flowers bursting into glorious bloom, and an unchanging warmth

Yet another Heaven episode, but it has Jade Rabbit, so I guess it's fine.

Quick question, though: Can't Jade Rabbit just like...magic reishi mushrooms into existence? Why is she out here gathering them? Is it just a hobby? Keeping those skills sharp? Or was her waving her wand and making any amount of reishi mushrooms grow for Stone Monkey - repeatedly! - just a fancier sort of matter displacement. She was pulling those out of her pantry, actually.

Jade Rabbit proves herself a true teenager by seeing a weird man acting kind of suspicious, wondering what he's up to, and deciding the best way to solve that mystery is hiding herself in his luggage to be taken to a secondary location she only suspects she knows, and that if she's right is still somewhere between another country and another dimension. For, like. Kicks.

Zero forethought went into that decision.

I love her.

Wudou continues to be the absolute slimiest. Old White Deer is creepy, but Wudou is slimy. Ugh. Gross. Also a terrible liar. He gets way too into it when he's nervous. The gate guards asked him a simple question! A simple, professional question! Why do they suddenly know all about his Beyblade dates with General Li and also the whole dietary history of his bird?

He also nearly spilled the entire sack of beans all over General Li's feet at the barest provocation when the guy turned up on his doorstep kinda miffed. Look, I'm just saying, it's like he wants to spill that secret. He is primed. But also, did he actually have a secret recipe he's been feeding his bird? Because I have to wonder what he's going to pull out of his ass to give to General Li to get the man back out of his house otherwise, lol. General Li does not mess around with his responsibilities as a Pokemon trainer.

Besides finding land, not a lot going on with the kids lol. Much to their endless frustration. Ginseng Fruit continues to be needlessly aggressive toward White Dragon, so I guess that reassuring heart-to-heart on the boat didn't go quite as far as might have been hoped, but they're also not outright trying to get him lost in the ocean anymore so I guess that's progress!

BUT ALSO

What's that they're eating once they find land...?

Are those...green peaches?

Stone Monkey, who was ready to die on that hill when Six Ears was grabbing just slightly unripe peaches to bring back to the cave just a few episodes ago? That Stone Monkey? Now eating...GREEN peaches?

HOW THE TURNS HAVE TABLED!!

(There is nothing serious about that, I'm just laughing. I hope somewhere over the horizon, in what non-corrupted corners remain of his heart, Six Ears felt a little glow of vindication. He can have one win.)

Ginseng Fruit was really on the ball with breaking out the lectures this episode, though. Stone Monkey finding them kind of funny and taking them 0% seriously was the best part, but so was White Dragon continually getting blindsided by Ginseng Fruit busting out of the corner with a verbal steel chair every time he made any sort of comment about anything at all.

I'm not sure if the 'I HATE LAZY PEOPLE!! I'M GOING TO BE THE 'LISTS OFF A THOUSAND ADJECTIVES UNTIL THEY LITERALLY CAN'T THINK OF ANY MORE' BEST BEST BEST SOMETHING HERO FOR THE PRIDE OF ALL GINSENG FRUITS' one in response to White Dragon innocently going 'dang this is pretty nice I'd like to be this comfortable all the time' or the one that went something like 'I WAS BORN TO THE TREES AND AM ONE WITH THE FOREST HOW DARE YOU IMPLY I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU TOTAL INCOMPETENT' where White Dragon could only helplessly respond with '...what?' and Stone Monkey had to sidle in all like 'Oh, no, yeah, actually that one's true.'

Before immediately resetting the balance by pointedly leaning down to pointedly ask Ginseng Fruit what they should do next about this whole 'never-ending forest' business and Ginseng Fruit has to admit they have absolutely no idea.

This whole group dynamic is just really funny. It's growing on me.

That and Guanyin - presumably having sat back with some popcorn and watched these kids lap the island for a whole day - finally popping by to put an end this utter circus and ending up with three screaming children hanging off her sleeves. I like to think she genuinely wasn't expecting that. I say this because she was just here to give a simple character test and finally let them out of the labyrinth, but she didn't have to do it by smacking them across the map. She wasn't prepared for children being children!

