lapis sky

my uncle is still alive but there are signs things are declining more now. we had a good day yesterday where he wanted to talk and my brother asked him what books he'd recommend to him, which started probably a 2+ hour conversation. he named many classics and talked about the feeling of finishing a book and just thinking wow that changed me. he talked about bertrand russell's philosophical essays and how he's not sure he even agrees with them but his style is so lucid and intelligent that you feel smart by association just absorbing it. he talked about moby dick and war and peace and east of eden as books about everything. he told me about a short story by tolstoy called where love is, god is about a shopkeeper waiting for christ to appear to him at christmas time and about aldous huxley's the perennial philosophy which I remember buying at his recommendation in high school and really liking. I wish I could describe books I read with the kind of detail he does. I feel like I read them and am in them and then I don't really recall them as much, we were talking about studying philosophy and I feel like he remembers his degree from 45 years ago better than I remember mine from 10 years ago. his ability to pay attention and recall is amazing to me. his breathing is becoming more labored and he's feeling more discomfort than he was, and is also more open to taking medication the last few days. there's a beach boys song he can't place but he was singing me the percussion line and it's one that could be so many things but so far is none of what either of us thought of. I asked a friend if he had any ideas and he sent some but we're still looking. today I'm bringing a bluetooth speaker over and we're going to listen to two albums from the era he thinks it's from and see if we can figure it out. one last mystery to solve.

I love that when I call hospice and they put me on hold the music is clair de lune

I think it's wonderful and also very funny that when my dad and my uncle were talking about not imagining this is how it would end for him, my uncle quoted Euripides and said something like "'nothing can be unexpected because of what is happening now".. I need to turn that over a few times. he is honestly dying so well I hope I can handle things this thoughtfully when my time comes

something about seeing primarily eastern european or baltic cities and towns on every list of lesser known summer destinations that really grinds my gears.. as if to say france and italy are overdone, portugal is becoming overdone.. but hey, you can still find something authentic in albania or slovenia.. our whole approach to traveling in this age of social media tourism is so shallow.. can't we just remember that it's not about where we go but how we go and if we can move with an open heart and some humility.