Captures Her Reflection

I'm sick of always dreaming about you, I'm praying for my dreams to come true. Then all the memories flood my mind. The broken promises fill my mind. Your lingering touch still resides on the parts of my body that I hide from the rest of world. I poured my love into your cup until it over flowed. I allow you to speak the truth. I took time to learn about the things you loved. I'm honest, loyal, loving, and nurturing.

I've tried my best to show you that I care. However, you never truly reciprocated that energy, or maybe its was never enough for you. You would disappear on me. You did. You could go for days, weeks or maybe even months without talking to me, this left me in a energy of self-doubt, feeling unworthy, and used. Then I asked myself..

“Is something wrong with me? Am I the problem? Am I ugly? Am I not enough for you?”

..and still those questions linger in my mind.

I knew you were never mine but I was pretending you belonged to me as I did to you, hopeless and powerless waiting for you on the other side of the world. You never draw circles around our relationship, your lines knew falling for you would kill me.

You let it happen.

You held me in your palms like I was your masterpiece.

You cannot kiss me without leaving a permanent mark.

You cannot breathe into me pretending I will find air after you leave.

You cannot hold me in your arms pretending I won't break when you let me go.

Your actions reveals all.

Love shouldn’t be this hard, I shouldn’t feel like I was jumping over hoops & hurdles in order to get the love I deserve, especially from a someone who claimed he loved you and he's into you. Who said "Good morning, I love you" every morning. Sometimes it’s hard to realize that someone can care and love you but yet not at the same capacity that you do.

Loving you was the first thing I ever learned how to do. That alone fucked me up. Why can't you kiss me "hello" without leaving me taste "goodbye"?

Anyway, just because we don't talk anymore that doesn't mean I've forgotten about you, it doesn't mean that I hate you, I don't hate you. Maybe you hate me? I don't even know, you're such a mystery to me, I'd love to decode you but the walls you built are higher than the sky, made out of diamonds, I cannot break.

I'm weak. I'm just hurt for what you did to me. I want to text you, to see how are you doing, are you okay? But everytime I get this urge, it suddenly hits me that we're now strangers with all that little memories, and made me realize, you don't need me anymore. But.. the fact is I also don't need you anymore. So it's okay that you're no longer in my life. I'm absolutely okay without you. I'm trying my best to be okay, and I know I'll be. Thanks to you for those memories, I'll cherish this forever and also thanks for letting me know that I deserve someone much better than you. Lesson for me is don’t beat yourself up for the innocence and honest love I gave for you.

Pain teaches us to be strong,

Love is what we earned,

Find a different better path cause life must be mean something more than this.

Happy 23 to me. Life is cruel but also beautiful. Yup that's life.. always feeling grateful for every air that i breath, always have my family and friends by my side.

Good in a glass, good on green.

Good when you're putting your hands all over me.

I'm alright with a slow burn.

People really feel like the world is owed to them. The world don’t owe you nothing. Get up & go make things happen.