Homestuck Trash In Their Natural Habitat, a Memoir

Lance: (lounging upside-down on a couch) Hey… Dude, what if that Keith guy was the Zodiac Killer?

Hunk: (snorts) There’s no way bro.

Lance: I know, I know, I’m just kidding. But could you imagine?

Hunk: Pfft, yeah right…

(ten minutes later)

Lance: (pacing the room) Okay but like- Everyone says he’s an orphan. But no one’s ever said how he became one. So do you think- Could he have-

Hunk: (frantically putting together a conspiracy board) Lance slow down, I’m still waiting for Keith’s birth certificate to be faxed in-

Lance: I CAN’T SLOW DOWN, HUNK. THERE’S A SERIAL KILLER ON THE LOOSE!

Hunk:

女体化 click to see more doodles

When the buddy Pokémon update is released later this fall, small Pokémon like Eevee will travel in the shoulders of their trainers while big Pokémon like Snorlax will walk next to you.

Oh, WOW. Dustin from Stranger Things has the most beautiful singing voice!

Gaten Matarazzo nails “Bring Him Home” from Les Miserables.

pearl you useless lesbian

So it all started out with my friends and I playing a good ol’ game of Overwatch last night. There we were in Eichenwalde, defending the payload. 

There was a Genji on the enemy team who would not get off the payload. He was really good at evading all our hits—I think he only died like twice—and in the end we were surprised he didn’t get a card for having gold objective time because hot damn, son, he was contesting the payload the whole match.

We fought against him for a few rounds and every time we were surprised he didn’t get a highlight. I put in the match chat that I wanted to vote for Genji because he was honestly really good. 

We lost him after that match. A few matches later, one of my friends screamed over the Discord chat that he was back on the enemy team. 

“wynnedotte!” the Genji said; he remembered me (this is where I started to loose my shit) I yelled in the match chat (I don’t have any screenshots of this, sorry :v) “GENJI WE MEET AGAIN” and he actually said “hi” back I couldn’t believe it

He got potg, we all rejoiced; I didn’t care that he was on the enemy team. After that match we all friend requested him, he joined our group, and this is where shit got real

We sat all over Eichenwalde together.

We told him we’d never found a Genji who wasn’t allergic to the payload; what kind of allergy meds did he take to be not-allergic to the payload? He was kinda confused but he replied:

We had several dinner dates in which @dddragoni tried to wait on us and @silverbearclaws got insanely tired of our sappy romance

We even had A Moment by the flaming sword where he revealed he’s as much Gency trash as I am:

I was crying. I’d found my Genji. 

From that point on we were always together.

There was a skirmish round where someone else on our team picked Genji before he could so he went McCree and threw his flashbang in the air to create fireworks for our date by the bikes.

look at this beautiful nerd

He would constantly defend me against Hanzos

dddragoni was our Dad™ for a bit

We had the whole family together at one point. Grandma Ana made sure we took our vitamins.