not starting.” Bucky sighed after the third time turning the engine. 

“It has to start.” You said behind him, more to yourself than anyone else, trying to will it into reality. You didn’t listen as he grumbled something else, coming to stand beside him, “Scoot.” 

“I doubt it’s going to behave any differently for you.” He didn’t budge. 

Fine then. 

You crouched next to him, hearing a sharp intake of breath as you crawled under the dash. Putting yourself right between his knees. 

“You could have just–” he made a frustrated noise and stood back several feet. You didn’t turn to look at him, just shaking your head as you worked on removing the dash panel. It came off after you found the tabs holding it in place. 

“What? Been that long since a woman came near you?” You found him standing behind you, watching you work with his arms crossed over his broad chest. Honestly, you had a hard time believing what you had said when you were reminded of what he looked like. Even in layers, the mere span of his shoulders and biceps was obvious. He’d shed his jacket when entering the jet, and you wondered if the serum gave him better temperature regulation. 

His eyes narrowed, watching you set the panel down, “Been so long since a man's been near you that you don’t understand personal space?”

Okay, ouch, but fair. 

“I asked you to move,” You responded in a sing-song voice, turning your attention to the cables and wires under the dash. You didn’t want him to see on your face that yeah, it had been a long time. You hadn’t bothered with any sort of dating in college, too busy, too focused. Then after, when the accident happened and the grief took over? It wasn’t even a thought on your mind. You had no hunger for it. It was only this past year that you found yourself discovering that you could still… feel that for another person. 

You especially didn’t like that the grumpy cyborg behind you had helped with that epiphany. 

“And you could have explained why before you practically bent over in front–”

“I did not bend over!” You cut him off with a shout, keeping your eyes on the wires. “I crouched!”

“Well you might as well have–”

“Has it really been that long that you’ve forgotten–OW!” You hadn’t expected the wires to still be circulating electricity, so you hadn’t exercised much caution when inspecting them. You pulled your electrocuted finger back, popping it into your mouth on instinct because it burned. “Fuck–” you mumbled around it.

Bucky was crouched beside you the minute he saw the spark, forgetting the argument entirely. He brought a hand up to your wrist, prying the finger out of your mouth. 

“Hey!” You tried to scoot back, finding the pilot seat behind you, “Now who doesn’t know personal space!” 

“Shut up and let me check it.” He yanked on your wrist, using merely an ounce of that superhuman strength. 

“It’s just a burn.” You grumbled, looking from your pointer finger to him as he assessed. When he discovered it was, indeed, just a small burn on the tip of your finger, he eased his grip and moved his eyes to the wires. 

“Why’d it do that?” His voice rasped, like he didn’t like that this wasn’t something he knew. 

Yeah, suck it Barnes. Tracking skills can’t help you with this. 

Small victories. 

You cleared your throat, pulling your hand away to stabilize yourself since the shock had thrown you off balance. You followed his eyes to the wires, explaining, “The internal mechanisms must still be functional, it’s the external bits that are frozen over. Meaning energy is circulating, hence the shock, but it’s too cold for the ship to respond to it.” 

Bucky nodded, pulling his lower lip between his teeth as he processed what you were saying. Then he stood, moving before you found yourself eye-level with his thighs. You noticed a burning sensation in your chest at the action, as if part of you was displeased that he turned away so quickly. You quite literally swallowed it down, pushing it as far away as possible. Not even noticing that through the struggle, you were staring. 

Until you heard a huff, your eyes snapping up from his thighs to where his brow was raised and his mouth was tilted into a smirk. He looked down at you, still on your knees, as if he had caught you. Damnit. 

After a second, you noticed him waving his phone by his ear, “I’m gonna call Steve, see if he or Stark have a plan for this kinda thing.” He explained before walking off into the back of the ship, phone pressed to his ear. 

Your brows furrowed because, why did he need privacy to call Steve? 

You rose, looking between the dash and the door he disappeared through. It wouldn’t be professional to eavesdrop but… then again, you didn’t really give a fuck. 

You kept your steps light as you walked over, feeling the constant chill in the air that you’ve felt since you landed. Your hairs have been on end this entire time, goosebumps rising under the layers of thermal gear. 

You stay on the outside of the door, knowing he will hear you if you go any closer. With a hand over your mouth and nose to cover your breathing, you lean closer to the door. 

“There’s gotta be a quicker way out of this…” he sounded frustrated–no, aggravated. Beyond. 

“It’s negative fifty degrees, she’s not built for this and even I haven’t adapted yet.” 

It wasn’t often you heard him complain about comfort, you weren’t sure he thought much of it after decades in captivity. But he was right, you weren’t built for this. Him being right twice in one mission was not a statistic you were interested in. 

“Don’t leave me like this, man…” his voice caught you off guard, made something in your chest give. He sounded almost defeated. A small moment of stretched silence before he continued lowly, “stranded...with her.”

With her. 

With her? 

You stepped back, face twisted so tight you wouldn’t be surprised if it stayed like that. That interaction, his tone, the idea that he was almost distraught at being stuck with you. So much that he called not only his best friend, but his captain. 

Thoughts raced through your head of the past year and a half you’ve spent with the team. You wished you could go back to every single moment, every possible word you exchanged with the Winter Soldier. Anything that would tell you what the hell you did. You hadn’t disliked him until he started treating you like a plague. In fact, the opposite. 

Last time you dated, when you were much younger, you didn’t care much for muscles or facial hair. You thought your type would stay the same forever: lean, charismatic business types. But after a nine year break where you barely noticed men, you would find out you were wrong. There was something magnetic about a man broad enough that you know he’d throw you over his shoulder without a bit of struggle, and yet he was still so gentle, so soft-spoken. Until he wasn’t. Until he found something lacking in you. 

You had paced several meters from the door when it finally opened, his phone call apparently being over. You turned, meeting his eyes with a blank expression. He was leaned against the doorway, his arms crossing over his chest. 

“Steve says Tony is working on sending another jet, but since we’re so far out…” he looked away, like the words physically pained him, “it’ll most likely be tomorrow.” 

Tomorrow. 

When his eyes turned back to you, you kept that calm expression and nodded, “Okay.” 

His brows rose immediately, like he couldn’t quite believe what he’d heard, “Okay? That's it?” 

You shrugged, biting your lip and surveying the ship. “Should we try to head into town?” You asked.

He still didn’t look like he believed that was all you had to say, “No. Hydra will have discovered its files are missing by now, the town is too small to not be spotted.” 

Right. 

Another nod from you, then in the most business-like tone, “We’re going to need to check for supples… see if we have any MREs.” Not to mention blankets. The sun was still up, probably for the next few hours, meaning the temperature was bound to drop more. It was only going to get colder, and you were already trying to hide the shivering behind clenched teeth.

Bucky only pushed off the doorway, planting his feet wide with that stare. Like he was looking into you, eyes narrowed like you were a language he was trying to learn.

“What’s wrong?” Came abruptly, drawled in that Brooklyn accent. 

The mere question made you blink in shock, taken aback. But you only allowed another shrug and, “Nothing.” Because what were you supposed to do? Demand he tell you what you did to make him hate you so much? Listen to the first man you’ve been attracted to in years list your faults one by one? You had at least a night together, maybe more; you were cold enough that stretching your fingers was a feat; and defending yourself didn’t sound like the best use of energy. 

When you didn’t get an immediate response, you turned to find the jet’s storage unit. You only got a few steps before you felt a hand wrap around your upper arm. You were gently tugged to a stop, turning to find his eyes already on yours. This time there was a different look in them, closer to concern if you didn’t know better. 

He opened his mouth to say something, maybe searching for a reaction from you. But then you watched as he faltered, eyes dropping down to where his flesh hand wrapped around your jacket. His grip tightened for a second, testing, before loosening. 

“You’re freezing.” He said as if it were a shock, and not a probable scenario with your surroundings. Except that you could feel him through the many layers, much like he could you, and he was considerably warmer. Your hypothesis about the serum enhancing his homeostatic balance in terms of temperature was panning out. 

“‘m fine.” You mumbled, pulling away only to be met with resistance when he held strong. You pulled in a slow breath, “Bucky–” “That’s it?” He said again, eyes flickering between yours, “No complaint, no insult?”

You searched for anything to say because, yeah, you were tempted to throw something at him about the situation. You were tempted to scream, to challenge him to a spar just to get the energy out. After a minute, you found you were tempted to cry. 

He must have seen something pass over your face, because he studied you for a few more moments before his face fell back into that blank expression. It wasn’t as blank as the soldier, who you’d only seen in pictures from news articles and files, but it was still impressive how he could just… turn off. His eyes moved over your head before he dropped your arm completely and brushed past you. 

You resisted a roll of your eyes when he didn’t even say what he was doing, turning and following him back into the storage compartment. You had planned on going back there anyway in search of extra clothes. Figured he’d be busy searching for food for the night, since the cold clearly didn’t bother him as much. He moved fluidly, you felt stiff. 

