schadenfreude

“To love your own sadness as if it were something more precious than gold is what it means to be a melancholic person. Melancholy is the intimate nature you have with your sorrow. Melancholy is the enlightenment you experience when it comes to being lost.”

Five times a day, I make tea. I do this because I like the warmth in my hands, like the feeling of self-directed kindness. I'm not used to it— warmth and kindness, both-so I create my own when I can.

There is a kind of sadness that comes from knowing too much, from seeing the world as it truly is. It is the sadness of understanding that life is not a grand adventure, but a series of small, insignificant moments, that love is not a fairy tale, but a fragile, fleeting emotion, that happiness is not a permanent state, but a rare, fleeting glimpse of something we can never hold onto. And in that understanding, there is a profound loneliness, a sense of being cut off from the world, from other people, from oneself.