The Bad Tempered Clavier

incorrect response: write the rest of the story to be as twisty, shocking and counter to expectations as possible, regardless of whether this is a logical or satisfying way for the plot to go

correct response:

(you’re not stupid. I posted this thinking it would amuse a handful of mutuals who all knew the context and that would be about it, so I didn’t think about providing any other explanation. I had no idea it would spread this far.)

I’ll start from the very beginning just to be thorough. so this is Alex Hirsch, creator and head writer of Gravity Falls, a show which had a big focus on mystery, conspiracies, codes and ciphers, etc. the whole plot is kicked off by one of the main characters finding a mysterious old journal in the woods, which detailed all kinds of weird and supernatural things, but then ended abruptly with the author saying they had to hide the journal because they were being watched. the central driving mystery of the show, therefore, was the question of who wrote the journal and what happened to them.

now, the thing about Gravity Falls is that, while it must be said that the writers weren’t always quite as sure of their plans as we tend to like to think they are, it is very much a fair play mystery, with legitimate clues to what was going on. but the writers were caught off guard by how quickly the show attracted a dedicated audience, including a lot of people outside the primary presumed demographic, who started solving the clues faster than expected. so some of the fans were able to correctly guess who the author was before it was revealed in the show, and the theory started spreading. this put the writers in something of a panic, because this was THE mystery that the whole story revolved around, with ¾ of the show building up to the dramatic reveal in the middle of season 2. they wanted it to be a mystery that could be figured out, sure, but they weren’t prepared for people to solve it so far in advance of when it was planned to be revealed, which would have really taken away from the big moment. they weren’t going to change the main story itself, but having been caught unaware by how much attention the fans were paying, they wanted to up the ante and make the mystery more complex to solve going forward–but first they needed to buy some time and throw the fandom off the scent for a little longer.

hence, Alex’s plan as described above. they whipped up a fake shot that appears to give away the identity of the author as being another character in the show, put it on a screen in the studio as if it was a real animation frame, took a picture of it, and ‘leaked’ it online. it was initially decided to be a hoax (albeit, I think, presumed to be a hoax originating from outside the production team), until Alex posted this tweet:

…before quickly deleting it (though not so quickly that it didn’t get seen, of course).

it worked well enough to distract most people for a while, and wasn’t revealed as a hoax until a year later, when an episode aired that definitively proved that the supposed screenshot could never have happened, at which point Alex owned up to the whole thing as seen in the tweet above. by then the episode with the real reveal wasn’t far off, and while people did still work it out ahead of time, it was more of an “OH MY GOD I KNEW IT!” moment than a “booooooring, we’ve known that for ages” moment, which of course was what the writers wanted all along.

personally I find this a fascinating approach to dealing with the problem of spoilers, because it doesn’t affect the story itself at all; if you watch Gravity Falls today–or if you were watching it when it aired without any significant contact with the fandom–you’d never know about it. ultimately, the problem the writers were facing wasn’t that some people might guess the answer to the mystery–they never wanted to make it completely impossible to predict–so much as it was that they hadn’t designed the story to stand up to so many people working on the puzzle together, which resulted in a sort of total output of puzzle-solving ability that far outstripped the capability of any one solo human being. so their solution is something that’s very much targeted toward delaying that group problem-solving, without actually affecting the experience of any individual person watching the show.

plus, it’s very in keeping with the overall tone of the show.

don’t:

change the ending

do:

Still in pursuit, we followed the ball toward a small lake in Motor World that had been earmarked for a fleet of tiny bumper boats for children. The area wasn’t open yet, but the empty boats were being tested and floated on the surface. The ball soared over the grass and smashed into several of them, scattering the others with rippling waves from the impact, which launched some of the boats several feet in the air.

Charlie and Ken waded into the water looking for the hatch. After some difficulty, they got it open. Charlie pulled Frank out by grabbing him under his armpits like a baby. Frank crawled up the bank, coughing and sputtering. He splayed across the grass as we all stared at the ball, which bobbed in the water like it was attached to a fishing lure.

We did not ask for the inspector’s report, nor did we ever hear of one being filed. Ken Bailey returned to Canada. The snow-makers cleared away the PVC. Told to dispose of the Bailey Ball, they rolled it into the woods, where it remained for many years."

"The Cannonball Loop was not fun", he recalled later. "It was more like a ride you ride to survive than to have fun."

-Andy Mulvahill on Wikipedia

It wasn't designed by engineers, they just sent test dummies down the slide and every time the test dummy came out dismembered or decapitated, they would make slight changes to the design. Eventually when they started coming out in one piece, Gene Mulvahill paid $100 to any kid who dared to try it first.