So it was a surprise when you turned the corner and found him reaching through tubs and totes, pulling out blankets and seeming to assess them. You watched him frown, dissatisfied with the ratty pieces of cloth he was finding. This jet was SHIELD's before the Avengers took over, you didn’t expect to find much. 

“Thought you weren’t cold,” you kept your voice low, trying not to sound accusatory. Maybe he was cold; you had just made an assumption based on his shock at finding you freezing. 

He didn’t miss a beat when he said, “I’m not,” and then held a blanket up to test its length. It dropped from just below his chest, where his arms held it, to where it brushed the floor just so. He turned suddenly, looking between you and the blanket. After a moment, he cocked his head and set it down away from the ones he deemed disappointing. 

Your eyes widened, was he…? 

“Why don’t you go check the nook for any MREs?”  He cut off your thinking, already turning to go through the next tote.

“I…” it was your turn to look confused. He was just on the phone with Steve, sounding like being near you was a life-or-death scenario, and now he was sorting blankets when he wasn’t even shivering? 

As you backed away, you made the distinct decision that the cold must be getting to you. Something wasn’t adding up, unless you just didn’t understand some aspect of superhuman nature. 

You pulled your scarf up over your nose as you walked to the nook, the power was out there as well. The whole reason it wasn’t as cold as it was outside was because the jet was so well sealed off, designed not to be affected by any external stimulus. But this room had an external wall, and you could definitely feel the drop in temperature. You pulled your gloves back out from your pockets, slipping them on as you searched through cabinets.

A half hour later, you had searched through all that you could find and came back almost empty handed. You knew they had given you a backup ship because it was supposed to be simple, in and out, you were never supposed to need any supplies besides your gear. But still, it was frustrating walking back to the main deck with only one MRE in hand. You expected a fight over it, maybe him to say you hadn’t looked hard enough, that you were just trying to make things harder. 

What you didn’t expect was to find Bucky walking out of the storage compartment, wearing new clothes and carrying more in his arms. The ones he found fit snug over his thermal layers: grey sweatpants and a dark blue hoodie. You didn’t like that they looked good. 

He stopped when he saw you, holding the one MRE in your hand, “That all that was back there?” 

You bit your lip, glancing down at the meal, “Yeah, turns out they don’t stock this ship regularly.” 

He only shrugged, “This isn’t one of the mains.” He didn’t look mad, just as frustrated by the entire situation as you. The air was starting to feel denser, a small glance showing you that the sun was setting faster than you had thought.

“You changed.” The words were really just to fill the silence you felt creeping in. An observation that seemed to remind him what he was doing. 

“Yeah,” he stepped forward, holding up two more pairs of pants and another thermal shirt with a hoodie, “You need more layers, especially for nightfall.”

You looked down at the clothes, none looked particularly clean. You didn’t like the idea of wearing someone else’s clothes either. 

He must not have liked the hesitation, because then he was grabbing the MRE and shoving the clothes toward you, “It’s this or hypothermia. You choose, doesn’t affect me either way.” He growled. 

And there it was. 

You took the clothes with nothing but an, “I’m aware,” as you stalked off to change.

Nightfall did indeed come quickly, as apparently it does in the north. After you changed, you did your best to keep busy. You tried every panel under the dash despite knowing it probably wouldn’t do anything, you were just grateful for a distraction from the cold creeping into your bones. You listened to the sharp clicks of Bucky sitting in the back of the deck, sharpening his knives and checking his gear. It was quiet, which would be nice if it didn’t feel… charged. 

The thing about the bionic staring machine, was that you could feel it. When his eyes moved from his guns up to where you were kneeling under the control module, the hairs on your neck would quite literally stand on end. It happened a lot. You weren’t sure if he was checking that you hadn’t frozen over, or just silently cursing your name. 

By the third hour in, you couldn’t sit still. It was cold, too cold. Colder than anyone should ever be able to handle. The cold wasn’t just in your bones, it was licking up your spine. Bucky had gotten up at some point and searched for even more layers, cornering you until you quit your pacing. 

You hate how his hand on your shoulder felt like heaven, like you had been living in this cold all along and there he was inviting you into warmth and shelter. You pulled away. 

“You need more,” he held up the long-sleeve shirt, eyes piercing yours in a way that did not invite argument. 

You weren’t even sure what you mumbled before taking it and adding it to the layers under the hoodie. 

When you reemerged that time, he was making a cot. All you wanted to do was keep pacing.

“Bucky–”

“Don’t.” You could tell he was way past pretenses, mere seconds away from dragging you, when he latched onto your wrist. His tug was gentle as you led yourself to the blankets, but you got the idea behind his fingers curling into your gloves. You sat, and watched him methodologically position the blankets around you. Not even blinking when he wrapped his hands around your ankles and prompted you to pull your knees to your chest, he then tucked the blankets until they were so tight you couldn’t move. 

“Thought it didn’t affect you either–”

“Shut up.” He cut off your slurred words, knowing exactly where you were headed. He didn’t meet your eyes the entire time, but there was something frenzied in his movements that you didn't attribute with the soldier or sergeant. 

He left briefly, or maybe it was longer, you weren’t sure. You were tired, your eyes felt heavy. You didn’t even realize as you began to nod off—

“Nuh uh,” suddenly he was in front of you again, kneeling down and using his teeth the pry open the MRE. 

You groaned, shaking your head and pulling away, “No–” 

He cut you off with your name, but you kept shaking your head incessantly. 

“You’re bigger,” you reasoned, not wanting to give him another item on his list of issues with you, “you need it–”

“You need the energy,” he focused his hands on assembling the rations, “Digestion generates internal heat, and we need to keep your body temperature up.” 

You knew that, you’d probably remember going over it in college if thinking weren’t so difficult at the moment. Still, you slurred through chattering teeth, “But you–”

“I’m enhanced, doll,” his voice was gentler this time, “I can go longer without nutrients, and I adapt quicker to drastic temperatures.” Then his hand came up, prompting you to raise your chin. 

You found yourself trying to wriggle out of the blankets, bringing your hands up before he stopped you. His metal hand closing over where the blankets overlapped, a disapproving hum that only added to the confusion fogging your mind. You must have made some sort of noise to match the feeling, because he was shushing you next. Then, in an action that cemented the idea that the cold had you delusional, he lifted the spoon up to your mouth. 

Your eyes widened, piecing together what was happening. This man, who you could still hear complaining about your company in the back of your mind, was now… dotting on you? Waiting expectantly with a spoonful of noodles and broth for you to open your mouth. 

An uncomfortable feeling bloomed in your chest, along with that same inviting warmth. It was kind in a way you hadn’t expected from him, nor from anyone in the past half decade at least. Since you became an adult, and more so after losing your parents, it was you and only you. You took care of you. Even when you were sick, you didn’t expect anyone to look after you like the romcoms raised you to believe. No one else was needed.

But even through the brain fog and heavy eye-lids, you weren’t too stubborn to admit that now? You needed someone else.

The broth was warm, at least warmer than you were. You welcomed the taste, and from there didn’t once resist when he held out the spoon expectantly. He didn’t say anything more, didn’t comment on the possibility of the situation being awkward. No, he made it seem almost natural. His eyes moved over your face as you ate, checking to make sure you’re still with him with open concern. 

Only after you finished and looked slightly more comfortable did Bucky hesitate before standing, like he wasn’t sure about putting distance between you with you like this. It seemed like he was the one who couldn’t sit this time, his shoulders raising with tension. You buried your nose in the blankets and watched as he looked out the front dash at the night sky. It was well past the middle of the night now, the temperature probably reaching its lowest. If you could both hold out the next several hours, the temperature would slowly start rising again. If only just. 

You felt warmth in your stomach from the broth spreading through your middle, but it didn’t stop the chattering of your teeth. You pulled in ragged breaths, watching the air thicken when you exhaled. You found yourself entranced by watching it happen again and again, like a slow type of hypnosis…

“Okay, come here.”

His voice snapped you out of it, turning your attention back to the man pacing the length of the upper deck. You didn’t even have it in you to ask what this time, just watched as he marched over and dropped fully onto the floor next to you. He carefully, but quickly, started pulling the blankets apart until you were back down to your hoodie, then he pulled his over his head. “What are you doing?” Your voice took on a higher pitch as he moved the hoodie over your head instead. 

“Trying to keep you alive, you’re losing color.” Bucky grunted, pulling the larger hoodie over yours. 

“Are you not…?”

He was quiet for a moment, contemplating before, “I lived in this kind of temperature for seventy years. I adapted.” 

You weren’t sure what to say to that. You didn’t have time anyways, because the next thing you knew, he was pulling you away from the wall you were propped against. Then he stood, only to move into that space behind you. 

He must have seen the look on your face when he took your shoulders to pull you back against his chest, because he said, “Humor me,” in a low rasp that stripped you of your defenses. Especially with that same warmth, that was so much more comforting than the soup and noodles. You were melting into him without a conscious thought to the reaction, your cheek hitting the fabric of his thermal shirt while he pulled the blankets around you. You’d feel ashamed in any other situation, but with that smell that was so distinctly him you couldn’t find an ounce of it anywhere. 