But Stone Monkey going full kowtow when he first sees her and White Dragon edging up to Ginseng Fruit to ask if that's, uh...normal where they come from, when just asking for directions. Like. Is that just a thing people do? And Ginseng Fruit continuing to stare straight at the scene in front of them and going, "...Sure." because they can't bring themselves to admit they also have no idea what Stone Monkey's doing. Comedy gold. Love it. These three should take their act on the road. Forget cultivation.

I also like that Stone Monkey's entire argument for why this lady should give them these directions she is trying to keep from them for their own good is 1) If she doesn't he will have no reason to leave and therefore she will be stuck with him and 2) Ma'am, listen. I am incredibly stubborn.

Stone Monkey just had zero doubts in his ability to get her to willingly pack them off to their deaths after just a short while of enforced company. He was confident.

And he's right, because then they're thrown across time and space or something and run into the Qilin who wastes zero time going for the throat. Like literally. Guanyin wasn't kidding when she called them a raging asshole unmatched by any other.

Appreciate that the kids had the good sense to make sharp turns coming out of the cave so they aren't straight in the Qilin's path, even if it was immediately overshadowed by them climbing a half-dead tree while being pursued by walking fire hazard and deciding that was good enough. To be fair, fire safety is probably not a priority for either monkeys, fruits, or dragon princes who live in the actual ocean. RIP children.

Except White Dragon can actually turn into a dragon! Nice! Also incredibly lucky he can make it rain! Even if he does totally fail to understand basic tactics, like Stone Monkey and Ginseng Fruit drawing the Qilin's attention so White Dragon can get a chance to properly hit them, only for White Dragon to not do that and instead decide that he was included in the 'draw their attention' plan himself! Just because, I guess! I mean, it's endearing, don't get me wrong, but child, please. You are not good at this.

Oh, and Ginseng Fruit being big bossy lol. Finds out literally two seconds ago White Dragon can use water spouts and takes it upon themselves to tell White Dragon how to use their own magic. Absolutely stellar. Never change, Ginseng Fruit. To be fair to Ginseng Fruit though, Guanyin went through a lot of trouble to hammer home that there was a fire Qilin on the mountain and they were mean and also made of fire. Then the trio runs into the fire Qilin - who is very mean and very made of fire - and White Dragon has the absolute gall to be like, "What the heck monster is that?!" while running away. From the fire blasts. And Stone Monkey has to remind him that it's probably that fire Qilin Guanyin was telling them all about maybe just fifteen minutes ago. And then White Dragon. This kid. He goes, "Oh, I didn't think she was serious."

CHILD.

To be honest, I would have sicced Ginseng Fruit and Ginseng Fruit's sass on him right there. He would have deserved it. Ginseng Fruit not trusting them a single inch and bossing them around later is just delayed desserts.

And then we get our cliffhanger! The kids are backed into a corner, Stone Monkey herds the other two behind him, the fire Qilin unleashes its fiery blast-!

I mean, they're going to live, obviously, but will it be Subodhi? One of Stone Monkey's hairs? Guanyin back again? A clever, last-minute trick?

Look, I don't want to feel bad for King Flood Dragon, all right. Dude was having the time of his life terrifying and trying to drown two kids (and succeeding, so far as he's aware), but Old White Deer is just that bad, I guess. I want to slap this dude on the back and pep talk him up. He's a big, strong demon king who doesn't need some old stinky deer making him feel small! He EARNED those powers!

Old White Deer threatening to rip his cultivation away from him, though? Yikes. The fact King Flood Dragon even...look, I guess that's sort of like if your abusive family member threatened to, I don't know, take away your PhD? This thing you worked for and earned, and them thinking they have the power to strip it from you? Them saying that they'll get you fired from your job, discredited, and you not doubting at all that they have the power to do that? It's not hard to take a step to the left and see how this would look in real life. Old White Deer also does that thing where he builds King Flood Dragon up just to smash him back down, then sprinkle the tiniest of approvals in there ("I gave you this important responsibility because I trusted you.") to get him back to chasing that high? Old White Deer might as well have written the textbook for abuse. He's hitting all the dockets. Pitting his victims against each other, deliberately setting them up to displease him and making them feel like it's their fault, making them feel like they have to chase his approval, just...Yikes. YIKES.

