ピョンピョン

You can call me Null, I think it's time for a proper introduction and a description for the blog.

This is a side blog so I can't follow and i usually don't follow from my main account, @user-null because I know a lot of people might be uncomfortable given the type of content I share, so I'm sorry if I don't follow or give like and just reblog 🙇‍♀️

I usually just reblog what I like or what I find funny, I also post my coords here and sometimes I talk about (fictional) 🔞 that's why I have minors DNI on my bio!!

Things you might find here:

Lolita fashion/ EGL mostly

Japanese fashion (in general)

some of my sketches

me talking about my life

tamagotchi

random reblogs I found funny enough to share

If you just want to see my cords without all the other dumb stuff I post here you can find me on Instagram: @/cat.orchestra

got an old walkman🫶

i feel like i’m a horrible person because i cannot write a dedication for my family on my paper, i tried looking for something online but when i read them i just go “that sounds too loving…” it sounds weird that i say that when i consider i’m close to my family but i have never been the type to say “i love you” to anyone in my family and i hate being like that because i love my parents but even thinking of saying feels unnatural 🙃

is Sou returning?! 😭 it’s been so long, i’ve missed him so much 😭

i’m so mad at myself because i’ve bee looking for this online to try and download it because i thought i had lost it when i actually still had it on my drive 😭

regarding the previous post

it’s been two years and even though i wish i didn’t think about that anymore i’ve been doing a bit of introspection, like i know it was not my fault, i was lured into that but also i feel like i do have some type of guilt because of how i am when i’ve been in relationships, i know i get too attached and i know in that case anyone could say “it was because of the depression during the pandemic” and it would be really easy to blame that but if i’m honest i know it wasn’t because of that because i’ve acted the same before, you could actually say i’m a landmine type because i’m the love bombing (without the manipulation part) , a hundred calls and hundreds of texts when the person doesn’t reply to me in the expected time type, the i’m depressed and suicidal when that person doesn’t talk to me for an hour or woke up late kinda person, and i know that’s not normal and i’ve tried to change that and also i’ve tried my best to stay away from getting into anything that would bring that type of behavior back.

I feel like acknowledging this might help me in some way because i’m more aware of how i behave with others, I’m glad that even though i still have not too healthy attachment issues it’s not the way it used to be, i used to be the type that would literally fall for someone if i heard something like “you’re cute” or “i love you”even if it was in a friendly way, like, a couple of years ago if i heard that, no matter who, i was already making wedding plans… i feel like even though what i went through literally fucked me up in ways that are impossible to describe it helped me get to know this part of me and has helped me trying to get rid of it.

sometimes i think of shit i said and how fucking insane i sounded…