niche trope I enjoy: person recounting a story of something terrible they did and the way they describe it makes it sound like an active decision where they were completely in control and knew what they were doing and enjoyed it, but if you look at the bare bones facts, it's like. are you sure about that? are you sure you didn't just panic and lash out and do something irreparable? are you sure that's what you wanted and you aren't just retroactively assigning yourself agency to cope? but you as the audience can't really know the answer to that, because the storyteller is the only one who was there and this is how they're choosing to preserve it, and that matters for how they want to be perceived going forward... but you do still wonder.

“fan service” i am the fan that was serviced