— DECODE

Drunk in love! 

Hey sleepyhead, I ordered you some breakfast in bed.

If it was up to me, that’s nowhere near long enough. 

You are drunk and you are cheesy, shut up. 

I’ve never been more sure about anything. Promise. Cross my heart and hope to die. Let me make this up to you by spending the rest of my life loving you the way you deserved to be loved.

Right, years trump weeks. Sorry. 

They fucking do.

Because I didn’t know if that’s because you wanted it or because we were drunk! I didn’t want to do anything that you might regret, I didn’t… I couldn’t live with myself if you regret me. I do want to kiss you, so so much. God knows I’ve only been dreaming about doing it since we had that stupid fight a couple weeks ago.

You have to be kidding. Like... Weeks, oh my god. Come here, you stupid 

Yes, yes I am, and I’m the slowly person to ever realize it. It only took me twenty some years, but if you give me a chance, I will make it up to you, I promise. Please tell me I’m not too late, please. 

But you just... You pulled away when we were going to kiss. I saw you, I was there. 

I can’t believe this, I really am the biggest idiot of the world; no, of the galaxy. I’ve loved you all my life, Caro. You were the one who brought happiness and joy back into my life when my mom and I were falling apart. I had no idea, but I knew that I would never want to live in a world without you. I don’t want to ever be without you. 

I didn’t know what that was; the bitter loneliness when I was off for medical school, the desire to trip all the guys you’ve dated because they made you smile, the all consuming rage when I realized other people were.. were sharing your bed. Stupid me, right? If anyone were to tell me all these things, I would’ve.. I would’ve saved us so much time. By gods, Caroline. I want to be the one who gets to make you smile, laugh, and everything else. More than anything else, I want to be the one you love, and the one who loves you most. I didn’t realize before, I’ve always been in love with you. I’m.. I’m stupidly in love with you, Caroline Berry.

... No, you are not. 

God. Caro, I… I’m so sorry. I never– If I’d known.. I really messed up, didn’t I?

Yes.  But, just... Look, Carter, it’s not your fault. You didn’t know and even know you don’t own me anything. But I can’t keep doing this, I’m sorry, I can’t. 

I don’t want you to pretend to be happy around me! That’s what I want, I want my Caroline back. I want the girl who could unabashedly showed me all the good and bad things in the world, the one who trusted me with everything. I want her back.

You want her back? You want her back? Well, let me tell you something, you can’t.  This is the Caroline that exist now, the one that has learned to handle her heart breaking over and over again for two fucking decades. And you, above all of people, have no fucking right to have a say in the way I get to deal with this.

… There’s no need to revert back to insults, Caroline. You can just say what you mean. If you think this will make me worry any less, it won’t. 

I don’t know what you’re talking about! I have given you everything I have, everything. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you, and yet it just doesn’t seem to be enough for you. What do you want from me, Caroline? Because I’m all out of ideas.

You are literally, the biggest idiot in the entire world. Like, it doesn’t matter if we are in Monaco or in America, or in fucking Afraid, you are the biggest one. You should have a medal. In fact, I’m gonna make you one as soon as we get home, while I probably just throw myself in a a pool of tequila so I can drink until I pass out. 

Ok.. okay but why are you so angry, Caroline? Why can’t you just talk to me, for God’s sake?