sour patch kid

After the end was scribbled across a blank page, after the rise and fall of the tale, after the climax lit up like a flame in the night sky. Was this what happened when the light faded? When the curtains fell, there was no art left. There was no beauty in trembling hands, not wrapped around the neck of a bottle and not reaching for something they couldn’t hold. This moment – the epilogue, as it were (one week later with fingernails buried in open wounds) – was not made for a museum and no tired student would ever write poetry about just how badly Malakai wanted to tear himself apart to build a home – a life – where Jason could live without the pain of being the one left behind. 

“Jason.” His voice was shaking, syllables as fragile as the flickering light that composed his ethereal skin. “You did save me.” Being saved, Kai knew, was not always a matter of life or death. Sometimes it was defined by the worth of both and his was worth so much more with someone as beautiful as Jason by his side. “I was…I don’t think I was ever meant to live a long life. But you…you let me die knowing that I could…that someone in the world thought I deserved softness.” And yet, he couldn’t deny that it wasn’t fair. None of it was fair and if there was a heaven and if he found his way there, he was going to tear God to pieces. What curse was it that was so cruel not to withhold love, but to offer it so boldly and so greatly that one could drown in it, only to rip it away at the moment one believed themselves safe?

“I wish…” There were delicate words somewhere, but they weren’t in Kai’s throat. They never were. “I wish we could have had a life together. I wish…I wish I would have gotten the chance to show you how much I care.”

“I--” he couldn’t find the words to speak though. What could he say anyway? Nothing would mend this, nothing would bring Kai back from the dead. He was stuck as a ghost, maybe not even getting lucky enough to go where ever you got to go after death.

And Jason had to suffer knowing that Kai was stuck and that he couldn’t help him. There was no winning. “I wish--” What? That he didn’t fall for him? That he hadn’t died? That things could’ve been different? “I wish a lot of things but none of those things are going to fix this. None of them will ease my pain, nothing’s going to change the fact that you’re dead and nothing’s going to change that we never even had a shot in the first place and nothing’s going to make any of this easier...” As he struggled with his words, his fingers were nervously tracing around the flower petals that Jason had made Kai leave on his body. Because he liked them. Because they reminded Jason of Kai and that brief moment of bliss back in the park.

“I’m not sorry I died.” The words surprised him, but he knew they were true. “I made…I…I decided my fate. I chose this and I will never regret it, even if I’m a, um…ghost forever.” That was not a future that he wanted, not if he was forced to watch the people he loved live out their lives without him, but what he wanted wasn’t important. What was important was what Jason needed, just like it had always been. “But I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry that I left you. And I’m sorry that you thought for even a second that you failed to save me. There was…nothing to save me from.”

He hadn’t actually considered what he would say to Kai if he ever got the chance too but now, words were just spilling out and he didn’t even know if they made any sense. He was drunk, he was about to sob, he just wanted to hold Kai again and breathe in his wonderfully homey scent and feel his strong arms around him, his warm skin against his own, but he couldn’t. Never again would Jason be able to do those things with Kai. “I’m sorry you died though. I’m so fucking sorry. Cause even if it’s not my fault or if I didn’t fail or whatever, I still-- I would’ve-- I saw so much. I-I wanted there to be so much more for us, Kai. We deserved more. B-But that’s not the point and you’re gone and I swear to fucking god, i-it’s not fair. I’m so sorry you died because we never got a chance and god, all I wanted was a chance to show you...”

“I’m…here,” he said, voice quiet and just as uneasy as he was with words when he had been alive. “I think I’m a ghost. Or something like it.” Slowly, he was becoming more visible, mismatched eyes peering out at the other man as if through a vapor. God, he wanted nothing more than to go to Jason and crumble beside him, fingers curled in his shirt and heartbeats stammering in sync. He wanted that moment in the park again. He wanted to relive what it felt like to be so desperate it was like the entire world disappeared around them. But he couldn’t have that. All he had was the chance to give Jase closure. “I don’t know how long I’ll be here but I…” There was a sigh that slipped from him, sounding like wind through a windowpane. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say that,” he muttered softly, taking another sip from his bottle of whiskey finally. He was taking slow and shaky breaths and he wouldn’t look at Kai anymore. He couldn’t. He was there. He was dead. He looked so real and so gone at the same time that Jason could feel his blood boiling. “Don’t say you’re sorry... There’s nothing to be sorry for. If anything I should be sorry I didn’t save you.” He had begged Kara not to tell him how Kai died, he didn’t need to know. Not yet at least. He didn’t want to be told that he could’ve been right about the circumstances of Kai’s death. Jason wanted to believe that it wasn’t his fault even though if past experiences had anything to say about it, if someone he loved was harmed, it was his fault.

