I’m watching Smartypants on Dropout for the first time and I was 100% with Mike Trapp until he said that school year birthdays are better than summer break birthdays. As someone who had an entire childhood of birthdays separated from school, I can tell you definitively that it’s great when you don’t have to haul your ass to school for your birthday.
No quizzes, no tests, no homework, no waking up early, no crusty dusty school lunch, NONE OF THAT NONSENSE. You wake up when you want, you wear what you want, and you can do A N Y T H I N G. The possibilities are literally endless.
In comparison, at school, sure you’re basically guaranteed to have your friends with you to wish you happy birthday or whatever, but you also will have to interact with your classroom ops. You hate your teacher? You gotta see them and listen to their orders on YOUR DAY. Hate that classmate that’s always on your last fucking nerve? Now it’s Your Day all about you and they’re making the day all about them. For a summer birthday you don’t have to deal with any of that bullshit.
Finally, you don’t have to worry about the weather raining on Your Parade. The chances are high that the weather will be on your side when you’ve got a summer birthday. Imagine: you have to wake up at booty crack in the morning, you have to wear dulled down school appropriate clothes, it’s raining crazy hard, your teacher is telling you what to do, your op is being obnoxious, AND you’ve got a test to take. It’s supposed to be Your Special Day but all this bullshit is happening. It ain’t fair.
Anyway, make sure to get freaky from Halloween to Thanksgiving so your offspring will have happier birthdays within the Safe-From-School month of July. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.
