Pain Into Poetry

When this pretty shell rots into the earth

Cheeks sunken in, a smile that’s all teeth

Charmless sockets with no eyes to wink or tease

When my ribs are an empty and hollow cage

Hips bare, no meat on my thighs

There’s nothing left of me to hold

And my heart moves with the dance of feasting maggots

Will my veins give way to the roots hidden within

Or will it claw its way out of my womb?

It’s rotten like me, I’m sure of it

Rotten and wicked, a bleeding husk

Do what you like with it

Drown it, burn it, pull it apart

Cut deep inside, see how it ticks

Why is it that this keeps happening?

Why is it that I can't ever escape it?

Is it something that sings in my blood and calls them to me

Is it something broken beyond my sight that only they can see

Have I been staring into a shattered mirror all these years,

never realizing that my reflection is the source

Try as I might, I can't find another way to explain it

I can't find another reason for why this hole inside of me swallows and drowns the light I devour to fill it, sate it

Because I saw the light in her and she reached for what was left in me

And she turned away from what hid within me to run into the arms of gnarled and thorned vines

One, two, three, four, five...

Five. Five. Five.

Five out of five can't possibly be wrong

I must not be worth the love they offer to me, for why else would they rescind and regift it to one so vile?

I must be the Fate that frightens them most, for they watch me flee with sighs of relief

I must be the bitter end that awaits them, yet I can't find the strength to put an end to it, an end to me

The pain that I endure when I treat the sweet venom in my veins

that whispers she loves me as she guides me toward my end

I know that wasting away beneath her touch will be agony all the same,

but I can know with certainty that it will end

This pain rises and falls like a tidal wave as I am bitten again and again;

why would I give up a chance to rest for that torment?

Why must I forsake this love that will bring an end to it all?

Why must my Angel hiss within the shadows to dispel the illusion?

Why can’t she mean it when she tells me she loves me?

“I want you to create an artistic representation of your anxiety and give it a name.”

Maia - good mother, foster mother

Lyrics from TE/MO’s MOTHER I, An Interlude: ENDOME, MOTHER II, An Epilogue: 12/22, and COTTON CANDY HEART

It happens so often

This thought that crosses my mind

I wish that my scars were painted along my skin,

instead of hidden beneath this smile I've crafted

like a mask to hide them

I wish people could see how broken I am from the beginning,

so they know to handle me with care

I wish I didn't have to let the poison seep into my innermost crevices

before it could realize just how much damage has already been done

Maybe people would give up sooner if they could see

the splinters of my psyche

without first reaching their hands into the mass of shimmering shards

Maybe then they wouldn't crush it all into dust,

Prompt #7: Dreams

Note: This is a poem that I originally wrote for a school assignment a while back. It has been the basis of my other poems’ themes and structure during Armin Week. Because of this, I feel it fits the final Armin Week prompt. Not only is Armin determined to reach his own dreams, but he inspires others to do the same.

Shimmering seas of alluring azure

Golden tresses spun of heavenly silk

Lingering glances, innocent and pure

Searching for knowledge with those of his ilk

Beneath the façade lies a weakened heart

Once written on his skin were words of grief

A burden he seems as his friends depart

In solitude finding saddened relief

Parchment flutters beneath his fingertips

The world holds its breath as his voice rings clear

His eyes gleam fiercely as a sharp eclipse

He grasps their hands and draws his comrades near

Rival bloodlust with determination

Prompt #6: EMA

Lives intertwined by ceaseless tragedy

Torn asunder by the threat of new foes

Hands held tightly, released unwillingly

Stolen from each other as the storm grows

Once closer than otters sleeping at sea

Inseparable by all wicked force

Drifting aimlessly through currents and weeds

To undiscovered lands, maintaining course

A book’s tattered pages, the last remains

Of a friendship so wretchedly shattered

Throughout the dreadful emotional pains

The outbursts remain hidden and scattered

He looks down and mutters, voice weak and low

Prompt #5: Founding Titan

He watched as his childhood friend grew estranged

The sight brought a new feeling of weakness

If I had his power, would I have changed?

Grim thoughts now darkened his sense of bleakness

Tears vanished in the fire that scorched his skin

He recalled how willingly he’d have died

The fire lit again, regretful within

If I had his power, would I have tried?

A growl climbed up from the back of his throat

A fresh stream of blood fell upon his lip

The fire encircled his heart like a moat

“Well, who’s the real slave to a piece of shit?”

His mind was clear, his wounds finally bare

Prompt #4: Dilemma

How could he betray those crystal blue eyes?

The bruise on his head had his judgment fogged

Despite the bloodshed, the hatred, the lies

He had to make right the person who’d wronged

What would his friends say if they knew his thoughts?

Would they share in the pain gripping his heart?

Between friends and foes his morals are caught

Both outcomes would surely tear him apart

Darkness surrounded, thick and warm like blood

He’d seen when she donned the small silver ring

Regret seized him with the force of a flood

He looked down and sighed, his breath quivering

I wanted to think you could still be saved

Prompt #3: Kiss

Three special words and a brush of the lips

Fingers laced through hair as kin prepped for bed

The mother smiled sprightly, hands on her hips

The father chuckled and tilted his head

Two gentle words and a brush of the lips

Thin cotton sheets rustled upon the bed

The elder girl looked down, hands on her hips

The elder boy sighed, and he shook his head

Six heartbreaking words fell from the blonde’s lips

He thought of the kiss that sent him to bed

Smiling nervously, blades brushing his hips

He thought of the kiss on his fevered head

His smile faded and a tear caught his eye

Prompt #2: Jellyfish

Empty and alone, yet always unfazed

Endlessly wandering an arctic blue

Ignoring the world, caught fast in its daze

Cold, apathetic, skin an icy hue

Within a cage of crystal, smooth as silk

Drifting aimlessly by whim of the tide

Surrounded by husks of similar ilk

Beneath the façade, a killer she hides

Unresponsive to light, to touch, and voice

Carried by current to curious hands

Plucked from the sea, never given a choice

Both creatures marveling untrodden lands

Sapphire eyes watch the creature without name

Prompt #1: Midnight

Eyes flutter shut as exhaustion takes hold

Tresses of gold silk splay across the desk

A thin cotton blanket shielding the cold

Sleep brings refuge from a world so grotesque

Leather-bound fantasies hidden by day

Parchment and ink guard the doors to new realms

A smile appears as night sweeps fear away

A fresh spring of hope excites, overwhelms

Despite cruel reality creeping near

Despite the doubt always dwelling within

Despite the hatred, the death, gloom, and drear

His days are spent purely, blind to all sin

Until the raging dawn bathes him in light