It was a desperate sort of neediness he felt when he thought of Jase; it was like finally finding home just soon enough to lose it.

Yet, despite his desire to live, making the choice to save Jason at the cost of his own life was far easier than he could have ever expected. He’d been shaking when his heart stopped, full of fear and yet never more sure of his decision. But that wasn’t the end. It never was, was it? No, he lingered like a ghost – perhaps that was exactly what he was – somewhere between life and death as he watched the way Jase spiraled into the exact hell that he had been trying to save him from. 

He couldn’t just stand there and watch it happened, so he spent his time searching for a way to contact him. Eventually he found success with a necromancer meta that enhanced him enough to be seen when he wanted to, though the effect would only last so long. So, without hesitation, he made his way to Jason, his heart broken when he found him drinking and crying. “Jason…” He murmured, beginning to flicker into view.

But not cheated by Kai, cheated by the universe for giving him such a shitty hand to play. He reached again for his bottle when he saw the flickering in his sightline and he shook his head. Maybe it was just wild meta energy from someone in the cafe downstairs. But the more the flicker began to take form, the more he recognized it and he gripped the bottle tighter. “No... No, you’re dead, I’m just hallucinating, I’ve had too much to drink...” He was muttering, but it was half-hearted and he didn’t believe himself. He couldn’t, not with Kai in front of him like this. He was sure he was dead though... He identified the body, paid for the casket, spoke at his funeral, and then proceeded to stuff his feelings down. Kai had to be dead. If he wasn’t... He had a lot of explaining to do and a lot of apologizing to do considering Jason had spent a week sobbing over him, only to have him be alive. Though some nagging feeling said this wasn’t really Kai.

it drives me w i l d

And disappear was exactly what they were going to do. 

As soon as the stranger confirmed that they wanted to see the sanctuary, Cal smiled, his hands lighting up with a bright glow of blue. In only a few brief moments, the light engulfed them and the room before quickly fading, leaving them standing in a large open room with only a few people in it, decorated with couches and bookshelves. There were quite a few doors leading off from it and a few people were mulling about, but it was far calmer than the rush of the club. “Here we are, darling.”

“…I’m sorry you miss it,” he said after a pause, pulling his face into something sympathetic – a genuine expression as any though he did his best to mask the guilt underneath it. He knew they missed the ocean and on more than one occasion he’d wondered if he was keeping them from it, not by force but by a sense of obligation. “I never said you couldn’t,” he pointed out quietly, glancing over them and out towards the ocean for a moment – it didn’t look the least bit inviting to him but he knew that they felt very differently. “I just…” I feel like you won’t come back, even if you say you will. The sentence sat on the tip of his tongue for a moment before he swallowed it back down, and he turned his attention back to them. “I don’t know. You could if you wanted to.”

modern nymphs aesthetic

I am the sea, my dear, wicked in my calm. I will drown you and I will mourn you, for darling, I should have taught you to swim.

I am a thousand stories, built upon the ruins of a ten hundred stars. I am an artist of fire, my canvases covered in dust and ash. I am a temple, holy in my prayers.

“They let you in because that’s their job,” he hummed, a mild amount of amusement flickering onto his face. “They’re out there to keep underage humans from getting in. You don’t fall into that category, darling.” Well, they fell into one half of the category, but not the one that really mattered. They were supernatural and thus he was more than willing to give them his protection. “You heard rumors of a sanctuary, yes? And you came here to find it? Now you’re confused because a party isn’t much of a sanctuary.” He laughed, the sound a little more metallic than was properly human. “Would you like to see the actual sanctuary?”

But they couldn’t open their mouth to answer better, they just nodded their head a bit and clung to the strap of their bag a bit tighter. What had they gotten themself into? But it couldn’t be that bad anyway... It’s not like the whispers they had heard were bad, the nymph just had trust issues when it came to others, and this was just about the biggest test of how far they were willing to push themself for a bit more knowledge. “Lead the way,” they finally spoke up, their voice sounding water-y and weak as opposed to how dry others would sound when they were nervous.

