not using this blog anymore

I am hurt.

I am angry.

I am ashamed.

I am broken.

I am scared.

I am alone.

I am confused.

I am lost.

I am hurt again.

And I am to blame.

Ashes to ash, dust to the love

His kingdom come, and mine gone

The bridges aflame, the smoke high above

Ephemeral by the time I move on

-

The cycle repeats, the old dies anew

As it clings to the pieces ashamed

I've fought and I've suffered and tortured for you

In the end it will all be the same

-

Again to your arms, for an imperfect soul

The nights closing in on the days

Will this new king walk the same path as the old

In sacrifice empires are made

-

Emerging I rise, and begin to atone

My path from the ruins is clear

I'll wait out the cycle, and if you're alone

Note: I originally wrote this without a fourth stanza, but felt it needed a more upbeat ending. If you wanna feel a bit sad, just don't read the last four lines XP

-

He dreams of sweetness, late at night,

In red and firelit skin.

He dreams of shadows, fading light,

But questions deep within.

-

She dreams of hunger, fantasy,

In blue and black he purrs -

She dreams of breathless ecstasy,

But still forgets the words.

-

A new experience, she sinks

To depths profane, impure.

A sweet coincidence, he thinks,

His heart remains unsure.

-

In red and blue they dream the dreams

In red and blue they doubt.

A prophecy, or so it seems -

Sonetto (I Don't Want To Strangle You)

-

A hand describes in broken echoed verse

A question in the mind that will not lie

For now the artist shivers with a curse

A doubt that does the light inside defy

-

In daylight and by night he trusts his heart

But miniscule the cues that give him pause

Cascading from the tiniest they start

And end with passion murdered as it soars

-

He wonders how he seems to you and fears

That spoken, words will haunt him evermore

Mistakes unknown that bring him as to tears -

Catastrophe is painted at his core

-

He struggles with the limits of the lines

And breaks the rules trying to make you see

-

I don't know what you think, and I don't know if this is fair

To love immortal new infatuation to compare

I want to know what you see, and I hesitate to dare

To ask you to just promise me, just say that you don't care.

FUCK

FUCK

FUCK

FUCK

FUCK

FUCK

FUCK

FUCK

FUCK YOU

FUCK ME

FUCK EVERYTHING

FUCK OKAY

FUCK I'M ANGRY AT YOU

FUCK GOODNIGHT

FUCK FRIENDSHIP

FUCK HAPPINESS

FUCK PAIN

FUCK ABSOLUTELY FUCKING EVERYTHING

ABOUT YOU

ABOUT ME

ABOUT US

ABOUT HIM

ABOUT THIS WHOLE

FUCKING

THING

FUCK MY LIFE

FUCK MY PROBLEMS

FUCKING HELP ME

FUCK

PLEASE

I saw a man in a shirt and tie

As he worked so very hard

He beat the shit out of another guy

And took his wallet and card

-

I didn't stop him - why would I?

He took what he deserved

And a little voice said if I stood by

My best friend's looking pale

I think she caught a chill

I think she might be dying

I hope she never will.

I offered her a tissue

She told me she'd be fine.

Perhaps she didn't need one

I hope she didn't mind.

-

My best friend's feeling different

I feel she's losing sight.

I hope she doesn't go blind

I still fear that she might.

I offered her a picture

Of the world as it is in my eyes.

She said she didn't see it

And I wish I sympathised.

-

My best friend's feeling distant

I can't say it without causing pain:

She wouldn't be the first one

To let it get to the brain.

I told her of the dangers

Of rejection meeting fear

She told me she didn't think that

But in words I couldn't hear.

-

This illness isn't physical

It's not one you can feel

It's spread by words invisible

Beneath a friendly laugh concealed.

Perhaps I should take it quietly

Perhaps I'm paranoid

But as this tears through society