His slow exhale of relief encouraged that relaxation you felt. Then he was arranging you in his lap, his legs on either side of you as he turned you so more of your body was pressed to his. The ability to feel him through the layers was tribute to how cold you were, or how warm he was able to remain. 

You could have moaned when he brought his right hand up, pulling the hood tight over your head before settling on your cheek. Or maybe you did, judging by the way his breath hitched. But he kept it there, rubbing warmth into your cheek while his left arm bracketed your back. 

What caught you off guard most was when his hand drifted down to the neck of your hoodies, slipping inside only to rest against the slope of your shoulder, his thumb brushing over your pulse. You had half a mind to ask what the hell, but then his chin came to rest on top of your head. And as your pulse beat against his thumb, you could feel the tension melt from his posture. 

You decided at that moment that maybe you had been missing out, if this was what it was like to be held by a man. Even with this man who you had thought would like to throw you off the tower's helipad several times, you suddenly had no doubt that you were safer right here than you could have been anywhere else. This time, instead of the brain fog, you found your eyes closing for an entirely different reason. But you still had one question… 

“…Why?” 

You were asleep before you could hear his response. 

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The morning was still frigid, but considerably warmer than the night. So much so that when you woke, still curled into his chest and listening to the sound of his heart beating in time with yours, something told you it was time to move. Though your bones did not want to yet. There was an ache in your stomach that felt a lot like indignation at the idea of prying yourself from Bucky. But it was warm enough that the seven layers you now had would allow you to move. The sun was out too, giving you the chance to inspect the ship with more light. 

The other reason was, well, you appreciated what he did the night before. You were quite literally to the point of not feeling your limbs before he bundled you in more clothes and blankets, offering you food and shelter. It was so unlike him, except it wasn’t. It was exactly like the man Steve described to you in stories. The one that took him in when he was at his worst, that stood between him and everyone who tried to tell him what he couldn’t be. But you knew how he felt about you specifically. You didn’t want to push the hospitality he gave… didn’t want to overstay your welcome. 

So, even when a voice in the back of your head, one more tender and delicate than you’d heard from yourself in years, piped up with Stay. It’s safe here, you forced yourself away. You carefully untangled from the blankets, not wanting to wake him yet. Once you were standing, you turned back around to adjust the blankets so they would remain over his chest and arms. 

You paused when your eyes caught him, still asleep and more relaxed than you’d ever seen. No furrow between his eyes, no indent below his cheekbone from where he would grind his teeth; just a dusting of pink across the bridge of his nose from where the cold had seeped in just a little. His mouth rested, so unlike the sneer usually reserved for you. Something about it made you want to run your thumb over his bottom lip and–

You stood, took several steps back.

That indignation in your belly turned into something akin to longing. You forced a breath through your nose, pushed the feeling down and away. Then you, too, turned away. You didn’t know when Stark would be able to get a team out here, might as well find something to keep yourself busy. 

You bit hard down on your lip under your scarf, tasting copper as you turned the flat screwdriver. 

One more time.

You wedged it into the space between the stereo and where it was mounted on the interior wall, trying to find the right angle to…

Little more to the left.

Angle, and–

Music burst from the speaker, jumbled and incoherent as it wasn’t tuned to the channels, but music nonetheless. You laughed in pride that your hypothesis about the stereo being isolated enough from the elements to work with a few… adjustments, was correct. You moved your scarf and dropped the screwdriver between your teeth, balancing on a chair as you messed around with different buttons, searching for the antenna system. 

Rock… country… rap… pop…

“What are you doing?”

His voice was brusque, almost impatient, and you jumped at the intrusion. You hadn’t even heard him approaching. 

You turned from the radio, finding him standing in the doorway with that usual wide-leg, crossed arms posture. His face was set in something strict, as if he had just woken up and remembered where he was. 

You removed the screwdriver and cleared your throat, brushing off his tone, “Trying to get us some music… maybe we won’t be bored to death.” 

Something passed over his eyes, they became wide and cautious as he stepped forward. “We don’t need music,” he said. 

You only scoffed, turning back to mess with the radio some more, it was on some heavy metal station now. “What do you mean? I thought you liked music?” Sam had said so at least. 

You knew you liked similar music, so you didn’t really see the issue. You had always loved music from the 40 and 50s specifically. When you were very young, your parents had found your biological grandmother. They said they wanted you to know some of where you came from, and she was more than grateful for them reaching out. Your best memories were listening to her sing Eta James, or dancing to Bill Crosby over the radio. You carried it with you after she passed, along with anything she shared about her childhood. 

“We have better things to be doing.” He reasoned, but it sounded more like an excuse to you. You weren’t about to let his gruff attitude ruin you trying to find a little entertainment. 

You disguised the jab with a lighthearted tone, “Someone woke up on the wrong side of the deck,” another jab at the stereo system, “You said we can’t go into town. So, no. We really don’t have better things to do.”

He growled your name, but it was too late. 

The music cut out for several worrisome moments before the stunning voice of Ella Fitzgerald came through as the station leveled out. You gasped in delight, jumping off the chair and stepping back as if you could see the music notes filtering out of the speakers. 

You felt like jumping up and down, spinning to the rhythm of dream a little dream of me. Something about it made the cold just that much more tolerable. It brought back memories of stories your grandma told you. You would come to learn your biological parents had been from New York, and so had she. She would take you and your mom and dad to coney island, tell you all her stories from there, then you’d sing something like this on the way home. She’d let you go through all her big hats that her mother had passed down, and her mary janes.

You did end up spinning in a slow circle, singing along–

Until the music stopped completely.

You froze, turning to find the stereo completely disconnected from the wall. When you followed the sparking wires as they fizzled out, you found a metal hand clenched tight, then two blue eyes set on you. 

Your mouth opened in shock, all he did was stare you down. Still in just his thermal layers, you noticed the tension that melted last night was back in full force. That divot in his jaw appeared along with the strain around his eyes. You’d think someone had kicked his cat for how offended he looked. It almost forced you a step back, almost, except this was the man you knew. This was the man you were sure fantasized about throwing you off roofs. You knew this man.

But weren’t you doing a nice thing? You didn’t understand. You had heard Sam tease him for not knowing modern classics, and heard him mumble about how much he liked listening to music that reminded him of home. 40s music. So, what had you done wrong? 

You expected him to speak, to say something. But then he dropped the stereo, let it fall to the ground, and turned his eyes away from you. With a look that must have been all soldier, he turned for the door. 

But as you stood there and stared at the radio that had been ripped from the wall, hearing it glitch as the room fell into inevitable silence, you found that the action had hurt you. More than it probably should have. Or maybe it was all the actions up to this point: the obviously insincere kindness from last night mixing with this moment. You didn’t care anymore about being nice. About being civil. Not about the phone call or the mission briefing or any of it. 

You turned to him with a fire in your throat, “What the hell is wrong with you?!” You shouted at his back. You had to admit it felt good to give the frustration somewhere to go. 

You saw him freeze in the doorway, practically watched the cyborg gears turning in his head. They must have short circuited, because then he was turning back and curling his lip in a way you were all too familiar with. But that was okay, you could work with this. This wasn’t the uncomfortable feeling you got from being cared for. 

It didn’t exactly give you that same warmth either, but you told yourself you didn’t need it.

 “Excuse me?” it was deadly, the tone he used. You were sure it made many targets roll over and show their bellies, not you. 

“Don’t act like you didn’t hear me,” you took a step forward, motioning back to the broken radio, “What the fuck kind of problem could you possibly have with the radio?” 

“You know damn well I don’t have a goddamn problem with the radio,” he snarled, matching your step forward, “my problem is you. Always has been.” 

You could have acted shocked. You weren’t, you were almost relieved. Let him tell you. Let him remind you that pining after him was useless. Let him remind you that you hate him, and he hates you, and you’ve never needed anyone. Never will. 

“Yeah, I got that. ‘You ever going to tell me why?” You shout back, another step forward.

“Because you go and do shit like this!” 

“Like what?! Try to give us something to do while we’re stuck here? Put on music we both like–”

“You remind me of the 40s!”

His snarl cut through the room, loud and rasped, and you flinched back from the shock of the words. The room fell into silence. You were close now, maybe no more than a foot of space between you, chests heaving from how quickly you got worked up. Your face twisted in skepticism. What could that possibly have to do with anything? What did it even mean in the first place? 

You didn’t have to ask, because he was leaning closer the next second. You were reminded once more of how his eyes rivaled the tundra. 

“Do you know how infuriating it is to be constantly reminded of a home that no longer exists? To do the work, to become comfortable in modern times when the world has completely changed and your mind is still in another century, only to learn that none of it matters–”

“What are you–”

“Uh-uh,” he held up a finger to you, “none of it matters because here comes my little teammate wanting to play dress-up. Wanting to pretend she’s different because she knows Sinatra, or because The Shop Around the Corner is her favorite movie! Listen to me, it doesn’t matter. You know nothing. You’re a little girl biting off more than she can chew with this team because you had no where else to go, and then you had to go walking around in your polka dot–” 

You didn’t think before your hand flew out, all you knew was that you wanted him to shut up. You were done listening, done letting him pretend he knew anything. 