Even so, he wasn’t living by himself and sometimes that meant he had to do things he didn’t like – namely, in worrying about where they were. It was a stupid fear (Teddy was quite capable of taking care of themself) but it was one he found difficult to shake all the same. They were small and should something catch them off guard, trap them somewhere they couldn’t fight back… the longer he sat there and watched the storm brewing the worst his anxiety became. In the end he decided that checking on them – should he be able to find them – wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world.

He could play it off as boredom, anyway. Maybe.

It didn’t take him long to figure out where they’d gone, and though he had a certain dislike of water himself he managed to step out onto the sand without spontaneously combusting. Progress. His discomfort grew the closer to the water he got, but he continued on all the same, determined to ease his worries over their wellbeing – by the time he reached them he was glad he’d decided to come. They looked like they were about to jump in and while they had a certain affinity for water he didn’t think that was the best idea. “You sure?” he asked, cocking a brow and staring down at them skeptically. “You looked like you were about ready to… you know, dive in.”

Teddy stepped back from the water until they were on the dry sand as opposed to the water soaked shoreline. They didn’t feel the call as strongly anymore, they took a moment though to rub their face and take out their headphones. “Why couldn’t I?” They asked finally, looking up at Josh with a small pout. They didn’t mean too, but they were genuinely curious as to why Josh wouldn’t let them go in. Sometimes it seemed like he had a bigger problem with Teddy and the ocean than he’d like to admit. But they weren’t one to really pry, after all they rarely talked about themself somedays. “Y’know I’m not gonna like, leave or anything... I’ve got school n’the shop and I’d miss you too much.”

Some casual amusement crept onto his face at the flustered and awkward backtracking the stranger did, assuming they probably thought he was there to get them in trouble. But they were supernatural, like him, and he suspected that was the very reason that they had made their way into his home sweet home. So he did what he thought would ease their fear the best; he gave them familiarity. In a quick moment, his eyes lit up, glowing bright and bold in a way that a human could blame on the trick of the lighting. “Are you sure you’re in the wrong place, darling?”

“I mean, from what I can see... Yeah, I’m in the wrong place...” They mumbled, not feeling exactly ready to fight someone about their use of the word ‘darling’ in reference to them but not exactly enjoying that either. “I don’t know why the bouncers even let me in, I’m so obviously too young...” There was a tug in their gut, but they weren’t sure if it was the good kind or the bad. They honestly had no idea what to do. This place felt right, but that didn’t mean it was right. Even though they were a nymph and were part of the supernatural world, sometimes they didn’t feel like they quite fit in with it all. As much as they loved living on land, they still didn’t get it sometimes and that made it harder for them to work well and exist with others.

Most of the time, she just wandering, slowly learning things about the world around her in a way that often led to her getting into trouble. She reacted either too quickly or too slowly, too harsh or too soft. Emotions were difficult for a creature made of a metal and clay, but she was trying her best to learn and understand what she could. Thus how she found her way to the beach, wandering until she found someone that didn’t seem to fear the ocean. “Why?” She asked, vague but genuinely curious.

But they couldn’t help but admit it, the question was so simple. The answer to it was simple as well, overthinking it would’ve created a more stressful experience and headspace for Teddy and well, they didn’t need that for once in their life. They took their headphones out of their ears and made sure to pause their music before putting the phone in their pocket for good. They found themselves wanting to ask ‘why’ to the girl in front of them, but they had no ‘why’ questions to ask just yet.

That was what he had been doing that night, indulging in a drink or two as he observed both supernatural creatures that he knew and humans that he didn’t care to go in and out of the door. He was about to relegate someone else to watch duty so he could go check on everything back in the sanctuary when there was a familiar flash, invisible to everyone else besides him. With grace only present in one of the fair folk – or not so fair, in his case – he made his way to his feet and towards the stranger, lips curling up into a smile.

“Welcome to Salvation,” he hummed with comfortable ease. 

They were about to turn and leave when they heard a voice talking to them specifically. But instead of telling them they were too young to be there, this guy was... Welcoming... Them? Teddy shifted awkwardly, suddenly feeling very aware of where they were, what they looked like, and how small they were. “Uh-- sorry, I think... I entered the wrong place...” They smiled awkwardly and took a step backwards towards the door before knocking into a passerby. “Shit uh-- fuck. Well, uh-- I should probably get going...”