333

Torn between my past, present, and future. All I ever wanted was this. With you. Moving to a new state, building a home, a life with you. It’s all I ever wanted when I met you.

But now, down the line… and it’s been a long ass line, I don’t know if I can. I see you different. I feel different but still hold the same values and love for you. It breaks my heart trying to make this decision. Because I know, either way, Im going to be sad. I have to let go or live. I’m. Fuckin. Torn.

I wish I could go back to the beginning. I wish I loved myself more. But I’m here now. Trying to make a decision.

I have lived, loved, and lost way too much to be sitting here with all these thoughts. I battle myself every day. Fuck. I wish it can all just stop. For a brief moment, I wish I can sit with it all. But life moves on. People move on. I can’t keep sitting in the same dark hole.

I use to dream about moving to this state, alone tho. And now the opportunity has come. And I am frozen in fear.

What is life.

It’s all worth the struggle tho. Or so I tell myself. Trusting my struggles so they can all be worth something one day.

I’ll get there.