But also I'm like...80% sure that him getting pissy at King Flood Dragon for his performance at that overlook they were all hanging out on was maybe a snap decision all because Demon King praised King Flood Dragon's power. This is the same guy who was lapping up a little kid's awe and approval just last episode (ugh) (seriously though he repeated his show like three times and kept asking Six Ears to praise him it wasn't subtle), so I guess having his grandson finding someone else (even if that person is his DAD and HIS OWN SON) impressive was just...too much for him. His ego couldn't bear it. He not only had to crush King Flood Dragon back down but he needed to do it in front of Demon King.

This guy. He's so pathetic but so good at being a manipulative shit.

Oh, right, and they're trying to find the Golden Hooped Rod. Good luck with that, I guess. We know they're not going to succeed. RIP King Flood Dragon. Maybe never come back and also change your address. That might be a good life decision.

Stone Monkey found Ginseng Fruit, though! Good. That's good. And how Stone Monkey's laugh actually sounded kind of thick and broken up when he scooped Ginseng Fruit into that hug. I'm not getting emotional, you are.

And then they meet this little con artist. Biggest takeaway from that scene? Stone Monkey's face going from slightly baffled to delighted the second Little White Dragon opened his mouth and started scamming the shit out of them. The second he started in on his "Oh! The agonies!" Stone Monkey's face split into the biggest grin.

I've said it before, but this kid has a type, I swear to god. All his friends would sell you to satan for a single corn chip, all for their own somewhat horrible reasons, and Stone Monkey loves them for it.

Ginseng Fruit managing to peg him right off the bat strictly because of their flair for the dramatic, though. "WHO ARE YOU ON THE RUN FROM?!" be still his drama-loving heart.

This Sea Demon guy says capture, army immediately begins screaming KILL?, huh? Then they throw a giant death octopus at them? And the "capture" guy busts out with, "Yes. YES. Eat well, Giant Octupus!"? Well, that clears that up. The army knew what was expected of them right away, clearly lol.

Anyway, I thought that discrepancy in commands and actions was weird even before finding out later that the Sea Demon worked for Little White Dragon's dad and was supposed to only be recovering him after he just ran away, but after it's definitely. Something. I sure hope Little White Dragon's right and his dad is going to take this terrible man's shitty behavior seriously now and strip him of his rank, but I'm also remembering the source material and the guy Little White Dragon is meant to be based off of, specifically the death penalty part, and, uhhhh...

Well, we can hope.

Little White Dragon and Stone Monkey being two peas in a pod was adorable, though. Even when we find out that the entire reason Little White Dragon put them through all that was because he was bored. That's it! He didn't want to read and recite books anymore. Stone Monkey (of course, but also ironically coming from the guy out on a dangerous world-spanning quest to go to school) is perfectly understanding, of course, and it's not that I'm without sympathies for the drudgery, but still. They could have died!

Convenient that Little White Dragon knows all about Patriarch Subodhi though, lol. Not even a little vague, either! Right down to his address! The writers needed to get this journey moving.

Ginseng Fruit going max possessive wasn't all that surprising. Them turning into an absolute brat about it was...a little? For instance, their arms-folded-behind-the-back pensively staring into the distance thing. Hilariously ominous! That calm look over their shoulder when Stone Monkey dubiously commented on how good their eyes were after they sent Little White Dragon on a wild goose chase and their serene "Would I deceive you?", too. Absolutely amazing. I busted out laughing.

Can a single one of Stone Monkey's friends not be just a little bit evil? Not be one bad day away from their villain arc? A single one? I mean, apparently not. He does this to himself, though. He's drawn to this kind of thing.

Anyway, I'm glad Ginseng Fruit's lowkey preference for an unhealthy codependent relationship with Stone Monkey got called out, addressed (a little), and that they were neatly reset back to their normal levels of "weirdly intense" and less "budding evil".

