Where do you go when it gets dark?

It's better to break then relish in the fact that pain just happens, shit just happens. People like to ask about your day from habit, let's forget the small talk. Ask me something meaningful, ill point to where it hurts the most - sorry some things can't be said; some things are better left for dead. So I just write it all down. Some days I can't tell if I'm writing because I'm alive or if my writing keeps me alive. Some days I feel like death is calling me other days I wake up and feel like death is watching me. Which way does the tree fall if we chop from the top down? Which way does my heart break when i said "i love you" tSome days I worry, but most days I'm a mess. So Point to the answers and I will follow you. Point to your pain and you won't have to stand in this lonely lonely rain alone. I've tried running away but I'm still everywhere I go. I've tried kissing silence but your voice has taken my tongue, for even less than a picture of you smiling. I've tried drying tears in the doorways that I'm afraid to close. But every reflection is another chapter that I've built cities around you in. I'm always lost when I wake up. and I know I've kept you under a cloud I don't want to feel, but I'm rebuilding every bridge I've ever crossed just to forget you. though, you've been doing more than crossing my mind, darling you've built a home there, and every time I see the sun I know that to love you again is to forgive myself. to hold you again is to delete every calculation of the wrong words against the bruising of my thoughts. I've been peeling off more memories than reaching in for love, I've been fragrancing the next turn because these rolling stalemates have left the taste of salt in my mouth. I touched you once and I've never wanted to stop since, but the seasons slept in someone else's eyes and I just know I need someone to love me like I love me first. I slur all of my words, and I never say the right ones anyway. ill cause more pain, i am always wrong anyway. I could have done this like thaf, I could have been there for once. I should have been there for this. I could have been the one maybe if I was the only one - love hurts so fucking much sometimes. most the time. I don't know which is worse; knowing that we could be worked or knowing that we would have but you didn't try hard enough. so these days? no it's not your fault, its just one more thing to write about. one more to get and forget.