The slap rang out across the space, his head snapping to the side probably out of shock more than actual force. You were somewhat shocked too, it wasn’t like you to resort to that kind of thing outside the sparring ring or field. You didn’t like it. You had been raised to talk it out, not to resort to fists unless they started it first.

Yet when his eyes came back to yours, that typically cold blue now blazing, you found you didn’t really care when your hands planted on his chest and shoved. Hard. He barely moved. 

“You–” it was your turn to point a finger, “are a piece of shit, James Barnes. You don’t know anything about me or who I am–”

“Ya’ seem pretty easy to read to me.” He snapped, his Brooklyn accent thicker in the midst of his anger. 

“Well, news flash!” You mocked, “You know fuck-all! And honestly? I don’t believe that’s the entire reason. You like being reminded of your home, I’ve seen you!” 

“I’m allowed to!” He turned it on you, “You don’t get to take something you know nothing about and pretend–” 

“I’m not pretending! Why would I be?” You scoffed, “It was passed down to me by the only grandparent I had left, you asshole!” 

“Exactly, I–” He stopped short and looked down at you, then at the lack of space between you two. You were tempted to drop your eyes under the scrutiny, but you didn’t, you chose to watch as several emotions passed by his eyes.

It looked like he was about to speak again when the crew door opened suddenly, the cold outside air wafting in. The conversation was immediately dropped when potential danger was sensed. You both turned, legs wide, and reached for your guns. 

But it was only Sam and Natasha, standing just below the jet with expectant looks. 

“Heard you two needed a rescue,” She called up to the deck, your heart just about burst. 

“Better late than never, aye, tin man?” Sam jogged up, clasping Bucky over the shoulder while you grabbed your bag and walked past both of them. 

“Thank god,” you mumbled as you reached Natasha. 

She looked you over, then above your shoulder to where Bucky stood behind you, “That bad, huh?” she asked after noting that neither of you were injured.

You sighed, “Consider it a miracle we didn’t kill each other.” 

You didn’t bother to tell her that last night would have made a completely different story, and that you honestly felt whiplashed at the back and forth. No, you just followed her to the Quinjet. Sam and Bucky entered behind you, but you didn’t pay attention. Only returning a smile to Sam’s teasing before finding a spot in the back of the ship beside a window. You didn’t bother making small talk the rest of the flight. 

When the jet landed, you were the first one off. Throwing your duffel bag over your shoulder and not even looking back. The climate here was better, meaning you needed out of your six layers, one was discarded in the jet, now. You brushed past Steve and Tony, which would have felt a little rude if their expressions didn’t look like they expected it. Everyone knew the two of you couldn’t get along, and yet the look on Steve’s face was almost devastated. You almost wanted to ask why he looked like someone had crushed his hopes and dreams, but honestly, you were already done for the day. 

The only person you saw for the rest of the day was Wanda, who had stopped by after you had gotten cleaned up. She must have sensed you needed a debrief, because she just listened while you paced and ran your hands through your hair and called him every name under the sun. You appreciated that she heard you, that you felt seen.  What you did not appreciate was what came after. When you groaned that you hated him and she cocked her head at you from her spot on the bed, “Are you sure?” 

You stopped, dropping your hands and turning to her with a face that said: have you not been paying attention? 

She shrugged, “It’s just… I’ve seen how you look when you dislike someone, and you’re not the combative type. This energy is… intense,” she looked at you as if she could literally see said energy, “I just wonder if there’s something more…” 

You huffed, “There isn’t.” You would speak it into existence if you had to. Or, more correctly, out of existence.

Wanda just hummed, slowly nodding, like she was piecing observations together. Then she concluded with, “You just seem riled up.” 

“I’m just frustrated by the entire situation. I mean, he accused me of playing dress-up, who does that?” You forced yourself to shake off the memory, because replaying it only aggravated you more. 

“Maybe you need a distraction?” 

“I don’t feel like going to the gym right now…”

“I didn’t mean the gym,” Wanda stood from her perch, walking to your wardrobe and shifting through the hangers. You turned, watching with a furrowed brow before she found what she was looking for. Then she turned to you, holding a hanger with a frilly, white beaded dress. It was one of your favorites because it looked just like something you had seen in photographs of your grandmother and great grandmother. 

But you weren’t sure what she was getting at now, “Wanda…”

“You need a break,” She closed your wardrobe and hung the dress on the outside of it, “Maybe not today, but tomorrow? Several of us were assigned to missions this morning, so the tower will be mostly empty.” She turned back to you, something conflicting in her expression as she placed her hands on your shoulders, “Go do something you enjoy. Wear your dress, listen to as much Sinatra and Armstrong as you want, and ignore him.’’ 

She left not long after, and you sat in bed staring at the dress where it hung. She was right, you should just ignore him. He had no right to get under your skin, and you were ashamed that you let him. Except you would rather hang onto the anger than what happened when you laid down for bed that night. When your cheek hit the pillow, suddenly you were back in that jetship in the middle of the night, except the cold wasn’t in your bones this time. The pillow very quickly became the hard muscle of his chest, your blankets feeling like the protection of his arms if you didn’t know better. Even his scent was ingrained in your memory. 

You forced yourself awake every time it happened, pushing the memory away. You didn’t like how many times you had to do that before falling asleep. It made you wonder if, by some chance, he was having the same trouble. 

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“You wanna talk about it?” 

Bucky barely glanced up at the sound of Steve’s voice, who stood in the doorway looking at him expectantly. He thought about not responding, maybe even pretending he was invisible. But Steve was giving him that look he always did, that told him he saw right through his bullshit. It didn’t help that he was sitting in the common room in the middle of the night, his duffel bag still on the carpet in front of him, not unpacked nor in his room. He was on the couch, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. So yeah, he wasn’t doing much to hide his distress. 

He sighed, finally lifting his head, “Why’d you put us on that mission?” Because he had to have known it was a bad idea. You didn’t like him. He was already incapable of not making a fool of himself, but this time he’d set a record. 

Steve pushed off the doorway, giving that token Captain America headshake of disappointment, “Because I get it.” 

Well, if that wasn’t the most vague answer possible. “What’s there to get?” Also, what could he possibly get? 

There were several moments where Steve looked to be choosing his words wisely before he met his eyes again. This time with more confidence when he said, “You’re different now, Buck. You’re not the same man you were in the 40s, neither of us are.” 

Bucky scoffed, turning away, “I don’t see what that has to do with anything.” 

“I’m saying,” he stopped on the other side of the coffee table, “that it can be hard to experience intense feelings again after decades of nothing… especially in a new time and place.” 

Bucky’s eyes snapped back, face twisting in obstinance. Steve was right, he knew it, they both knew it. He didn’t hate you, he wasn’t even the least frustrated by you… at least not how he’d portrayed it. He was just… struck. Struck was the only word for it. Dumbfounded, too. He thought he’d never get to go home except in photographs and literature. He often visited his parents' street in Brooklyn, but never felt anything fill that ache in his chest. 

Until you walked in that day, humming Ole Blue Eyes with your hair pinned in big curls. He wasn’t sure how you did it, how you transported him back in time with just the sway of your dress around your knees. But in that moment, it was 1942. He was untouched by war and torture, with nothing to do but spin the most beautiful girl he’d seen around the bar all night. He felt light. He felt sick. It was the kind of pleasure that hit you hard enough that you weren’t sure it was pleasing at all. 

And Steve was right. He wasn’t the James Buchanan Barnes of the 40s. He didn’t have the same charm, the perfect lines. All he had was his fear of anything intense. Anything that wasn’t mundane, because mundane was safe. Alone… alone was safe. So, he lied. To you, yes, but even more so to himself. Told himself you were performing, playing dress-up, maybe even compensating for what you never had. The entire time he was falling… hanging onto every moment he saw you in polka dots or plaid. And then when he learned who you were? Smart as a whip, confident, compassionate? He knew he was fucked. 

Steve had to have seen this on his face, because he said, “Talk to me, pal.” 

Bucky wasn’t sure he had the words when he dropped his head back into his hands. With a groan, he admitted, “I said some horrible things, Steve.” 

He nodded, and Bucky was grateful for the lack of judgement in his expression. He was already beating himself up, he didn’t need anyone to add onto it. 

When he didn’t immediately respond, Bucky continued, “She started showing symptoms of hypothermia early in the night… I was so panicked, all I could do was cover her up.” He swallowed hard, dropping his hands and hanging his head, “I held her all night and in the morning I woke up to her hardwiring the radio to play 40s music and I… I couldn’t handle it.” 

“Did you try to make it right?” He asked. 

“I didn’t have time. She ran the minute the jet landed,” He looked back up at Steve, “I don’t think she’d listen anyway.” 

“If you told her the truth, I bet she would.” 

“I wouldn’t even know what to say… like you said, I’m not who I was.”