It's such a good thing Little White Dragon is cut from similar cloth to Stone Monkey and thinks this is all hilarious. Ginseng Fruit scraped their nerves a couple times (those comments about his people at the Dragon Palace definitely weren't taken particularly well, and no wonder, like, seriously, Ginseng Fruit, don't be a jerk) but overall they had the patience of a saint. I'm pretty sure they're riling them up on purpose at the end. Ginseng Fruit deserves it though, so it's fine. It's good for them.

There was also Old Monkey King sitting on the cliff, watching the ocean, and the four generals begging him to go to bed. On one hand, he did just turn one of his kids loose on a raft on the open ocean, and his concern is totally fair. Him worrying about Stone Monkey is nice. On the other, you have shit to do, my guy. Don't think no one noticed that cough. Go to sleep, and then maybe go check on that other kid you still have. I know he's not your intended successor anymore, but dang.

I realize Old Monkey King probably didn't intend to sign up to be the primary caregiver of two kids, but...well, no one else is going to do it, so he kinda did put himself out there, and he just ripped the rug out of from under one of those kids, and he knows it, because there's no way he didn't know what he was doing when he was training up Six Ears. Has anyone even seen Six Ears since Stone Monkey left?

Old Monkey King, come on now.

The fact Six Ears was actually there the whole time is also kind of...he couldn't have been expecting to really get anything useful out of it? I'm not sure how the magic mind-whammy affects his feelings about things like this, but doesn't that mean he was just...hanging out, watching Old Monkey King watching the ocean, waiting for...something? Just being near?

Because that's kind of sad.

One of the funniest exchanges of the episode though, was probably General Ba girding himself for battle and wading into Old Monkey King's melancholy like a blunt force instrument. "Your kid is SMART. Your kid is FINE. Go to SLEEP." and it actually kind of worked!

Anyway, another lower-energy episode. I can't really say "calmer" since Old White Deer on screen together with Six Ears makes my skin crawl and feel anything but calm (Six Ears is not acting right at all, what did he do?), but it was definitely transitional, at least.

Speaking of Old White Deer, he has all these 干 relationships and it's so freaking weird. First there was just Demon King, now there's King Flood Dragon, and then Six Ears. Are there others? Does he just make a habit of this? Is this how he acquires minions? Six Ears calls him teacher right now, but is Old White Deer someday going to try to induct him into this creepy, creepy "family"? This weird cult? Were King Flood Dragon or Demon King and whoever else at one point also kids he lured in off the street, or got in good with their parents' trust somehow?

I don't like this???

Augh. Old Monkey King, please cave this guy's skull in with your staff. That might sound excessively violent. It's not. Like, why did Old White Deer go through the trouble of changing Six Ears's clothes with that spell last episode? Aesthetic? He's not a doll? Everything about this is so fucking creepy and I wasn't actually expecting it to be this creepy?

ANYWAY

Six Ears was present when Stone Monkey left! The credits have them talking too, which is great, and actually kind of make Six Ears look more conflicted and sort of...like himself than the actual episode makes him out to be. Which is also good, but also...I'm confused about the extent of that mind-whammy spell? I guess it'll become clearer over time. He was present, though. I sure hope one of the adults picked up on the fact he's not acting right :) And wonder where he's getting off to. Checking up on him after that pretty public outburst at least, maybe. That would sure be nice.

And if my entire lack of any mention of them whatsoever wasn't a clear enough sign, I...do not especially care about the heaven subplot. It gets smiles out of me occasionally, like when Laozi and General Li had their chat, and I try to keep track of things like - apparently they all have Precious Heavenly Birds that are also sometimes inanimate objects that they fight like beyblades or something? (why???) but...*heavy sigh*. I just don't care. Especially not about Fucking Dipper. That guy is...not the worst because Old White Deer exists, but he is up there. He is extremely up there.

And now, because Wudou the Absolute Tool has apparently decided to finally start putting that awful, petty little plot he's been not-so-subtly "slyly insinuating" to everyone in heaven about for the entire damn show into motion, I have to actually pay attention to him. Ugh.