In 1983,[48] GAR built an enclosed water slide with a complete vertical loop at the end, similar to that of a roller coaster.[49] The resulting slide, called the "Cannonball Loop", was so intimidating that employees have reported they were offered $100 (equivalent to $299 in 2025) to test it. Fergus, who described himself as "one of the idiots" who took the offer, said, "$100 did not buy enough booze to drown out that memory."[44]

The slide was open for only a month in 1985 before it was closed at the order of the state's Advisory Board on Carnival Amusement Ride Safety, a highly unusual move at the time. One worker told a local newspaper that "there were too many bloody noses and back injuries" from riders.[2] Some early riders came back with lacerations to their bodies, whose cause was later determined to be teeth that had been knocked out of riders' mouths and become lodged in the interior walls.[10]: 12:30  A former Navy physician found that riders were experiencing as much as nine Gs of acceleration as they went through the loop.[10]: 12:50  A story widely rumored and reported in Weird NJ was that some of the test dummies sent down before it opened had been dismembered and decapitated.[2] Gene Mulvihill's son Andy confirmed that to The New York Times in 2019. He was the first live person to test the ride afterwards, which he did wearing a full set of ice hockey protective equipment.[50] "The Cannonball Loop was not fun", he recalled later. "It was more like a ride you ride to survive than to have fun."[42]

now first of all im not sure whats going on with those microliths (small stone tool - in this case a blade. obsidian counts) because they look trash (machined, doesnt really work with obsidian) but that's not the point it's basically a club. ye olde baseball bat with nails in it. now we all probably could've guessed that this was wrong, just based on firsthand accounts - mostly the ones about them cutting straight through a horses neck, which this above weapon profile likely could not do. period maccuahuimeh (i think thats the plural) have been bouncing around for centuries, but because of poor european standards of archaeological providence theyve been put in the wrong collections or ignored, making a lot of info not particularly up to snuff (some ended up in the japanese section of a madrid museum, i think, which perished in a fire). anyway luckily there is a piece in the museo del templo mayor that was found in mexico city

now obviously the blades are quite thin and were set long-ways, and heres an image from the aforementioned pieces in Madrid (the second is a tepoztopilli, demonstrates that they made other blades like this)

The blades seem to be flush with each other. Looking at some other photos of the San Marcos example (it was found on San Marcos street)

(Photos by Rafael Mena)

note: probably wasn't curved like that when it was manufactured originally, but it was in the ground for centuries so warped a bit. you can understand the pressure she was under

you can see the groove is uninterrupted, meaning it seems likely they were flush based on this too, as if they were set with spaces between the blades a continuous groove would probably introduce some structural instability for no real reason. We can also see based on both examples that it's slightly angled, and very smooth, and alongside with the adhesive filling a bit of the gap the geometry would be conducive to cutting - and heres some diagrams of the way blade geometry works

(this one is mine - can you tell?)

without that nice angle, the force wouldn't be concentrated on the edge, and since blunt wood doesn't cut well, the weapon wouldn't either. the centre steel and wood (A) isnt doing any cutting work, but its guiding the medium (labelled meat) such that the edge can keep contact and alignment, and angled so it doesnt get caught and stop short. That's why a lot of bladesmithing traditions use a slightly different steel for the edge and for the middle or blunt end, because you need slightly different things to keep the blade structurally sound and actually hold an edge. the same basic principle is used when it's wood and obsidian.

and at the end of the day, that's why spanish accounts of the conquest say "yeah, they had swords, just made of obsidian and wood instead of steel, wicked sharp" and why they're swords. they were cutting weapons. and that's why edge alignment matters, even beyond the initial cut, because you need the blade to keep cutting. the Mexica did use clubs, but these were not clubs.

(There's probably other examples either in private storage, or in various Mexican museums, and I don't know any Spanish so I can't really say, but if you do know Mexican spanish well enough maybe take a look at some catalogues, and let me know if you find anything. This one is on public display though, thanks be to the good people at the museo del templo mayor.)

alright for the second and third photos of the San Marcos macuahuitl, theyre attributed to the illustrator/archaeologist Rafael Mena, but I found them on a korean-language furry's history blog, and couldn't find them on Mena's profile, since twitter's search sucks. Just for providence's sake.

also, Dr. Juana Moreno Hernandez, the archaeologist who dug up the San Marcos macuahuitl, did a presentation on it on youtube! I might see if I can get through it just with the machine translation (the future is amazing), but theres a lot of photos there too. Here it is :)

@post-brahminism check it

Xena: Not to worry, I have a solution!

Gabriella: Is it murder?

Xena: I mean, its not-not… Yes, its murder, but for a good cause.

Grabriella: *angry pout*

Xena: Very well emotional-support-bard. We shall try wacky shenanigans first.

Gabriella: Don’t worry Xena, we’ll get you thirty days without murder for sure this time!