Steve shrugged, gave him a smile, “You don’t need to be, I don’t think lines would work on her anyway. Just be honest.” 

Bucky scoffed and pushed off the couch, he wrung his hands out to fight the urge to pull at his hair. “It’s been a year of this, there’s no way–”

“I’ve never known you to not work for what you want.” Steve cut him off with a voice that said he didn’t have a doubt about the statement. 

And it happened to be exactly what James Barnes needed to hear. He’d come too far to back down from a challenge. He knew how to put in effort, put in the work; but, as awful as it sounded, “I think I’d rather her hate me than lose her altogether.” 

Steve only had one response to that: “But what if you didn’t lose her? What if she didn’t hate you at all?”

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In the end, you did exactly as Wanda said. While your body was still exhausted, probably from working overtime to keep homeostatic balance in the frigid climate, you forced yourself up and out of bed. You threw your hair in heat rollers and buttoned the delicate beads of the dress. Delicate was the perfect word for it, which is why it was one of your favorites. You spent so much of your time in tactical gear that you enjoyed the soft silk fabric brushing your skin. It made life feel more peaceful. You didn’t feel ashamed of the femininity of it, not when you knew part of your femininity lay in your strength. Neither could be taken from you. 

You spent all day in the sunshine, walking through the parks of NYC and listening to the birds and the sound of squirrels playing in the trees. It was refreshing, feeling a breeze that didn’t chill you down to the bone. You drank hot coffee just to feel the warmth of it in your belly, and the pain in your hands when it got too hot. You sat on a bench and watched couples picnic in the park, and smiled at how in love they looked. You forced down the pang of jealousy when you heard a man compliment the woman he shared a checkered blanket with, it wasn’t their fault you were alone. Or that, when you did have taste in men, it was untimely and poor. 

You shook the thought from your mind several times as you walked along the sidewalk, your kitten heels making soft noises against the concrete. You windowshopped and browsed through stores you couldn’t afford, just to feel like a normal New York citizen and not like a member of the Avengers. 

Alas, when the sun began to set and your legs grew tired, you knew you had to head back to the tower. The halls were quiet with the absence of the team, and you wondered who was gone and who remained behind. You figured you’d know soon as you walked the hallway to the kitchen, looking for dinner. 

It was your name being called behind you that made you stop before finding your way through the door. You turned around, and there he was. Halfway down the hall, Bucky stood with his hands in the pockets of his jeans. He was wearing one of those stupid henleys that sat too tight across his chest, and his hair was rumpled. Messy. Something about it matched the look in his eyes and they way he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth as he stared at you.

You pulled in a deep breath, feeling the lace of your bodice brush against you. You knew you’d have to face him at some point, and there was no real reason to put it off. He was also your teammate, whether he liked it or not. You never had an issue with him besides how he treated you, and that you wanted to know why. Now that you did, you weren’t sure what to do. It was an absurd reason, and also not one you had any care to do anything about.

You cleared your throat, “Yes?” 

There was a moment where he looked… unsure? You weren’t sure you had the word for it, and yet that was all it could be. He genuinely looked nervous when he glanced at his shoes then back at you. Several moments passed before you felt your patience waning, your brows raised expectantly. Only then did he mutter, “I want to explain.”

Oh. Straight to the point. 

You shrugged, “You explained clearly, there was no misunderstanding.” Wanting to leave it at that, you took a step closer to the kitchen. You figured he’d let you, and that he’d let it go. You could be teammates and mind your business outside of missions. You’d watch and listen and wear whatever you wanted and it wouldn’t have to bother him, because it didn’t have to affect him.

But he only stepped closer down the hall, “I mean that I want to apologize.” The words were rushed, as if out before he could really form them. 

You looked over your shoulder, your face twisting, “Excuse me?” You must have misheard. 

And yet, “I want to apologize.” He said after pulling in a breath. Then he dropped his shoulders and stood straighter, lifting his chin as if embracing the statement. You saw that confidence you were used to, at least a little of it. “My behavior was hurtful and I–”

“You were honest.” You cut him off, still half turned away, because this was awkward and you didn’t know how to navigate it, “Now we can–”

“But I wasn’t.” It was several steps forward this time, and that desperation crept back in his tone. He was no more than a few meters away, his hands out of his pockets and limp at his sides. “I wasn’t,” he repeated, “I…” he looked pained, his eyes flickering over your face as if testing your reaction. 

You couldn’t remember the last time you were this confused in an interaction, yet you decided that fine, you’d bite. You gave him your full attention, “What do you mean, you weren’t honest?” 

The question didn’t seem to help, and you couldn’t help but notice how he couldn’t quite look at you. He’d glance at you, at your dress and curls, and then pointedly away. “I called you infuriating, which you are… it’s just that…” he trailed off, going quiet. 

You felt your eyes narrow, he was just here to rub it in, “Thanks for the reminder, Barnes–” 

“No!” He stepped closer, then back again. “I meant that–that you are, just not in the way I said.” 

What? 

You froze, shaking your head slowly as if trying to find sense in the words. 

But he only kept going, “You are infuriating in your ability to pin me without so much as a look. Really,” he said your name like a plea, “everyone sees it but you. You walk into a room, and I’m done for–”

“I walk in a room, and you leave–”

“Because I don’t know what to do! Do you have any clue what it's like to feel nothing for seventy years, and then everything in the span of a few seconds?” He looked at you now, lifted a hand over his heart as if to show you, and you felt yours stop as you got an idea of what he meant. 

But he couldn’t possibly–

“You walk in a room,” he repeated slowly, “and suddenly I’m twenty, standing in a crowded speakeasy trying to remember how to ask the most beautiful girl in the room to dance.” 

Oh. 

But your head shook, your heel taking a step back, “Bucky, this isn’t funny–”

“I’m not joking.” He said immediately, his face broken, “I wish I was. But, God, doll, of all the things I’ve done, I don’t think joking about this is one I could manage.” Doll. You’d heard that before, through frozen ears. It made your stomach flutter then too. “I don’t understand.” Your voice breaks, your feet suddenly feeling shaky in your heels. 

“I know,” he nods, “I know. I’ve been horrible to you, and I’m so unbelievably sorry. I… I don’t have any excuse besides that I had no clue how to process it. I didn’t only lie to you, I lied to myself every time I saw you…” his eyes lifted to your hair, dropped to your dress, “every time you wore something like this and I felt sick, I told myself I hated you… but I don’t think I ever even believed myself.” 

You stared, and stared… and then stared some more. Your mouth dropping open and your eyes blinking as if testing if he’d disappear. He didn’t. He stood in front of you, strong and broad like the soldier you knew, but with heartbreak in eyes that were usually steele. You suddenly understood the nerves, feeling them yourself too. A hundred thoughts raced through your mind, and yet you were still at a loss for words. 

He splayed his hands as if begging, but you knew he never begged. And yet, “Please say something…” 

Your mouth moved wordlessly for several moments, the past year rushing through your mind just as it had when he broke the radio. “So this whole time… every insult…” 

He was already shaking his head, “I didn’t mean it. I don’t even know why it started, I just know that when you snapped back that first time… suddenly any attention from you was enough. I’d take whatever you’d give me.” 

That statement, more than anything else, brought a reaction out of you. The butterflies and the nerves were still there, yes, but suddenly you were angry. This entire time you had scolded yourself for finding him attractive when he was… 

You found yourself closing the distance, only to plant your hands on his chest with a shove and, “You idiot!” 

He seemed to take that as rejection, lifting his hands and stepping back, “Okay, I’m sorry–” 

But you didn’t let him, immediately stepping into his space, “You’re telling me we’ve been arguing and–and I’ve been shaming myself for feeling anything for you when we…” you trailed off, that anger dissipating into realization. He hadn’t actually said he wanted you,  and you knew better than to get your hopes up. 

He said your name in the form of a question, but you were already shaking your head. 

You felt an unfamiliar sting behind your eyes when you sneered at him, “You know I have no one, and I’m okay with it. I’m used to it, so trying to toy with me isn’t going to work–” 

You went to step back, but he grabbed your wrist and pulled you into him with another call of your name. You didn’t want to look at him, but when he caught your cheek and turned you, all you saw in his eyes was awe. Pure affection that stripped you down and made you feel exposed. A look that you weren’t sure any man had ever given you. He didn’t even say anything, just met your eyes and made sure you saw everything he felt. 

And then he was kissing you. His hand slid from your wrist to your waist, pulling you in while he kept you close with the hand over your cheek. It was soft, if a little hungry, his lips moving over yours and coaxing a response. It took a minute before you realized that you did indeed need to respond, and slotted your mouth over his.

Except that anger wasn’t completely gone, something just as intense burning deep. So, after moments of matching that gentle back and forth, you sunk your teeth into his bottom lip and pulled. As if to say, don’t make me regret this. 

The minute he felt it, his mouth following yours as you tugged, he groaned deep in his chest. A sound you weren’t even sure he was aware of. But then his hand was sliding from your cheek into your hair, his arm wrapping fully around your waist and gripping your dress. He fisted your hair tight, forcing your head back so he could kiss you harder. You felt trapped in his arms in a way that felt entirely safe, like nothing could touch you here. There was no world, no avengers, no accident. Nothing to worry about but the taste of him on your lips and the press of the wall he backed you into. 

