cemeterylights

Every time I think about killing myself I remember how Jesse made it through six seasons and a movie without doing it

todd licking his hand and trying to smooth down jesse's tangled hair and saying "i need to do a better job keeping u clean" is the most deranged thing ever put into a feature film. like not even in a funny way, it makes me sick.

i know ive made like 14 posts exclusively about the scene in el camino where jesse makes it to and hides out in badger and skinny's place for the night but its just such a good scene for so many reasons, one of which is how fucking gentle skinny and badger are. they've been comic relief for so long and while they were never like especially aggressive or rude, they weren't exactly known for their softness. but in el camino, the two of them are just so. instinctively gentle with jesse. like it comes so naturally and with zero hesitation. part of it of course comes from the sheer shock of jesse suddenly showing back up and very much Looking like he's been in hell for six months, but that gentle touch continues until the moment jesse leaves them. skinny and badger are characteristically lighthearted throughout, trying to make little jokes (the "sized for love" exchange, the cologne suggestion) without actually making light of this situation. they know it's dire. this is Really, Really bad. but they know that jesse is excruciatingly aware of just how Dire it is and so why feed into that?? why make him feel any more unsafe or afraid?? why not bring him back to earth for a moment and treat him normally, albeit with an undercurrent of love and tenderness that he clearly needs right now?? badger and skinny are genuinely angelic in this movie and of course very literally kick off jesse's journey to freedom by taking the el camino out of abq and giving him a non-suspicious vehicle, but also emotionally prepare jesse for his journey by handling him with care. the shower, the sleep, the food—it's all necessary, but that wasn't what truly saved jesse at their place. it was their open, unflinching kindness. nothing over the top or uncharacteristic or weird. just simple, light, unapologetic tenderness and a reminder that he wasn't totally forgotten while he was enslaved. they remember him. they always will.

el camino is important to me for so many reasons. one of many is that i think jesse’s probable rape (and general abuse) at the hands of todd (and jack + others) is not portrayed mundanely, but rather, quietly sinister. the interactions between todd and jesse are sooo horrific in the most implied way possible and it shows how badly it fucked up jesse. like he’s so numb at this point and literally has no one left so his only friend is also his abuser.

badger drove to mexico, then hitch-hiked all the way home and skinny pete got arrested and his house raided just so jesse could have a second chance at life. if u even. fucking care.

i unironically listen to glee versions of songs instead of the originals. SUE ME

they sung this on glee