Just 'Cause I Talk Slow Don't Mean I'm Stupid

don’t use a power play anymore just send out the regular lines

carly wears the other team’s jersey so he accidentally passes to the right team

put djoos and eller on the first power play unit to get as close as possible to a team of nicke clones

replace oshie with jakub vrana. he skates around the goal and the defenders in circles really fast to make them dizzy so they can’t block shots anymore

send out joe b and locker 

bring back mike green (i don’t think this will work but it couldn’t make it worse)

bring back michael latta (he doesn’t play on the PP he’s just there for moral support)

“He’s always hot.”

“how would coach feel if he saw you eating this many calories?”

@Latta17: Soooooooooooo needy @tom_wilso [x]

Links, top to bottom, left to right, in case you want to witness the greatness with your own eyes: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

bonus:

don’t @ me if I’m wrong, but it seems like everyone who we know was at the axe throwing event is in this photo, except Nicky. However we know from Andre’s video that he was there. Which led me to take a closer look…

as we can see, there are not one but TWO people behind Brooks Orpik. The second man is almost entirely obscured. We can see only his hat, which is dark blue/black and forward facing. We can also see a small piece of the left shoulder, from which we can tell he is wearing a flannel of the black and white variety. And in Andre’s video, guess who is wearing a dark blue/black forward facing hat and a black and white flannel?

THIS. BITCH.

Braden Holtby: Nicky Gnome… we actually have you on our front doorstep, still. My son won’t you leave. You’re a big part of our family and you always will be.

Brooks Orpik: I don’t know what I’d say to this guy. (chuckles)

John Carlson: Hey buddy. Thanks for passing it to me so much. Wouldn’t be where I am today without all those great passes. Thanks again, buddy. It’s almost gnome time on the front lawn, so. Good to see you.

Alex Ovechkin: You so cute, Nick. (laughs)

nicklas backstrom

alex ovechkin

andre burakovsky

tom wilson

tj oshie

evgeny kuznetsov

braden holtby

devante smith-pelly

nathan walker

dmitry orlov

alex ovechkin: so we put in seven dollars, and selected twenty-one plays of “we are the champions”

alex ovechkin: now i’ve punched in like seven at this point, and kuzya says to me, “hey, before you punch in another ‘we are the champions,’ let’s drop in one ‘my neck my back’”

On the Ice and in the Locker Room

The whole team lifts the Cup [full stream]

Ovi and Carly pumped for the Cup

“BACKY! BACKY!”

Oshie getting emotional talking about his dad

Ovi’s interview — “Get some beers”

Holtby smiles in the goalie photo

John and Lucca Carlson — “No poop!”

Leni Oshie’s clapping

Ovi embraces the Backstrom family

TJ and Leni Oshie

Kuzy and his family

Andre with Vince Backstrom and Lyla Oshie

“Nicke, Nicke!”

Ovi enters the locker room with the Cup

A shower for Trotz — Video 1, Video 2

“We Are the Champions” in the locker room

Celebration in Vegas

The Caps celebrating in Vegas [article includes many videos]

Ovi and Nicky carry the Cup off the bus into the hotel

Ovi carries the Cup through MGM — Video 1, Video 2

Ovi dancing in the club

Ovi (and Kempny) pouring champagne into the Cup

Ovi drinks out of the Cup

Ovi and Tiesto

Nicky hot girl dancing on a table in Vegas

Returning Home

The Caps return home to DC [40 min livestream]

Ovi almost drops the Cup off the plane

Ovi and Nicky bring the Cup off the plane

Ovi and Nicky almost drop the Stanley Cup off the plane

Friday at Don Tito

The Caps take the Cup to Don Tito [all links include many videos] — Link 1, Link 2, Link 3

Tom Wilson carries the Cup into Don Tito — Video 1, Video 2, Video 3

The Caps spray the sidewalks with champagne

Nicky smiles at the people

The Saturday Bender

“Djoos is loose” shirt

Nationals Park

The Caps at Nationals Park Masterposts — Part 1, Part 2

The Caps take the field — Grubauer’s IG, Orlov’s IG

DSP’s IG “Cause it’s the Cup!”

