Dennis knows how relationships work.
Back when he was still small and too useless to work for long out on the farm, his father would get angry just at the sight of him, and everyone knew to keep Dennis quiet and hidden. He would sit with his mother and listen to the story of how she and his father had started dating.
How sweet and kind he was when he courted her. How he lured her in easily with sweet words and tender commitments, and jumped into marriage, claiming true love.
How he got her pregnant as quick as he could and bought a farm for dirt cheap at the outskirts of town near the unwalked hiking trails of the forests. How happy everything was.
Until he realized she wasnât changing with their marriage. She wasnât the meek and quiet submissive wife that he had been promised since he was a child.
She was still strong-willed, and free, and loud, and opinionated, and happy.
And he didnât like it. Not one bit.
He understood that in relationships, there comes a certain point where you must expect the blow, anticipate it, and try to avoid it by using your words and gentle promises. And when that doesnât work, grit your teeth and tell the neighbors you fell over a calf in the pasture while they look at you with knowing eyes.
There will be no one coming to save you. You are on your own.
It only takes one argument for it all to come out into the open.
He understands that itâs simply a part of life. That under every good man, no matter how good they portray themselves, is a monster that you must hold back from the rest of the world. He would destroy himself if you weren't there; therefore, you must allow him to destroy you. That no matter how many bruises you have to hide under your sleeves, they love you.
You must never doubt their love. It is all you have.
Dennis knows the end is coming when he, Jack, and Robby get into their first big argument.
Maybe he was never meant to be in this role. Maybe he was supposed to be the angry man with the cowering wife and the hushed, unspoken secret that every household shares in town. But everyone already knew Dennis was different. Too different. He would never be like them, for better or for worse.
Maybe thatâs why she told him her story and told him to be careful.
Dennis can feel his lips moving, but he has no idea what heâs saying. He can only hear the beat of his heart wildly thrumming through his ears. He can only feel the coolness of his sweat dripping down his neck as his body flushes and overheats.
He shouldnât be arguing back; he knows this, and yet as the tingly numbness travels up his fingertips, he canât stop himself. Moving to Pittsburgh had changed him. Made him forget the importance of stillness and silence, his mother had instilled in him over and over again.
He can only see his partners' angry faces, biceps bulging from their restraint. Veins popping in their neck.
He can appreciate it, heâs thankful that theyâre giving him time to steel himself and come up with an apology after they beat correct him.
They were kind enough to allow him to be on the outskirts of their relationship, treating him as if he were an equal instead of a way to spice up their marriage.
Spit flies from Abbotâs mouth as he steps closer, his body tense as he makes himself bigger. Dennis can only focus on his fists balled tightly at his side.
He wishes it were Robby who would hit him first. Jack was in the military, he was trained, and he still goes to the gym to exercise daily. His blows would be powerful and all-encompassing. It would probably hurt less if it were Robby, but Dennis really canât be picky.
He closes his eyes and tenses his body, unable to stop the small flinch his body makes as he anxiously awaits the blow that heâs sure is coming.
Thereâs a shaky exhale of air, and he feels the two bodies stumble away from him, hears them too. He doesnât open his eyes. Maybe they were getting a belt, or a paddle, or something else, so they wouldnât further dirty their hands.
So he waits, gripping his jeans so tightly he thinks his fingers will bleed.
Then, a soft, âDennyâŚ?â
The tears that heâs been so bravely holding in immediately spill, and he can barely hold himself upright as shudders overtake his body and his knees go weak.
âI-itâs okay⌠I-i can d-do it. I know itâs f-for my own g-good.â He stutters out, trying not to choke on his tears. Tears cannot sway the heart.
His mother said his father despised tears, that it made him angrier than anything in the world, that it made him feel like he was doing something wrong. So she never cried and taught all her children not to as well. His brothers got it easily, swiftly following in their father's footsteps as they grew older.
He had failed her in so many ways.
âYou think⌠You think weâre going to hit you?â
Robbyâs voice was so disbelieving and devastated that Dennis couldnât stop himself from cracking his eyes open.
Robby was collapsed in on himself, as if Dennisâs expectation of punishment was physically weighing on him in the worst way. Jack had walked to the window and was staring outside. From the angle he was standing, Dennis wasnât able to see what expression was on his face.
Dennis opened his mouth, but nothing came out. His mind was blank.
âYou need to know,â Jack turned around, his face carefully blank, but his eyes were so sad, âwe would never lay a hand on you, Dennis. We love you.â
Again, stupidly, Dennis opened his mouth, and nothing came out.
Dennis watches as his boyfriends exchange a mournful glance between the two of them, before carefully moving closer to him. Dennis watches their hands as they slowly, oh so carefully, move to hold him.
Their touch is so light, and it doesnât hurt.
And they hold him. They hold him as he cries and wails and apologizes and shakes pathetically.
And unlike his father and motherâs relationship, theyâll help him pick up the pieces and rebuild him stronger and full of love. A love that is not dependent on his submissiveness or anger. Something his mother never had and never prepared him for.
He knows he is nothing sheâd ever thought heâd be. Nothing like he was supposed to be raised. Nothing like his dad, or his brothers, or any of the men in town.
Far away from the farm forever, gay and no longer hiding it, a legitimate doctor, and safe in his relationship. Safe in a way that she would never feel with his dad.
Maybe he doesnât know how relationships work.
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