And when you both pulled away, breathless, he pressed his forehead to yours and whispered, “You have me. All of me. You have always had me.” 

Beside you, Bucky sleeps on, warm and solid and completely unaware, his arm draped loosely over your waist. His presence is usually enough to ground you. Usually enough to make the episodes shorter, quieter.

But tonight—

Tonight is different.

Because the moment your eyes fully open, you see it.

Standing at the edge of the room.

Too tall. Too still. Too wrong.

Your heart lurches violently against your ribs, panic slamming through you in a wave so strong you almost think it should break whatever hold this is. The shape doesn’t move, but you know—you know—it’s looking at you.

Watching.

Waiting.

No, no, no—

You try to speak. To call Bucky’s name. To do anything other than lie there helpless as your brain screams and your body betrays you.

Nothing comes out.

Your throat won’t work. Your jaw won’t move. You’re trapped behind your own eyes, forced to watch as the thing shifts.

It doesn’t walk.

It glides.

Closer.

Your vision blurs at the edges, tears gathering without falling, terror clawing up your spine as it crosses the room in slow, unnatural increments. Every instinct you have is screaming at you to move, to run, to do something—

But you can’t.

You can’t.

You can’t—

It stops at the side of the bed.

And then—

It tilts its head.

Toward Bucky.

Something inside you snaps.

No.

Not him.

Your fear fractures, reshapes, turns sharp and furious in your chest. The panic doesn’t disappear, but it changes—redirects—because whatever this is, whatever your mind is conjuring, it is not touching him.

Not Bucky.

Not yours.

You fight harder.

Every muscle strains, every nerve screaming as you try to force even the smallest movement. Your fingers twitch—barely—but it’s something. You cling to it, push harder, harder, harder—

The thing leans closer to him.

Your vision tunnels.

Your heart feels like it might explode.

Move.

Your arm jerks.

It’s weak, clumsy, but it’s real.

Move.

Your leg follows, then your shoulder, control snapping back into your body all at once like a rubber band finally breaking free—

And you lunge.

There’s no hesitation. No thought.

You throw yourself across Bucky, arms wrapping around him, pressing your body over his like a shield as if you can physically block whatever nightmare still lingers in your vision.

“Don’t—!” your voice finally works, raw and shaking. “Don’t touch him—”

Bucky startles awake beneath you.

Hard.

Years of training kick in instantly—his body tenses, metal arm shifting, ready to react—but it halts the second he registers you.

You.

On top of him.

Clinging.

Shaking.

“Hey—hey, doll—” his voice is rough with sleep and sudden alarm, hands coming up carefully, not pushing you off, just… holding. Grounding. “What’s goin’ on? You okay?”

You’re still half there, half not. Your eyes dart toward the side of the bed, expecting—

Nothing.

The room is empty.

Dark. Quiet. Safe.

Your breath stutters, coming too fast now, your grip on him tightening like you’re afraid if you let go, something will come back.

“It was—” your voice cracks. “It was here, Buck, it—” You swallow hard, shaking your head against his shoulder. “It was gonna hurt you.”

There’s a pause.

A beat where he processes that.

Then everythng about him softens

“Oh, baby…” His arms wrap around you properly now, pulling you closer, one hand cradling the back of your head as he tucks your face into his neck. “Hey, it’s okay. I got you. You’re alright.”

You cling to him harder.

“I couldn’t move,” you whisper, the words small, embarrassed despite everything. “I tried to wake you, I couldn’t—I thought—”

“I know.” His voice is gentler than you’ve ever heard it, steady and warm and there. “I know what it is. You told me, remember? Sleep paralysis.”

You nod against him, breath still uneven.

“It felt real,” you admit quietly. “It looked like it was coming for you.”

He huffs softly, not quite a laugh, pressing a kiss into your hair.

“Yeah?” he murmurs. “And what’d you do about it, huh?”

You hesitate.

Then, quieter, “I tried to protect you.”

That does something to him.

You feel it.

The way his chest rises a little deeper, the way his arms tighten around you—not in fear, not in tension, but something softer. Something fond.

“You threw yourself on top of me,” he says, voice low and almost… amused.

“I didn’t want it to get you,” you mumble.

There’s another pause.

And then he pulls back just enough to look at you, his expression impossibly soft, blue eyes warm even in the dim light.

“Doll,” he says gently, brushing his thumb under your eye where a tear finally escaped, “I’m a hundred years old, got a metal arm, and a body count that would make most people run for the hills.”

You sniff weakly.

“And you still decided you were gonna be my bodyguard?”

Your lips wobble despite yourself.

“I didn’t think about it,” you admit.

“I know you didn’t.”

He leans in, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, lingering there.

“That’s what makes it so sweet.”

Your arms loosen slightly around him, the adrenaline finally starting to ebb, leaving you tired and a little shaky. He notices immediately, shifting so you’re not hovering over him anymore, guiding you gently down so you’re tucked against his side instead.

One arm stays wrapped around you.

The other pulls the blanket up higher.

Safe.

“Next time it happens,” he murmurs, voice quiet against your hair, “you don’t gotta protect me, alright?”

You hum faintly, not fully agreeing.

He smiles into your scalp, tightening his hold just a little.

“But…” he adds softly, “I gotta say, I don’t mind knowin’ you would.”

Your eyes finally close, exhaustion pulling you under for real this time, your breathing evening out as you settle into him.

And long after you’ve fallen asleep, Bucky stays awake for a while.

Just holding you.

Just thinking.

Because no one’s ever looked at him and decided, without hesitation, that he was worth protecting.

"told you to keep quiet," he whispers into your ear, "but I know listening is hard for you," he mocks, once again so condescending you can't even help but whine again.

you say it once more, to which he tsks.

"alright, babydoll, daddy's gonna help you out, m'kay?"

he withdraws his hands from your skin and leans back to pull off the white t-shirt he's wearing. it's soaked through with the gross combination of both of your sweat where your bodies were connected.

"here we go," he says, gently pressing the fabric into your mouth, just enough to make you inhale sharply through your nose at the soft, sudden motion. you look up at him, vision cloudy, to see the satisfied look on his face. the little smirk that makes you drip through your panties every time.

he brings his hands back to your skin and leans his body back down to lay against yours once more. "now you're gonna be quiet. knew you just needed some help, cause your little head is just spinning, isn't it? can't even think about what daddy tells you. just need me to make you follow my orders, baby, ain't that right?"

his voice is so soft and sweet in your ear. you nod, gently biting down on the fabric, slowly soaking through it with your saliva.

he leans closer, bringing all his body weight to his metal arm and trailing his fingers over your forehead, ever so gently tugging at your soft skin to keep your eyes open.

"need to see your pretty eyes, babydoll… you know something? I can see right through you, all defenseless. you just love laying there and taking what daddy gives," he murmurs.

you're helpless against him, and he's right, you love it. the way he can overpower you, mind, body, and soul, doesn't scare you. you're safe with him. you trust him to erase all your thoughts, take you apart, and you know he'll put you back together again every time.

you keep your eyes on his face as his eyes trail down your body, watching as his flesh hand touches over your skin. he rubs over your collarbone; gently squeezes the flesh of your breast; grips tightly at your hip; all before bringing his fingers to your inner thigh, teasing at what you've been needing this whole time.

"you've been trying so hard, sweetie. I know you have been. but I don't know if you've earned your climax yet, babydoll."

you just look at him, pleading with your gaze, knowing all he wants is to see your eyes, to feel the desperation coursing through your body.

he looks between your eyes, seeing how hard you're trying to convey your thoughts to him.

he pauses, just looking for a moment, admiring you under him.

"you're so gorgeous for me like this, princess."

his thumb continues to gently brush over your forehead, looking down to where he's gagged you, before making his decision.

"how can I say no to that pretty face?" he asks so quietly. it's clearly rhetorical, more directed to himself than to you, but you lean closer into him anyways.

his movements grow faster, ever so slightly, and his fingers finally meet your clit between your legs. it takes everything in you to keep your eyes open; you can't ruin this now.

"when are you going to come, pretty girl?" he taunts.

you can't respond. you don't respond.

"that's right. when daddy says."

you hold eye contact with him, holding on for dear life as he brings you closer with the increase in pleasure he's providing.

the only thought in your head is how you love him more than anything.

his metal fingers shift suddenly, distracting you momentarily, as they grab the fabric out of your mouth and toss it away. he grips your chin, opening your jaw for him as he spits slowly onto the back of your tongue.

he pushes up on your chin, manually shutting your jaw. "swallow."

you do, then opening your mouth once more to prove yourself.

