𓆱 fir 𓆱

i go by fir/adam right now but keep in mind i’m figuring stuff out and it changes often.

pronouns: he/him

i speak polish, english, basic spanish, also want to learn german

sfw interactions only. asks are very welcome! don’t be scared i don’t bite. i just headbutt occasionally but it’s affectionate

i don’t feel like a person i feel like i fundamentally lack something, not something that makes me human, but something that makes me a functional person. i constantly don’t know things that everyone is supposed to know somehow and it makes people angry or upset. i don’t mean to make anyone upset. i really didn’t know i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry. it’s like my sheer existence is an inconvenience for others somehow. like even if i don’t feel like i did something wrong, it’s like i DID do something wrong. and i don’t know if it’s cause i really did make a mistake or if my brain is just um. fucked up somehow. i’m sorry you can’t make that noise around me i’m sorry i forgot about this i’m sorry you have to repeat yourself because my brain can’t fucking process it. it doesn’t seem that serious when i write it out but it sucks harrrrrd.

uhhh uh uh also dissociation is fun! um i don’t like it. that much. uhh it’s beeen gone for a couple of days and i’ve been able to kinda breathe a sigh of relief. but like. it’ll come back and i don’t think i have the skills to deal with it. i know about grounding techniques and they kind of help SOMETIMES, the thing with dissociation is that you don’t always know that it’s happening. you can be out of it for like two hours and check back in. it’s essentially the „have you tried mindfulness?” treatment. which i’m sure works for many people but it really is just nooot that simple because i can’t always identify when it’s happening. i think i’m getting slightly better at seeing the early signs and trying to ground myself and just. feel there