Shine on

You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, now in quarantine

My boss’s first language isn’t English. However, she loves giving inspirational speeches to everyone. I think today she was trying to tell us “don’t just stand around looking pretty”, but what she actually said was “WE DONT HAVE TIME TO BE SEXY”.

It reminds me of my Russian boss at the bakery. I didn’t wrap the bread correctly so she told me to “Snuggle like baby. Bread is your baby, Shelly. It’s sweet and gentle. Fragile, Italian.”

im the sexiest bitch in this secret government containment facility

there’s something endlessly hilarious to me about the phrase “hotly debated” in an academic context. like i just picture a bunch of nerds at podiums & one’s like “of course there was a paleolithic bear cult in Northern Eurasia” and another one just looks him in the eye and says “i’l kill you in real life, kevin”

the look of tormented desperation on the whales face really makes it

save the whales from the giant parasitic babies

The ides of March is coming up what’s everyone getting me?

i never understood how we’ve reinvented heiroglyphics until now