"I appreciate the effort, alright? I do." Júlio César sighed softly, letting his hand go somewhat limp to allow Meena access to maneuver it how she liked. He held hers gently. "The right to be upset and the ability to be upset are different things for the both of us now, though, right? I'm trying really hard to make myself numb to as much of it as possible." He trailed off. "Because I don't know what else to do. I feel like I'm expected to have some lightbulb moment or some shit. Where I get awakened. And everything's supposed to be okay. I don't know if it will be." He clenched his jaw for a moment, features hardening in contemplation. "I'm not giving up. I'm trying. I can promise that much." He smiled weakly, despite himself, tired, but still, hope, genuine hope, as far as things on which one could cling, was difficult to grasp in this moment.
He hummed softly. "It's hard not to blame myself, Meena. It sort of feels like most people do, anyway. So why not? Maybe a lot of it's deserved too. I'm difficult. I don't beat around the bush. I call shit out. Everyone would be a lot happier if I kissed them on the forehead and said 'do whatever the fuck you want.' But I'm not bitter." He was, and the sensation was a festering one. He seized hold of it before it could settle too deeply into his gut. JC closed his eyes with it, trying to ground himself.
"I don't know either. Hell. Maybe acknowledgement is enough. But the last time I brought it up...it's like...I don't know. I don't matter. I'm just collateral damage." He shifted his shoulders from side to side. "The pack has no issues with the clan. We're good, okay? But, Mimi, with love, with respect...for my sake, the person holding the bat wasn't some random vampire. It was your advisor, right? It's hard. I get it. God, do I get it. But that is a complicating factor. I trust that you're dealing with it, and I'm grateful." JC nodded, voice trailing off. "But yeah. I don't wanna talk Council anymore."
Looking up, JC met her eye. "That's life, Meena. You do what you got to do to get by." He smiled weakly. "And I do need something to do with my time, you know. Otherwise, I'd sit around and be a pain in everyone's ass." He cleared his throat, flashing her a teasing look. JC's expression softened. "I have most things I want, Meena. It doesn't really take much. And I do love you. But you hear what you're saying, don't you? What's mine is yours, and what's yours is mine? For the rest of my life? This is not a proposal, and if that's not ever in your cards again, I believe we can have a long, fulfilling, happy life without one. But was that something we should discuss? In-depth? Like real people who aren't just their Council positions?" He hummed, pushing some hair from her face. "A percentage of zero is zero. I need to look out for some kind of job. But I find work fulfilling." He smiled.
"I could go for breakfast," JC whispered back. "Let me help. You can wear one of my shirts, and I'll throw on just an apron. Do you need to feed? You can if you do."
"I don't know if I'd say different, so much as if we get upset, it now comes with some unforeseen consequences. But," She sat up the slightest bit against him as she looked him in the eyes and asked him point blank, "When do you feel yourself losing control? Is it any time you've ever felt anything to a heightened extent, or is it solely when you're feeling agitation? Because if it is the latter, then maybe trying to make yourself as numb as possible isn't working for a reason? I get that you're at a loss here. I do. All of us who've been affected have stepped into unprecedented territory, but it is just that. Unprecedented territory that you can either be resolved to struggle through alone, or we can figure it out together. I mean, Ken was practically human up until recently, so for all we know, this could be temporary for all of us, but if it's not, then you learned control as a werewolf. You can learn control again, and I know none of this is what either of us wanted, but Prometheus, whoever the hell they are, might have just created the most powerful werewolf in all of existence. And I more than anyone want to see them pay for what they've done to us and this town, but in order to stop them, we need to first figure this out. Nothing has to be okay, but I'm literally in this with you. I have no control over it, same as you. So, let's tackle it a day at a time and create a game plan as to how we can begin to get a handle on this."
"Oh, really?" She rolled her eyes softly as she pointed out, "You sound bitter. I know it might be hard to give other people the benefit of the doubt right now, but no one is blaming you for the stop sign, and I'm not saying that this town doesn't love to point fingers, because it does, and, us, leaders are treated often to an unfair standard as everyone else. But maybe we all need to stop pointing fingers at each other if we want to find any semblance of common ground?"
"You're not collateral. I'm sure people just don't know what to say, but I know it doesn't make those feelings go away," She trailed off. "I know. I spoke to her on the matter, and I don't agree with what happened, but she wasn't carrying a bat around to threaten anybody with. I can very much see how it can be and was construed as such, which is why I said I'm handling it. Nor am I telling you this to make excuses, but she brought the bat to Capture the Flag to make people forget as to how she's a weapon. There are plenty of us in Lunar Cove affected by ichor right now, and we're all grieving and coming to terms with what happened to us in our own ways, and the werewolves are hardly the only species in town people are terrified of. And with fear, well..." He knew how people could be. They both knew firsthand how fear could make others react. "Let's not talk about the Council anymore, okay?"
"I'm not saying you shouldn't have a job, Moonfang," She rolled her eyes lightly. "I'm just saying it should be something you actually enjoy, whether that is skating or another love of yours. I don't think that's such a wild concept, do you?" She poked him lightly in the chest at the thought. "You know I was talking financially. I just don't see the point in you taking a gig you don't like just to be able to pay a bill, when we're already living together, and between the two of us, have more than enough to not ever have to worry about a stop sign, for example." She moved to sit up. "Do you not have savings? Because if not, that is mildly concerning for someone your age," She teased, though she did think he really should've at least opened up a retirement account by now, given that he was a mortal of the age of forty-two. He might not need one if they were going to stay together long term, given how well off she was financially, but it wasn't as though he would've known that even two years ago. "If you want to discuss it in depth," She paused momentarily before giving him a small nod in consideration. "We can, though I think the whole mortality question we are always skirting around might be more pressing before we discuss what we'd want this to look like down the line. Though the concept of it is not... well, I wouldn't say it's never in my cards again."
"Mhm. I like the sound of that, though," She teased, pressing a tender kiss against his lips before she pulled back just enough to admit, "I do, but until I get the whole growing wings and losing control thing under wraps, I think it might be best if I stick to blood bags for now and you go on vervain like we previously discussed."
