Personal Venting

Watching you is like satin ribbons, a mesmerizing, bewitching wave that one can’t help but be swayed. Controlled, restrained, then desperate, your lithe body crying out silently the unspoken pain and anguish words could not bring forth. A kick back, then a pirouette, your arms folded and swirled along with the rest of you. It was magnificent, elegant. Full of grace. Beautiful. Your longing eyes followed your arms of silk that reached out for the unreachable, neck thrown back, lips parted in melancholy. A heavy sigh is felt as you gently sink to the floor in resolution. 

I lost control of my tear ducts. The euphony was heart-wrenching, achingly glorious and I believe I witnessed a nymph worshiping Terpsichore with its body, surrendering to the melody and being carried away. In those times, i saw a boy in love with the art of body expression, eyes smiling in wonder, paying no heed to the rest of the world. 

It feels like I have been here before, the oddly familiar bittersweet taste of joy and sadness. Joy because it puts a smile on my face when my eyes drink in the sight of you being happy and so beautiful; sad because I can only keep these as memories in your absence. Those piercing eyes that hides much withheld thoughts and dance with roguish charm whenever the smile that reflects the sun slink over your mien. The oozing silent charisma that arrests the attention of those who observe in the shadows. Still waters that extend far below the surface, mysterious yet forthright. Funny that you do not think much of yourself where in truth you are nothing short of prepossessing. And oh Lord, I have been possessed by this fine workmanship without notice. 

Why do I feel this? I question myself why do you affect me such? The culprit is my robust imagination mercilessly rampaging over the infinite possibilities that irks me whenever it pleases. My pride, the strong and unwavering line of defense, defiant over this atrocity, hinders me from doing the unthinkable: to lay bare these irrational sentiments I have so repressed. Am I keeping myself sane or losing my sanity by concealing, I can no longer tell. But Lord teach me how to say no to this, because my eyes can never stop wandering and my mind never cease to wonder...

Working while getting involved in Song Fest (a singing church event) was quite the experience. Turned my schedule upside down, screwed my biological clock, messed up my emotional state, yet... enjoyable.

Working with primary school children as my day job was a true philosophical delight. If the pay was better, I might consider pledging loyalty to that tuition centre. The students called me Teacher but I learned a lot from them at a philosophical point of view. Plus, it does not hurt that they are absolutely adorable agitators that you will always have a love-hate relationship with.

Song Fest 15 is, for the lack of a better word, my baby. Despite being energy-draining, emotionally disrupting and mind-boggling, I still find myself relishing every single moment over the past 2 months in preparation. And I will not trade it for anything in this world. Just like how a normal parent would describe their own progeny.

Working closely with people definitely revealed our true colors to a certain extent. Trying not to let that affect me while not compromising too much was a fine line to tread, in which I admittedly fell off the tightrope a few times. Not to mention that working with certain people rouse up certain sentiments at the wrong time. I realised that it was not the cardinal exertion that provokes conflict, but the trifling sidetracks that could potentially invert the entire work mechanism.

Thank God His grace is sufficient. The compulsion to drop everything and leave was strong, but He is stronger. I know that I will reap liberal returns of my earthly investments in heaven but winning Song Fest was a bonus, a Lilliputian nibble off the great banquet that awaits me in the near future. How I wish it was THAT simple to have the proclivity for such mentality in every single moment of my existence.

I got a confession to make: I have never read a single work of Shakespeare, except for his poem “ Life’s Brief Candle” during Form 1 literature class (which appeared in the play of Macbeth). I had this notion that Shakespeare literature is too fancy and hard to understand. So when my Critical Appreciation class had a field trip to KLPAC to watch Shakespeare Demystified: Macbeth, I jumped at the chance because of the word “Demystified”. And because I miss KLPAC. So much love for that place…

I did a bit of research on the tragedy play and about Shakespeare. Fun fact: Shakespeare has a colorful range of insults. Now THAT’S my kind of person.

The play was a stripped down version, with 5 actors playing multiple roles and minimum props and costumes with the right sound effects, hence the audience have to use a bit of imagination to visualise the play. Between their dialogues and narrations, they manage to cleverly insert some Malaysian references, paying homage to Shakespeare, who was a genius in reaching out to his audience in his plays. Some scenes were omitted and performed differently to fit in the 100 minutes time frame. Finally, at the end, there is a Q & A session for the audience to ask any questions about the play.

**Updated Prologue. I just realized that this was not posted and was just saved as a draft. So here it is, loooonggg overdue :P**

People’s Christmas be like “Snow in Pavilion” or “Presents!!! Ahhhh!!!” or “Christmas parties” or something like that. That was my Christmas. Was.

This year, my Christmas was spent working in my church’s event which is happening on the 25, 26 and 27. Work until I woke up feeling feverish and nose blocked. Lethargic. Restless. Coughing. Body starting to ache. To be honest, it doesn’t feel festive and the feeling sucks.

But, I know it is worth it. My savior, the Lord Jesus Christ (don’t you dare autocorrect “Jesus” as “Jess”, phone) was born on Christmas day and He endured much more sucky situations and trials and humiliations to save us, to reconcile us with God by the sacrifice of His blood.

And this event is to spread the gospel through the Christmas message to others who have not heard of the good news. This musical drama that the church members have been working on so hard depicts what Christmas means to us. And we hope that our loved ones who has heard it will at least have the chance to know God.

The reception was mind-blowing on the first day despite the downpour: we had to restrict people from going in due to limited space available for seating AND standing.