pizza delivery

if someone I follow because they reblog great things now reblogs something I think is great, and I want the op to see that I thought their post was great, I now have to ignore the person I specifically followed for sharing those kinds of posts and go directly to the original post to reblog it. effectively severing the connection and community that was the whole point of having mutuals and following each other.

AND/OR I have to reblog it completely silently — assuming that every person in the reblog chain before me did the same — expressing no reaction to the post in even the tags, let alone a comment, so the op never knows what I thought or felt about their post because otherwise I will have created my own version of that post and denied them from seeing any further feedback or engagement. effectively severing the connection and community that was the whole point of being able to share things and have discussions.

me: THAT'S THE FUCKING POINT!!! ilya doesn't want him to know!!! ilya was told he's weak and lazy his whole life, and he cultivates a public persona that's the antithesis - hypermasculine, dominant, aggressive, confident. shane and ilya's established dynamic is ilya being the experienced, reassuring, playful dom. he doesn't want to admit that he needs help to manage his depression, doesn't want to admit he feels isolated and resentful and needs reassurance/comfort. admitting that feels like proving he is weak, he does need help, he is needy, and that he's a bad partner for wanting more than he's willing to ask for.

and shane does notice. he says he should spend time with the cens, talks about therapy, even supports ilya when he comes out to troy despite his own fears about being outed. shane also has limited experience being the initiator, feels out of depth with social cues, and doesn't suffer from the same childhood abuse ilya suffered from. they also both are in hypermasculine, violent careers where neither person feels comfortable being who they are - whether that's being queer, having a mental disorder, racial and language barriers, etc. - that affect their communication style.

Why?

Because of contextual expectations. And code switching. Because if you're someone who is expected to be intensely bro-y, that's a persona you put on in certain contexts. Are those contexts texting with other intensely bro-y people? YES, OBVIOUSLY.

Can we hold people accountable for bro-y stuff they say to bro-y people? Yes. But we shouldn't make the mistake of assuming that that's the real, deep expression of their humanity.

Similarly, if you've been gently pressured into reviewing queer media on your podcast, and you decide to do that. And your podcast exists in a media landscape where your established audience is, statistically, mostly bro-y, lightly-to-very homophobic guys, and you decide to review that queer media anyway, that's something that deserves positive attention, regardless of how their review turned out.

BUT!! The review was also overwhelmingly positive. In a context where, as people who are probably at least marginally capable of context-switching, one would expect these guys to lean into the bro-y vibe, but instead they invented a new gay-positive straight bro-ish-ness that is meaningful even if some of it is exaggerated or fake. Because of who it's coming from and the context in which it's being put forth.

Can we appreciate a full-throatedly positive take on queer media regardless of whether its enthusiasm was influenced by the audience they expected to listen to and appreciate it? Yes. And we shouldn't make the mistake of assuming that there's nothing real behind it.

And...I'm going to be honest, if this is purely a grift in the service of getting Heated Rivalry fans (which they will most likely not retain) to subscribe to their podcast or in the service of getting ad revenue (for which the advertisers will be unlikely to see conversion, thereby making the podcast's ad space less valuable), then they are both the most excellent actors and improvisers I have ever had the privilege of seeing perform.

In the end the question I want to ask is: are you mad that some straight hockey guys talked about how hot and romantic they found the gay hockey show in a place where other straight hockey guys could hear them? Even if part of their enthusiasm about it was because they got a little bit caught up in the eye of the Heated Rivalry storm?