Though him ending up in the middle of the monkey troop was a treat. Especially with them still so wired and territorial after almost all dying to the Demon King's army. Like, to be fair, they found a random stranger essentially taking photos of the entrance to their home, and that's a bit worrying for most people even when not regularly engaged in life-threatening warfare with their neighbors. Did they still jump to conclusions? Yes, absolutely. Would Wudou have deserved this if some nice paintings were really all he wanted? Of course not. But he's him, I've been stuck watching him weasel his way around being slimy and proprietary about Flower Fruit Mountain for pretty much the entire time I've known him, and so these guys giving him absolutely no quarter felt great, actually. No one deserves the four generals being the four generals at them more, honestly. I only wish they'd kept talking to him longer. They may have actually been able to make him cry with frustration. Especially Marshal Liu.

Also I called it, I called it, I even noticed this last episode but forgot all about it after the emotional bomb of those last five minutes, but General Ba really will not let General Beng say a single word anymore without immediately screaming GRANDPARENT TALK at him. It's so funny. Just let the man speak!

Especially when it gives us gems like General Beng, Mr. "I got praised once as a child for reading a book of poetry and I made it my whole identity" of all people busting out a sudden: "What the fuck just happened???" into the dead silence after Wudou's sudden vanishing.

Look, I'm harsh on them, but I really don't hate the four generals. I just think they should never in any way have any direct authority over children. They are better people when interacting with other adults and especially each other, honestly.

My heart, despite itself, did soften a little at General Beng and Marshal Ma yelling at Stone Monkey to just come back home if it was too hard, and all the commanders and maybe the whole troop picking it up. Though I also noticed how much better their attitudes became when Stone Monkey was given an actual title, especially one as prestigious as heir to their king. Definitely noticed that. Especially when them yelling at him to come home soon and safe contrasted their dead silence when they let him leave into the wilds of Flower Fruit Mountain entirely on his own just a few episodes ago :) Some things in life really are so much easier when you have status, I guess!

BUT. Stone Monkey. His calming breath as he looks out over the open ocean in front of him before buckling down was a really good moment? I liked that a lot. He was taking the adventure pretty okay, too! Cheerfully settling in, brightly looking for solutions to some minor inconveniences, and then...Ginseng Fruit is broken out of their gourd hiding place and you see Stone Monkey go through a mini-crisis when he realizes Ginseng Fruit is now in danger right along with him and Stone Monkey is going to have to keep them safe. The stress just slams back down. He makes the best of it, of course, and doesn't let Ginseng Fruit see much when he gets rattled, and he does genuinely like having friends with him, but I mean. Guy was definitely struggling for a few seconds there. What was he going to do, throw Ginseng Fruit into the ocean if he didn't like them being there? Try and row back to Flower Fruit Mountain against a headwind and the current to drop Ginseng Fruit back off? Like it or not, Ginseng Fruit is there to stay.

And then later when King Flood Dragon reveals himself (and he's a super creepy guy too, genuinely just messing with them and heightening their terror and struggle for fun, and it was actually disturbing), Stone Monkey snatching Ginseng Fruit up and tucking them up against his chest where they're safe and out of the way, immediately taking as much control of the situation as he can? His "Let me handle it!" making a comeback, like when he forcibly removed Six Ears from the canyon when their shelter went down. I think you can tell when Stone Monkey's genuinely scared or stressed because he immediately turns into a control freak about it. Just grabbing his friends and bodily shoving them out of the way as he tries to take over everything. I love this version of Sun Wukong so much. The writers really love examining his protectiveness, and how it's both a virtue and a flaw.

And then him trying so hard to throw Ginseng Fruit to safety when he realized he couldn't get them both out. Ay.

AND his "You can't die. You'll definitely find a big brother better than me someday (read: I'm about to die and I have to imagine you making it out and having a future and being happy and safe even without me because otherwise I'm going to lose it)." Putting all that effort into getting Ginseng Fruit clear, as safe as he can, followed by that long shot of him just having to sit there helplessly as he's pulled down to his death, unable to do anything to save himself.

Shhhush up, I don't have a lump in my throat.