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First attempt flow writing.. "I don't remember the last time I felt unconditional love. I don't remember the smell of comfort or the feel of cold hands hugging me. I miss silence, I miss hiding. I want to stop, I don't know what to write. My hand aches with every letter. Why did I give up using a pen? Technology came in and anyone I had to write to left. Whens the last time I bought a stamp? I need a change, I need to change. More like transform. What would I be if I could be anything? A plant? A bug? A piece of furniture? Alone? Happy? Dead isn't something that popped in til the end and for that I am grateful. My brain is rearranging and moving, dragging me slowly up to the top, to the surface where I might get some air. It's suffocating down here but I find the lack of oxygen comforting. Spins my head in a way that males me forget and melt"

My whole body aches and I feel sick. The muscles in my abdomen tear with pain every time I sit up. It's been years since I've been to the gym but only hours since I heard my sorrow and rage filled screams smash against my hallway walls. Who needs the gym when you cry and beg and scream so loud it rips you harder than any ab workout ever could. Tomorrow maybe I'll use that dust covered boxing bag instead of my thighs.

My head is full of bees, my neck pulsing in bent pain while I lay back letting music flow in my ears as my brain melts out. There's a tiger staring at me from across the room, bright orange against the yellow front of the Lego box. His expression has changed and lost emotion, sitting neglected in pieces inside still. Tomorrow I will hope for the sting in my fingertips from pressing plastic bricks together...