a heart full of love

Cara smiled softly, somewhat amused by the censorship. “Of course. I would’ve thought they’d give those out, that they’d want you to write. Yeah, sure, a notebook is no problem.”

Cara watched her, glancing down at the table slightly and hesitating before sliding the brownies back into her canvas tote bag. She reached across and offered her hand. “Okay, no pressure. But let me know if there’s anything you need.”

“Why not? Is everything okay?” Cara opened the bag and pulled one out. “We can share them.”

“Dang, two in a row?” Cara slid over a Ziploc bag of brownies. She’d brought her own food, but still ate in the cafeteria with the patients. “Here. I have some of those macaroni and cheese cups in the break room, if you want. But you didn’t hear that from me.”

Cara sat down beside him, close, so she was leaning in the small space between his chest and arm. “Right. It’s been a while. You had to make sure you remembered me and my brownies, but you quickly realized I’m unforgettable, yes?” She leaned her head back slightly. “Yep. I’m probably going to graduate in December. Maybe sooner. I have to finish a couple more classes, but I’m becoming an oldie.”

Cara managed a small smile, squeezing his shoulder lightly. “Well, thank you. I’ve been told.” She’d been avoiding almost everyone she knew from Harlow or Brown, trying to decide who she was without them-- without Cole-- and it was odd to be with Alex again. “Um, excuse me, I’m almost eighteen. An adult. October seventh.”

Cara nodded, her hand moving back to rest on his shoulder. “Yeah, baking. I make these brownies that everyone really likes, not to brag or anything, but they have sweetened-condensed milk and they’re super gooey and fantastic. And I’m also pretty good with pumpkin pie and cookies and cakes and-- well, I’m just really passionate about baking. Remember?”

Cara pulled her hand back, but leaned forward so Alex could see her clearly. “Hey,” She tried not to sound offended-- she knew he’d probably had a nightmare, as he still looked half asleep. “What’s wrong? It’s me, it’s Cara. You know: small, squirrelly, good with baking.”

She sighed and said “It matters because that’s why I’m sad. My boyfriend is dead. Like… That’s why I’m depressed. And I’m pretty sure there’s not much you can do to change that. I’m sorry.”

Cara tried to keep her face somewhat steady as she flatly explained. My boyfriend is dead. She sighed softly and reached out to put a hand on the top of her forearm. “I’m sorry that happened to you. And I can’t change it. But I can make you feel a little better, maybe... being nice to people has that effect on them.”

“I mean…” She looked down at her hands and then looked back up at the sweet nurse. “Do you know why I’m in here?”

“No. I don’t see why that matters or should keep me from trying to help you. It doesn’t change anything about my job. Which is to help you.”

Make him come back she thought. Instead, she shrugged and quietly said “I don’t know… I’m just sad.. I know you want to but I don’t know if you can really help me with that.”

Cara frowned slightly at her words, shifting her weight slightly. “Maybe I can. Or I can take your mind off of it...”

“Look, I’m sorry. It’s just a bad day and I can’t think straight and all I can think about is Alex and I’m just… Sorry. I’m just having a bit of a time.”

“It’s alright. Is there anything I can do? I could get you some tea or something...”