"attagirl. think you deserve to come now, princess."

the wait was well worth it, you would think, if you had the mental capacity to.

the drop feels like ecstasy as he finally permits you to give in.

~~~

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✦ part 1 ✦

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"your little cunt is so wet and loose, baby, all for me..."

he pushes your hair out of your face and behind your ear, then trailing his metallic fingers down the side of your jaw. your head falls to the side, leaning into the contact, and his thumb comes to rub at the side of your mouth where you've begun to drool in your stupor.

"yeah, that's right. not a thought in your little head," he continues to sweet talk as he pushes his thumb inside your mouth, punctuating his words with another thrust. "that's it, babygirl, use your tongue. suck on my thumb like a good little girl, huh?"

you can't help but let out a groan. you feel like you're in a fog, or somewhere outside your body, looking in. is this what being high feels like? you wonder.

probably. he is your drug, the only drug you could ever need. your mind is addicted to the way he tastes, smells, feels... you can't imagine the withdrawals.

your eyes fall shut.

"now, now, did I tell you to close your eyes?" he mocks as he pushes himself in again, making you feel it so deep up against your cervix. you force your eyes to open about halfway, fighting against the feeling in your guts telling you to keep them shut, before you shake your head no.

"no, baby, I didn't. and you don't do anything I don't explicitly tell you to do, isn’t that right?"

you nod.

"good. now be a doll and keep those eyes open, baby. I love seeing how needy you are... that's right, I've got you in a little trance, don't I baby?"

you nod, focusing your eyes on his beautiful icy blue ones.

he chuckles. "got you in a little cock trance, yeah? come on, say it. you can say it."

"yeah..."

you hear the word in your ears, in some embarrassing rendition of your own voice.

"no, princess, come on. you know what I want to hear."

"yes, daddy."

"that's it, baby."

he kisses you then, picking up the pace of the gentle grinding of his hips between your legs. he's right: there's not a thought in your head, just him, all him.

"I want you to do something else for me," he continues, pressing soft, wet kisses all over your cheeks, your nose, your eyes...

you want to cry at how soft it is, how affectionate he's being. you love it, you love him, and you know this is all for you. everything he does is for you, to make you feel good, to help you relax.

to help you forget.

your lips part in an attempt to formulate a response, yet none comes. your whole body is so relaxed under his touch that you must have forgotten how to speak.

"did I fuck you speechless, baby?"

he must have, because once again, not a word comes to your lips to reply. he seems to forget what he planned on demanding of you as he continues, still chuckling, "I'm so proud of you, babygirl. you're doing so well for me. but what did I tell you about keeping your eyes open for me?"

huh? when did your eyes shut?

you will them to open again, slightly blurry, looking back into his.

"good job, pretty girl. you're my pretty girl, you know that?"

his pace hastens once more, causing him to let out more of those groans that you feel right in your clit.

"my pretty girl," he breathes, struggling to speak as he leans into the feeling of you underneath him, around him. "doesn't need to do a thing. needs to listen to what her daddy tells her."

fuck. "daddy, need to come," you say, and he immediately slows down, making tears well in your eyes with how badly you need it.

"my princess found her voice again? oh, baby, did I tell you you could speak?"

you stay quiet.

"no, baby, you don't need to come. I tell you what you need, isn't that right? now, can you say it, princess?"

"daddy tells me what I need," you heave all in one breath, barely conscious of what you're saying, focusing on chasing that feeling between your legs, even as he gives you less and less to work with.

"what else?"

"tells me... when to come," you make out, almost entirely incomprehensible.

"who does?"

you whine. you could even cry. you can't think of anything but his cock-

"daddy does."

"that's right, baby. see? that's all you need to know. just need to listen and say what daddy wants to hear, isn't that right, baby?"

you nod vehemently, eyes cinched painfully tight as you pray he'll give you what you need, you might go crazy otherwise...

"oh, no, baby. shhh... calm down, princess, and open your eyes. you know something? you're making it real hard for me to give you what you want. just give it up, sweet girl. stop fighting. let me tell you what you need."

you force your lungs to take deep breaths and focus on his words, not what you're feeling. listen, listen, listen...

"can you be quiet, baby? and keep your pretty eyes open for me? that's all you have to do. just listen."

you nod, and your thoughts fall away until all there is is him.

~~~

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✦ part 2 ✦

✦ masterlist ~ join a tag list ✦

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the silk was soft under your touch when you picked it up. you don’t usually wear pink, or anything this nice to bed—you just wear one of his shirts. he loves seeing you in his clothes.

but this…

you almost wondered if it would even look good on you. if you could even be the kind of girl who wore something as delicate and soft as this.

so you tried it on. and it just felt right, felt good.

you hoped he would like it. of course he would, he’d like anything on you.

but would he like it like it?

when you got home and he asked you what you’d purchased for yourself, you just kissed him softly and told him, “you’ll see.”

one everything shower later, and you’re slipping it over your head, matching panties to go with it

it suddenly doesn’t look as good as it did in the fitting room. it’s not as flattering around your chest, and it’s just not right.

but it’s too late now.

so you step out of the bathroom and into the bedroom where he’s reading a magazine before bed

and he sees you in it, and…

fuck.

he immediately sits up, dropping the magazine, jaw dropping.

“come here,” he whispers, spreading his legs for you to stand between them. his hands hover over your hips, too afraid to touch, looking at you from head to toe.

he’s in awe. you look like a fucking angel, a walking wet dream. too precious and perfect for someone like him to touch.

but oh how he wants to touch you.

“goddamn,” he finally says, forcing himself from his speechlessness. “baby…”

“yeah?” you ask, looking down at yourself, fingers fidgeting with the hem at your thighs.

“oh, yeah,” he says, voice deeper than before. lower. “spin for me, baby.”

you begin to twirl, the silk lifting and softly catching air as you spin, revealing the lace undergarment below.

when you’re facing him once more, he can’t help himself. he finally puts his hands on you.

he rests them on your thighs, pushing up under the gown so he can slip his thumbs under the band of the panties.

“you buy this for me?” he asks, in pure adoration of you, a soft smile forming on his face.

“mhm,” you confirm, reaching to adjust it, to pull it up higher on your chest.

“don’t, baby. just let me look,” he pleads, a soft whisper. “just wanna look at you for a minute.”

his eyes look at you with all the love he has for you, taking in every inch of your body standing in front of him.

after a few moments of him examining, he adjusts his grip on your hips, moving to the back of your thighs. he pulls you forward, not even needing to speak. you get the hint as he settles you on his lap, straddling him.

he plants his mouth on the skin of your chest just above where the silk lays, sucking a few lazy hickeys into your skin.

and then—

he leans down, pressing his mouth to the flesh of your breast over the silk.

“fuck, Bucky,” you whine, and he just keeps going. you can see how the silk begins to grow damp against your skin.

you feel flesh fingers adjusting, pushing between the two of your bodies and reaching between your legs where they’re spread over his lap.

you gasp when you feel him begin to rub your clit over the lace.

“so gorgeous,” he mumbles. “all warm and wet for me.”

you moan, leaning into him further, encouraging his touch.

“that’s a good girl,” he coos, “gonna fuck you soft and sweet in this little getup you bought for me, baby. then I’ll put you on your hands and knees and fuck you like the little whore you are.”

✦ masterlist ✦

Inside, Professor Barnes, who has the reputation for being the toughest grader in the department and object of half the campus’ unrequited crushes, looks up from his desk, one brow arched, red pen hovering whatever he had been grading, silver-rimmed glasses perched on his nose and sleeves rolled up to his forearms.

You recognize it immediately, the slightly judgemental expression of someone who was not expecting to have his work interrupted with even as much as a knock; but the moment he notices the expression on your face, your hands still shaking with adrenaline, his own shifts from professional uptightness to something much softer. A soft look you’ve come to know, too, after the two of you began a secret relationship a little over four months ago.

“Sorry,” you say, already stumbling through words. “Sorry, I know I didn’t knock, I just—"

 “Come in. Lock the door.” His voice drops, shifting from Professor Barnes to your James in the space of a few words.

You do just that. Then you stand there, backpack still hanging off one shoulder, hands twisting the strap.

“I’m freaking out about the European History exam,” you start. Professor Barnes shows no signs of being bothered by you immediately firing information his way.

“Sit down first.”

“I can’t sit down, James. I’ve been sitting for the past four hours, trying to—" You drop your bag onto the floor and start pacing the narrow strip of space between his bookshelf and the leather couch pushed against the wall. “I completely bombed it, okay? I know I did. Question three asked about the socioeconomic impacts of the Treaty of Tordesillas. I wrote about trade routes, James. Why did I write about trade routes? That wasn’t the prompt. And then I couldn’t remember some exact years, so I guessed, and I’m pretty sure I guessed about two decades off. If I fail this exam—”

“Please, sit—”

“—my GPA drops, and if my GPA drops, I lose my seminar slot for next semester, and then my entire track is ruined, and I'll end up living in a cardboard box—”

“Love.”

You stop, the way you always stop when he calls you that, like your mind still hasn’t quite learned to process that this man, older, more experienced, with a salt and pepper beard that makes your knees weak, would want to call you love.

James is leaning back in his chair now, arms crossed with muscles straining slightly against the shirt, and watching you with a particular patient expression, despite your serpentining conversation.

