
blake kathryn
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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Today's Document
DEAR READER
Mike Driver
trying on a metaphor
Sweet Seals For You, Always
todays bird
Not today Justin

if i look back, i am lost

tannertan36
$LAYYYTER
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@casual-dalob

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Time to feed unprofessional managers what they’ve been dishing out for far too long.
Couple things here, for when you do this to people:
1. if you get the “answer my call” text, NEVER ANSWER THE CALL.
They are calling you because they want to have the conversation verbally, and be able to lie later about what they said or didn’t say. Force them to continue via text or email- force them to continue the conversation in writing or not at all.
2. “Lack of 2 weeks notice is unprofessional!” or the other version, “Not providing notice is illegal!”
No it isn’t. Neither is true.
And in the US, all states except Montana are “at will” employment (though you may hear an employer refer to it as “right to work” to make it sound better, it’s the same thing). Sure, at-will employment means they can fire you without cause, BUT! It also means that you are not legally required to give a reason for quitting, or to give notice of any kind.
Is it polite to give notice when you can? Sure. Do bosses expect it? Absolutely. But that does not make you legally required to provide it.
3. The only thing I would change in the worker’s interaction here was their response when initially asked to come in.
Employee: “Hey Mark. Sorry I’m unable to cover the shift tonight because I’m studying for my exam tomorrow.”
Don’t give a reason for your lack of availability. It may be tempting to. You may feel rude if you don’t.
DON’T DO IT.
You do not owe your boss any information about what you do off the clock, and any reason you give will only ever be used against you.
Boss: “Hey I need you to cover Jasper’s shift tonight.”
Employee: “Sorry, I’m not available.”
And leave it at that.
Do not elaborate.
Do not offer additional information.
When you boss asks you to elaborate, because they will, be polite but firm. “With respect, that’s personal. I’m sorry, but I’m unavailable to cover this shift/work late/come in early/etc.”
Be a broken record- you’re unavailable. That’s the only information they need to know, and it’s the only information they have a LEGAL RIGHT to know.
Please stop giving your bosses information they don’t need to know and don’t get to have, because they’re only going to try and use it to fuck you over later.
My job is HR. The above is completely accurate.
So, I lurk in some writer subreddits, and a frequent topic of discussion is prose: what constitutes good prose, how do you write it, how do you improve it, etc. And yesterday I stumbled across one topic about the difference between good descriptive prose, and purple prose. OP asks people to share some of their favourite authors who they think write beautiful prose without tipping into purple. No problem; people are happy to oblige.
One person says that Steinbeck is one of their favourite authors for prose, and then they share an example of what they would consider purple prose. It is so violetly awful that I think the poster must have written it themselves as a kind of parody of purple prose. Other people assumed the same.
But as it turns out, they are quoting from a book written by a YouTuber whose channel ia dedicated to talking about writing (namely, their own writing, which is genius, but often not comprehensible to the drooling plebs).
Naturally, I read the free sample of their book in awe and horror, and I'd like to share some screenshots with you. If you also have trouble defining or understanding what purple prose is, it's this.
Yes, every single fucking page is written like this.
Reading some more of the preview for this book, and I realise this is by far not the biggest problem, but I'm begging this guy to just use 'shadow' instead of 'umbra'. I promise I will not accuse you of being a philistine.
'Noctilucent orbs'. Even fanfic written by a 14-year-old wouldn't dare.
The author is a man in his 30s, btw.
*throws this in the face of everyone who has ever accused me of writing purple prose*
I thought the Amelia Peabody series was purple. I owe the author an apology. Uffda
So Basically what i am gathering is:
Purple prose is literary Technobabble.
Technically all those words make sense, but they are unnecessarily complex, other terms would be more sensible to use and at times they aren't making sense at all.
at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you
at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.
at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly
at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.
at some point in your life you will be adding a small pasta to a soup and you will think "that is not enough small pasta." this is the devil talking. the pasta will absorb the stock and expand. this is how you end up with a soup that is a solid mass of soggy ditalini.
At some point in your life you will be adding garlic to a dish and you will think "that is not enough garlic." These are angels speaking. They are correct. Add more garlic.
Everyone meet ‘Slappy’ the wild sea lion that has gone viral on TikTok after begging tourists for peanut butter sandwiches 🤣
Watch Now: Beloved wild Sea Lion Slappy does her signature bark for a PB sandwich
Check out our list of the BEST memes about our favorite Instagram celebrity Slappy the seal
Wildlife authorities ruin internet’s fun by putting ban on feeding famous sea lion ‘Slappy’
- Top comment: Not me risking a class 2 wildlife felony to feed Slappy a peanut butter sandwich 😂☠️
Internet famous sea lion enjoys new meme craze “Outlaw Slappy” as her admirers continue to offer treats despite the ban from marine wildlife officials
Sad news out of Southern California today as the internet mourns beloved sea lion ‘Slappy’, who was put down by authorities after biting a child that was trying to feed her a sandwich.
I remember a heritage site example of this where there was a famous chapel somewhere in Europe that had a "no singing" rule for visitors. so naturally there are tons of videos of individuals, groups, and even whole choirs singing there, many of them with a tone of "take THAT, fun-suckers!"
I looked it up. it's an active monastery
the no singing rule is to not disturb the very real people living there and trying to go about their very real, scheduled daily lives
and even when that was pointed out, you STILL had comments like "well, they should enjoy the singing! it sounds nice!"
(it's the same with the No Touching rule at museums- assholes will try to get the perfect IG shot or TikTok touching a Greek statue or something because they're ~*just such a free spirit and can't be held down by stuffy rules*~ great job you contributed to ruining the statue for everyone else with your finger oils. thanks)
I have been known to flout a lot of rules, im something of an anarchist myself and whatnot, so it surprises a lot of people when i get strict about following the rules in a museum, national park, while driving/etc.
You have to know why there is a rule before you break it.

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apparently vic’s vapor rub goes exitinct ? i’ve been using the same vapor rub for years and apparenlty it went bad in the 2010s ..
expired .
🚨Safety Alert Australia
If you rely on a hidden phone for your safety, be aware that Australia’s new emergency warning system, AusAlert, can send alerts that override silent and “Do Not Disturb” settings.
If safe to do so, turn off any hidden device before the scheduled test and only switch it back on after the test period has ended.
A national test alert will be sent at 2pm (AEST) on 27 July 2026.
Source

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australian mutuals what are they saying
josh wants to steal it and use it to deal speed
josh is making wise business moves and i respect him
sad how when westerners say "pickle" it's almost always shorthand for "pickled cucumber" which is the most Mediocre and Disappointing of all the bountiful beauteous possibilities of pickled vegetables...
Pickled Paprika is great
I had someone ask me "where are the pokemon cards" and I tried to direct her to the kids section and she got really indignat and went "no. Pokemon cards. Theyre like, collectibles" and I had to go No I know what those are. Those are kids playing cards. Kids section
She was trying to look behind the counter where we keep Gold Jewelry and Gucci Purses for pokemon cards
Pivotal information I think everyone should know: this was at a thrift store
That last addition hits like a train...
just housed an inadvisable number of mini cupcakes, surely this will have no negative repercussions

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"Gandalf, buddy? What have you got there?"
"Oh him? That my emotional support hobbit."
"Uh huh. And what he got?"
"That's my hobbit's emotional support hobbit."
"And I suppose those two are also emotional support hobbits as well?"
"No, of course not. Those two are my emotional distress hobbits."
".....?"
"Keeps me on my toes."
[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]