How am I supposed to know?!

Holy barking carp

THIS IS THE COOLEST THING EVER

My mom likes to tell me about how when I was a little kid riding public transport with her I'd always smile and giggle and chat with weird old ladies who smelled like cat pee and homeless folks and strangers dressed in bizarre outfits but any time a tidy and respectable businessman in a suit and tie waved at me I'd immediately clam up, and she takes a great deal of pride in my supposed inherentability to clock personalities but the truth is I do vaguely remember those bus rides, and it was never about the clothes or the hair or the smell, but more because everyone "strange" asked interesting questions and listened to what I had to say and seemed to think about what I said while the neat and tidy and rigid folks only ever acted like they were going through the motions, which was boring as hell and also pretty annoying

for a while now i’ve been learning that some people kind of choose to hate themselves like you can give them tools and resources and advice and they’ll even follow some of it and go “i still hate myself” and i feel strongly at that point they’re kind of choosing to stay in that mindset because it’s comfortable and familiar or something but some people are truly [gotye voice] addicted to a certain kind of sadness and hooked on feeling low

you really do have to trick and teach your brain to stop catastrophizing and seeking out negative bias and like trust me i know how it sounds but if you wake up in the morning and say “it’s so shitty out i don’t wanna get up or do anything” your brain will Believe that and make it so. for months i had to force myself to follow up self-defeating thoughts with reasons why it’s still going to be a good day and what’s going good for me so i could teach my brain to work in the opposite direction and it works. takes a while and feels fake the whole time but you wake up one day and realize you actually really love yourself and there’s so much going for you and you can do everything you always wanted

Talking to friends with inept parents is crazy. No wonder they’re like this if their parents kept fumbling

“I’m having trouble adapting to my adult responsibilities” well no wonder, nobody raised you 😭😭😭

Hot tip for future parents: you actually have to guide your kid to adulthood. Feeding them and waiting for them to grow up is not enough since they are not house plants. A little more thought and care is required.

cats can never just lay down they have to stand there on your pancreas

sorry to be a broken record every month but christ menstruation is a stupid concept. oooooh excuse me for not getting pregnant, why the fuck is there goo falling out of me about it? grow the fuck up and reabsorb that shit for nutrients.

ever since I took a developmental psychology class in college I've wanted this job. I want to be a professional baby-confuser, for SCIENCE

And then six years later all the kids in town were using the word Gorping but the definition of the word varied wildly from one elementary school playground to the next.

I need to stop replying to “how do you make friends in your 30s?” threads because all my answers boil down to “you have to want to know people instead of have friends” and I don’t think people wanna hear that

It’s like. People can tell if you don’t really like or connect with them. If you aren’t truly enamored with someone you will have a hard time coming up with activities to do together to deepen the friendship. Because you don’t really like that person that much.