“The exam is done. You're spiralling," he tells you, and the second after he is getting up from his chair and stepping into your pacing path. A hand reaches for your wrist and makes you stop in front of him. “Breathe for me?”

“I’m not breathing, I can’t breathe, I have three more finals this week and I feel like my skull is gonna fracture from the pressure,” you whine, but are already leaning into his touch, seeking the warmth of him through your most stressful moments. He lets out a sympathetic sigh, fingers curling firmer around your wrist and pulls you fully to him before he presses a lingering kiss to the top of your head.

“There’s nothing you can do about it now.” And he’s not wrong. You open your mouth, close it, then sigh. Because there is nothing you can do about it now, and that’s somehow better, but also considerably worse. James tips your chin up with two fingers, ocean blue eyes meeting yours from behind his glasses.

“You have barely slept or eaten properly for the past week. I don’t like it. The way you chastise yourself whenever something goes wrong.” His thumb traces your jaw, and some of the tight coil in your chest loosens very much against your will. “Take a seat.” 

“James, I don’t need to—"

“I’m not asking,” he says gently, which makes it incredibly more effective than if he had said it any other way, then nods towards the leather couch. “Sit. You’ve been white-knuckling it for days, give yourself ten minutes.”

You consider it. Not because you want to sit down, not because the exam is finally slipping away from your mind, but because James has shifted into that version of him he only ever lets out when he’s near you, with you, the one that breaks down all your defenses and leaves you bare, although not unsafe. You always feel safe with him.

Slowly, you agree and take a seat on the couch, back slumping against the cushions. Your body recognizes it as home almost immediately, letting the familiarity seep into your bones and making you relax.

James crouches down in front of you and rubs one hand over your right knee.

"Still thinking about it?" he asks.

"...A little."

You sink deeper into the worn leather of the couch, the tension in your shoulders only kind of melting under the weight of his gaze. James remains crouched between your knees for a long moment, large hands taking residence on your thighs, now, thumbs stroking soothing circles through the fabric of your jeans.

“You know I’ve always got you, right? Prettiest girl I’ve ever met. Smartest, too,” he murmurs, voice wrapped in velvet. That does it quickly, for you, and you know he knows it. He showers you in praise every time, because every time your body opens to him like a flower blooming in the sunlight.

Before you can overthink it, you simply nod. There’s a brief moment where you’re sure he whispers something like ‘let me take care of you’, and you do, you let him, the permission being the way your legs gently pry open right in front of him. A shaky exhale, head falling back against the couch. All the agreement he needs.

His long fingers travel upward and make easy work of the button of your pants before peeling them down your legs slowly. James pulls your boots off, then the pants along with them, and he leans forward, mouth pressing a kiss to your left knee. Upward, to the skin of your thigh, a bit to the side, to the inside of your leg. Three days' worth of stubble prickles against you as he moves, and you make a noise, something he sees quickly as desperation, and you know the complaint is futile. When has Professor Barnes ever given you anything quicker than the exact pace he wanted to?

“Relax,” he says against your thigh, then presses his lips to the skin again, an open-mouthed kiss before he bites down so gently you are barely even able to call it a bite. “Didn’t I just say I’ve got you?”

Large hands slide from your thighs to wrap firmly around the backs of your legs, fingers digging in with just enough pressure to tug you forward on the couch, sliding your ass closer to the edge so you’re perfectly positioned for him. That’s when you open your eyes again, just in time to watch him hook his fingers into the waistband of your panties and peel them down slowly, dragging the fabric along your thighs and off your ankles. And he does it all with his eyes on yours, two blue pits making you feel dizzy, but you still don’t look away. You couldn’t if you tried.

Cool air hits your now exposed pussy, making you shiver. James lets out a quiet hum of approval at the sight of you, already glistening with arousal.

“She’s always so beautiful,” a reverent whisper before his large hands wrap around your legs again and lift effortlessly to drape them over his broad shoulders, heels of your feet resting against his back. The new angle tilts your hips up towards his mouth, spreading you open for him completely, and before you can even catch your breath, or take a moment to push down the flush on your skin growing from the vulnerable way you are exposed to him, he leans in and drags his tongue through your folds in a filthy stripe from your entrance to your clit.

A breathy moan tears from your throat, echoing in the quiet office like a confession, and it unravels the last threads of your anxiety as pleasure rises in its place. Then James does it again, a little slower, savoring the taste of you, messy and unhurried, spit mixing with your arousal until your folds are slick and shining. On his knees in front of you, this brilliant man, esteemed professor, becomes nothing more than a servant doing worship at the altar of his Goddess. His broad shoulders carry your legs like an honor he would gladly take forever, and his eyes flutter shut as he presses closer.

He’s incredible at this; you’ve known it from the first time he fell to his knees, right here, in this office, always reading every twitch, every gasp, mouth moving with exquisite skill. Slow and indulgent at first, mostly for himself, drowning in the taste of your slick, before giving way to teasing flicks of the tip of his tongue around your swollen clit only to dip lower again, lapping messily at your entrance where your arousal flows for him.

Wetness coats his silver-streaked beard, glistening on his chin as he buries his face deeper between your thighs. The obscene sounds of his mouth feasting on your fill the room, wet slurping and sucking noises, a slick glide of his tongue, an occasional hungry groan into your cunt that sends sparks flying up your spine, all of it the actions of a man who could be on his knees for hours.

Your hands fly to his hair, gripping the dark strands as your thighs tremble around his head. “James…”

No words come out of his mouth then, none you can understand, anyway; instead, the response comes in the way he sucks your clit between his lips, wet suction making your hips jerk, before he releases it with a lewd pop. One hand claws at your thigh, keeping your legs right in their place, while two thick fingers slide into your welcoming heat, curling against the spongy spot inside you that makes stars explode behind your eyelids. James pumps them slowly, in time with the dance of his tongue over your clit.

Exam long forgotten, the world narrows to nothing but him, the way his blue eyes will sometimes flick up to watch you through fogged glasses, dark with lust and adoration. Only when he needs to take a moment to breathe, a quick one, enough to allow him to keep going for as long as you need him to, does he speak again.

“Goddess,” he whispers teasingly, slowing his fingers as if to get your attention. Your head tilts forward and you watch him through hooded eyes. “Will you cum for your most loyal subject?”

You huff in soft frustration, the sound breaking into another shaky moan as your body refuses to cooperate with your irritation. Because the edge is so close, molten in your belly, and here he is, being a wicked scholar and working you through comedic words.

“James, don’t… fuck, I’m so close, don’t play with me right now…” you manage, trying to reprimand him. But even as you say it, your cunt betrays you completely, clenching hard around his fingers, fluttering and squeezing with need and pulling them deeper as slick coats his hand.

Your favorite Professor gleams with amusement, lips curled into a devastating half-smirk, swollen and shiny. “You like it when I’m funny. You’ve told me before.”

You want to protest, but he curls his fingers again, strokes the perfect spot and dips his head again, sucking your swollen bud with perfect pressure, flicking the tip of his tongue rapidly in a rhythm that makes your vision spark white. For a second, he slips his fingers out and instead fucks you with his tongue, thrusting it inside you, before dragging it back up to torture your clit again while his fingers move back to their rightful place. His free hand grips your thigh harder, holding you open for him as you start to grind against his face, chasing the pleasure.

The combination is merciless. Frustration melts instantly into overwhelming pleasure, and another broken moan rips from your throat as your thighs tighten around his shoulders, heels digging into his back. Every stroke, every suck makes the coil in your belly tighten, pulling you deeper into a sea of sensation where exams and fears cannot reach. His beard scrapes deliciously against your sensitive skin with every movement of his head, and arousal drips down his chin onto the leather couch, but he only presses closer, as if he would gladly drown in you.

And just like that, your orgasm crashes over you like a tidal wave, sudden and blinding. You cry out sharply, back arching off the couch as pleasure tears through every nerve in your body. James moans against your pussy like a man receiving divine absolution, your walls pulsing and fluttering around his fingers, gushing against his mouth. And he drinks down every drop of you until your trembling begins to quiet down, slowly easing his movements before pressing a couple of tender, open-mouthed kisses to your oversensitive pussy and to your inner thighs.

Still, he keeps your legs draped over his shoulders a moment longer, gazing at you through glasses that look slightly uneven with the most loving expression you have ever seen on a man. Breathless and floating, you manage to meet his eyes, and you smile at the sight of your brilliant professor on his knees, face glistening with the evidence of your pleasure.

“You’re trouble,” you whisper, though the words carry no real heat in them. James is busy kissing down your legs, lips reaching softly to every inch of skin, but he smiles in the midst of it.

“Trouble?” he repeats, feigning offense. “My goddess calls me trouble after I’ve knelt here and offered proper tribute? How cruel.”

You let out a breathless laugh that turns into a soft gasp when he nips gently at the crease of your thigh.

“You do know I love you, right? Even when you’re being silly while going down on me.”

That makes him smile wider. “I reckon you love me especially when I’m being silly while going down on you.”

And he’s not wrong at all.

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