carp posting

So in Poland, there's a tradition of eating carp for Christmas Eve. Some people want it extra fresh and so buy live carps a few days before the holiday and keep them in tubs. The carps swim around helplessly for a few days before they get killed and cooked.

Close to 2 years ago, I had a dream in which Henry was a carp in a bathtub, with Walter coming to kill him. I found it fitting: Henry-carp, tub-room, and well, Walter the killer. The dream kept repeating, so Henry-carp was on my mind a lot. Stuck and helpless and waiting for the end.

However, after a bit of thought, I realised Henry is not actually that much like the carp. He's not helpless, and he's not stuck waiting for the end or for something to come help him. Instead, he takes action and tries to survive and save others.

I am a bit more like the carp than him in a way, as I am also stuck? I give in to my fears and worries a lot, and it stops me from doing things I enjoy or things that would improve my life a lot. I tend to stay paralysed in my comfort zone, even if it makes me miserable, waiting for something to maybe change one day. As I think you can imagine, it's not really working out great.

Henry's not the carp, because he faces Walter and everything thrown at him instead of giving up. I don't have to be the carp either, and I can try to take things into my own hands and take action, even if it's scary and requires strength and effort.

This blog was, in a way, one of the first steps towards it. I used to be very scared of people judging my art, but I really wanted to be a part of online fan communities and to share my work, and I needed to get over the fear, bite the bullet and so I started posting here :)