oh theres a witch in these woods??? is she single???

brb going to ask the forest witch out on a date

my firstborn child has been stolen

your wife taking care of your child is not “stealing”

oh theres a witch in these woods??? is she single???

me: *goes to my nearest hospital* hello i would like to be put into a medically induced coma 

Underrated form of intimacy: being silly together

The fuckin Weezer peanut butter baby killed me

u ever have cravings that are like “you WILL eat a rice krispies treat or there will be consequences. you have 24 hours”

is this not….the only way people experience desire to eat?

For the love of god watch this until the end

I saw my life flash before my eyes

u ever get no sleep and the next day ur body functions like the tumblr app

is everyone reblogging this ok