Ovi’s ceremonial first pitch — Gersich’s IG, Stephenson’s IG, Wilson’s IG, RMNB

The Caps at Nats Park (Kempny’s IG)

The boys are excited and having a good time

The Caps realize they’re on TV and have a little fun

The Caps stay for the whole game and have a good time

The Caps celebrate a Nats win

Georgetown

Georgetown party: Ovi does a keg stand, and everyone jumps in the fountain [RMNB]

Orpik does a keg stand

Vrana does a keg stand

Oshie drinks from the Cup

Oshie double-chugs two beers

“We Are the Champions” in Georgetown

Wilson hugging Kuzy and Dima

Nicky hoists the Cup, almost falls over, and Ovi steadies him — Video 1, Video 2, Video 3

Wilson chugs a beer

The Caps jump into the fountain — Video 1, Video 2, Video 3, Video 4, Video 5

Ovi gets into a taxi

Tattoos

Andre and Vrana get tattoos [RMNB]

“Hit me with the fucking puck”

After

Holtby and Connolly sing on the party bus

The Caps sing “We Are the Champions” at Cafe Milano

“13? 11″

“We fucking do it again”

Oshie lets fans grab the Cup

Oshie partying

Oshie and Carly sing “We Are the Champions”

The Caps and the Cup leave Cafe Milano

Oshie kisses the Cup goodnight

Oshie wants “Let’s Go Caps” instead of cheers for his name

The Caps sing “We Are the Champions” yet again

The Caps at St. Yves — Nicky champagne showering Carly

Vrana’s full IG story of the night

Ovi brings the Cup home — Celebrating with family, Singing “We Are the Champions” at home, Tatyana Ovechkina, Taking the Cup home and sleeping with it

Highlights of the Saturday bender

The Next Day

DSP confirms Vrana is still alive

Ovi cooks and sings

Drinking Winter Classic wine

Dima having a good drunk time

Andre and Vrana white girl dance

The Parade

Entire parade and rally [full livestream]

Full Rally

The Caps come up to the stage

Player Introductions

Championship Parade Speeches

Capitals and fans celebrate 2018 Stanley Cup championship at victory parade

Alex Ovechkin has a ball at the Capitals Championship Parade

Alex Ovechkin lifts Stanley Cup at least 17 times during victory parade

The best moments from the parade and rally — NBC Sports Washington, RMNB

Highlights from the Caps Stanley Cup Victory Parade

A view of the Caps Victory Parade from the players’ bus

Ovi dancing in the locker room

Ovi and the Cup are carted to the parade

Burky and Carly with Lucca Carlson

Joe B and Locker

Flyover

The parade starts

Wilson and DSP at the parade

Tom loves the DSP chants

The parade view from the Holtby bus

Walker throws beads to the fans

Djoos throws something to a fan and has a mishap

Ovi hoists the Cup at the parade

Grubi runs around with a DC flag

Eller at the parade

Holtby at the parade

Wilson soaks in the parade

D-S-P chants

Kuzy directs fans at the parade

Kuzy hyping up the crowd while the parade was stopped

Orpik throwing beer to fans

Oshie at the parade

Ovi and Nicky’s bus rounds the corner to the parade

Ovi and the Cup arriving at the rally

Andre with Rudy Carlson

Vrana tries to cheer

Ovi on police radio

Oshie chugs a beer through his jersey — Video 1, Video 2, Video 3

Speeches — Mayor Muriel Bowser, Ted Leonsis, Barry Trotz, TJ Oshie (1), TJ Oshie (2), Evgeny Kuznetsov, Tom Wilson, Braden Holtby, Nicklas Backstrom, Alex Ovechkin (1), Alex Ovechkin (2)

“Let’s fuck this shit”

“Big dick nick!”

“Finally we start playing hockey like we can party” — Video 1, Video 2

“We Are the Champions” at the rally — Video 1, Video 2

“We’re not gonna be fucking suck this year!” — Video 1, Video 2

Wilson and Vrana hug

Vrana and Walker as kangaroos

Ovi says hi to fans after the rally

Andre at the parade (Instagram story)

DSP at the parade (Instagram story)

Grubi at the parade (Instagram story)

Vrana at the parade (Instagram story)

The Caps drink and curse at the rally

Jakub Vrana with a go pro

The best of the Caps celebrating the Stanley Cup win

Jakub Vrana’s Stanley Cup celebration

Ovi slow dancing with the Cup

Ovi and Ted Leonsis take the Cup around town

Stanley Cup Community Tour in DC

Ovi takes the Cup to visit sick kids, youth hockey players

The Stanley Cup rides shotgun

The Cup has its own driver and escort

Arlington County Police Department — Video 1, Video 2, Video 3

Medstar Georgetown University Hospital — Video 1, Video 2